Finding the Way Back
by sweetishbubble
Summary: REPOST Four years ago, Bella and her brother vanished. This is a story of finding your way back to happiness after your world has been torn apart. Mainly told from Bella and Charlie's POV.
1. Chapter 1

_Hi!_

_Since There Goes My Life is winding down, I needed something to help with my minor writer block, so I've decided to repost this fic since so many of you have asked for it! Nothing major changes in this, but there will be some editing. Enjoy. _

Four years ago Bella and her brother vanished. This is a story of finding you way back to happiness after your world has been torn apart. Mainly told from Bella and Charlie's POV.

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><p>"Finding The Way Back"<p>

Charlie POV

Four years ago, I was a happily married man and a proud father to a beautiful daughter and a handsome son. It was also four years ago that my life was torn completely apart. I stood at the fireplace and looked at the picture of my children Isabella and Ian, and one of my wife Renee. We were happy. We had the kind of life people wanted.

I remembered the day they were born; every birthday party, every recital, and basketball and football game like they happened yesterday. I remembered the light in their eyes, their laughs, the way Isabella used to tease Ian about using Old Spice and how it made him "smell like an old man." I remembered all of it.

I could even recall our conversation on that fateful day. It was a typical day. I had the day off and was sitting in the kitchen with Renee, reading the morning paper.

"_Ian, you're driving your sister to Seattle today, right?" Renee asked._

"_Yeah. We're stopping by Michelle's on the way back for a party, so we'll probably be home late," Ian replied._

"_That's fine, dear. Your father and I are going over to the Cullens' for a dinner party. Just remember to take your cell phone."_

"_Always do."_

"_Mom, I can't find your car keys," Bella called from the living room._

"_They're in my purse, like always."_

"_I think the older she gets the fewer brain cells stay in her head," Ian teased._

"_Shut up!"_

That was the last time Renee and I saw Ian and Bella alive. My world fell apart that day, shattering into a million pieces. The entire town searched endlessly for them, but they were never found. Eventually the searches were called off and the case declared cold, but I did everything I could to try to find them. I guess I didn't try hard enough.

Tonight I was invited to dinner at the home of Dr. and Mrs. Carlisle Cullen. I'd known them forever. I grew up with Carlisle and introduced him to his wife, Esme. She then introduced me to Renee. Our children grew up together, and everyone was happy. Tonight they were having a cookout and asked if I would join them. I usually declined, wanting to suffer my pain in silence. Today of all days, I just wanted to be alone. It was the anniversary of the worst day of my life.

Setting down the photograph I was looking at, I made my way out to my cruiser and drove off to the Cullens'. I put my fake smile on and adapted a false sense of happiness.

"Charlie! I'm so glad you could make it," Esme greeted me at the door. "Everyone's out back."

"Thank you for inviting me. Can I help you with anything?"

"No, I'm good, thank you," Esme said as we walked into the house. "I lit a few candles today. I hope you don't mind. I just needed to do something.

"I don't mind. Of course not. Especially not today."

Dinner went well. Their sons, Edward, Emmett, and Jasper, were rowdy as usual, playing a game of basketball with Carlisle. I couldn't help but remember their games with Ian. They were of epic proportions and usually lasted until midnight on Friday and Saturday nights. The four of them were inseparable. It was times like this that I wish we could go back in time.

A few days had passed. Each morning, like usual, I would shower, dress, and look at the picture of my kids and Renee and say a silent prayer. As I would drive into the station, I would chant the same thing over and over: _Today will be better. Today will bring something new. _But, like every other day, nothing ever happened.

Today was the annual Mariner's party at the house. This usually gave me a day of true happiness, as I was surrounded by people who knew me well; Carlisle, Edward, Emmett, Jasper, Billy, Jake, Seth, and Sam. It was midway through the game, and everyone was yelling and laughing and having a good time. Outside it was raining, like always. It was so noisy I didn't hear the knocking until Jake said something.

"Hey Charlie, I think someone's at your door," Jake said.

Knocking. It was soft, but I heard it now. In the kitchen, Carlisle was fixing a plate with Edward. "Save some for me," I said as I opened the door.

A girl stood there, crying and dressed in an over-sized shirt; she was shaking so badly that she could barely stand. She was quite thin and pale and kept looking over her shoulder. Her face was sunken, and her hair was a mess. She looked like she hadn't eaten in days. The noise from the house scared her. She covered her ears when the boys celebrated a home run.

"Can I help you?" I asked.

"I'm looking for Charlie Swan," she softly stuttered as her body shook.

I poked my head back into the living room. "Guys, keep it down for a minute, would you?" I looked back at the girl. "I'm sorry, what did you say?"

"I need to find Charlie Swan," she hesitantly said.

"I'm Charlie Swan. Do I know you?"

"I'm Bella," she softly said.

A car on the street backfired. The girl screamed and crumbled to the ground, overcome by fear. Her knees came up to her chest, while her hands covered her ears. She screamed and cried and began to rock herself back and forth. Carlisle joined me and handed me a blanket which I wrapped her. I gently took her in my arms and carried her inside. She was frightened by the others in the living room and buried her face in my chest. As I sat her down on a chair in the kitchen, I saw a scar on her knee. Bella had a scar on her knee, just like this girl's. Carlisle handed me a bottle of water from the fridge. She reached for it, but pulled her hand back, like she was afraid to take it.

"You can take it," I said gently.

"Thank you," she replied softly.

After she took a tiny sip, she finally looked me in the eye. Her chocolate brown eyes looked straight through me, just like Renee's could.

"When is your birthday?" I asked, still unsure.

"September 3, 1990," she said softly.

I placed my hands on her face and turned it to look at her. She flinched, but she looked at me. Under my hands I could still feel her shake. There were whispers behind me, but I couldn't tell you who was saying what.

"What was the one thing Bella and I did every Thursday night?" I asked, wanting to be sure. I knew I needed to ask questions only she would know, to make sure it was really her.

"We," she started. I could tell she was nervous. "We used to go grocery shopping and have ice cream at Jerry's afterward."

"What kind would I get?"

"Chocolate with banana slices."

"And you?" I could feel my heartbeat and breathing increase.

"Raspberry sorbet with chocolate chips."

I did not hesitate in wrapping my arms around her. "My Isabella," I said into her hair as my tears fell. She has latched onto my shirt, pulling me closer to her. "My sweet girl. I've missed you. I've missed you so, _so_ much."

"Me too," she said.

She wasn't the same girl from four years ago, but she was my daughter. My sweet girl who was taken from me, ripped from my life. She was skin and bones and I'm afraid my grip on her will break her, but she was holding on just as hard. There was a pain in my chest, one of happiness, hope, and hurt. Happy because she's home, hopeful because I know Ian could be out there somewhere, hurt because she was broken and there was nothing I could do to bring back those four years and bring back her youthful innocence.

"Charlie, we should get her to a hospital," Carlisle said. "She needs to be checked out."

"_No_! No hospitals, please!"

"It's alright, Bella. Shh. It'll be okay," I reassured her.

"But he'll find me! I can't go! _Please_, please don't make me," Bella cried.

"Can you do it here?" I asked Carlisle.

"She really needs to be at the hospital. I can look at her in my office, though," he replies.

"Bella, do you remember Dr. Cullen?"

"No," she said softly.

"He's a friend and won't hurt you, I promise."

I noticed that my once noisy house was now quiet. The television had been muted or turned off, and everyone was gathered in the doorway to see what the commotion was about. I also noticed that Bella was trying to hide herself from the others, and I wondered why that was. So many things were going through my head. I had so many questions for her. Where was she all these years? Where was Ian? What was done to her? As badly as I wanted to ask, I knew it wasn't the right time.

"No. He'll find me at a hospital," Bella said quietly.

"No one will find you, I promise."

"I'll be as quick as possible," Carlisle said.

"Please, Bella? I just want to make sure you're okay." I told her honestly.

"Okay," Bella replied after a few moments.

I quickly moved about the kitchen and living room, looking for my jacket, wallet and cell phone.

"Do you want something to eat?" I heard Sam ask Bella.

"Is that really her?" Jacob whispered to Billy.

"I'm not sure. Looks like her," Billy replied.

"She's so _tiny_," Jacob whispered again.

"Charlie, don't worry about the mess. We'll get it cleaned up for you," Billy said.

"Thanks," I said as I walked back into the living room. "Ready?"

Bella agreed, and Carlisle and I drove to the hospital. I sat in the backseat with her, where she refused to let go of me. She told us on the way that her ankle was sore. When we reached the hospital, Carlisle brought us to his office and looked her over. I noticed that she kept her head down the entire time and that she was leery of Carlisle touching her. She also didn't speak much and only gave short answers to questions. After her physical, he took some blood and did a few other tests. While Carlisle was x-raying her ankle, I called the station first and then Billy.

I was thankful for Billy and Carlisle. They were more than friends during these past four years. They were more like brothers. They organized search parties after Ian and Isabella went missing, hung fliers, and worked the phones on the tip line. There were nights when they sat with me while I broke down from my loneliness and frustration. They helped me keep my sanity when I was close to losing it. Carlisle would always keep me talking so that I wouldn't revert into myself and sink into a deep depression, and Billy would take me to the Res and fishing when I needed a break from everything. These two men literally saved my life more times than they knew.

A few hours later, Bella was admitted and sleeping in a private room. Thankfully, her ankle was only sprained.

"Is she really okay?" I asked Carlisle, who was looking at a monitor.

"Yes. She's dehydrated and malnourished, but other than that she's physically fine. You should really think about bringing her to a therapist. She's going to need to talk to someone about everything that's happened."

"I know. She barely spoke to the detective when he was here."

"Can I tell Esme she's back?"

"Sure."

"Get some rest, Charlie. I'll be back in the morning to check on her."

She looked so peaceful. I could not bring myself to leave her. I'd missed too much time already, so I slept in the chair next to her bed. After an hour, Bella began to scream in her sleep.

"_Ian! Ian, don't leave me!_" she screamed. "_Please don't hurt him! Ian! IAN!_"

I pulled her close to me as her fists hit my chest. "Bella, it's okay. It's just a dream."

Two doctors and a nurse came in and injected something into her IV line to help settle her down.

"Ian, please don't leave me," she said as she drifted back into slumber.

The next morning she had curled herself into a ball and was crying, repeating Ian's name over and over. I tried to hold her, but she moved away from me. I was scared for her. Scared for Ian. They had to have been together at one point. My gut told me he was gone, but my heart wanted to believe otherwise. If Bella could suddenly reappear, why couldn't he?


	2. Chapter 2

Hi! Thank you guys for the great reviews! Hello to new readers of this fic and welcome back to the ones who've already read this one. There is a short mention of a rape - it's not graphic, though. Anything in italics is a flashback. Leave me some love when you're done.

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><p>Finding The Way Back – Chapter 2<p>

_**BellaPOV**_:

_Ian and I had drove to Seattle to pick up Mom and Dad's anniversary present. After we were done, we were hungry, so we stopped at a little diner on the edge of Seattle before heading back home. It was situated on the outskirts, in a deserted strip mall. We'd eaten here before on our trips to Seattle. They had the best veggie burgers and banana milkshakes. The sun was setting as we ate, and it was completely down when we returned to our car._

All of the sudden, two men shoved us up against the car. I didn't even see where they came from. One of them had a knife to my throat while the other had a gun to Ian's temple as they shoved us into the car. Ian was up front driving, and I was in the back.

"_Drive," one of them said forcefully. His voice was loud and deep, and from what I could see of his face, he looked young - maybe mid-twenties with sandy blonde hair. _

_The other, who was in back with me, pulled me down onto the seat and yanked my jeans down to my ankles. This man was just as young as the other. He had dark black hair and pale skin. His muscles were massive for someone so young, and he reminded me of the wrestlers on television that Ian would watch every week. _

"_Stop!" I screamed. I tried punching and hitting him, anything to make him stop, but he slapped me hard across my face, stunning me. I could feel him holding me down with one hand while he removed his pants with the other. I screamed out as he forcefully entered me over and over again. "Please. Please stop!"_

_I never thought my virginity would be ripped away from me. I had always pictured it being special, something I would remember and treasure always. I also knew my first time would hurt for a bit, but this was beyond awful. It was overwhelming, consuming, and piercing. The pain rushed through my body and I would give anything to make it stop. _

"_Please don't hurt her," Ian begged. _

"_Shut the fuck up and drive."_

"Bella, wake up! It's alright. It was just a dream," I heard Charlie say to me. His arms were around me, and he was rocking me back and forth. "Shh. It's okay. It's okay."

It was odd, but I felt safe in his arms, safer than I had been in years. It scared me that being here was all just a dream, that I'd wake up and realize I was in another man's arms, that those kind words and gentle, loving touches were fake. For so many nights I wished, dreamed, and hoped for this; to be with my family again, and so many mornings I had awakened to find it was all just a dream. After a while the dreams started to fade, and I knew I would never see them again. But I knew this wasn't a dream.

My room was bright, so I raised my hand to protect my eyes. I had been stuck in that hell for so long, that I had forgotten how bright it was in Forks. I couldn't even remember the last time I was outside. After I had calmed down, Charlie closed the shades, then handed me a glass of water. My hands shook as I held it, so I ended up dropping it, spilling water everywhere.

"I'm sorry! I didn't mean to!" I cried as I tried to wipe up the water with my hands. I was afraid he would get angry that I spilled the water and tell me that I wasn't deserving of his time, just like my captors would say when I did something wrong.

"It's okay. It was just an accident," he said as he took my hands in his. He wasn't angry, which surprised me. He was loving, something I hadn't heard in a long time. "I'll go ask the nurse for a new gown, okay?"

"No, I can wear this," I insisted.

"Bella, it's completely soaked. I'll be right back," he said with a reassuring smile.

I couldn't remember the last time someone was nice to me. Usually when I did something like this, spilling water, I was punished. Harshly. But Charlie returned with a new gown for me to wear. Just changing into it caused me to be tired again. I just wanted to sleep, but I was afraid to do so. I was afraid of the frequent nightmares I had about Ian and about what I had been forced to do for all those years.

"Dr. Cullen wants you to start moving around today. Get you up and walking and eating. We need you to regain your strength."

"Dad, where's Mom?" I asked. "Does she know I'm here? Is she coming?"

"No, honey. She's not coming," he said softly.

_**CharliePOV**_

"Why isn't she coming?"

As much as I didn't want to tell her, I knew she needed to know. It was a conversation I knew I would have to have with her now that she was back, but I wasn't looking forward to it.

It was still so raw for me, so fresh. I had made so many mistakes in regards to Renee. If I had known that Bella would return to me, I would have fought harder with Renee. I would have helped her get better. But I failed, and my punishment was to tell my daughter that her mother was never coming home.

"Bella, Mom passed away. She died three years ago." I could barely get the words out and it pained me to say them. I missed Renee so much.

"What? How can that be?" Bella asked, confused. I could see sadness in her face and tears in her eyes after a few moments.

"She was in an accident," I lied.

Bella began to cry. I sat on her bed and pulled her into my arms. I could feel my own tears begin to form in my eyes and felt my guilt begin to consume me. All the "what if's" and "could have's" began filling my head. So many wasted chances to help Renee. So many opportunities to tell her how badly I needed her, how badly I needed to have her tell me it would be alright. God help me for not being able to keep my family together.

"Did she suffer?" Bella managed to ask in between her sobs.

"No," I lied again.

I didn't tell Bella the truth because I didn't think she could handle it. She didn't need to hear the awful truth about Renee; about her drinking, her rages, her depression, her anger, and her blame.

_It was Bella's birthday. She would have been fifteen that day and probably standing in line to get her Learner's Permit. Ian would have been seventeen this past March. As usual, I found Renee sitting in the living room with a drink in one hand and the bottle in the other. I couldn't remember how many times I had begged her to stop, telling her that the kids wouldn't like to see her like this. But it was no use._

_Around eight that evening, Renee started screaming._

"_Charlie! They're home! Look! Just outside!" She pointed out the window, but no one was there. "Don't you see them?"_

"_No, Renee. You're seeing things." As much as I loved Renee, I was tired of all of this. I knew that she knew the kids were gone and would never come home, yet she constantly gave herself false hope that they had returned to us._

"_No. It's Ian and Bella! They've come home!" she exclaimed happily. _

_She threw open the front door and ran outside. I followed, like usual, to make sure she didn't hurt herself. She was crying and laughing at the same time, and was determined to make me see that they were in front of her._

"_Renee, let's go back inside. There's no one there."_

"_No, I see them. Bella, dear, you're so beautiful. And Ian, handsome like your father. Wait! Come back!"_

_She started running down the street, saying they were leaving. She couldn't let them leave. I stayed where I was, expecting her to realize they weren't there and come home. She had done this before, usually making it to the end of the street. But she kept going and I could hear her laughing at the top of her lungs. I walked back into the house to get the car keys and take off after her. However, by the time I reached her, she was standing at the top of a steep cliff calling out for them. The hill was known as "Jumpers Cliff." It was covered with rocks, trees, and jagged boulders. About a dozen people had jumped from this site throughout the years, so I knew, seeing Renee standing on the edge, that this would not end well. I needed to get to her quickly. I pulled over and started running to her._

"_RENEE! STOP! STOP!"_

_But I couldn't get to her in time. "BELLA! IAN!" she called as she went over the edge._

Once Bella had calmed down and ate a little bit of food, Carlisle visited and suggested she get out of bed to walk around.

"You need your strength, dear. And I'd like to see you gain a few pounds as well."

"When can I go home?" she asked quietly.

"Tomorrow. But that doesn't mean I'm not going to stop by and check on you at the house."

"Why?" she asked nervously.

"Why what?"

"Why do you care? And why are you so gentle?"

Carlisle seemed surprised. "All doctors should care about their patients and be gentle. We take an oath to do no harm."

"Hmm...maybe he never took it..."

"Who? Were you ever seen by a doctor?" I asked.

"There was one...who would come around and...check us," Bella said hesitantly. She looked uncomfortable as she spoke, and her hands were in tight fists on her lap. "He took Bethany away after I was brought there...she cried out for us, begged us to help her...but the man said she was sick and needed medicine. We never saw her again..."

"Did this doctor ever look at you?" I asked.

"Yes."

"What did he do?" Carlisle asked.

"Lots of things," Bella began. "He said I was his best patient because I never screamed. I wanted too, but I was afraid that if I did, they'd hurt Ian. I couldn't let them hurt him. Ian told me to just do what they asked and that they would let me go...but they kept hitting him and beating him and I tried so hard to help him...but they held me back...Ian said he'd rather take it if it meant that I would be okay, but I could hear him yelling and screaming and begging for them to stop. I begged them to leave him be, to take me instead. Sometimes they would. Sometimes I hurt so bad that I couldn't cry or scream or move. I just wanted them to leave Ian alone..."

"I'm sure you did everything you could," I said. I pulled her into my arms again and cried with her. Bella had always tried to protect Ian, ever since she could walk. She even fought with a girl in Ian's class who kept throwing spitballs in his hair, so it didn't surprise me that she had tried to protect him now.

"I didn't protect him. I wasn't strong enough...I was never strong enough," she cried. Her breathing became erratic, like she was hyperventilating. I felt Bella clinging to me, as if I was her anchor to remind her that it was in the past and that she was safe. "I just didn't want them to hurt Ian." Carlisle gave her a mild sedative to calm her down, and she fell asleep within a few minutes.

"Charlie, why don't you go get something to eat? I can stay with Bella."

"I'm alright," I replied. In all actuality, I was exhausted and wanted a hot shower. But I couldn't leave Bella. I knew she needed me. I didn't want her to wake up and freak out that I wasn't there.

"No really. Get out for a little bit," Carlisle insisted. "I have to look over her chart anyway. She's going to be out for a little while, so go get some real food, rather than the crap they're serving in the cafeteria."

"Yeah, maybe some fresh air would be nice."

I needed to hit something, and hit it hard. Better yet, I would have liked five minutes alone with whoever hurt my kids. Five minutes, a room, and a gun. I just needed some kind of release. Since Bella's return, I had experienced everything from confusion, anger, fear, to extreme happiness. I was exhausted, both mentally and physically, but Bella didn't need to see me unravel at her words. She needed me to be strong.

And Goddamn Renee for drinking! If only she could have known that Bella would return to us. If only she would have gone to support and AA meetings, maybe she'd still be here. Why couldn't she have held on? Why couldn't I have helped her more? Why _didn't_ I help her more?

Later that night, I was able to convince Bella to eat and I helped her walk the halls of the hospital. She didn't speak a word the rest of the night, but she did cry. And so did I. I cried for Renee, who had been hurting so badly that she had killed herself. I cried for Bella, who felt she couldn't protect her brother. I cried for Ian, who tried to protect Bella, and I cried for me, because the only thing I could do was listen.


	3. Chapter 3

Hi all! Sorry this is a few days late, but real life is crazy busy with my daughter's health issues. Hopefully it'll settle down. I'm also trying to finish up the last chapter of There Goes My Life, too!

**I've changed a bit of Renee's history from the way SM wrote it. It doesn't really affect the plot, but just a heads up on it.**

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><p>Finding the Way Back – Chapter 3<p>

**CharliePOV**

After only a few days in the hospital, Bella and I had fallen into a pattern. In the mornings after breakfast, we would walk around the hospital for a little while, and then we would return to her room where she took a nap. During her naps, I would call and check in at the station. I was technically on vacation, since Bella needed me with her, but I would still check in to make sure nothing major was going on.

Evenings were usually spent in silence. It was at night that she would cry the most, usually from her nightmares. They would come about an hour after she fell asleep, and she would usually cry out for Ian. Sometimes, though, she'd just scream. I felt so awful for Bella during her nightmares. The way she looked, the way she shook and cried was petrifying. And her screams, they were like nothing I had ever heard before. It would take about an hour to calm her back down, during which she would cling to me, almost as if she was afraid I would leave if she let go. Of course I told her I wasn't going anywhere, but I wasn't sure if she truly believed me.

For whatever reason, Bella found it easy to talk around me. I knew she had only told me a fraction of what had happened to her, and I was thankful for that. I honestly didn't know if I could handle it, but whatever she was willing to tell me, I would accept.

Carlisle came by during the morning with Esme and said he would be discharging Bella in the afternoon. I was happy to finally be leaving the hospital, since I hadn't left since Bella was admitted. Esme was dying to say hello but had stayed away to give us some space. Their girls, Rose and Alice, had wanted to come by as well, but I was worried that it would overwhelm Bella. I hoped that if I brought Esme around first, Bella would come to see her as a mother figure, since Renee was gone.

"Bella, would it be okay for someone to stop by for a visit?" I asked. Esme was outside waiting, and I had hoped Bella would like the company.

"Who?"

"Dr. Cullen's wife, Esme. Do you remember her?" Bella shook her head. "It's okay. She's a very nice lady and will not hurt you. Can she come in?" I saw Bella stiffen and could tell she was scared. "Don't worry, I'll be here with you."

"Okay," she said cautiously.

I motioned for Esme to come in. She was carrying two large bags, one in each hand, and excitement was written across her face. Bella gripped my hand tightly as she walked in, but I knew Esme would never do anything to harm her. It wasn't in Esme's nature to hurt anything or anyone.

"Hello, Bella. I'm Esme Cullen," she said with a warm and loving smile. She stopped at the foot of Bella's bed, where she placed her bags on the floor. "I understand you're going home today, and I figured you'd probably need some clothes. Am I right?"

"Yes. But I don't know what size I am."

"That's alright dear. I have several different things for you."

"But I don't have any money," Bella replied, embarrassed.

"I've already worked it out with Esme, Bella. Don't worry about it," I assured her.

"I can do chores around the house to pay you back," Bella said as she looked at me.

"It's alright. You need clothes. You don't need to pay anyone back for this," I said.

"Besides, I'm more than willing to give these to you," Esme said. "I have several different things, since I didn't know what you'd like. Would you want to try some things on?"

"Sure," Bella replied quietly.

"I'll be right outside if you need me, okay?"

I excused myself so that Bella could change. The minute I left her room, I turned and looked through the window and saw her beautiful brown eyes looking back at me, glazed over with tears. My heart saddened. I knew she needed me, and I felt my own need to be near to her, but I knew she needed some privacy while she dressed. I was glad Esme had agreed to do this. I knew Bella would need a woman to talk to eventually, and I couldn't think of anyone better than her.

**BellaPOV**

After Charlie left, Esme started pulling various pieces of clothing from her bags. They looked awfully expensive, and I was afraid to ask how much they cost. I didn't know how I would ever be able to repay Dad for these clothes. I knew he said I didn't have to, but these were too nice to have for free. I would have to be extra careful not to ruin them, so I could return them when we got home.

"Do you see anything here you like?" Esme asked with a smile.

_Don't pick something nice, Bella. You know you haven't earned it_, I thought to myself. After looking for a few moments, I hesitantly pointed to a pair of jeans and a basic long-sleeved shirt. "Are these okay?" I asked.

"Of course dear. Try them on. If they're too big, I have a smaller size. The jeans might be a bit long, but I can hem them."

I carefully picked up the clothes and walked into the bathroom. The shirt clung to me but wasn't too tight. The jeans were a bit big; in fact, I could easily pull them off and on without unbuttoning them. After a minute or so, there was a knock at the door.

"How are they working, dear?" Esme asked.

"Um...the jeans are a bit big. Do you happen to have a belt?" I didn't want to say how big they were, in fear that she would take everything back.

"I do, but how about a smaller size?"

"Okay."

A few moments later, she handed me a new pair. Thankfully these fit much better but were a bit too long. I could handle that. I walked out of the bathroom and sat back down on the stiff, uncomfortable hospital bed. At the foot of the bed, I noticed a pair of shoes and a hairbrush. I looked at Esme, who nodded in approval. After putting on the shoes, I quickly pulled the brush through my hair.

"There. Doesn't that feel better?" Esme asked with a smile.

"Yes. Thank you." It felt so nice to be in normal clothes, rather than the cold, old shirt that I used to wear, which were too big for me and hung past my shoulders. Esme seemed like a nice woman. I could tell she was very loving and caring like Dr. Cullen.

"It's my pleasure, dear."

I looked back to the window and saw that Dad wasn't standing there anymore. I felt my breathing pick up and felt the ever familiar sting of tears in my eyes. Where could he have gone? Did he finally decide to leave? Had I done something to upset him? I didn't understand why he left.

"I'm sure Charlie went to pull the car around, if that's who you're looking for," Esme said as she placed her hand on mine. Instinctively, I pulled away from her. I slid as far away from her as I could without falling off the bed. I looked up at her and saw that her eyes were wide and her eyebrows were raised.

_Great, now she's upset and will make me give back these clothes,_ I thought. _She'll tell Dad how I've behaved, and he'll be so angry. I'll have to work extra hard so he won't send me away as punishment._

"I'm sorry. I should have asked if it was alright to touch you," Esme said after a few moments of silence.

"Do you have any children?" I quietly asked.

"Oh yes. I have three boys and two girls. Do you remember them?"

"No. I'm surprised I remembered where Charlie lived."

"He's so happy you're back, you know that right?"

"Was it bad for him and Mom after we were taken?"

"It was awful on everyone," Esme started. "The whole town was shocked and frightened and spent endless hours looking for you guys. Your mother took it very hard. I'm sure Charlie did too, but he can hide things quite well. After your mother passed, he started poring over your file again. He started calling the detectives and re-interviewing witnesses. I don't think he ever accepted the notion that you guys wouldn't come home. He still believes it about Ian, especially now that you're back."

"I miss him. _So much_. I don't know where he is," I said as tears began to form in my eyes.

"Hopefully he's in a place where he's safe; maybe on his way home."

"I hope so," I said wiping my tears away. "Were you good friends with my mother?"

"Oh yes. She was my best friend. We lived three streets away from each other. I introduced her to your father when she came out for a visit from Ohio. When she and Charlie met, Carlisle and I couldn't pry the two of them apart. Two weeks after she went back home, she showed up on his doorstep and the rest is history."

"Ready to go, Bella?" my dad asked as he walked in. I instantly felt safer and calmer now that he was with me again.

"Yes. Thank you for the clothes, Mrs. Cullen."

"Of course, dear. I can stop by later on tonight with some more. Is that alright?"

"Okay."

"Great. I'll see you later then."

"I have the rest of the week off," Charlie said as we walked into the house. "I made an appointment with Dr. Jayne Hartford, the local psychologist, for tomorrow afternoon. Carlisle said it would be good for you to talk to someone about what happened. Maybe you can remember something that will help us find the people who held you."

"Okay."

I didn't like the thought of sitting alone in a room with someone I didn't know. I didn't think I would feel comfortable, not only being alone with her, but talking with her. I was afraid that if I told her anything, she would tell me I was crazy or making it all up, or worse, that I deserved it. What if I did tell her something, and she told Dad? Would he take her side? Would he think everything I told him was a lie? I also wondered if I asked, would Dad sit with me? He made me feel safe, and maybe, if he was with me, I would remember something to bring Ian home.

"Dad, what are Mrs. Cullen's kids like? Were we friends?" I asked after a few minutes.

"Yes. You adored Alice and Rose, yet you were a tomboy when the boys were around. In fact, Edward, Jasper, and Emmett were here the night you showed up."

I looked around my childhood home. There were pictures of Ian and me at various stages in our lives, along with a larger picture of my parents on their wedding day. On the fridge in the kitchen were several magnets holding up pictures. I vaguely remembered the time spent in here cooking with my mother, while Dad and Ian played basketball outside. Being home felt nice, but I wouldn't feel content until Ian was with us.

"Can I go to my room?" I asked.

"Sure. It's at the top of the stairs, on the left."

I didn't recognize my room at all. The small bed was covered by a purple comforter and had a few stuffed animals on it. The dressers had various trinkets and jewelry on them. Next to the large window was a rocking chair, the back covered by what looked like a hand-made quilt. The pictures on the wall showed happy people: girlfriends smiling, boys laughing. In one picture, I saw Dr. and Mrs. Cullen and my parents sitting by a bon-fire. Esme was sitting on Dr. Cullen's lap, while my dad had his arms around my mom. I could see how in love they were. Tears started forming in my eyes. I wished she was here with me. I didn't remember that much about her, and I was desperate to hear her voice, to feel her arms around me, to hear her laugh. I felt so alone without her.

**Charlie POV**

A few hours after Bella went up to her room, I decided to check on her. It surprised me to see that she had pulled the pillow from her bed onto the floor and was asleep. How she could manage to sleep on a hardwood floor, without a blanket was beyond me, so I gently lifted her up and placed her back in bed. The house felt like a home now that she was back. There was no longer a deafening silence that filled the house. Just knowing that she was here was a feeling that I loved.

Esme had come over with more clothes around seven, just as Bella and I were sitting down for dinner.

"I'm sorry. I should have called. I can come back later," Esme said.

"No, it's alright. Come on in."

"Hi, Bella," Esme said as she walked into the living room. She was again carrying a few large bags, which I assumed were full of more clothes for Bella.

"Bella, honey, you have to eat more than that. How are you going to get your strength back?"

"But I was only given this much before," she replied.

I had made spaghetti for dinner. I had told Bella that I just wanted something quick and easy tonight, but to be honest, it was really one of five things I could make without burning it. Looking back, I probably should have put more effort into cooking, but Renee and Bella did all the cooking, and would kick Ian and me out of the kitchen when they were in there. After Renee was gone, I started eating at the diner in town. On Bella's plate there were maybe five noodles, a few drops of sauce, and she barely had any milk in her glass. It was a struggle to get her to eat at the hospital, and I had hoped that would change when she came home. I guessed it would be one more thing to work on.

"Esme, would you like to join us?"

"Sure."

Bella was quiet during dinner and barely touched her food. After dinner, Esme had her try on more clothes and said that they used to belong to Alice and Rose. At first, Bella was hesitant to say that she liked them and outright refused to take them. She said she didn't deserve nice things without having earned them. She even tried to give back the outfit Esme had given her this morning. After a good hour of convincing, Bella finally took the clothes upstairs to her room. Once she was in bed for the night, I joined Esme in the living room.

"I'm worried about her, Esme."

"So am I. They've done such a number on her. I placed my hand on hers today, and she pulled away. It almost seemed like she was afraid of me."

"I know. The only time she lets me touch her is when she's having a nightmare."

"I'm sure she'll get more comfortable as time goes on," Esme said.

"I just hate the fact that Renee isn't here."

"You know, she asked me about her at the hospital. I wasn't sure if you told her what had happened, so I only told her about how you two met."

"She knows a little bit."

"Well I won't say anything about it, if you don't want me to."

"Thanks. I'm worried about what to do with her when I go back to work. I'm too afraid of leaving her alone. To be honest, I don't think I _could_ leave her here alone. I couldn't forgive myself if something were to happen to her while I was gone."

"Well, she could stay with me. Carlisle is usually at the hospital, and the kids are away at college. I could home school her if you'd like, bring her to appointments, things like that."

"I couldn't ask-"

"Charlie, when Renee was alive, I promised her that if anything happened to either of you, I would watch over Bella and Ian. I don't want to overstep boundaries, but I would love to do this." Esme was very sincere. After thinking about it for a minute, I realized maybe this could be a good thing for Bella. Maybe having Esme around could help Bella learn to trust people and help her open up about her past. I also knew I could trust Esme. She was a very good and loving mother to her kids, and I hoped Bella could come to think of Esme as a mother figure.

"Thank you. I'm sure Bella would like spending time with you. And thanks for the clothes."

Suddenly, Bella started screaming. This was different from the screams I was used too. This was the type that would make your ears bleed from the pitch. I raced up the stairs and found her curled into a ball on the floor in a dark corner. Her hands were in her hair, and she was shaking.

"He's here! He's coming for me!" she cried. "I'll never get away from him!"

"Bella, no one's coming for you," I assured her.

"I saw him! He was right outside the window!"

"Shh. No one's coming for you, I promise. There's no one outside, I promise."

"I saw him! _I saw him!_"

"I can sit with her if you'd like to go outside and look around. I think that would make her feel better," Esme said.

I left Bella with Esme and went to my room. I quickly retrieved my gun from the safe along with a flashlight and went out back to look around. No one was there. I went back into the house and locked away my gun. When I returned to Bella's room, I found her still sitting on the floor with her knees pulled to her chest, but she appeared calmer. Esme was sitting next to her, quietly talking to her. I walked over to her and crouched down to her level.

"Bella, honey, no one's outside," I said. I desperately wanted to pull her close to me, but I knew she didn't like being touched, so I decided not to.

"Are you sure?" she quietly asked.

"Yes. I looked in the back yard, the garage, shed, no one's there," I replied softly.

"I'm sorry," Bella said as she looked up at me. "I'm sorry I made you go out there."

"Don't be. You were afraid. I love you, Bella, and I'll do anything and everything to make you feel safe here."

The next morning, I found Bella sleeping on the floor next to my bed. Again, she only had a pillow. She must have come in sometime during the night. I placed her in my bed and let her sleep a little longer before our appointment with the psychologist. I was worried that the doctor wouldn't be able to help her, that it would do more harm than good. But I knew that she needed to talk to someone. Maybe Dr. Hartford could really help Bella and bring us closer to finding Ian.

_Ian._

Now that Bella was home, I missed him more than ever. I wondered what kind of man he would have been, if he would be in college, have a girlfriend. I wondered if he would have been protective of Bella when she would have started dating, or whether he would have been okay with it. I wondered if he would have wanted to follow me into the police force or if he would have chosen something else. Somehow I knew he had to be alive. If Bella could come home, why couldn't he?

I waited for Bella in the lobby at the doctor's office, where I had read the same sentence in the same magazine for what seemed like a hundred times. About forty-five minutes into the appointment, Dr. Hartford came out to get me.

"Mr. Swan, I thought we could go over a treatment plan for Bella," she said.

"Of course. Whatever she needs."

Bella was sitting next to me in a chair. Her head was down, and she was tightly gripping a tissue. I wrapped my arm around her to pull her closer to me. She was hesitant at first, but after a bit, she seemed to relax.

"I couldn't remember," she said quietly. "I couldn't remember where they kept me or who they were. I tried, but I just couldn't remember. I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry. It's going to take time," I told her gently.

"But what if Ian's hurt and is counting on me to bring you to him? What if he dies because of me?"

Her words choked me up. What if he _was_ counting on her? What if he did die? What if he was already dead? How would I tell her? How would she react? How would _I_ react? This was all too much for me. I looked at Dr. Hartford with pleading eyes.

"Bella, whatever happens to Ian, it's not your fault," she said. "Remember, we talked about this. You can only take care of yourself, and you can't do that if you're constantly worrying about things outside of your control."

"I just miss him. I can't get him out of my head. His voice, his laugh, even his screaming. Everything that happened was because of me. He didn't want to go to Seattle, but I did. I was selfish and look where it got us."

"Charlie, Bella said the reason for the trip to Seattle was to get an anniversary present for you and your wife. Did you ever find it?"

"The car Ian and Bella drove that night was torched. I must have gone with the car."

"No. It's still in the house, under a floor board," Bella said. "Well, part of it at least."

"What was it?" I asked her.

"Ian and I had saved some of our allowance money and had professional portraits done. Mom always said she didn't have any good pictures of the two of us together, so we thought you would like this. The pictures are in my room. We went to Seattle to get the proofs; the pictures we didn't use. Ian had made extra money, so he decided to get all of them in case Mom didn't like to ones we used. Ian said we should have had the photographer just mail them to us, but they wouldn't have gotten to the house in time."

"Oh Bella, none of this is your fault," I said pulling her tightly to my body. "None of it. You were just trying to do something nice-"

"But he's gone!_ Gone because of me!_"

"No, he's gone because someone took you guys. You have to let go of this blame, sweetheart. You couldn't have done anything to stop it."

"But I was strong. Stronger than Ian, and I did nothing. I froze. You always taught us to fight back in situations like that, and I didn't."

"You were scared. It's okay to be scared, and it's okay to feel upset and angry. But this blame you have isn't healthy," Dr. Hartford said. "We won't get anywhere if you can't let it go. It's not easy, because it's a heavy emotion that consumes everything and everyone around you. So for your next appointment, I'd like you to work on accepting. Accepting that you're alive, and that it's okay to be happy about that. You're back with your father and family and friends. It's okay to smile and to laugh. Ian will not think badly if you do those things. He'd want you to do them."

"I'll try," Bella replied in a small voice.

"Good. I'd like to see you again on Thursday at noon. Does that work?"

"Yes. Mrs. Cullen will be bringing her to the appointment," I said. "She's going to look after Bella while I'm at work."

"Good. I'll see you then, alright?"

"Alright. Thank you," Bella said softly.

She was quiet the rest of the day, but then again, so was I. During dinner I had to encourage her to eat more than just a few bites. After we were done, we sat in the living room and watched a movie, _The Princess Bride_. I was only watching it because it was her favorite movie. When Westley and the Princess reached the fire swamp, she scooted over and laid her head in my lap.

"Thanks for watching this with me," she said.

"I'm just glad you're here. Those rodents of unusual size scare the crap out of me," I joked.

She turned face and gave me a questioning look before turning her attention back to the movie. I found myself running my hand through her hair, and with each stroke, I realized how lucky she was to be alive, and how happy I was to have her back.


	4. Chapter 4

Thank you guys so much for reading!

Finding the Way Back – Chapter 4

_**CharliePOV**_

It had been a few weeks since our first therapy appointment. Bella seemed to be doing well, thanks in part to the medication Dr. Hartford put her on. She seemed less anxious and more comfortable in the house. She had even ventured into the kitchen and offered to help with dinner. I found her in her room writing a lot as well as drawing. At lot of her sketches were of the room she was held in, but sometimes when she wasn't paying attention, I found her sketching a picture of Ian. One part of his face was drawn the way he looked all those years ago. The other half was scared, torn, and broken.

Lately, Bella had been slowly interacting with others. Billy and Jake had stopped by a few times for short visits. Initially, I thought she would be afraid and hide in her room. And she did the first time they came over. However, on their second visit to watch a game on television, she sat on the stairs. Eventually, she came into the living room and sat next to me. I noticed that every time I left the room, whether it was to get a drink, answer the phone or whatever else, she would move as far away from Billy and Jake as she could until I returned. I was proud of her for trying, and I knew that maybe someday she would be able to sit in a room with them and feel comfortable. It would just take time and patience to get there.

Last weekend, the Cullen kids came home from college for a visit. Friday was Esme's day to take Bella to her therapy appointment, and she would bring Bella back to her home afterward. Esme had asked everyone before they returned not to say or do anything that would frighten her. When they arrived back at the Cullen house after the therapy appointment, Bella asked Esme to reintroduce her to everyone. However, Alice and Rosalie had decided to drive into Port Angeles, leaving the boys behind. I truly thought this would cause her some serious damage, being in the house with just the boys. But when I arrived to pick her up and take her to dinner, I found her sitting in the living room with them watching Edward, Emmett, and Jasper play video games. Bella had been sitting on the couch as far away from them as possible, but at least she was in the same room with them. Esme had said she was hesitant at first but was doing better. I was happy for her. She needed the interaction with her old friends.

Not long after Bella's visit with the Cullens, we celebrated a special occasion. Tonight I would be taking her out to dinner with the Cullens to celebrate her birthday. It was something I thought I'd never be able to enjoy again, so I wanted to make tonight special for her. On my way home from work, I stopped by the cemetery and left flowers for Renee.

"You should be here," I said softly. "Bella is beautiful, just like you. She's started cooking again. Last night she made spaghetti for the first time since she's been back but burnt the sauce. I ate it anyway, because it made her stop crying. She needs you, Renee, so much. She hasn't asked about you since the hospital, but I know it's coming. It's only a matter of time until the therapist mentions something that causes her to start asking questions. I won't know what to say to her that won't cause her pain. Maybe I can get Esme to help me. Or Carlisle. They've been such a big help to me. I don't know where we would be without the two of them. Maybe I'll bring Bella by soon. I'm sure she needs to come. Maybe not right away. I miss you like crazy, yet I still blame myself for not being able to help you. Hell, maybe I need a therapy session or two. I promise I'll bring Bella by soon. I love you."

I quickly drove home to change out of my uniform. There was soft music playing in Bella's room, and I decided not to rush her to get ready. I grabbed her gift from my dresser and waited for her downstairs. A few minutes later, I heard Bella walk down the stairs. She was dressed in a pair of dark blue jeans and a deep purple sweater.

"You look nice," I said. "Are you ready to go?"

"Sure."

At the lodge, we met up with the Cullens. Bella sat between Esme and me and pulled her chair close to mine. I could tell she was nervous around everyone, but at least she was trying.

"Can we give Bella her presents now?" Alice asked after everyone was settled.

Bella tensed up a bit but tried hard to fight it. She always hated it when people spent money on her, even for birthdays and holidays. She found a handmade gift to be more special than one that was bought, and I loved that about her. Simple things used to make her happy, just like me.

"Is that alright with you, Bella?" Carlisle asked.

"You guys didn't spend a lot, did you?"

"Don't worry about it, dear," Esme replied.

"Here. Edward, Jasper, and I went in on this together," Emmett said, handing her a small box.

Bella carefully opened it, afraid of ruining the paper. Once it was opened, she looked at them confused. "Um...what is it?"

"It's called an iPod," Emmett said.

"iPod? What does it do?"

"Do you remember back in the day when you had that silver CD player? Well, these days, we have an iPod that stores and plays all of your music. Every CD you own can be uploaded to that. Movies too. Plus you can download songs online," Jasper explained.

"Like on the Internet? You can do that now?" Bella was surprised.

"Yeah. We'll show you, don't worry," Emmett said with a smile.

"Thank you."

"If you don't like the color, we can exchange it," Jasper said.

"It's not pink, so I love it." I chuckled at the memory of Bella at the age of four. She had spent the day with Alice and Rose playing with their dolls. Bella had said that she got into an argument with Alice, who said that pink was the best color in the world. Bella disagreed and ended up getting rid of anything and everything pink. She hasn't worn pink to this day.

"What's wrong with _pink_?" Alice asked a little too loudly.

Bella flinched at Alice's tone and then lowered her head before saying, "I'm sorry. I won't say it again."

"It's okay, Bella. Alice gets a little boisterous sometimes," Carlisle said.

"Here, this is from Alice and me," Rosalie said, handing Bella an envelope. I could only imagine what was inside. "We know you're going to need new clothes, so when you're ready, we'll take you out and have a girls' day."

"Girls, it could be a while," Carlisle warned.

"It's okay. We just want her to have it so when she feels ready, she knows we're ready," Rosalie said with a smile.

"Bella dear, I have your gift back at the house. There was too much to bring here," Esme said.

"You didn't have to get me anything. You and Dr. Cullen have already done so much."

"Charlie told us you've been drawing quite a bit, so I bought you some drawing supplies."

"I'm not very good. It's just scribbles, really."

"I doubt that. You always drew really well," Edward said.

The waitress came and noticed we were celebrating Bella's birthday. I knew they always made a scene at the Lodge, with loud singing and clapping, and I knew Bella couldn't handle that yet. After everyone ordered, I excused myself to hunt down the waitress. I explained to her that Bella didn't like a fuss, and she agreed not to do anything. When I sat back down at the table, I slid my gift in front of Bella. I was nervous about how she'd take it.

"You might not remember, but your mother was a pack rat, and that ribbon was one that you wore in your hair everyday when you were younger."

Bella smiled and opened the box. My gift to her was a locket. Inside was a picture of Renee on one side and a picture of Ian on the other. She stared at it for a while before hugging me.

"Thank you. It's perfect," she whispered in my ear.

She didn't let go right away, and neither did I. We were always a loving family. You knew the type: the dad who always had an arm around his son as they walked down the street and the mother who was affectionate with the daughter in the middle of the store, neither one caring if anyone saw them. Tonight, I was that father again. I didn't care that we were in the middle of a restaurant or that the Cullens were sitting with us, because every time I got to hug her or have her kiss my cheek was a miracle to me.

The rest of dinner went well. Bella joined in the conversation a few times, but mostly she was quiet.

"Anyone have room for dessert? We have a mean cheesecake," the waitress said.

"Can I have a slice?" Bella asked.

"Sure," I replied.

Both Alice and Esme ordered a slice as well. Afterward, my cell phone started ringing. I recognized the number right away; it was Agent Daniels, the lead investigator on Bella's case. I hadn't talked to him since Bella returned, so I was curious about why he was calling me.

_**BellaPOV**_

Dinner went really well. Emmett, Jasper, and Edward joked around most of the time,and told old stories of when we all were kids. I wished I could remember all the things we did. From the sound of it, we were a crazy bunch, with Emmett being the instigator. Even though he was big and intimidating, he seemed really sweet. I also noticed that Jasper was very quiet but very observant. Rosalie, I wasn't too sure of. She seemed very stand off-ish and unapproachable. Maybe with time she and I could be friends. Alice used to be my best friend, from what I was told. During the few times she had come home from school, she had only spoken to me a few times. Then there was Edward. I wasn't sure what to make of him. He seemed very loyal and loving, yet there were times I saw him wrestle with his brothers like his life depended on it.

After we ordered dessert, Dad's phone started ringing. I noticed that he seemed hesitant to answer, and I wondered who it was.

"Hello?" Dad said into his cell phone. "Yes...Really?...Where?...And you're sure?...I'm coming...No, I'm _coming_!"

"What's going on, Dad?"

"I have to go. I can't explain right now, but I'll call you. Carlisle, Esme, can Bella stay with you for a little while?"

"Of course," Esme said.

Dad practically ran out of the restaurant after throwing some cash on the table. I started getting nervous that something was wrong.

"That was odd," Emmett said.

"Wonder what's going on?" Jasper asked.

Later that night, everyone was back at the Cullens. The boys were playing video games in the living room while Alice and Rosalie were upstairs. I joined Esme in the kitchen, where I sat at the table and sketched. Every now and then I would look up from my pad and look towards the door, hoping that Dad would come back.

"I'm sure he's fine, dear," Esme said.

Another hour passed. There was still no word from Charlie. I started to really worry. Usually when he had to leave for an emergency at work, he would at least call or text saying he was alright or when to expect him. But the fact that he hadn't called made me extremely nervous.

"That's really good." I heard Edward say from behind me. I hadn't realized he came in from the living room. "It almost looks like a real sunflower."

"Thanks, but I'm not really good," I replied quietly.

"Could have fooled me. Do you like sunflowers?"

"Yes. They make me feel happy." I turned my focus back to my drawing.

"Have you heard from Charlie?" Edward asked after a few minutes of quiet.

"No. I tried calling his phone, but I had to leave a message."

"Well, if he's on official business, he could just be busy. I wouldn't worry about it."

"I know. I still worry about him."

"Mom, I'm going downstairs to play my piano for a bit. Is that alright?" Edward asked.

"Of course, dear. Just don't stay down there all night," Esme replied.

"Now you know I can't promise that," Edward chuckled.

"You...you play piano?" I asked hesitantly.

"Yes. Would you like to hear?" Edward asked.

"Oh...um...I wouldn't want to put you on the spot like that. I was just curious."

"I don't mind. Come on."

"Edward..." Esme warned.

"She'll be fine. If she doesn't want to sit in the room with me, she can sit on the stairs."

"Bella dear, you don't have to," Esme said. "If you feel more comfortable up here, you're more than welcome to stay."

"Well, maybe sitting on the stairs would be okay."

"Whatever you're comfortable with," Edward assured me.

I gathered my drawing supplies before Edward lead me downstairs to his playing room. I poked my head in and noticed a beautiful black piano in the middle of the room. Off on one side of the room was a small desk with stacks of paper and pencils on it.

"Would you like to sit at the desk while I play?" Edward asked. "I can clean it off for you."

"Oh, no. I'll sit on the stairs," I said.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Well if you change your mind, feel free to sit at my desk. I keep forgetting to tidy it up."

"What is all of that, anyway?" I asked.

"Sheet music."

"Do you write your own?" I asked surprised.

"Sometimes, yes."

I took one more look around the room before sitting on the stairs. I lost myself in Edward's playing. What started off as a light piece turned into something deeper and emotional. It completely consumed me, and as Edward played, it felt like the music mirrored my life. Light and happy when I was younger, hopelessness and despair when I was taken, then into something light again. It was so powerful, so moving, so beautiful.

"Bella, are you alright?" Edward asked. I didn't even realize he had stopped playing.

"What?" I asked.

"You're crying. Are you alright?" Edward reached out and lightly wiped away my tears. I was surprised I didn't flinch away, but there was something about him, something I wasn't familiar with, that made me feel okay.

"Yes, I'm fine. What were you playing?"

"Just something I wrote."

"It was beautiful."

"So why are you crying then?"

"It touched me, that's all."

"You should have told me to stop. I would have if I knew it was making you cry."

"I didn't want you to."

Once my tears were dry, Edward returned to his piano and played something more upbeat. He even made me laugh when he wrote a song for me with crazy lyrics. I felt somewhat comfortable with Edward. He was very gentle and caring around me. I wasn't sure why he was this way around me, but part of me liked it.

_**CharliePOV**_

When I pulled up to the Cullen house, it was well after midnight. After the call from Agent Daniels, it felt as though my world shifted...again. I quietly turned off the cruiser and rubbed my eyes before walking up to the door. Once there, I saw the kitchen light turn on, so I quietly tapped on the door. A few moments later, Esme appeared.

"Charlie, is everything alright?" Esme asked after she opened the door.

"Where's Bella?" I asked, as I walked in.

"She's asleep on the couch. What's wrong?"

"He's alive, Esme."

"Who is?" I asked.

"Ian. They've found him. He's _alive!_"

I pushed past Esme and walked into the living room, where I found Bella asleep on the couch. I sat on the edge and shook her a little to wake her, while Esme went upstairs to get Carlisle.

"Dad? Are you okay?" Bella asked as she rubbed her eyes and sat up.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Bella, I need to tell you something."

"What is it?"

"At dinner I got a call from the detective on your case. Since you showed up, they've started actively looking for Ian and following up on old leads and whatnot. Well, tonight he said that a group of hunters were in the woods on the outskirts of Mora when they found someone on the ground."

"Who was it? Were they alive?"

"Yes, he was alive."

"He?"

"It's Ian."

"This isn't funny," Bella quietly said.

"Bella, I would never joke about this. He's alive, and he's safe."

"Can I go see him? Does he know I found you? How hurt is he?" Bella asked frantically.

"In the morning I'll bring you to him. I haven't had the chance to talk to him yet since he was just going into surgery."

"Surgery? How bad is he?" Carlisle asked from the stairs with Esme behind him.

"They're repairing something on his leg. He was in pretty bad when he arrived at the hospital, and he may need to be transported to Seattle."

"I don't want to wait. I have to see him. _Please_?" Bella begged.

"Fine. Get your things."

_**BellaPOV **_

Our drive to Mora seemed to take forever. Dad had stopped at a gas station to get coffee and snacks. I was so anxious to see Ian. I needed to see that he was alright, to feel his arms around me. I needed to believe that this nightmare was over.

"Thank you for taking me tonight," I said in the car.

"Sure. The doctors said he's pretty messed up. He's got bruises and broken bones, so he may look bad when you see him," Charlie said.

"At least he's alive. That's all that matters."

I wondered what Ian would be like. Would he be afraid of everything like me, or would he be his stubborn self and say everything was fine? It didn't matter, though. I would love him and care for him no matter what he was like.

Once we arrived at the hospital, we were led to Ian's room. The doctor said the surgery to repair his leg had gone well, and if they could keep an infection from coming, he wouldn't need to go to Seattle. Bella pulled a chair up next to Ian's bed, took his hand in hers and waited for him to wake up.

Seeing Ian felt like a miracle, since I thought I'd never see him again. But here he was, lying in bed, alive and away from that awful place. It was a little scary to see him lying there, with tubes going in and out of him. His face and arms were covered with bruises and cuts. He looked so helpless. I knew then that I would do anything to get him well again.

I could see how happy Dad was now that Ian was here. There was a quickness in his step and hope in his eyes. During the drive, Dad was mumbling to himself about getting Ian's room ready for him and how happy the boys on the Res would be when he told Billy.

I was happy too, but I was also afraid. Afraid of what would happen if Ian told everyone what I had done while we were away. I knew that I would keep his secret, but I wondered if he'd keep mine.

9


	5. Chapter 5

This chapter made me cry writing it. A big THANK YOU to all who are reading and reviewing!

Finding the way back Chapter 5

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><p><strong>CharliePOV<strong>

Bella and I spent the next day in Ian's room, waiting for him to wake up. His doctors had checked on him this morning and said that the incisions, bruises, and cuts looked good. They also mentioned that he should wake up soon, but the reason he was still out was that he was on a lot of pain medicine. I wondered what he would be like when he finally woke up. Would he be scared and withdrawn like Bella was, or would he try to be normal, pushing whatever memories and fear he had aside? It didn't really matter to me anyway. As long as I could see him in front of me, push the hair out of his face the way Renee used to, I would be fine.

Bella didn't leave Ian's room, except when I insisted she eat something in the cafeteria. She scarfed her food down and practically ran back to him, took his hand again and whispered, _"_Sorry I left you. Dad made me." Somehow I knew the two of them would have a bond stronger than brother and sister. They were both survivors now. Survivors from the same hell, on the road back to a normal, happy life and they would need each other more than ever. As much as I wanted to help them, something in the back of my mind told me that I would have to step back every now and then and let the two of them work through it together.

I had called Carlisle and Esme on the second day of waiting, partially because I needed to shower and partially because Bella was having little anxiety attacks. I think being in the hospital with the constant coming and going of people was starting to get to her. Thankfully, just having Esme in the room seemed to calm her. That night, we went and had a normal dinner outside of the hospital. It was nice to get away, but my mind kept wandering back to Ian, just the they way it did when I was away from Bella. I hated being away from them. It felt the same way it did when they were younger. Renee would be standing in the doorway holding them as I drove away. My heart would break as I turned the corner, but it always started beating wildly the closer I got to home at the end of my shift. They may not have been infants anymore, but they were still my kids. The two single things I'd happily lay my life down for just to keep someone or something from hurting them. Now that they were back, I would make damn sure no one ever hurt them again.

Bella had taken her usual sleeping pill and fell asleep in the chair next to Ian's bed after dinner tonight. I gently lifted her up and placed her in the second bed in the room, pulled the curtain so she could have some privacy, and shut off the lights. Once she was settled, I sat in the uncomfortable chair and waited. I flipped the channels on the TV, keeping the volume low so I wouldn't disturb Bella. I settled for an old hockey game, although I couldn't tell you which teams were playing. I was only watching for a distraction, as once again I was consumed by my wish that Renee was here.

"Detroit is the shit," Ian mumbled. The sound of his voice, though groggy from the medicine, made me jump and practically fall out of my chair.

"Ian? Son, are you alright?" I asked, as I quickly stood up and turned the television off.

"Tired and sore," he said, trying to open his eyes.

"How about I get your doctor? I'll be right back."

I quickly made my way out to the nurses' station to alert them that Ian had woken up. A nurse said she would page his doctor and he would be in shortly. When I had returned to Ian's room, I saw that he was slowly rubbing his face.

"God, how long was I out?"

"A while. Your doctor will be in soon."

"Wait, did Bella make it back? Is she alive?"

"Yes. She's sleeping in the next bed. She's been back for a few weeks now."

"Thank God," Ian said, letting out a heavy sigh. "I hoped she understood the directions I gave her. Why does it hurt to move my body?"

"Pain medicine, maybe? I'm not too sure. Do you remember anything at all?" I asked.

"I remember she was scared and the others kept saying they were going to find her, that they had to get her back. But when they all left that night to get beer and whatever else they used, I made sure to get Bella out. God, I tried to get the others out too, but they were too scared even though I told them I would take the blame. They just wouldn't go. Bella too. She wouldn't move, so I had to drag her to the car and drive as far as I could before the others got back. I kept repeating the directions over and over, praying she'd remember."

"Ian, why didn't you come with her if you were so close to the house? You know I would have protected you."

"I had to go back. I didn't want to, but if I didn't, they would have killed me. They would have found her and killed me in front of her. Hell, they killed her friend in front of her," Ian said, rubbing his eyes.

Just then his doctor, followed by a nurse, walked in and did a quick examination. While they did that, I woke Bella up, knowing she'd be upset if I didn't.

"Ten more minutes, Dad, please?" she mumbled.

"Bell, Ian's awake," I said.

"What?"

"Ian's awake."

Bella jumped down from the bed and tore back the curtain. Once she saw Ian, she bounded into his open arms. It was such a private moment for the two of them that I left them alone, knowing they'd be fine without me.

_**BellaPOV**_

Ian was awake. Once I saw him and his open arms, I knew things would be okay. I held onto him as tight as I could, just like he held me. We had been separated for a good week, I think, before he took me to Charlie. Usually we would see each other every day, even if it was for just a second, but that week apart was hell. During the occasional moments we had to ourselves, Ian would hold me and tell me he was working on a plan to get us home. His words comforted me and made me feel safe even in that hell hole.

But right now, we didn't need words.

We didn't need anything but each other.

Neither of us wanted to let go. This moment was perfect for us. We were both safe now and would never be apart again.

Our happy reunion was interrupted by his doctor, who insisted on a few minutes to examine him. While he was being looked over, Charlie and I went to get something to drink in the cafeteria.

Later that day, Charlie drove us back for Forks, since we had a therapy appointment together. I didn't want to leave Ian behind, but he insisted that I go. I think he needed some time to himself, since he asked Dad about Mom. Before we left, Charlie signed paperwork stating no one but hospital staff and the Cullens were to go into his room, along with regular security checks if no one was sitting with him.

"So Bella, how was your birthday?" Dr. Hartford asked.

"It was good. Ian came back to us."

"What?"

"Ian was found in the woods out near Mora," Charlie said with a small smile on his face.

"Wow. As much as I would love to talk about that, and we will, I really want to know how things are going aside from that. Charlie?"

"I still hear her cry at night. I mean, she takes her sleeping pills, but she still cries. The majority of the time she cries for her mother."

"Bella?"

"I see her in my dreams every night. All I can see is her silhouette, though. She's standing on a hill with her arms open for me. I miss her so much."

"Have you talked to your Dad about your feelings?"

"No."

"Why?"

"Because he misses her, too," I said. My head was down and I was staring at the rug on the floor. "I hear him talking to her in the mornings. He stands in front of the fireplace and talks to her picture. I don't want to hurt him anymore than he already is, so I don't say anything."

"You should. I'm sure that he would like to hear it. It may even help him."

"He deserves to be happy."

"But don't you?" Dr. Hartford asked. "After everything that you've gone through, don't you deserve some happiness?"

"I don't know," I whisper.

"Charlie, what do you think about this?"

"I just want to take her pain away. And I wish there was a way to travel back to that night and tell Renee that things would work out, because I know you need her. I know there will be situations, memories, that I won't know how to handle, but she would. There are nights when I just sit in your room, watching you sleep like I did when you were a baby. Part of me, I think, doesn't think you're really here. I want you to be happy, but I think I'm failing in all of my attempts."

"What?" I asked, shocked. "How could you say that?"

"I'm so used to being alone, that I keep a lot of things to myself. I'm too afraid to tell you memories from your childhood that I think you'd like to hear because I'm too afraid that you'll get upset that Renee isn't here. And when I do that, I know I'm failing at being a parent. This entire situation is fucked up. I hate that you've missed out on so much, that Renee didn't get to see the beautiful young woman you are now, that you rely on others to get through rough moments. I just want to find those assholes that stole you from me and wrap my hands around their necks and squeeze the life out of them, because that's how it felt when the detectives stopped searching. The life was squeezed from me that day. I hate that you scream and cry in your sleep and that the only thing I can do to help you is to just be there."

"But sometimes that's all I need. That night when we watched _The Princess Bride_ together was the happiest I had been in so long. Sometimes all I want is just to feel your arms around me, because I feel safe then. Even before all of this happened, whenever you hugged me, or held my hand, I felt completely safe, and that's a feeling I missed while I was away. I don't want to lose that feeling again."

"I never know when it's okay to touch you. Sometimes when I do, you still pull away, like you're scared of me."

I can feel a panic attack coming, because I'm scared that Charlie's afraid of touching me. I must have done something to upset him to make him feel that way. I must not be trying hard enough to make him happy. The walls of the office feel like they're closing in on me. I pull my knees up to my chest while still sitting in the chair and rock back and forth. In my mind I can hear the voices of my captors.

_Such a disappointment. She was so highly recommended and I got nothing...You're not worth the room I give you to sleep in! ...I should have killed you and your brother after that night and be done with you! ...You miss your family, don't you? What if I told you that your daddy is happy that you're gone? That he was disgusted with you and now that you're gone, he's enjoying life..._

_**CharliePOV**_

I was in the middle of a sentence when I noticed Bella's mood drastically change. She was trembling and sobbing and trying not to scream. I could see the terror written across her face. This was the worst one she'd had. I pulled her from her chair down to the floor and into my arms, holding on as tight as I could.

"Stupid...disappointment...doesn't want me...send me away," Bella mumbled over and over.

"Bella, shh, it's okay. I'm right here. You're safe," I said to her to get her to calm down.

Both Dr. Hartford and I tried to talk her out of it, but nothing was working. Dr. Hartford checked her pulse, and then had her assistant call for a medical team. It scared me to see her like this. She just seemed so far away, her eyes so distant, I truly believed she was at her breaking point, and there was nothing I could do to help her. Eventually, she was sedated and admitted to a private room. I didn't know what to do. Ian was in one hospital and now Bella was in another. I was being torn in two. So who do I stay with? My son, who had been missing for the past four years and only recently given back to me? Or my daughter, who couldn't seem to get through a therapy appointment without some sort of breakdown that was such a cry for help, that I all I wanted to do was hold her and hide her from the world so she could truly believe she's safe?


	6. Chapter 6

__Hi!

Sorry it's taken me forever to upload - RL issues with my daughter. If anyone's on AO3, I'm there too - same name. :)

_**There is violence at the end of the chapter. It's short, and not too graphic, but it is here.**_

_**If it bothers you, skip over the section at the end that is in italics**_

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><p>Finding the Way back – Chapter 6<p>

**CharliePOV**

The next morning, I called to check in on Ian and told him I would come in the afternoon. I also told him about Bella's panic attack. He assured me he was fine and that Bella needed me more than he did. I didn't like the idea of leaving him by himself, but I needed to make sure Bella would be alright if I left her.

"Charlie, why don't you take a break? I can sit with Bella until she wakes up. You look like you could use a nap," Esme said as she sat next to Bella. She had arrived a short time ago with Carlisle, who was checking in on a patient. I could see the concern in her eyes. I was exhausted since I barely slept during the night. Bella had been mumbling and crying in her sleep, which kept me awake.

"Yeah. Guess some sleep sounds good."

"Don't rush back on account of us. Bella is in good hands and, if need be, I can send Carlisle over to be with Ian. We don't need you getting sick."

"I know. I feel like I rely on you and Carlisle too much."

"We are more than willing to help, you know that."

I stood from my chair and gave Bella a light kiss on the forehead before leaving. I quickly drove home, took a very hot shower, and was in the kitchen where I started making lunch when my phone rang. It was Billy.

"Charlie, how's Bella?" he asked.

"Oh, uh...she's okay, I guess," I said, not wanting to tell him she was back in the hospital.

"We still on for this weekend?"

In the wake of Ian's return and Bella's breakdown, I had forgotten that Billy and I had made plans to go fishing that weekend since Esme had offered to let Bella stay with her and Carlisle. I wasn't sure if I should go now that Ian was back. Part of me knew I should stay behind and look after the both of them, but I trusted Esme, so I knew they would be alright with her and Carlisle.

"Um, I'll have to get back to you on that."

"Why?" Billy asked.

"Ian's back."

"Ian? Really? That's great! How's he doing?"

As I told Billy what had happened and how Ian was doing, I was torn about wanting to go and get away from everything. My body was screaming at me to rest, and I was pretty sure I was on the verge of catching a cold, but I had to put my wants and needs aside for my kids; they were more important. After talking for a little while longer, I promised Billy I'd call him after I went to see Ian, then went upstairs for a nap.

**BPOV**

I couldn't believe I was back in the hospital. I had tried to keep everything inside, to be strong and brave for Ian, but to be honest, I was terrified. I freaked out at the thought that if Ian was back, someone would be looking for him, and if someone saw me with him, they would take me away again. When Dad said he was afraid to touch me, it was like the floodgate to my fear opened and everything came rushing through. I felt embarrassed and ashamed that I lost it.

"Esme?" I asked while I watched the rain beat against the window. It was early evening, and I had just finished taking a few bites of dinner. We were waiting for Carlisle to get my discharge papers.

"Yes, dear?" she replied from the chair next to me.

"Is Dad mad at me?"

"Why on Earth would he be?" she asked, surprised.

"I tried so hard to keep it all inside yesterday, but I couldn't. He needs to be with Ian, yet here I am, being selfish and putting myself back in the hospital."

"Bella, sweetheart, what happened yesterday was out of your control. You can't hold all of that inside, dear. It's not healthy. Trust me, your father would rather you talk about it than not say anything."

"Dad should have gone back to be with Ian instead of staying with me. He's more important. He needs more attention right now than I do."

"Sweetheart," Esme said as she stood and sat on the edge of my bed next to me, "what's really bothering you?"

"It's just...I hate feeling like this, like I'm a child. And I hate that I'm pulling you away from your family just to take care of me. It's not fair to your children."

"My children are away at college, so there's nowhere else I'd rather be than here, helping you, just like I promised your mother. Carlisle, too. To be honest, we like having you around. The house doesn't feel so empty when you're there."

"But when they do come home, I feel like I'm in the way."

"Bella, they were your friends at one point in time, and they will be again. You don't know how excited they were when you appeared on Charlie's doorstep. It took everything Carlisle and I had to keep them away so you could get better. Even to this day, we have to remind them to take it easy. And now with Ian back, they're going to be just as excited."

"I just want to be normal again," I said softly as tears fell from my eyes.

"You'll get there. It'll take time, but you'll get there. And you're going to be an amazing woman. How about I go track down Carlisle and get us out of here? We can go see your brother if you'd like."

"I'd like that, thanks."

A few hours later, I was back with Ian and felt somewhat better. I was sitting next to his bed, holding his hand. His face was still bruised, but it looked a little better. Dad was here but was down in the cafeteria.

"Izzy, what are you doing here? You should be home with Dad. Are you okay?" Ian asked. He hadn't called me Izzy since before we were taken.

"No, but I'm better now."

"Everything will be okay. No one's going to hurt you while I'm here. I swear to you that much."

"I know. I believe you. How's your leg?"

"Good, although I'd be better if we were home. I'm sure Dad's tired of driving back and forth."

"Yeah. He was supposed to go fishing this weekend with Billy and Jake. I don't think he's going now."

"Oh, he'll go alright," Esme said quietly.

A few days later, Ian was released from the hospital. I was started on new medication to help with the anxiety and panic attacks. As much as he tried to hide it, Dad was really looking forward to fishing with Billy tomorrow. He hadn't gone since I returned.

That night, Ian and I were going over to the Cullens' and spending the night since it was easier than being dropped off before the sun rose. I was a little excited, since everyone was going to be home to see Ian. Maybe they'd leave me alone. When we arrived Carlisle helped Ian into the house while I gave Charlie a tight hug and said goodbye. He was going to spend the night on the reservation to get an early start with Billy in the morning. Esme waited with me on the porch until Charlie was gone before going into the house.

"Everyone's out back with the grill. I just have to finish a few things in the kitchen. Do you want to go out, or would you like to help me?" Esme asked.

"I can help."

"Great!"

After a few minutes, we took a large salad bowl and Jello, Emmett's favorite and a must have when grilling, and joined everyone out back. Ian was sitting in a lounge chair on the lawn, while the boys played basketball and Carlisle cooked. Alice and Rosalie were sitting with us at the table.

I looked over at Ian, who was laughing at the boys. I could tell he wished he could join in their game. I wished he could, too. From what little I could remember, Ian had always had fun with them. Carlisle called the boys to dinner a short time later, and I waited for everyone to take their share before taking mine, only taking a small amount. Once I was done, I was still hungry but pushed aside my desire for a second helping. I didn't understand why I did this. Instead, I just sat back and watched the boys talk and laugh.

After dinner, we went back into the house to watch a movie. I made sure Ian was comfortable where he was sitting before finding a spot on the floor. I looked around me. Everyone seemed to be comfortable with everyone else, including Ian. Feeling uneasy, I excused myself to go up to my room which used to be one of the guest rooms. Esme had insisted that I have a quiet space I could retreat to when I needed it. I quickly changed into my pajamas, pulled out my sketchbook and started drawing. It wasn't long until I heard shuffling outside of my door. Putting my book down, I stood by the door and listened.

"...but why do we have to stay away? I just want to spend time with her," I heard a voice say.

"She needs space, dear."

"But Ian's doing fine. How do you know she's not faking?"

"She's not faking. She has been through a horrible ordeal. I wish you would appreciate the steps she's already made," Carlisle said.

"I just don't understand. We were friends. Closer than that, really, and now she'd rather spend her time behind closed doors? How does she expect to heal? How long are you going to let her act like a child before making her realize she has to move on?"

"She'll heal in her own time. I know you want to spend time with her, but I don't want you to rush her. She's in a fragile state, and one wrong move could potentially break her. None of us wants to see her end up in the hospital again."

Without thinking, I opened the door to find Alice, Carlisle and Esme standing in front of Rosalie and Alice's room.

"Finally! I thought you would never come out of there!" Alice said.

"Do you mind if I go for a walk?" I asked. I noticed Alice's face fell when she realized I ignored her comment.

"Sure. Just don't go too far or stay out too long," Esme said.

"Thanks."

During my time with Esme, I would take walks through the back garden and into the woods. I had found a path that lead to a beautiful clearing. It was filled with wild flowers and was surrounded by large trees. It was peaceful and calming. Sometimes I would bring my sketchbook with me and draw. I usually didn't stay too long, though. After hearing what Alice had said, I needed to find some peace and quiet. I couldn't believe Alice had thought I was faking. I wished I was. I wished it was as easy for me as it was for Ian, but it wasn't. I wanted to be able to laugh and have a good time with my friends and not to be deathly afraid of strangers. Worst of all, I just wanted to be normal. But I wasn't sure I ever would be.

**EPOV**

I was standing by my window overlooking the back yard. There, I could see Emmett, Jasper and Ian talking on the porch. I wanted to join them, but I had a few chapters to read and a paper to write for Monday's class.

"Where are you off to?" I heard Emmett ask. Looking closely, I saw that he was talking to Bella.

"Just going for a walk. I'll be back."

"Do you want company?" Jasper asked.

"No."

I watched as she disappeared on the path through the woods behind the house. I was surprised that Mom and Dad let her go out alone after everything that happened, but maybe she just needed space.

I could barely keep my eyes open. Looking at the clock, I understood why: 2:15 am. I had yet to write my paper, but I did manage to read the chapters I needed to finish. I'd spend the rest of the day writing the outline, and Sunday I would force myself to write the damn thing. I decided to go downstairs to get something to drink before going to bed. When I reached the living room, I saw a figure sitting in front of the bay window.

"Bella?"

She didn't answer me, but I could hear her sniffle. Was she crying? Why was she alone? I walked over and sat down next to her.

"What's the matter?" I asked again.

"Couldn't sleep," she quietly said.

"Why?"

"Would it be childish if I said I had a bad dream?" she asked, her chin quivering.

"No. Of course not. Do you want to tell me what it was about?" I had a feeling that this was not a normal, run-of-the-mill bad dream. Not after everything she went through. I wanted to pull her into my arms and hold her, to protect her, to comfort her. I could see how badly she needed comfort, as she was starting to shake and her eyes were welling with tears. "Maybe it will help."

"I'm not...used to talking to people, Edward. Or being around people anymore."

"I just want to help you. To be your friend again."

"Why? Why would you want to waste your time on me?" she asked.

"I'm not wasting my time. We were very close all those years ago. Don't you remember? We used to be able to tell each other anything."

"I wish I could. I'd give anything to feel like that again. I really would. I wish I could go back and change the course of that day. The things I saw, the things I was forced to do haunt me. I can't escape those memories, Edward. I try so hard to push them away, but they keep coming back."

"I can't promise that things will get better because I don't know. But I do know that I'm here if you want to talk."

"Thank you."

"Now, do you want to tell me what your dream was about?"

**BPOV**

_Yelling. He was yelling in the room next to mine, in the room that belonged to Sarah, the only person I could call a friend. She had come to this place before me and had helped me learn the "ropes." Sarah was fifteen when she was taken and was now just shy of nineteen. She was the oldest of the four girls here. Knowing it was against the rules, I opened my door and looked out into the hall. Sarah was on her knees and sobbing._

"_I don't understand, Keith! I didn't do anything! I don't know why he said he wasn't satisfied. I did everything he liked and then some."_

"_You've cost me too much money since I brought you here! Thousands of dollars refunded because you can't do what I've taught you. How difficult is it? These men pay top dollar to be with you. Some of them ask specifically for you and even then you can't perform."_

"_I'm sorry, Keith. Truly I am. Tell me what would make you happy. I'll do anything."_

_The last girl who had this lecture from Keith was taken away and never returned. These lectures never ended well. If it was the first time he talked to you, you'd get slapped around and forced to be with one of the regular men who stayed at the complex. If it was your second, you'd get a beating. Usually you learned your lesson by then, as Keith was the boss and very rarely dealt with us. He was the one who the others called when nothing else worked. _

_Two days had passed since Keith appeared. Sarah was brought upstairs to the second floor where the customers could do what they pleased with her for a small fee. When she was finally released, she was thrown down the stairs, and the door locked behind her. I immediately went to her to see how bad she really was. _

"_Just leave me, Bella," she said._

"_No. You need help. Let me clean some of your cuts."_

"_No. Keith will come after you if you help me. You know that."_

_I helped her back to her tiny room, which was no bigger than a closet. She lay on her bed and turned to face the wall. I heard her stomach growl and figured she must not have eaten in a while. Back in my room, I grabbed my plate of food and brought it to her._

"_You have to eat, Sarah. Please, just take a few bites."_

_After a good ten minutes of begging, she finally gave in and took a bite of my bread._

"_What the hell?" I heard a voice behind me say._

_I turned and saw Keith, flanked by Casey and Ian. This was not good. _

"_Bella, what are you doing?" Ian asked sternly. He was acting his part. He feared for his own life, so I knew anything he said or did to me was difficult for him. _

"_She's sick, Ian. She's hurt. She needs help."_

"_I DON'T CARE! You are not here to be her nurse, Bella! She's being taught a lesson!"_

"_Keith, please," I begged. "Let me get her well for you."_

"_The longer she's down here, the more money it's costing me. A year ago she was the best. I had men begging me to be with her; now, no one wants her. It costs me money to feed you, clothe you, provide you with shelter, and you give me nothing in return."_

"_That's why I'm asking for a day or two, Keith. Please. Let her rest, and I promise you won't regret it."_

"_And what happens if she doesn't come around? What are you going to do then?" he asked._

"_Then _I_ will take her punishment."_

_Behind Keith, Ian was shaking his head. I knew the consequences of my own words. I knew that Keith had a reputation for 'taking care' of girls who no longer brought in money. But I had to. Sarah was exhausted, hungry, hurt and no one was doing anything. Keith stood there pondering my proposal for a few moments before he spoke again._

"_No. I've put up with your shit for too long, Sarah. I don't understand why you're acting like this and frankly, I don't give a shit anymore."_

_Before any of us could say anything, Keith pulled a gun from his pants, cocked it and shot her in front of all of us._

I was quiet for a few moments after I told Edward about that dream. I could still hear the echo of the gun shot in my ears. When I looked over at him, I noticed that he had a horrified look on his face. I didn't blame him.

"How often do you have that dream?" he asked.

"Just about every night. The gunshot is so loud that I swear it's being fired right next to my head."

"Can you remember anything else about Keith? About the place you were kept?"

"No. I never left. I was just brought to different rooms. I wish I had I just kept my mouth shut and stayed in my room. But she was hurt, I couldn't just leave her. She was my friend."

"Of course you couldn't leave her," Edward said. I noticed that he held out his hand to mine, but pulled back. It was just another thing that reminded me how messed up I really was. I longed for the days where I could touch and be touched and not think anything of it.

"I just miss her. She was a sweet girl who said she wanted to be a teacher and have a family. I don't understand why I was spared and she wasn't."

"I wish...I wish I could say something, do something to make you feel better. I would if I could."

"Thanks," I softly said.

I turned my gaze back outside through the large window, willing myself to calm down enough to let sleep take over, praying it wouldn't take long.


	7. Chapter 7

**Happy 4th of July my fellow Americans!**

My apologies for the delay in posting. Medical issues with both kids have turned our lives upside down. I'm still working (slowly) on the epi for There Goes My Life, too.

This chapter jealousy rears it's ugly head in this chapter...don't hate me.

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><p>Finding the Way Back – Chapter 7<p>

**EdwardPOV**

Early the next morning, I found myself sitting on my parent's bed. I had gotten little sleep the night before, as Bella's words had haunted my dreams. The image of a girl pleading for her life only to have it taken away was too much. It was scary to think that Bella relived that scene every night. I wondered if last night was the first time she had talked about it. The terror in her eyes and the way her body shook desperately made me want to pull her into my arms and tell her it would be okay, that she was safe. I had an overwhelming desire to protect her. Bella and I had been close when we were younger, and I had considered her my best friend aside from my brothers.

Before she was taken, we used to meet down by the river behind my house. We would read, sometimes to each other but mostly to ourselves, and Bella would draw and paint. We even had a tiny shed where we kept books and drawing supplies. It was the only time when we could truly be ourselves. We talked about anything and everything, we'd listen when one of us was upset over something, and I held her as she cried when she learned that some boy she liked didn't feel the same about her. It was in this place where I held her hand for the first time and kissed her on the cheek because I was too scared to kiss her lips. It was here where I first knew I loved her.

And I still loved her to this day.

I retreated to this place after she was taken. I sat in our shed and looked at all of Bella's drawings and photos albums and cried for hours. Mom and Dad had sent Jasper and Emmett out to find me, as I had been gone for most of the day. They were worried that I had run away to find Bella and Ian. By the time Jas and Em found me, it was after dark. They took me home where I collapsed in my mother's arms and cried some more. That was the last time I had been to our place by the river.

"Edward, is something wrong?" Dad asked as he walked out of his closet. He was fully dressed for his morning shift at the hospital.

"I need to talk to you about something that happened last night with Bella," I said.

My mother appeared a moment later in the doorway with coffee for my father, and they both sat and listened as I told them of Bella's nightmare. As I spoke, I felt goosebumps rise across my skin. By the time I was done, Mom was crying and Dad had his arms around her.

"That poor, poor girl," Mom said. "I should check on her."

"I doubt she got much sleep last night," I said. "I know I didn't."

"How was she, Edward?" Dad asked after Mom left. "When Bella told you about her dream, what was she like?"

"It was horrible. She was shaking and sobbing and I could tell she wanted to be comforted, but I know she doesn't like to be touched."

"You're right about that, but she's come around to letting Charlie and Esme comfort her at times."

"Will she get better?" I asked.

"Physically, she's fine. Mentally, I'm not so sure. Why do you ask?"

"I'm just curious. I can't imagine trying to sort through all of that. I mean, she's been through some traumatic shit. I'm just worried that she'll never get over it."

"That very well may happen. But I think now that Ian's back, maybe she'll be able to put the pieces back together."

"It's odd to me that he acts like nothing happened to him. I mean, he had to go through _something_, yet he acts normal. How can that be?"

"I think Ian is dealing with it in his own way. Some people need to talk about their experiences, and some push it aside and force themselves to forget. I'm sure Ian has some demons in his closet. Whether he chooses to expose them is something we'll have to wait for."

"Is it weird that I find myself wanting her to be happy?" I asked.

"No, I don't think so, as long as you know that you cannot rush her into anything. There are times where she still has to convince herself to get into the car with Charlie, and he's her father! She's in no way ready for a relationship aside from friendship."

"I know that. I just want to protect her."

"I'm sure you do. But you have to realize, Edward, that although you feel the need to be her friend and protect her, this is not something that will happen overnight. She has to learn to trust you, so take things slowly."

"Why does she draw so much? Wouldn't it be easier to just say it, rather than draw it?"

"For her, I think it's therapeutic to draw, although I have yet to see anything she's done. Esme said she's very good, though."

"She is. She draws sunflowers because they make her smile," I softly said.

"Sunflowers?"

"Yeah. Why do you think she was able to recall her dream last night? Mom said she barely talks about what happened to her."

"I wouldn't get your hopes up on that one, kid. I think she just needed to talk about it and you were right there."

I left my parents room a short time later and went downstairs for breakfast. Ian, Jasper, and Emmett were talking about sports. I found it odd that Ian could act like nothing had happened to him - like no time had passed - yet Bella was the complete opposite. I didn't understand it. Glancing around the room, I noticed she wasn't there.

"Mom, where's Bella? Isn't she having breakfast?"

"I'll bring her a plate in a little bit."

"She's not coming down?" Alice asked.

"No dear. She had a very rough night and isn't ready to be around everyone just yet. Give her a bit of time. I'm sure you'll see her today," Esme said handing me a plate of pancakes.

"All she does is sit up there by herself. She's never going to get any better if she keeps it up," Alice said stabbing a pancake with her fork.

"I would appreciate it if you wouldn't speak of my sister that way, _Alice_. You don't know what she went through, and I think if she wants to be alone, then it must be for a reason," Ian said coldly.

I noticed at that moment that Bella was standing in the doorway to the kitchen. She looked awful. Her face looked tired, her eyes puffy from crying, no doubt, and she looked hesitant to enter the room with us. I wanted to pull her aside and ask if she got any sleep last night; to tell her I was thinking about sunflowers more in the last few hours than I ever did before because they made her happy and I missed seeing the smile on her face.

"Morning, sis," Ian said. "Come sit next to me."

I watched as Bella hesitantly took her place next to Ian and forced a small smile onto her face. "Has Dad called?"

"Not yet. Would you like to call him? I'm sure he wouldn't mind," Esme said.

"No. He needs a break."

"So, what do you want to do today?" Ian asked.

"Um...I'm not sure, actually. I was hoping to listen to my thingy I got for my birthday that plays music."

"Your iPod?" I asked.

"Yes, Ipod! Thanks."

"Did you get it set up?"

"No. I don't know how." Bella said.

"I can show you, if you'd like."

Bella didn't answer, but instead gave me a weak smile and nodded once. After breakfast, I showed Bella how to use her iPod. Once she had an ample amount of music, she left for the living room to do some drawing while I sat down to start my paper.

**BellaPOV**

Again with the sunflowers. It's all I drew after spending time with Edward. Aside from Dad, Ian and Dr. Cullen, Edward was the only other male I was somewhat comfortable around. Granted, I was still scared and nervous when I was with him, but for reasons unknown to me, I felt somewhat safe. I noticed he was very patient with me, and very sweet. I wasn't really sure what to make of it.

I was also starting to think of Esme as a second mother. She was so patient and kind with me. At my worst moments, she was always there for me. Whether she just let me cry on her shoulder or listened when I needed to talk, she was there. I know my mother would have done the same things as Esme if she had been alive. Esme was everything I needed. There were times, however, I felt unworthy of her. She had a husband and children who were far more important than I was. They deserved her attention, her love, her devotion. Not me. So many times my captors had told me I was nothing, therefore I deserved nothing. At first, I didn't believe it. But, after hearing the same thing over and over, you start believing it.

That afternoon, Carlisle returned home from the hospital. Everyone was outside enjoying some sun, while I stayed in the living room. I sat by the porch window and watched.

"Bella, why don't you go outside and join them?" Carlisle asked.

"I'm fine," I said after I yawned. I hadn't gotten much sleep the night before and it was catching up with me.

"Edward told me about your dream. Are you alright?"

"Yes. It was just a silly dream."

"It's not just a silly dream. How often do you have it?"

"All the time. Some nights it springs up on me and wakes me from a sound sleep. Others it's the first thing that comes to mind."

"Have you told your therapist about this?" he asked as he sat next to me.

"No. I haven't talked to anyone about it other than Edward."

"You should. Maybe she can help you through it."

"It's not something I like to talk about. She was my friend."

"I know you don't like talking about what happened, but you should. It'll help you get better."

"I'm going to take a nap," I said, as I stood. I didn't want to talk about this with anyone, let alone Carlisle. I knew I shouldn't have said anything about that dream. Once I was in the confines of my new room, I pulled a pillow from the bed and lay on the floor, hoping for sleep.

That night, I helped Esme make dinner for everyone. Charlie had arrived a little while ago, and I think I hugged him for a solid five minutes. He didn't seem to mind. He said that the fish weren't biting all that much, so he and Billy had gone back to the reservation to help Jake work on his car.

Everyone was seated at the table as Esme and I brought out the last of the food.

"Everything smells great, Esme," Charlie said.

"Thank you. Bella helped tonight."

"That's great! You said you wanted to cook more," Charlie said to me. I smiled a little bit before grabbing the dish of lasagna.

"Sometime today, Bella. I'm _starving_," Ian said.

"I'm coming," I said.

I quickened my pace, stumbled over my feet and fell, causing the lasagna to go flying and land on Alice. Crap. She screamed not only because of the heat, but because her clothing was ruined.

"My outfit!" she cried. "How could you!"

"Now Alice, it was just an accident," Carlisle said.

"Is it that difficult to walk ten feet? Jesus, I know you were clumsy back in the day, but come on!"

"I'm sorry Alice," I said quietly, still on the floor.

"Save it," she spat.

"Calm down, Alice. She didn't mean it," Jasper said.

"I don't care. I don't understand why we all have to walk on egg shells just for her! For crying out loud, she can barely remember half of what happened, so why do we need to treat her like someone who's about to break?"

"Why?" Ian asked. I looked up at him and noticed his eyes were now dark and he was clutching the edge of the table. "Why? She was locked in a hell hole for four years with men doing God only knows what to her. Can you blame her for not wanting to remember or talk about it? Do you honestly think she ever asked for anything like this to happen to her? You should be thankful that you have a normal life! Trust me when I say that if I could have gotten her out a lot sooner, I would have."

"I,"

"You sit there with your credit cards and expensive things and pretend to be a good friend, when all the while you snicker and make comments behind her back. Don't think I didn't hear you on the phone earlier. She may not be the girl she used to, and she may choose to wear jeans and sweatshirts, but honestly, _who cares_? If all you care about is status and designers, then damn, your life must be so fucking shallow."

"That's enough, Ian," Charlie said.

"Just remember one thing," Alice said standing up. "Esme Cullen is _my_ mother, not yours. Yours went into a drunken stupor and killed herself and I'm tired of sharing mine!"

"Alice! Upstairs! _Now_!" Carlisle roared. I jumped at the tone of his voice.

I couldn't look at Alice as she walked past me, but I heard her mumble something under her breath. Once she was gone, I stood and looked at everyone. Edward, Emmett, Jasper, and Rosalie all had their heads down, while Ian was hobbling his way over to me.

"Esme, I,"

"It's alright, Bella," she replied.

"No, it's not alright! She was right. You're not my mother and I shouldn't lean on you like that. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for taking you away from them and from Carlisle."

"It's quite alright," Carlisle said.

"I'm nothing more than a burden; a mistake. Please, don't waste your time on me. I'm not worth it."

"Bella, honey, it's not like that. Please don't say things like that about yourself," Esme said.

"Can we go home, Dad? _Please_?"

"Of course. Just let me help clean up," Charlie said.

"We can do it," Emmett said.

"You don't have to leave," Esme said. "It was a simple accident."

I stood to the side and watched as Dad and Ian helped clean things up. I was angry with myself, not to mention embarrassed. I forced myself to hold back the tears that were threatening to spill over. What a stupid mistake I had made, tripping over my feet. The only thing I could do now is wait for the punishment I knew was coming. I silently prayed that Dad would be swift with it.

"Please don't leave," Edward said to me as I put my jacket on.

"I can't stay, Edward. I don't belong here. I shouldn't have taken Esme and Carlisle from you and everyone else. Please apologize to Alice for me. Maybe I can figure out a way to repay her for the damage I caused to her clothes."

I heard Charlie say goodnight to Esme and quickly walked out of the house.

**CharliePOV**

That night, after we arrived home, I helped Ian into and out of a shower, while Bella was silent in her room. Once he was in his, I went downstairs, grabbed a beer and walked into the living room. I sunk into my favorite chair and took a long, slow sip. My mind was racing with the words Bella spoke tonight. _"I'm nothing more than a burden, a mistake...I'm not worth it."_ About an hour after we came home, she asked if I was going to punish her for what she did. I tried convincing her that it was a mistake and that no one was angry with her, but she didn't believe me. Instead, she retreated to her room and refused to eat dinner.

How would I ever get her to see that she was worth everything the world had to offer? How could I make her see that everything that was said to her wasn't true? I just didn't know.

Before I turned in for the night, I cleaned up the kitchen, since we had ordered pizza for dinner. Once the boxes were in the trash and the plates in the sink, I went upstairs. Ian was passed out in his room with his television on. I turned off it off and went to check on Bella. Once again, I found her asleep on the floor, with nothing but a pillow under her head. I noticed she slept like this on her bad days, and figured she was used to it. I gently picked her up, placed her in bed and kissed her forehead before saying, "Goodnight my sweet angel."

I knew the next coming days were not going to be easy. On the one hand, I was proud of Ian for standing up for Bella, but on the other, I was horrified that these things were happening. I knew asking for Esme's help was wrong. She had a life of her own, and for me to intrude on it was deplorable. I couldn't and wouldn't ask Esme to watch over her any longer. It wasn't fair to her or her family and I was a fool to ask in the first place. I had no idea what I was going to do now. I knew nothing could be accomplished tonight, so I went to bed. Tomorrow I would figure out how to make this right again.


	8. Chapter 8

Finding the way Back Chapter 8

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><p><strong>EsmePOV<strong>

That night after Charlie, Ian and Bella left, Carlisle and I had a long talk with Alice about what she had said and what had been going on with Bella. Alice had apologized to us for her remarks, and said she would call and do the same to Charlie. That night as I lay in bed, I tossed and turned, replaying the scene in the kitchen over and over in my head. I kept hearing Bella say she was a burden and it pained me that she thought of herself that way. I knew I had to do something to help improve her self-image, but I wasn't exactly sure how to do it.

Monday morning I waited in the kitchen for Bella to arrive like I usually did, but she never showed up. I didn't think twice about it; perhaps Charlie had made an appointment with her psychologist to talk about what happened, or maybe she was taking a few extra hours to sleep. Around eleven, I tried calling the house, but no one answered. I really wasn't sure what to do. I didn't know if I should over there and check on her or if I should just stay home. I didn't want to overstep anything, but I was really worried. It wasn't like Charlie not to tell me what was going on.

"I don't know what to do, Carlisle," I said into the phone. He had called to check in, like he usually did whenever he had a free minute between patients.

"Honey, I'm sure they're fine. Maybe today is his day off?"

"No, he always works on Mondays." I sighed. "I think he doesn't want Bella around me anymore."

"Esme, you're doing a wonderful job with Bella. She's come a long way because of you. Just give them some time."

Around three that afternoon, I couldn't take it any longer. I hopped in my Lincoln MKS and drove over to Charlie's. There I found his cruiser in the driveway and tried my best to force my irritation and hurt away as I rang his doorbell. When he answered, I knew my worrying was justified. Charlie looked awful – his face was tired and his shoulders were slumped.

"Charlie, how is she?" I asked.

He didn't answer at first, but held the door open for me. "She's upstairs in her room. She won't come down or talk to anyone. I brought up her breakfast with her pills, but she hasn't eaten. She was supposed to have an appointment with her therapist, which I made last minute, but I had to cancel. I'm sorry I didn't call - "

"It's okay," I said, interrupting him. "Can I go up?"

"Sure."

I clutched my bag, walked upstairs, and tapped on her door. When she didn't answer, I opened it and walked inside. She was sitting in front of a window, just staring out. She looked so vacant, so distant.

"Bella?" She didn't answer me. I put my bag down and walked over to her. I sat on the ledge next to her and placed a hand on hers; she jumped a bit at my touch. "I brought your sketch book and pencils. I thought you might like them."

She looked up at me, like she wanted to say something, but then turned her gaze back out the window. My heart was breaking for her. She had that distant and lost look in her eyes again.

"Do you want me to leave?"

"No," she whispered.

"Do you need anything? Are you hungry?"

"I'm sorry I ruined Alice's clothes," she said. Her bottom lip was quivering and her eyes were glossy.

"What? Honey, those are just clothes. They can be replaced. Besides, we washed them and they're fine now."

"But Alice was so angry."

"She just doesn't understand. Right now, I'm more concerned about you than Alice's clothes."

Bella was quiet for a little bit. She surprised me, however, when I felt her hand squeeze mine. I could tell she needed some form of comfort, something to show her that things would be fine, so I released her hand and put my arms around her. She struggled a bit, but after a moment, I felt her arms around me as well.

"No one is mad at you for what happened, okay? It was just an accident."

I felt her body shake and moisture on my skin. I held her tightly to me and let her cry.

"Esme, do you think Dad would take me to see Mom?" she asked after a few minutes. I was a bit surprised by her question, but knew one day she would ask about her.

"I'm sure he would. Why don't you ask him?" She shook her head. "Why not?"

"I don't think he's ready."

"This is something he'll never be ready for, and I'm sure it will be difficult for him, but if it helps you-"

"I'll take you," Charlie said from the door. I wondered how long he had been standing there. "Do you want to go now?"

Bella shook her head then looked back at me.

"Don't worry. I'll be here when you get back," I said with a smile.

**BellaPOV**

The cemetery Mom was buried in was a short drive from the house. Before we got there, Dad stopped by the local florist and picked up a simple bouquet. When we turned into the cemetery, I completely stopped breathing. I didn't know why I decided it was time to come here; I knew I wasn't ready, but something was calling me, telling me to come. He pulled up alongside a section of headstones that were surrounding a tree.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" he asked me.

"Yes. I've been thinking about this for a while."

"You could have said something. I would have brought you sooner."

"I was too scared to tell you," I whispered.

"Never be afraid to talk to me. I'll do whatever I can to make you happy, but I can't do that if you don't talk to me."

I nodded. Dad took my hand and led me to where my mother was laid to rest. When we reached her, he cleared off the fallen leaves from her headstone, then placed the flowers next to it. When he stood, I wrapped my arms around him and squeezed my eyes shut and sobbed. He held me tightly, letting me get it all out.

In the wind I heard her voice, her laugh. Standing here I could smell a fragment of her sweet perfume, it was intoxicating..it was more than I could handle, yet all I wanted was more. I could feel her soft touch on my skin, giving me Goosebumps. I didn't want her touch to vanish away, just like she did. But just as fast as it all came, it all went away.

It wasn't fair.

She should be here.

For me.

For Ian.

For Dad.

For _us_.

I let go of Dad and knelt in front of her headstone, and started tracing her name.

"Hi, Mom," I said. I wasn't sure what exactly to say at first, so I was quiet for a little bit. The wind picked up again, and again I felt her presence. "I really wish you were here. I need you. Dad needs you. Ian needs you. I miss you so much at times it hurts. I wish you were here just to talk to; to have you hold me in your arms; to tell me things will get better, because right now, I don't think they will." The wind surrounded me as I spoke, and the presence of my mother was stronger. "I want to get over this overwhelming fear and have somewhat of a normal life, but I'm afraid. This is all I know and I want so much to let go of it, but I can't because it feels too normal. I want to be like everyone else so much it's overwhelming, and I don't know how to do it. I don't know how to let go. Maybe it would be easier if you were here. Dad's trying so hard to make everything perfect, but I can see he's struggling to keep it together. And Ian...I'm so happy he's back. He's so strong and brave. You'd be so proud of him. I wish I could be as brave as he is."

I felt moisture on my skin and realized it was raining. But to me, the raindrops felt like tears, like my mother's tears. I heard a whisper on the wind and I could have sworn it was my mother telling me I would be okay. I leaned forward and kissed her headstone, and promised to visit again.

When we arrived home, a delivery truck was pulling away from the house. Inside, Esme was in the kitchen working on dinner with Carlisle and Ian at the table.

"Bella dear, there's something in the living room for you," Esme said with a smile.

"For me?" I asked, surprised. _Who would send me something?_

"Yes."

In the living room a tall box was sitting on the coffee table, wrapped in purple paper. I pulled the card off and read it:

_Bella,_

_I saw these and thought of you._

_Please smile today, it makes your face light up._

_Your Friend,_

_Edward_

I ripped the paper away and saw four large sunflowers in a beautiful vase. I was stunned. No one had ever given me flowers before.

"Who are they from?" Dad asked.

"Edward."

"That was nice of him."

"Yeah, I should call and thank him."

"Here, honey, use my cell phone. I'll let you know when dinner is done."

Esme handed me her phone and I took it, plus the flowers, upstairs.

**EdwardPOV**

"I can't believe you sent her flowers, Edward," Alice said from the doorway of the kitchen.

"Why?" I asked.

"Because she's stealing our mother away from us, that's why!"

"Alice, she's doing no such thing. I can't believe the way you're treating her. She used to be your best friend," I said, stirring the spaghetti sauce.

"Yeah, I _used_ to be. I think maybe when she's better we'll be friends again. This is, _if_ she gets better."

"And you're not going to help her out?"

"No. Personally, I think she's a lost cause."

I wanted to strangle her. How anyone could just drop a friend who was in such desperate need was beyond cruel. I didn't understand Alice's reasoning. I left her in the kitchen and went up to my room, where I heard my cell phone ringing. The caller ID showed that it was Mom.

"Hello, Mom."

"Edward?" a voice asked.

"Bella? What are you doing with my mother's phone? Are you okay?" I asked frantically.

"Thank you for the sunflowers. They're beautiful."

"I'm glad you like them. Did they make you smile?"

"Yes. I can't stop, really."

"Good."

"Do you have time to talk?"

"For you? Of course." I was surprised that she was opening up to me, but I welcomed it.

Bella told me about her day: how Mom comforted her by just the touch of her hand, how she went to her mother's grave, how she felt her presence. She also said that she felt a little more at peace and wanted to do things to help herself feel a bit more normal. I told her I would do anything I could to help her, and truly meant it.

"Edward, do you want some dinner?" Rosalie asked from the doorway, interrupting us.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realize I was keeping you," Bella said.

"It's okay, but I probably should go."

"Yeah, me too."

I promised her I would call later in the week, between classes. I snapped my phone closed and placed it on my bed.

"You like her," Rosalie said with a smile. She was leaning against the door frame with her arms crossed.

"Is that weird?"

"No. I think you always have, Edward. Even when we were younger, I could tell there was a thing between you two."

"Alice seems to think she's not worth the effort."

Rosalie closed the door and sat next to me. "Alice is our sister and I love her dearly, but I think she's being mean. She needs the spotlight on her all the time. Even in a situation like this, something that's beyond all of our control, she has to turn it back on herself. I don't know where she gets it from."

"It's simple. She's the youngest of us. Mom and Dad spoiled her and she just expects it."

"Yeah. I guess so."

"I sent her flowers."

"Really?" Rosalie asked.

"Yeah. Just sunflowers, but they're her favorite."

"That's really sweet, Edward. She could really use a friend, I'm sure."

"Yeah, she could."

I went to bed that night thinking about Bella. She was still the sweet girl who I liked when we were younger. She may not see it, but I could. It was buried deep down inside her, but eventually it would come back out.


	9. Chapter 9

_Hi all! Just a quick note, I will be donating something for the Fandom4TwiGirlG - haven't decided what, though. Such a tragedy. She will be missed. Please take a moment to consider donating - either money or a piece of work. Every little bit will help her family._

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><p>Finding the Way Back – Chapter 9<p>

_**CharliePOV**_

A few weeks passed since Bella went to Renee's grave. It went better than expected, I think. She's been talking more than what she used to, which I was thankful for. She's also gone back to Esme and Carlisle's home during the day when I am working. The one thing I was the most proud about was the fact that she was cooking. Not just heating up frozen dinners, but making actual meals. The first few were a little undercooked, and she may have set the smoke detector off a few times, but she was getting better. Last weekend she made a cake for Ian's birthday using one of Renee's recipes. It was perfect, and the three of us stayed up the entire night eating, laughing, and talking.

The flowers from Edward seemed to help as well. Each week a new arrangement would arrive and she would disappear into her room so she could call and thank him. She was a little disappointed when he sent orchids instead of sunflowers, but they were out of season. It was still a nice gesture.

I'd spent these last few weeks trying to convince Ian to come to one of Bella's therapy appointments. He always refused, saying he was dealing with his personal hell just fine. If I didn't know better, I'd say he _was_ fine, that nothing had happened to him. There were times when he seemed like a normal kid. He spent time with his friends and was talking to a few girls on the reservation as well. But, there were times when I could see he wanted to say something - maybe a memory of what he was forced to do – but didn't. Part of me was happy he didn't. The other part of me wished he would get it out so we could deal with it.

Today I was going up to La Push to visit Billy and Jake. Bella was reserved, borderline scared. She hasn't been anywhere but the house, the Cullen's, or her therapy appointments. This would definitely push her outside of her comfort zone, which is what her therapist encouraged her to do at her last appointment.

"Bella, are you ready to go?" I asked as I knocked on her door. When she didn't answer, I opened her door and looked inside. She was curled into a ball on her bed. Her face lined with tears. I immediately went to her and pulled her into my arms. "What is it, baby girl? What's wrong?"

"I just...I just can't do it yet."

"Do what?"

"Go to La Push. I want to, but I can't."

"Are you afraid?" I asked as I ran my fingers through her hair the way Renee used to. She nodded. "What are you afraid of?"

"That Billy and Jake will treat me different. That someone will say something and I'll freak out and you won't be there."

"Bells, Billy and I are just watching the game. He's not feeling well enough to travel down here, so I promised I'd go over there. I promise you I won't be too far away, and Ian's going too, so you'll have him if you need him. Besides, you've spent time with them before."

"That was here at the house. I don't have a place where I can hide at his house."

"If you feel the need to hide, just tell me and we'll figure something out. Once the game is over, we'll leave, okay?"

"Okay."

A half hour later I pulled up to Billy's house. I helped Ian out of the car and the three of us went into the house. The living room was full of people, something I was not expecting. Ian found a space on the rug next to Sam and plopped down immediately.

"Ian! Good to see you!" Billy said.

"Hey, Billy. Jake around?"

"Yeah, he's here somewhere. Bella, I'm so glad you came."

I sat next to Billy. "You didn't tell me everyone was coming."

"I didn't know until they showed up twenty minutes ago. Is Bella going to be okay?"

"I hope so, but I doubt it."

After a little while I looked around to find Bella. She was sitting against the back wall, knees pulled up to her chest. I stood and went over to her.

"Bella?" I quietly said. "Do you want to go home?"

"No. You and Ian are enjoying yourself," she said softly as her voice trembled.

"It's just a game. If you're not ready-"

"Dad, can you get us some drinks?" Ian asked from the floor.

"No, we're going home."

"Dad, don't. Please, don't. Can you just call Esme and ask if she can pick me up?"

"No, I'll take you home."

"Dad, the game is still going! Can't she wait?" Ian asked.

"I can drive her," Jake said from behind me. "I need to get some groceries anyway."

"Jake, I'll drive her, and Ian we're leaving."

"Dad! I don't want to go. The game isn't even over yet! Tell her to quit being a damn baby and drama queen and get over it."

"You can turn the damn game on at the house!" Bella jumped to her feet and ran from the house. "Damn it, Ian!" I went after Bella only to find her sitting on the stairs, mumbling something quietly to herself. "Bella, you're going to get sick in this weather. Come back inside."

"I want to go home. Please, just let Jake drive me. _Please?_"

"Alright," I said with a sigh. My heart broke as Jake's car pulled away. I was surprised that she'd let Jacob drive her, but I chalked it up to her anxiety level.

_**JakePOV**_

"Do you want to go to the Cullen's or to your house?" I asked.

She didn't answer. Instead, she pulled her knees up to her chest and curled into a ball in the passenger's seat. This wasn't the Bella Swan I remembered. The Bella I knew was happy and full of life. This girl was afraid and pulling into herself.

I realized that she shouldn't be alone, so I drove to the Cullen's. She didn't seem to notice when I pulled into the drive. I left the car running and walked up to the front door. I rang the doorbell twice and prayed someone would be home. A few seconds later, Dr. Cullen answered.

"Jacob, what brings you here?"

"I have Bella in the car."

"Is she alright?"

"I don't think so. She freaked out at the house and Charlie asked me to bring her home, but I don't think she should be by herself."

Carlisle and I walked back to the car and I opened her door. Carlisle reached in and unfastened her seat belt, then proceeded to pick her up and carry her into the house. Once they were inside, I got back in my car and made my way to the grocery store.

_**CharliePOV**_

"Damn it, Ian!" I yelled walking back into the house. He was standing now, his weight on his crutches. "What the hell is the matter with you?"

"What? You let her do anything she wants and all I ask for is time here with friends watching a game on TV and suddenly I'm the bad guy? She didn't have to come."

"I know, but she wanted to come for us. She wanted you to have this time with friends."

"Then what's the problem?"

"You need to show a little compassion towards her."

"I do, but I'm just asking for _one day_. One day to enjoy my friends and not think about anything else. One day to be selfish. Christ, you'd think after everything I had to do," he said, trailing off.

"What exactly did you do, Ian?" Billy asked.

"It's not important," Ian said, "but let's just say it wasn't pretty, okay?"

"What was it?" Seth asked.

Ian looked around then shifted his gaze to the floor. "I can't tell you. It's too horrible."

"Ian-" I started.

"_No!_ I'm not telling you, okay? I know if I do you'll put me in jail, but I deserve it for what I had to do," Ian said before walking into the kitchen.

After the game, Ian and I drove over to the Cullen's to pick Bella up. I had called to check in on her a few times. Esme assured me she was fine - quiet, but fine. I found her in the living room, curled up on the couch, her head resting on Esme's lap.

"How was the game, Dad?"

"We lost, but I didn't really pay attention. Come on, let's go home, huh?"

"All right."

The next morning Ian and I accompanied Bella to her therapy appointment. Ian was clearly uncomfortable.

"So Bella, have you ventured outside of your safe zone?" Dr. Harford asked.

"Yes. Dad made me go to La Push to see his friends."

"How did that go?"

"It didn't. She went running out of the house and ended up back at the Cullen's," Ian said.

"Why?" Dr. Hartford asked.

"Because there were so many people," Bella said.

"Didn't you know that prior to going over?"

"I thought it would just be Billy and his son Jake. I could handle that, but when we got there, the house was filled with people."

"Were they guys?"

"Yes."

"Did it remind you of your past?" Dr. Hartford asked.

"Yes."

"Can you tell me?"

_**BellaPOV**_

_On what I assumed were Friday and Saturday nights, all of us girls were forced to shower and change into clothes that were picked out for us by Keith. Mine made me look like I was twelve, and usually consisted of a schoolgirl costume. About a half hour after the men showed up, we had an inspection. If we didn't look good enough, we were punished. If Keith was in town for the weekend, he would pick the two girls that looked the best and bring them up to his area and have his way with them. I had only been chosen twice to be with Keith. _

_Once inspections were done, we were brought to the large room where the men were drinking. It was so big it reminded me of a warehouse. There was a DJ playing music and there was a large dance floor in the middle of the room. We were to serve drinks and do what we were paid to do. Sometimes we were paid to sit next to the men who just wanted company. Sometimes we were brought directly into a separate room where men would have their way with us. We never saw a dime of that money, but we knew the more they paid, the more we had to do. I hated it. _

"So being in the house with all of those people was-"

"_Horrific_. It was like I couldn't breathe. All I could hear was the music and the voices of those men. Each time one of the boys at Billy's house walked past me, I thought for sure they were going to hand me money and bring me into a room."

"I'm sorry I made you go, Bella," Charlie said.

"It's okay. I know both you and Ian were missing your friends. I just wasn't ready, even when I told you I was."

"While this was probably not the best situation, I do think that pushing yourself a little bit each day will help you ease back into things," Dr. Hartford advised. "Thanksgiving is coming up. Are the three of you doing something?"

"We're going to the Cullen's. They've asked Billy and his son Jake over as well," Charlie said.

"Good. Now I know you spend your days with Mrs. Cullen, so when she's ready to go shopping for her supplies, I'd like you to go with her. The grocery store is a confined space, and there will be people there, but I think something small like this would be beneficial. Can you do that?"

"I can try."

"That's all I ask. If you can't do it, it's okay. It's not a failure if you try," Dr. Hartford said. "Now, Ian, how are you handling things since you've returned?"

"I'm fine," Ian said flatly.

"No nightmares, memories, things like that?"

"Nope. I'm pretty good."

"Hmm," Dr. Hartford said while jotting something down in on a notepad. "I find that a little hard to believe. You and Bella were taken to the same place, correct?"

"Yes."

"Do you know the things she was forced to do?"

"Yeah. What's your point?"

"My point, is that I find it hard to believe that you're perfectly fine when Bella clearly isn't. Granted, she's made some major improvements since the first time I've spoken with her, but she's still suffering. I just find it hard to believe that nothing from that time has come with you."

"I'm good, Doc, really. Bella," he paused, trying to find the right words to use. "She was subjected to things I wasn't. Do I wish I could have protected her and gotten her out sooner? Of course, but...I wasn't with her all the time...I had to do things, too, but I'm good. I don't let what happened back then affect me like Izzy does." I was surprised by what Ian said. _Did he think I deserved what happened to me?_ I wanted to ask him, but didn't want to upset him.

"Though, yesterday you did say that if I knew what you did that you'd be in jail," Dad said.

"Are you afraid of what will happen if the truth comes out?" Dr. Hartford asked.

"You know what? I came here because I was asked. Not to be psychoanalyzed by someone who doesn't know a fucking thing about me! I appreciate that you're helping Bella, but I don't need someone fucking with my head. Save the psychobabble bullshit for someone who asked for it," Ian said before standing and walking from the room.

When we arrived home, there was a bag hanging from the front door. Inside was a small dream catcher with an angel charm and a note from Jake.

_Bells,_

_Hang this in your window._

_Hopefully it keeps your nightmares and memories away._

_Jake_

That night I placed the dream catcher in my window above the vase of flowers from Edward and drifted off into my first peaceful slumber since coming home.


	10. Chapter 10

Finding the way back Chapter 10

**BellaPOV**

It was two days before Thanksgiving. The Cullen kids were coming home tomorrow, and Esme said she needed to get groceries in the house. Remembering what Dr. Hartford said, I asked if I could go with her. When we reached Forks' only grocery store, I convinced myself that I could do this. It was just shopping, and if I needed a minute, I could step outside. I didn't want to disappoint Dad and Dr. Hartford by not being able to do this, especially now that I was cooking more. I wanted to get to a point where I wasn't scared to go out. I wanted a normal life again.

We were in the cereal aisle when I heard someone call my name.

"Bella? Bella Swan?" a girl asked.

"Uh, yeah?" I stiffened a bit and moved closer to Esme, who took my hand in hers.

"Oh my gosh! My mom told me you were back, but I didn't believe her! How are you?" she asked.

"Do I know you?" I asked. She looked somewhat familiar, but I couldn't place her.

"It's me, Angela Weber. We went to school together and were in ballet. Don't you remember?"

"Angela, who are you talking to?" another girl asked as she approached us.

"Jess, look! It's Bella," Angela said.

"Bella? As in Bella Swan?"

"So how long have you been back?" Angela asked.

"A few months," I replied.

Angela's cell phone started to ring. "I'm sorry, Bella, I have to go, but it was so good to see you. Call me, okay? I'm at my parents' house. Let's meet for coffee, okay?" she asked as she started backing away with Jess. I smiled and walked away with Esme.

"You did well, dear," Esme said, patting my hand. "That girl, Jessica, stay away from her. She comes off all nice and sweet, but she's an awful girl. Horrible parents. I swear some days she was raised by wolves. Angela, on the other hand, is a very sweet girl."

I giggled and continued shopping with Esme. It wasn't bad, really. Whenever I felt myself getting anxious, I just closed my eyes and took a deep breath. The store was full of people, but thankfully Esme let me take my time. I didn't feel normal again until we were back in the car, but at least it was a start, and I was proud of myself for trying. That night when Dad came to pick me up, Esme had made a big deal about the grocery store incident and insisted that we celebrate. I didn't want anything major, so we settled on pizza. While I waited for it to arrive, I called Edward.

"Edward, you'll never guess what I did today," I said.

"Tell me."

"It's going to sound crazy, but I actually made it through a shopping trip."

"That's great! Where'd you go?"

"Just the grocery store with Esme. I was a little nervous and almost freaked out once, but it wasn't that bad. I ran into some girls who said they knew me."

"Who?" Edward asked.

"Angela Webber and some girl named Jess."

"Angela is very nice, but stay away from Jess."

"Why does everyone say that?" I asked.

"Jess had a reputation in high school, and it wasn't because she was nice."

"Oh. So what are you doing?"

"Just reading. It's all I ever do these days." In the background I heard Rose and Emmett, who yelled hello. "So what else did you do today?"

"Just helped get things ready for Thanksgiving dinner, nothing too major. We're waiting on pizza."

"Sounds better than the Ramen noodles I made earlier."

"I know you're busy, so I won't keep you any longer. I just wanted to tell you about my day."

"I'm happy you did, and I'm so proud of you. I know this was a big step for you."

"It was. And the funny thing is, I'm actually looking forward to doing it by myself."

"You'll do it soon. Maybe not next week, but soon. I'm sure of it. I'll see you in a few days, okay?"

"Okay."

Two days later, it was Thanksgiving. I was nervous about dinner. Alice would be there and remembering what happened the last time, I worried that there would be a repeat performance. But I was excited at the same time. I'd get to see Emmett, Edward and Rosalie, whom I had talked to on the phone a few times. She said she was bringing me more clothes, since she cleaned out her closet recently. I wondered if she'd come with me to use my gift card and help me buy clothes of my own? Oh, who was I kidding? She was the epitome of beauty and I was...just _me_. But still, she'd been nice, even if it was just on the phone.

Dad and Ian had an argument last night over tonight's dinner. Ian was still angry with Alice and did not want to go. Dad said he had to, since they were practically family. The two of them were nose-to-nose and yelling at each other for a good twenty minutes before I pulled them apart. Dad went for a walk, and Ian locked himself in his room. The tone and volume of their voices scared me, but I kept it to myself. When we arrived at the Cullen's, I pulled Ian to me.

"Ian, please, for me, could you be nice?" I asked.

"Sure, kid. I'll do whatever you'd like."

"Thank you."

Esme and Carlisle greeted us at the door. Inside we could hear Jasper and Emmett talking wildly about something, most likely a game. Ian immediately joined them, while Dad joined Billy and Carlisle at the bar in the den. In the kitchen, I found Alice and Rosalie sitting at the table. I placed the pies I had made yesterday in the oven to warm.

"Happy Thanksgiving," I said.

"You too, Bella," Rosalie said.

Alice just looked through me.

"How long are you in town for?"

"A week. Why?" Rosalie asked.

"Just curious. I thought maybe, if you wanted to, we could go shopping sometime? Maybe Esme could come with."

"Are you sure you won't freak out?" Alice spat.

"I'm sure she'll be fine," Rosalie said. "When would you like to go? Mom, Alice and I are going shopping tomorrow for Black Friday. You can come, if you'd like."

"_No_!" she yelled. "I'm not going to miss shopping tomorrow because she can't be around people! I hear you and Edward talking after his phone calls with her. I know she doesn't really go anywhere, except for the grocery store, which was nothing special. So _no_, she can't come tomorrow."

"Alice, stop being such a bitch," Rosalie said.

"I'll stop being a bitch the day she gets over herself," Alice said, before storming out of the kitchen.

"Don't listen to her, Bella."

"No, she's right. I still freak out when I'm in new places, but it's something I can't really help. I don't blame her for not wanting to be around me. I just wish she wasn't so mean about it."

"I wish I could tell you that she'll get better, but I just don't know. She used to be sweet and kind. I really don't know what made her turn."

"I don't know either."

"Shopping will be fun. We'll make a day of it, if you'd like?"

"Yeah, sure. I heard there are some good places in Port Angeles?"

"I know just the store for you. I can't wait," she said with a smile. The idea of spending the day with Rose and Esme made me smile. I figured if I gave myself some time to prepare, maybe get in another trip to the grocery store or even the library without freaking out, that I could handle this.

Dinner went well, thanks in part to my lack of serving. The turkey and side dishes were delicious and I was happy that my sweet potatoes turned out okay. I was glad that Ian seemed to be enjoying himself. He had been talking to Jake, Emmett and Jasper since we arrived. Billy, Carlisle and Dad were talking about the happenings around town and on the reservation. After dessert, I sat in the living room with everyone else, noticing that someone wasn't there.

"Where's Edward?" I asked.

"He's probably downstairs," Jasper said.

A few minutes later, I found him completely engrossed in his music downstairs. Not wanting to disturb him, I quietly sat on the floor by the door.

"Are you just going to sit over there, or would you like to join me?" Edward asked while still playing.

"Sorry. I didn't want to disturb you."

"You didn't. Come, sit next to me." I stood and sat on the edge of the bench. "Would you like to play with me?"

"I can't play."

"I can teach you."

"No, thank you. I'd much rather listen to you."

"I saw Alice starring daggers at you during dinner," he said as he continued.

"Yeah. I asked Rosalie if she would go shopping with me. Rose said they were going tomorrow and invited me. Alice didn't like that idea very much."

"Was she mean?" he asked. I didn't answer, but rather watched his fingers against the keys of the piano. Of course he stopped when I didn't answer. "Bella. _Was she mean?_"

"Not...really," I hesitated. "I mean, she just made her feelings known, I guess." Edward slammed his hands down on the keys and stood. "Please don't say anything. I don't want to cause a scene."

"This is ridiculous! She knows better than that!"

"Edward, what are you yelling about?" Carlisle asked from the doorway.

"Alice and the horrible thing she said to Bella today," Edward said.

"Edward, _please_. I'm sure she really didn't mean it."

"What exactly did she say?" Carlisle asked.

"She just said I wasn't invited to shopping tomorrow. It's no big deal."

"Bella, you have to stand up for yourself. You're never going to get anywhere if you don't," Edward said.

I left the room not wanting to deal with any of this, as I knew Alice would only get angrier if anyone said anything. Upstairs, I walked past the game room and over heard a conversation taking place.

"...all I'm saying is that Bella is not the sweet and innocent person you all make her out to be," Ian said.

"So then what is she?" Jake asked.

Edward and Carlisle were now standing next to me.

"She's one step short of a whore, that's what." I cringed at Ian's words.

"Dude, that's your sister," I heard Emmett say.

"Doesn't matter. She took money in exchange for sex. What would you call her?"

I shoved my way around Carlisle, who was trying to stop me from going in. I threw the door open, which went crashing into the wall. I was pretty sure there was a hole now.

"Do you think I enjoyed it?" I asked. "Do you think it was fun, Ian? The night they took us I was raped in the back seat of the car and you did nothing! When we got there, I was stripped, beaten and raped over and over. Do you think _that_ was fun? Yes, I took money, but I was _forced_ to."

"Please, you had regulars, Bella. _Regulars_! Only whores have those."

"Oh yeah, Sticky Pete, Big Ben and Fat Joe. Do you even have a clue what they did to me?"

"It doesn't matter!" Ian shouted. "You liked it!"

"Really? So it was perfectly fine that Sticky Pete would tie me up so tight that I would lose feeling in my hands and legs and sometimes I passed out? Or that Big Ben would choke me as he came? Or that Fat Joe liked to use my skin for his personal ash tray?"

"Please! You liked it! Every time Keith would ask you, you'd say it!"

"You idiot, I was lying! Do you really think I was going to say no? You know what Keith did to those girls who said they didn't like it. Or is that what you wanted, Ian? Did you want him to pass me off to you to be taken care of?"

Behind me I heard more people walking in. I was pretty sure Dad was there, since I saw Ian's eyes widen when he walked in. But I didn't care.

"What are you talking about?" Emmett asked.

"Don't you _dare_ say it, Bella," Ian said.

"So it's okay for you to tell everyone about me, but I can't tell them what _you_ did?"

"Don't! You don't know what I had to do!"

"Whatever happened, Ian, to Rebecca? To Natalie? To Jennifer?" They were three girls who were brought in after me. Each one of them was taken away by Ian and were never seen again.

"_Don't,_" Ian said, stepping closer to me.

"Tell us. You're airing out my dirty laundry, let's do yours as well."

"If you know what is good for you..." Ian warned. His eyes were so dark.

"Ian!" Charlie said from behind me.

"Afraid, Ian? Don't want your boys to know how you treated those girls? How they were never seen again after Keith handed them over to you?"

Just then Ian lunged at me, wrapping his hands around my neck. "Do you like that? How about I reunite you and your filthy whore friends!" He was squeezing so hard I couldn't answer him. Emmett and Dad were tugging at Ian, trying to get him to let go. My vision started to blur, and I felt darkness coming for me. "This is exactly how whores should go out. Worthless pieces of shit! And that's exactly what you are! _I should have let them kill you!_"

Finally he released his grip. I fell to the floor, coughing and holding my neck. I looked up to see Emmett and Dad were restraining him.

"Edward, take Bella out of here," Carlisle said.

Edward knelt down and helped me up. The minute I realized he was touching me I pulled away.

"Don't _fucking_ touch me!" I yelled and stormed out.

I was walking, not really knowing where I was going. My sight was often clouded by my tears. Some of them were angry tears, others out of embarrassment. I hated my brother. I hated him for outing me like that, for exposing me, for tearing open wounds that were just starting to heal over.

It was like he knew what he was doing and didn't care who he hurt. He didn't realize that by doing this he was hurting not only myself, but Dad as well. I wasn't sure how I was going to face him now. I was his baby girl, his sweet pea. Now I was afraid to even think of looking at him. I had never been afraid of him or ashamed to face him.

A strong gust of wind came up, causing me to shudder. I quickened my pace and found myself standing outside of the cemetery. I quickly found my mother's headstone and sat next to her. I brushed off the snow and traced her name with my finger.

"Hi Mom," I said. "I really wish you were here. I feel so alone and embarrassed and ashamed. Ian told everyone about what really went on in that house. I guess it would have been okay, but he said it in front of everyone, Jacob and Billy and all of the Cullens. And he said it like it was nothing. Like I was nothing. Maybe he's right. Maybe I shouldn't have come back. Dad is struggling with everything and I'm afraid he's going to completely lose it."

My sobs started to overtake me, and I felt my entire body shake. I gave into them and let myself cry. I didn't care if anyone saw or heard me. I just needed to get it out. When I finally settled down, I started feeling guilty. Guilty for going to Seattle that night, for not fighting harder, for running away tonight. I still felt contrite for thinking of Esme as a mother figure.

"Why did you have to go, Mom? I need you more than ever. I feel like I'm relying on Esme too much, like she's starting to replace you and I know you'd be mad. I'm sorry. Please don't be mad, I just don't know what else to do. I really don't. I don't know who I can talk to, who I can trust. Alice used to be my best friend and now she hates me. I'm pretty sure they all hate me. Even Edward. Maybe Ian was right by calling me that awful name. Maybe that's all I really am, all I'll ever be. Maybe I should have let them get rid of me just like Ian did with all the other girls."

Another gust of wind came up. It wasn't like the last time I was here. I didn't feel her presence; I didn't hear her laugh. She was most likely mad at me, since all I felt was cold. Bitter cold. I curled my body up, trying to keep warm. I didn't really care what happened at this point. Who'd want me now?


	11. Chapter 11

_A/N: just so you know, I'm officially going into hiding._

_I'm so nervous about this chapter. Seriously. _

_**Scared. To. Death.**_

* * *

><p><em>Previously:<em>

_Just then Ian lunged at Bella, wrapping his hands around her neck. "Do you like that? How about I reunite you and your filthy whore friends!" "This is exactly how whores should go out. Worthless pieces of shit! And that's exactly what you are! I should have let them kill you!"_

**CharliePOV**

Holy shit. What the hell am I going to do now? My son just called my daughter a whore and forced her to explain what she did while she was gone. I had a feeling there was more that was left unsaid, especially on Ian's part, but truthfully, I was in no mood to hear it. I was too angry to deal with anything right now.

I didn't understand what had happened. I mean, I _knew_ what happened here in this room, but what the hell happened with my kids? They were so loving and carefree. Now the two of them were so tense around each other. You could literally feel the tension increasing, and I knew it would only be a matter of time before it broke and something happened. I just didn't think it would happen so publicly.

"_Let go of me!_" Ian hollered underneath me, struggling against my grip.

"Calm down," I said.

A few moments later his movements stilled, and as much as I wanted to let go of him, I couldn't. I couldn't let him get away with his actions, even if it was an accident, or a product of his torment. The truth of the matter is if Emmett and I hadn't gotten his hands off of Bella, I truly believed he would have killed her. His eyes were so dark with terror, rage and anger. He was so far gone at that point that I didn't recognize him.

And that scared me.

I started realizing that the type of person Ian had become during these past four years was a monster. Bella had said that Ian collected girls that were never seen again. So, were they just sent away, or did something bad happen to them? I refused to let myself believe that my son would intentionally hurt another human being. Renee and I had raised him better than that. Or did we? Looking back on everything that had happened, I started second guessing myself on that. I remembered having "the talk" with Ian, telling him about the birds and the bees, and how you never put your hands on a woman. Ever. So where did I go wrong? What could I have done to prevent all of this? I just didn't know.

"Let go, Dad!" Ian shouted.

"No. This is inexcusable, Ian."

"I've already called the station. They're sending a squad over," Esme said.

"You called the _police_?" Ian asked, stunned.

"Of course I did. I will not have this type of violence in my home," Esme replied.

"Where's Bella?" I asked, as Ian struggled against my grip.

"Edward went to find her," Carlisle said.

A few minutes later, Officer Tucker arrived and arrested Ian. I was so embarrassed and ashamed that I couldn't look at Esme and Carlisle as I walked out of their home behind my son. What could I say to them to make this right? Would they even forgive me for this?

**EdwardPOV**

I vaguely remember seeing Bella run out of the room. All I could see and hear was Ian. I didn't know how he could say such things about her. Those were words that should never be spoken to a woman, especially when that woman was your sister. Hell, Rosalie and Alice would castrate us with their nails if Emmett, Jasper or I had ever said that.

"Edward, go find Bella," Carlisle said.

I hopped into my Volvo, and tried her house first, but no one was there and the door was locked. I drove around for a while before I realized that I knew where she'd be. I pulled a U-turn and quickly drove to the cemetery. It took me a minute or two to find the right spot, but I found her. She was sitting next to a headstone and I assumed it was Renee's. I parked and quietly got out of the car. She was crying, sobbing, saying she was alone and that no one wanted her. I couldn't even imagine what it must be like for her. She was completely stripped of any self-confidence that she had gained since returning home. She was exposed and I wanted to protect her like nothing else. I stood a few rows behind her and just listened, knowing she needed to get it out. When she was done, she curled around herself as a gust of cold air and snow blew. She needed to get warm and fast, as the temperature was dropping quickly.

"Bella," I said walking up to her. She turned her head and looked up at me. "Bella, come on, we need to get you back to the house."

"_No_! I can't go back there."

"Why?"

"Because of what Ian said. Aren't you embarrassed to be seen with me? Don't you hate me?"

"Why would I hate you?"

"Because of everything I did."

I knelt down next to her and wrapped my jacket around her. "I'm not embarrassed to be seen around you. I don't hate you because of what you had to do. I know you never wanted to do that. It wasn't your fault. Bella, please. It's so cold out here and you're shivering."

"I don't care."

"I just want to help you. Everyone's worried sick. Please, let me take you back to the house. Once you're warm, I'll bring you home."

Bella shivered again and looked down at her mother's grave. She seemed hesitant to leave, but after a few moments and another gust of wind, she finally spoke, "Alright."

I scooped her up and brought her to the Volvo, where I cranked the heat on the ride home. Charlie's cruiser was gone, as was Billy's truck. I realized then that we had been gone for a good hour, if not a little longer. I carried her into the house and into the living room, setting her in front of the fireplace. Carlisle and Esme joined us a few moments later.

"Where's my Dad?" Bella asked, shivering.

"He's at the station with Ian. Are you alright?" Dad asked.

"I'm just cold. Why are Dad and Ian at the station?"

"Because of what he did to you. There's no way Charlie would let something like that go," Mom said.

"He's going to be so angry with me, and Dad must think,-"

"Everything is fine," Carlisle interrupted. "Ian's going to be locked up and you're safe and sound. There's nothing more to worry about. None of what happened tonight is your fault."

"It was true, though. I did those things. I took their money. I said I liked it."

"Only because you _had to_, not because you _wanted to,_" I said.

"Can I call my Dad, please? I want to make sure he's alright."

"How about this? I'll check in with Charlie to see how things are going and let him know you're here while you take a warm shower and rest, okay? Alice can bring you some dry clothes," Dad said.

I looked up at my sister, who was looking through a magazine, not paying attention. Rose was walking upstairs, no doubt getting Bella clothes, since we all knew Alice wouldn't do it. She was really starting to get on my nerves with her hatred towards Bella.

"Okay. Thank you, Carlisle. I'm sorry to put you through this."

"Think nothing of it, my dear," Dad said as he stood.

I walked with Bella upstairs and drew her a warm shower, making sure it wasn't too hot. Rosalie walked in with clothes for Bella.

"I'll sit with her, Edward. Go get warm."

I didn't want to leave Bella. I wanted to make sure she was safe, but yet, I was cold myself. I knew Bella was in good hands with Rosalie, as the two had started to become friends and I knew Rosalie would never say anything to upset her further.

A few minutes after I left Rosalie and Bella, I was joined by my mom. She had a blanket and a mug of hot chocolate for me. I wasn't too cold, but I knew this would help.

"Thanks," I replied.

"Of course, dear. Where did you find her?"

"The cemetery. I felt so bad for her, Mom. She was so upset, so embarrassed, I didn't really know what to do. She was so happy about being able to go to the store without incident, and now it's like she's back to square one. I thought for sure the old Bella was coming back."

"So did I. She's made some big improvements and I'm so proud of her. I just wonder how all of this will affect her."

"I hope she realizes none of us think badly of her."

"We'll just have to wait and see, I guess."

Dad joined us a few minutes later. "I talked to Charlie. He's still at the station with Ian and doesn't know how long he'll be. Apparently he's trying to get him to see a judge tonight, rather than in the morning. I told him Bella could stay here tonight."

"Of course. How is he doing?" Mom asked.

"I can't say for sure. He sounded stressed, though."

That night as I lay in bed staring at the ceiling, I realized that I needed to do whatever I could to help Bella. I remembered the sound of her voice when she called and told me she made it to the store. She was so happy, so full of life. To some, a trip to the grocery store would seem trivial. But to her, it was a big deal, and I was so happy and excited for her. Now, however, she was back to being withdrawn and quiet. After she was done with her shower, she went to her room and hadn't talked to anyone, not even Mom. Rosalie even tried to talk to her, but that didn't work either. I had to help her.

_**CarlislePOV**_

The next morning, Charlie called and said he was able to get Ian to see the judge, and that they would be home soon. He asked if Bella could stay just a little longer, as he wanted to get things under control before bringing her back. Apparently the two have been arguing nonstop and he was afraid of what it would do to Bella's emotional state if she were exposed to that. I told him that was fine, that Bella was in her room, drawing. Esme decided to stay behind rather than join Rosalie and Alice for Black Friday, and said she would do her shopping on Cyber Monday, instead. Truthfully, I think she was afraid of leaving her in a house full of men. I didn't blame her. I don't think I'd be able to calm her down should something happen, so I was glad she stayed behind.

Bella had stayed in her room for the majority of the day, and only emerged when Rose and Alice returned home from shopping. I noticed that she stayed on the edge of the living room, putting as much space as she could between her and us, and I wondered if that was a coping mechanism for her. I knew she had anxiety issues, and wondered if this helped her keep calm. Even Esme gave her the space she needed.

Around two, Charlie finally called, and practically begged me to come over, without Bella. He said he was having issues with Ian, and needed some help. Upon pulling up to Charlie's house, I knew he was in trouble. In the front room, the two of them were nose-to-nose and looked like they were arguing. I ran to the front door and let myself in.

"You have no idea the damage you caused her!_" _Charlie yelled.

"So what? Maybe she'll finally be able to move on! Jesus, she's been home for a while now and yet she's still afraid of every little thing!"

"She's only like that because of what happened to her. She doesn't like feeling this way."

"I think she does. I think she needs a reminder of her former life, because as much as she says she hated it, she enjoyed it just that much. She's learned how to be a good liar, Dad, and if you're stupid enough to believe that, than you're a dumber man than what I thought you were."

"Okay guys, let's just take a deep breath and calm down," I interjected, but neither of them seemed to hear me.

"You seem comfortable enough to expose her, yet you clam up the minute any of us ask what you had to do. Kind of makes me think you didn't suffer as much as she did."

"I suffered. I just choose not to talk about it."

"Bella is the same way, yet you go out of your way to make her feel unwelcomed."

"Like I said, she needs a reminder of where she came from."

"Maybe you do too," Charlie said.

It was quiet.

_Too quiet._

Before I could say or do anything, Ian's fist connected with Charlie's jaw, sending him to the floor. His head collided with the side table, causing his forehead to bleed.

"Just remember old man," Ian said, standing over Charlie, "all it takes is one phone call. One phone call and the two of you are gone. I _doubt_ they'd leave anything to bury next to mom."

"Get out!" Charlie yelled as he stood. "_Get the hell out of my house!_"

"Gladly." Ian left, without packing a bag, which made me wonder if he had planned this all along.

"You okay, Charlie?" I asked.

"Fine. He doesn't hit that hard, " Charlie said, as we walked into the kitchen.

"Sit. Let me look at that cut."

"It's nothing," Charlie said, holding a towel to it.

"Just humor me and let me look at it."

Charlie removed the towel and I knew with one look that he'd need a few stitches. I went outside to retrieve my bag. As I was stitching him up, I could see the stress behind his eyes.

"Charlie, are you sure you're okay?" I asked.

"Carlisle, please. I'm _fine_."

"The only reason I'm asking is because you look like absolute hell."

"Gee, thanks."

"I'm serious. You and I have known each other for what, thirty years or so?"

"Something like that. Since we were kids."

"So talk to me."

He sighed. "I just want to know when the hell things got so twisted. I thought Ian's return would be a good thing, but I just don't know. I don't know what to do with him. I know we've only had a few arguments, but the way he looks, the way he acts, it's worse than anything I've had to deal with. I never thought I wouldn't be able to control my own kids."

"Charlie, you are a great father. Yes, you've been dealt a difficult hand, but I have to think that something good will come of this. It may not happen right away, but I think in time it will. And Ian...well, I'm not too sure on that. He definitely has anger issues, but I think it stems from his time away."

"But I can't keep using that as an excuse. How do I know that he wouldn't have this bad of a temper if none of that happened?"

"You don't. But I know you and Renee would have put a stop to it when it first started."

"Renee never did put up with bullshit, did she?"

"Nope. She definitely had a knack for putting you in your place, so I would imagine she would have done the same thing with Ian." I finished with his stitches, and wiped the iodine from his forehead. "There, all done."

"Thanks. Was it wrong of me to kick Ian out?"

"No. You saw what he did with Bella, and look at what he's done to you. I have a feeling if he stayed things would only get worse."

"I just don't want Bella angry at me because of it," he said quietly.

"I don't think she will be. If anything, I think it will be a relief not to have to worry. Things will work out," I said.

"How has Bella been?"

"Quiet, but okay. I think she's been worried about you."

"I hated being away from her after everything that happened. I called her therapist, though, and she's agreed to a session tomorrow, even though it's the weekend. She would have seen her today, but was away for the holiday," Charlie replied, followed by a hard, long sigh. "I've been tossing an idea around in my head for a little while now, and given what happened yesterday, I think I need to do it."

"What is it?" I asked, putting my things away.

"I have all this unused time at work. I remember when the kids were younger, Renee and I promised to take them on a real vacation out of Washington. Maybe now would be a good time to do it."

"I think the two of you need time away from this place and from Ian. I can give you the name of my travel agent, if you'd like. She's good at finding last minute trips."

"Thanks."

I stayed with Charlie for a few hours. We talked about Ian and how he was angry with him, but was still worried for his son and felt guilty for kicking him out of the house. We talked about Bella and how much progress she's made. I had to assure Charlie a few times that the friendship between Edward and Bella was nothing more than a friendship, and that Edward wouldn't do anything to make her feel pressured. Before I left I gave him the travel agent's phone number and told him that whenever he decided to leave, that I'd check on the house for him, as I was nervous that Ian would try something while they were away.


	12. Chapter 12

HI! Have you all donated to the FandomForTwiFanG? I've donated a OS :)

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><p><em><strong>IanPOV<strong>_

It had been two weeks since Thanksgiving. I made my way back to the hideout with the money I had taken from Charlie's hiding place a while back. It took a bit of convincing, but Keith welcomed me back, as did Candice, Darlene, and Sarah, the new girl who was given to me to break in.

I _loved_ breaking in new girls; they're so scared and terrified. I could do anything I wanted to them, and they _never_ said no. I could be rough and make them cry, or I could be gentle and make them think I would be willing to help them. That was a lie of course because no one ever got out of here if they were still breathing.

Except Bella.

She was the exception, and I had paid for it. My leg was a reminder of that. I lied the night I told Charlie what had happened, and since Bella hadn't seemed to remember much of anything it seemed everything just fit perfectly. The truth is, I hadn't sneaked Bella out. All I had wanted that night was another hit, my own bottle of something strong, and a couple of girls who knew what I liked. But somehow, Bella escaped the confines of the compound and had jumped into the car. I'm still surprised that Keith didn't send someone out looking for her, but he was with his new flavor of the moment and couldn't be bothered with much of anything.

As I took a hit of something that was being passed around, I felt my phone buzz.

"Hello?"

"Ian, it's me," he said.

"What's going on?"

"Just thought you'd like an update about your girl."

"Of course," I answered quickly.

"They're leaving. Bella and Charlie are going on some vacation to get her away for a little while. I have no idea where, but I think they'll only be gone a week. Charlie said he was using some of his vacation time."

"Good to know. Anything else?"

"Nope. Well...seems she has an admirer."

"_What?_" I asked. Keith would not like this one bit.

"Yep. Heard he asked Charlie if he could take her out sometime."

"_That bastard!_ He never could keep his nose out of our business."

"I can deal with him."

"Naw, just let it go for now, but keep watching. Anything else?"

"Nope. Things are pretty quiet."

"Cool. Let me know if something changes, will ya?"

"Of course. Later."

Tonight was cold, and I knew snow coming. In front of me, I heard nothing but the cries of the latest girl taking _the walk_. I didn't know this one, but she was nothing to me; just another mistake: someone who showed promise for our group but now she was nothing more than a dirty whore. Thankfully, I didn't have to be the one to take her life tonight. Tonight a new guy would be broken in.

Walking this trail, I couldn't help but remember the countless times Bella's name had been on the list. I lost count at five. She had been spared five times; four of which were out of pity. The fifth was pure luck when Jimmy realized in a drunken and drug-filled haze that he forgot to load the damn gun. Keith was not happy and beat the ever loving shit out of him and put Bella on the floor for a full day. She really had nothing to offer in the end. I don't even know why she had been let out in the first place. I know I told everyone that she and I had escaped, but that's not exactly how it had happened. The secret I was keeping would change things, and I wouldn't use it unless I had to. Somehow, I knew the time to expose the truth about my sweet sister was coming. I would be there when she finally broke, and bring her down this walk and take her out myself.

**CharliePOV**

"_Daddy! Push me higher! Higher!" Bella cried as I pushed her on the swing in our back yard. Her curly hair was blowing in the wind and her laugh echoing off the trees around us._

"_No, Dad, push me!" Ian shouted next to her._

_I laid a hand on both of their backs and pushed them higher. Bella was laughing so loudly and so much I knew she was going to get hiccups. Renee was standing in front of us, snapping pictures, laughing along with us. Everything was perfect..._

"_Why does she get to be in both dance and cheerleading, and I can only be in football?" Ian asked. He was a few years older here, hands on his hips and anger apparent on his face._

"_Ian, football practice and track overlap. You can't possibly do both at the same time. You said it yourself; you would rather play football," Renee said._

"_It's not fair!"_

"_Face it, Ian. Mom and Dad love me more," Bella said with a laugh._

"Shut up!_"_

"_Ian, don't yell at your sister, and Bella, apologize to your brother," I said..._

"_Why does Bella get to have a sleepover, and I can't?" Ian asked. He's older still, and again, that look of anger was apparent on his face._

"_Because you're grounded for ditching school, Ian," I said._

"_Why does this family love Bella more than me?"_

"_That's not true and you know it. You're just angry you got caught. Now, have you finished your science project?" Renee asked._

"_I _hate_ this family!" Ian yelled as he ran upstairs._

"_Charlie, have you heard from the kids? They should have been home by now," Renee asked._

"_I'm sure they'll be home soon."_

"_But it's already two. I've called their friends. No one's seen them. They didn't even show up at the party...something's wrong. The kids know better than to ignore our calls."_

_I hear Renee cry out for our children. It's been a month since our kids have disappeared. No new leads. No traces of them. They're just...gone. "They're never coming home, are they?" she cried._

"_Yes, they will. They're stubborn and they're fighters."_

"_Why haven't they found them? How can two people just drop off the face of the planet without _someone_ seeing them?" Renee cried._

_A few months pass and I see Renee and I standing in our living room. She's gripping onto my arm and hand so tightly her knuckles are turning white. In front of us are two FBI agents. _

"_There hasn't been a new lead or tip in a few months. With nothing new to go on, we're classifying Ian and Isabella's case as cold. I'm sorry. I really wish there was more I could do."_

_The image switches and I see my children playing in our back yard again, Ian chasing Bella around with some sort of animal in his hand, most likely a frog. I hear their laughter mixed with Renee's cries. _

_The image switches again and I see Renee on the edge of the cliff, crying out for our children who are not there. _

"I want my children back! I want my life back!_" Renee cried. _

"_Renee! NO!"_

I shot up in my bed, completely covered in sweat. It took a moment for me to remember where I was. I reached over and turned the lamp on next to my bed and saw Renee's picture. I missed her more than anything. I missed the woman who made me weak in the knees, the woman who could anticipate my every move, the woman I would lose myself to when we made love. I missed the intimacy between us and how I could tell her anything. I missed her scent and her touch. I missed her jokes and the way she could tease Billy and I about our fishing, or the lack-there-of some days, and I missed the look in her eye when she bet on opposite team just to get a rise out of Carlisle, Billy, and I. I missed everything about her.

I was consumed by my guilt knowing I could have helped her. I could have taken her to detox. I could have gotten her into AA meetings. At the very least, I should have gotten rid of the liquor. I was her enabler. I should have given her an ultimatum - told her I loved her but that I needed her to be strong for our kids when they returned. But every mention of them only caused her to drink more.

I was her failure.

I splashed some cold water on my face in the bathroom and checked on Bella. She had fallen asleep while reading again. I marked her page and turned off the light before crawling back into bed.

I tried my best to keep all of this from Bella since she has enough to deal with. She had worse demons in her closet than I did, and mine seemed trivial compared to hers. At least she talked to me more often than she used to. Before, she would only speak about her past at her therapy appointments, and even then it took effort to get it out of her. Now, she was able to tell me some of her fears, but I suspect she's watering them down for me.

After the Thanksgiving incident with Ian, I was worried that Bella would be angry I had kicked him out. I was prepared for a verbal tongue lashing, tears and yelling, but it never happened. She said that as much as she loved her brother, she needed to feel safe in the house. I could tell she missed him, though. And it was those times where I felt the worst about the situation. I should have talked to him more. I should have insisted on therapy for him, too. I should have spent more one-on-one time with him. Perhaps then none of this would have happened. Perhaps we could have worked on his anger. But I didn't because I was too focused on Bella.

I was his failure too, and would regret this for the rest of my life.

Around noon, Edward called and asked if he could take Bella out to dinner tonight since we were leaving in the morning for our trip. I had been hesitant, but he assured me he would take care of her and that they weren't going far. There's more meaning to his words and I realize I can trust him. He's done plenty for Bella's recovery, and I hoped that this would help even more.

"Are you sure you don't want me to make you something, Dad?" Bella asked.

"I'm fine. I'm not that hungry at the moment, anyway."

At six on the dot, I heard Edward's car pull up, followed by the doorbell.

"Mr. Swan," Edward said, as he stepped into the house.

"Edward, I trust you'll bring her back at a decent hour?"

"Of course. I want to beat the snow that's coming."

"Good. Bella, you have your cell phone, right?"

"Yes, Dad."

"She's in good hands, Charlie. I promise you that."

I watched as they walked to his car, and held my breath the entire time. I noticed how gentle and patient he was with her, how he never rushed her. As they drove off, I silently prayed that she would come back to me. I don't know what I'd do if something happened to her again.

_**BellaPOV**_

I couldn't believe that Edward was taking me out. I was nervous and hesitant about it, but at the same time, I was excited. I've wanted to feel like a normal girl for a while now, but I never thought I'd get to. I remembered listening to Rosalie and Alice talk about various dates with Emmett and Jasper, and how jealous I was of it. They made going to the movies, dinner, or just out to the mall sound so wonderful, so romantic. They talked about how they started to get ready hours before hand, and sometimes even going out to get a new outfit depending on where Emmett and Jasper were taking them. After Edward called and asked permission from Charlie, Rose called and asked if I wanted her to come over to help me get ready. I quickly agreed.

"I think you should wear the green sweater we found at Maurices. It looked so good on you," Rose said as we stood in my tiny closet.

"Really?" I asked.

"Yeah. Where are those black jeans you bought?"

"I packed those for the trip, since it's the rainy season in Hawaii."

"Can I just say I'm totally jealous you're going to Hawaii? I've always wanted to go."

"I was surprised when Dad told me we were going, especially over Christmas."

"Yeah, totally jealous."

"I can bring you back something, if you'd like?"

"That would be great, thanks!"

Once my outfit was chosen, and I took a quick shower, Rose helped me with my hair before leaving. She left my hair down and curled it before brushing it out, causing it to fall in loose waves. She also put just a touch of make up on my face as well. She left just before Edward arrived.

"You look nice," Dad said from my doorway.

"Thanks. Are you sure you're okay with letting me go out?"

"Truthfully, no. But what father isn't nervous when their daughter goes out for the first time with a boy?"

"You're not going to do anything embarrassing, are you?"

"No. I trust Edward. He's a good kid."

"Are you sure you don't want me to make you something, Dad?" I asked.

"I'm fine. I'm not that hungry at the moment, anyway."

At six on the dot Edward arrived. When Dad answered the door, I prayed he wouldn't do anything embarrassing, and thankfully he didn't. I grabbed Edward's gift and went downstairs.

"Mr. Swan," Edward said, as he stepped into the house.

"Edward, I trust you'll bring her back at a decent hour?"

"Of course. I want to beat the snow that's coming."

"Good. Bella, you have your cell phone, right?"

"Yes, Dad."

"She's in good hands, Charlie. I promise you that."

"So, where exactly are we going?" I asked, as Edward and I drove away from my house. I set Edward's Christmas present on the floor between my feet.

"Gordy's Pizza and Pasta. Is that alright?"

"Sounds good."

"Emmett wanted to come, along with Jasper and Rose, but I wanted tonight to be special."

"Special?" I asked, suddenly nervous.

"Yes. Since you and your dad are going on vacation, I won't get to see you until New Year's. I'm going to miss you."

"Really?"

"Very much so," he replied, with a smile, and my heart skipped a beat.

We made our way to the restaurant and were seated quickly. It isn't overly crowded, which is nice. It felt so good to be out – away from Dad's, Esme's, and Carlisle's watchful eye. It's nice that I have them to lean on, but sometimes I felt like they were too protective of me.

"I'm actually glad the others are not here," I said after we ordered.

"Oh? Why's that?"

"Because I'd feel guilty that I only have a gift for you and not them."

"You have something for me?" he asked, surprised.

"Yes."

I handed him his gift and became increasingly nervous at his reaction. For his gift I've given Edward a charcoal sketch of him playing his piano. "Open it."

He took his time unwrapping it, and I remembered a Christmas from when we were younger.

"_Edward, why do you take so long? Just rip the paper!" Alice said._

"_I don't want to ruin the nice wrapping."_

"_Oh for goodness sake! It's not like you can use it again! RIP IT!" Alice shouted._

"_No! Bella's taken the time to wrap it, so I'm going to take my time and enjoy the anticipation."_

"I hope you don't mind, but I had Esme help with the matting and framing," I said.

"Did you draw this?"

"Yes. Do you like it?"

"It must have taken quite a while. I like it. Thank you."

"You're welcome. I think I drew that picture a dozen times. Esme finally had to take it away from me because I kept picking at it."

"You did this from memory?" Edward asked, clearly shocked.

"Yeah. It was from that first night you played for me."

"I think...I think this is the best gift I've ever been given," Edward said, placing his hand on mine. I froze for a minute, not expecting it. A jolt of electricity ran through me, like nothing I'd felt before. "Is this alright?"

I flipped my hand over after a minute and laced my fingers through his. _This is Edward touching you, not those nasty, horrible men_, I thought to myself before answering, "Yes."

We sat there for a few minutes, just looking in each other's eyes. For the first time since being home, I felt normal. I felt like a normal teenager on a normal date with a normal boy. It was something I didn't think I'd feel and certainly not with Edward. But yet, here we sat, holding hands in the middle of a restaurant. Our perfect little moment was interrupted by the waitress who brought us our dinner.

"Oh, I almost forgot. I have something for you as well."

"Really? You didn't have to."

"But I wanted to," Edward said, as he pulled out a box from his jacket pocket. The box was a pretty shade of turquoise blue with a white bow. Inside was a beautiful silver necklace.

"This is too much, Edward," I said.

"No it's not. I was shopping in Seattle for gifts for my family and thought you would like it."

"But it makes my gift look so..._cheap_."

"No it doesn't. If you don't like it, I can take it back."

"No, no, I do like it."

"I tried finding a sunflower pendant because I know how much you like them, but every one I found just didn't look right, so I thought you might like a butterfly."

"I do. Will you put it on?"

"Of course."

Edward took the necklace from the box and fastened it behind my neck. The rest of dinner passed far too quickly and I found myself having a good time. Edward kept the mood light by telling stories of Emmett and the rest of his siblings. On our way home, it started to snow. The reflection of the moon peeking out through the clouds caused the snowflakes to sparkle and dance on the wind. We finally reached the house and Edward walked me to the door.

"Thank you again for the necklace," I said.

"You just make sure to have fun on your vacation with Charlie. You two deserve it."

"I will. Did you mean what you said earlier?"

"About what?"

"When you said you'd miss me while I was gone. Did you mean it?"

"Yes, I did. You're very special to me, Bella."

"I am?"

"Very much so." A gust of wind blew causing my hair to whip into my face. Edward tucked it behind my ear. "Bella, can I kiss you?" he whispered.

I was completely frozen. Was I ready for something like this? I close my eyes and for a moment the faces of all those men appear and I'm scared. But then I realized that it was just Edward. _Edward_. The boy who held my hand in the middle of the restaurant in front of everyone and didn't seem to mind. The boy who knew my secret past and didn't seem to care. The boy who sends me flowers each week because he knows how much I like it and how much I look forward to it. The boy who lets me cry on the phone when I feel like I'm losing it. The boy who made me feel normal for the first time in so long.

I open my eyes and saw his beautiful green eyes looking down at me.

"Yes," I whispered.

His lips were soft and gentle on mine and without realizing it, my hands are resting on his hips because I'm not sure what exactly I'm supposed to be doing here. I mean, I've kissed men before, but never like this. My body tingled when I felt Edward's hands on my face, his thumbs lightly tracing my cheek bones. I feel like we're the only two people on the planet at this moment. I didn't realize Charlie was watching until he cleared his throat.

"Sorry to interrupt, but we leave in a few hours, and Edward should be getting home don't you think?"

"Yeah."

Charlie closed the door to give us another minute of privacy, and I was thankful.

"I should go," Edward said, softly.

"Yeah. Thank you for the necklace. I really like it."

"You're welcome. Promise me you'll have fun, okay?"

"I will. Goodnight."

Edward kissed me again softly on the lips before darting back to his car. Once he was out of sight I walked into the house and hung up my coat.

"So how was it?" Charlie asked.

"Nice."

"Did he like your gift?"

"Yes. He said it was the best thing he's ever received."

"Are you all packed?"

"Yeah."

"All right. Get some sleep. We have to leave for the airport at five."

As I walked upstairs, I fidgeted with the pendant hanging around my neck and my whole body tingles. While I changed into my spare pajamas, I could still smell his cologne and feel his soft lips on mine. And for once, everything felt normal. Perfect. Safe. And for the first time, I felt loved.


	13. Chapter 13

_****_So, Hi! Sorry if I didn't reply to your reviews last time around - this are a bit nuts here!

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><p><em><strong>UnknownPOV<strong>_

I had followed them from her house to the restaurant and watched as they both laughed and ate together. I then kept a close distance as they drove home, trying my hardest to catch anything I could. Ian was not going to like this, especially when I tell him that Edward kissed her. Once the boy drove away from Ian's house, I pulled out my cell and dialed his number.

"Ian, it's me."

"'Sup? Any news?"

"Yeah...you're not gonna like it," I said, hesitantly.

"Oh?" he replied anxiously.

"Nope. Looks like your boy Edward has a major crush on your sister."

"Oh really?"

I paused. "He...he kissed her."

I heard a glass bottle shatter in the background. "_FUCK_! Shit, Keith is not gonna like this. I'll call you back."

_**IanPOV**_

I snapped my phone shut, irate over the news that was just given to me. Keith was going to kill me, I knew it. My job was to keep men away from Bella. She belonged to him, after all. The only reason he kept me around anymore was to make sure she was alone. How was I going to tell him that someone else wants what was his?

I decided to wait a little while before telling Keith. He was coming in from Vegas tonight, so I hoped he would be in a good mood. When he returned, he had two new girls with him. Great. That meant two had to go. If we were going off of Keith's "master list," then Gracie and Neela were the next up. They were decent girls - did what you asked and didn't complain too much - so I was shocked to think that Keith would want to get rid of them.

"Ian," I heard Keith say from behind me.

"Hey. Where'd you find these?" I asked.

"Does it matter? Have you heard from your boy?" he asked before taking a drag on his cigarette.

_Shit. _"Yeah."

"And?"

_I suppose it's now or never._ "And there's a problem," I said as I ran my hand through my hair.

"What kind of problem?" he asked, as he started walking towards me. His face was was strained, waiting for me to answer.

"Seems she has a boyfriend."

"Do you know him?" he asked quickly.

"Yeah. We were friends as kids. His name's Edward."

"How much of a threat is he?"

"Well... I think he had a thing for her when we were younger. Apparently the two of them are together now that he's home from school. He took her out to dinner tonight, as well. Do you want me to take care of it?"

"We'll do it together," he replied with a sick grin. I instantly knew what he had in mind.

_**BellaPOV**_

Hawaii was _perfect_. Dad and I spent every minute together and I think it helped more than we first anticipated. Personally, I think we went at the perfect time, because the beaches weren't overly crowded like they would be during the summer months.

Two days ago, we were on a hiking tour when we stopped at a cliff with a waterfall. The instructor said we could jump off the waterfall if we wanted, but the memory of mom jumping to her death flooded our minds and we walked away, not wanting to face that fateful day and the scars that were still healing. While we waited for the others to finish and move on, Dad told me why he chose Hawaii of all places for us to go.

"I thought about Disneyland or something fun like that, but I knew your mom wanted to come here one day when you kids were older. She wanted to lie on the beach and explore the islands. She always said that when she thought of heaven on Earth, that this is what came to mind. Probably silly, but I thought if we actually came, she would be with us."

"Not silly, Dad. Really. She's probably happy that we came."

"I hope so."

"I know she's be proud of you, too."

"I don't know about that," Dad said, shaking his head.

"I think so. How many people could handle everything we've gone through?"

"I haven't been perfect, Bells. I rely on Carlisle and Esme far too much."

"So? Obviously if they had a problem with it, they would have said something."

"I still don't know how you managed to survive in that hell. I don't think I could have."

"It wasn't easy. There were days where I was in so much pain from the beatings that I wished someone would have just put me out of my misery. I did things no one should have had to do at such a young age, if ever. But, above everything, I thought that if I didn't fight, if I didn't do what they wanted, you and mom would have been disappointed," I said as I looked down at the ground. I picked up a stick and started drawing little figures in the dirt. "I would have this reoccurring dream that I died and you and mom were standing by my coffin. People were paying their condolences and you and mom were telling people not to feel sorry because I should have fought harder. I just didn't want to let you down," I said as my eyes filled with tears.

"I could never be disappointed in you. I could never have been as strong as you after what they did."

"Really?" I asked.

Dad stood from the large rock he was sitting on and walked until he stood in front of me, and took my face in his hands so that I was looking directly at him. "Really. None of that was your fault. None of it."

"Some days I think I'll never get over it, that I'll always be so dependent on others and be in constant fear. But, other days I just want to push it all aside and be normal."

"You'll get there. But just know that whatever you do, I'll always be proud of you."

Yesterday was the best day, I think. We started by sleeping in late then made our way down to the water to bathe in the sun. I was self-conscious about my body while in my bathing suit, so I wore one of dad's shirts over it. Late that afternoon, we went snorkeling. I never realized how fit my dad was until I saw him without a shirt on. He wasn't overly muscular, but he was defined. It was fun looking at all the different fish and sea life. Dad and I were both exhausted afterward and decided to just order room service before we both passed out watching movies.

Last night during dinner one of the hula dancers pulled me and a few other girls on stage and taught us how to dance. I didn't want to go up at first, but thankfully there weren't too many people watching. I felt completely out of my comfort zone, but it was kind of fun once I got the hang of it. Dad took a few pictures of me while I attempted to hula.

It was great being home. Tonight, I was looking forward to the New Years Eve party the Cullens were having. Rose and I had gone shopping for my dress since I didn't have anything that fancy to wear. Alice even came and wanted me to try on several short dresses that showed off a lot of skin. But, when I tried the first one on, I completely broke down.

"Bella, what's the matter?" Rosalie asked outside the door.

"I can't wear this!" I cried.

"Why not? It'll look good," Alice said from outside the dressing room.

"I can't."

"Can I see?" Rose asked.

I unlocked the door and immediately shut it after she was in. There was no way I was going to let Alice see.

"Oh honey, are you worried about these?" Rose asked.

My arms and legs had scars from my four years of hell. Some were cigarette burn marks, some were marks from when I was cut, and even some bruises that never healed properly. I was ashamed of them. "Yes. These dresses are going to show _everything_. People are going to stare at me. I can't wear them."

"No one's going to stare at you," Rose said.

"Yes they will! Look at me! I'm ugly! Covered in scars and bruises!"

"You're not ugly. You are a beautiful, strong woman. I don't know if I have the fight in me like you do. You have so much beauty in you, too. Don't ever doubt that."

"But what if I don't find a dress that covers all of them?"

"We'll find something, trust me. This is just the first store. Don't worry." Rose unzipped me, then grabbed all the dresses and walked out.

"She's not trying _any_ of them on?" Alice asked, annoyed.

"Nope."

"How are we supposed to find something? Every dress in the store is short."

"Well, we'll have to go somewhere else, won't we? Now, quit being so mean."

"I'm not mean."

"Yes you are," Rose said.

After looking through another three stores, we found the perfect dress. It was navy with lace and was off the shoulder. The sleeves were three-quarter length and the skirt came just below my knee. After we got back to the Cullen's house, Rose, Alice and I went upstairs to get ready. After a few hours we could hear people arriving and music playing. Before going downstairs, Rose pulled me aside.

"You look amazing in that dress. I know for a fact Edward is looking forward to seeing you tonight. Don't think about your scars and bruises, okay? I covered them the best I could with some make up and I doubt anyone's going to notice them. Just have fun, okay?"

"Thanks, Rose."

At the bottom of the stairs were Jasper, Emmett and Edward, each in a tux. Alice, dressed in a short black dress, bounded down the stairs and into Jasper's arms. Rose, who was in a beautiful long red dress, walked down with me. As we reached the final stair, Rose squeezed my hand before going off with Emmett.

"Wow. You look so beautiful," Edward said.

"Thanks," I said. He was so handsome in his tux, his hair in disarray but perfect for him. Just the sight of him made my heart flutter and my body tingle.

Edward kept us at the edge of the party so that I could breathe. Crowds still bothered me and since we were in the confines of the Cullen home, the tightness of everyone was getting to me. Just before midnight, everyone went outside to wait for the fireworks, signaling the start of the New Year.

"Any resolutions?" Edward asked.

"I want to be happy and not worry about every little thing. And I'd like to graduate from school. You?"

"I'd like to spend more time with family and friends, but I know that will be difficult with med school."

"It's a big commitment. But I have no doubt you'll be a good doctor."

"I hope so."

"One minute!" someone shouted as Emmett raced over and handed us some noisemakers.

"Things will be better this year, Bella. I promise."

I stood there looking into his beautiful green eyes and secretly hoped our friendship would turn into something more, but knew I couldn't rush it.

"Five...four...three...two...one! _Happy New Year_!"

Fireworks started going off overhead and people were laughing and blowing their noisemakers. I was still starring into Edward's eyes.

"Happy New Year, Bella," Edward said. His lips were a fraction of an inch from mine.

"Happy New Year," I whispered.

He softly kissed me and again, everything around us disappeared...this was going to be a _very_ good year.

A few hours later, I woke up with the worst stomach ache I'd ever had, and figured it must have been something I ate. Since Charlie was working overnight, I stayed in my room at the Cullen's. I grabbed the blanket off my bed and made my way to Edward's room. I lightly shook him as I sat on the edge of the bed.

"Bella? What's wrong?" he asked still half asleep.

"I don't feel good. Do you have any Pepto?"

"Um, let me check." He stretched and walked into his bathroom. I heard the medicine cabinet open, followed by the sound of the light turning off. "Sorry. Let me go check in another bathroom."

I lay on his bed and curled into a ball while I waited for him to return. As I waited, I replayed the night's events. Edward was so kind and patient with me, just like he had been the night of our date. Tonight he had introduced me to some of his friends, but mostly we hung out with Emmett, Rose, Jasper and Alice. There was still tension between Alice and I, although I couldn't figure out what I did to make her dislike me so much.

"Rose and I are going to the store to get some Pepto for you. Emmett is sick, too. Will you be okay?" Edward asked quietly.

"Yeah. Thank you."

"Sure." Edward pulled his covers over me and kissed my temple.

_**RosaliePOV**_

"Bella's sick too, huh?" I asked as Edward drove to the all-night pharmacy.

"Yep. How's Emmett?"

"He's the world's biggest baby when he's sick. I swear he turns into a two year old when he doesn't feel good. You'd think a man of his size could hold his own, but he begs me to be in the bathroom with him while he pukes."

"I didn't need to know that."

"Sorry. Bella looked good in her dress, didn't she?"

"Yeah."

"Did you know she was nervous about wearing one?"

"No. Why?"

"She has scars and some bruises. She didn't want anyone to see them. Of course Alice had a fit when I told her we had to find a longer dress for her. I don't understand why she's acting this way, Edward. Bella and Alice used to be connected at the hip, and now Alice can't stand to be in the same room as her. I don't get it."

"I don't either. Maybe the two of them need to work it out for themselves," Edward said.

"Right. Like that'll happen. The only way the two of them would ever talk to each other is if we locked them in a room together, and even then I'm not sure anything would come of it."

We drove the rest of the way in silence. Thankfully the pharmacy wasn't that far away.

"Stay here. I'll go in and get some stuff. I'll be back in a few," I said getting out.

"Alright."

The store wasn't busy, but it did have a few customers. I quickly grabbed a few bottles of Pepto and Tums then walked over to find some ginger ale. Once those were in my basket, I decided to just have a quick look around to see if anything else jumped out. I ended up adding a box of saltines and a few magazines before heading to the check out. I was exhausted and really wanted to get home and back to bed.

When I walked out of the pharmacy, I noticed Edward's car door open and saw that something on the ground. I looked around to make sure no one was around, then ran over to the car. As I got closer to the car, I was horrified by what I saw. On the ground a few feet from the Volvo was a body.

It was Edward.

* * *

><p>... off to hiding I go!<p> 


	14. Chapter 14

So... since you all were freaking out last chapter, and since my pain pill has kicked in... here ya go.

* * *

><p>Finding the way back Chapter 14<p>

_**RosaliePOV**_

_When I walked out of the pharmacy, I noticed Edward's car door open and saw that something was lying on the ground. I looked around to make sure no one was around, then ran over to the car. As I got closer to the car, I was horrified by what I saw. On the ground a few feet from the Volvo was a body._

_It was Edward. _

I ran over to him and dropped my bags to the ground. "Edward?" I carefully rolled him onto his back. His face was covered in blood, eyes were closed, and he was unconscious. I reached for my purse and pulled out my cell phone, my hands shaking as I did so. I dialed 911 and begged for an ambulance. The operator told me at least twice to quit screaming because she couldn't understand me. Thankfully, she understood that I was freaking out and not some crazy person and stayed on the line until the ambulance arrived.

"Miss, are you hurt?" one of the EMT's asked, concerned.

"No, I'm fine," I replied, my voice shaky.

"Are you sure? You have some blood on you."

"It's not mine. Is my brother going to be alright?"

"We need to get him to the hospital. Do you want to ride with us?"

"Yes, thank you."

I sat in a seat in the ambulance and watched as the EMT worked on him. An IV was started, gauze was applied to a few bleeding wounds, and an oxygen mask was put on his face. Edward didn't flinch or wake up the entire time.

_This has to be bad. Why isn't he waking up? _

When we arrived at the hospital, Edward was immediately taken back to be worked on, while I stayed outside to use my cell phone. I called Emmett and told him what had happened. He assured me he would wake Mom and Dad and get down here as soon as they could. I walked back inside the hospital and waited. The waiting room had a television on, but I couldn't tell you what was playing. There were a few nurses chatting at the desk, but I couldn't tell you what they were talking about. I wrapped my arms around myself and realized I was still shaking. I needed Emmett. I needed him to tell me everything would be alright. It seemed like forever before I heard his voice.

"Rosie!" Emmett called as he burst through the doors. I shot up from my chair and practically ran to him. Once Emmett's arms were around me, I lost it. Seeing Edward completely helpless and hurt as bad as he was scared me. "Shh. Calm down, beautiful."

"I'm sorry. I was just so scared," I replied through my sobs.

"Rose, you need to tell us what happened," Mom said as she handed me some water.

"I don't know. I went into the pharmacy to get some stuff for Emmett and Bella and when I came back out, he was on the ground."

"Was he by himself? Was anyone around?" Jasper asked.

"I didn't see anyone in the parking lot. Is he going to be okay?"

"I hope so," Mom said. "Your father went right in to check on him."

"He didn't move, Emmett. The entire time they were working on him in the ambulance, he never moved. It's bad, isn't it?"

"We'll have to wait and see. Are you sure you're not hurt at all?" Emmett asked as we walked to a row of chairs.

"No, I'm fine."

I crawled onto Emmett's lap and laid my head on his shoulder as his strong arms enfolded me. It felt good to know I was safe and that Edward was in good hands. Just his touch calmed me enough to realize that Dad would make sure Edward would get the care he needed.

A few hours later, Dad emerged from the back. He was in his scrubs, looking like he had just finished a surgery. I immediately jumped from Emmett's lap.

"How is he?" I asked.

"I think he's going to be okay," Dad said. "He had some internal bleeding which we fixed, some broken bones, and a concussion, but I think he'll be fine."

"Can we see him?" Mom asked.

"In about an hour. He's still in recovery. Has anyone seen Charlie? Is he here?"

"He was, but was called back to the station," Bella said.

"Oh. Well here, maybe you can tell us about this. It was found next to Edward's body," Carlisle said as he handed Bella what looked to be a photo. She took a quick look and let it slip from her fingers before she fell to the floor. Carlisle rushed to her side and yelled for a nurse. I picked up the photo. It was of a little girl, maybe a year or so old, with dark brown hair and a big smile. On the bottom of the photo was a written message:

See you soon.

"Who is this?" I asked.

Mom took the picture from my hands. "She looks like Bella."

"What?" I asked, shocked.

"Look at the similarities," Mom said again. "She has Bella's eyes and smile."

"How could anyone leave their child behind like that?" Emmett asked.

"I'm sure there's an explanation," Mom said.

"She has a daughter, now? You have _got_ to be kidding me," Alice said with disgust in her voice.

"Alice, not now," Carlisle said. I watched as a nurse handed him smelling salts and waived it under Bella's nose. A few seconds later, she woke. "Are you alright?"

"What happened?" she asked.

"You fainted."

"Yes, just had to take the attention off of my brother and on to you," Alice said.

"Sorry," Bella said.

"Don't be. Think you can stand up?"

"Yeah."

I noticed how Dad slipped the photo into his coat pocket as he helped Bella up. I wanted to ask her about it, if she was really a mother, and how she could have just left her behind, but realized now wasn't the right time to ask her such questions.

A short while later, we were sitting in Edward's room. He was hooked up to all different kinds of monitors and had wires and tubes coming out of him. Mom was brushing the hair out of his eyes and softly talking to him. Emmett held me tightly against him. A short time later, Charlie arrived again.

"How's he doing?" Charlie asked.

"Stable. Any leads?" Dad asked.

"We looked at the parking lot surveillance tape, and it shows the attack, but we can't get a clear picture of their faces. Do you happen to have his clothes? I need them for evidence."

"Of course."

"I want you to know I've assigned my top detectives on this case, Carlisle. We'll find whoever did this."

"There's something else, Charlie."

"What?"

"The EMT's found this next to Edward's body in the parking lot," Dad said as he pulled the photo from his pocket and handed it to Charlie. Charlie's forehead creased and I noticed his hands shake before he looked at Bella. Her head was hung, like she was ashamed.

"Let me know when he wakes up will you? I'll need to talk to him," Charlie said as he slipped the photo into his pocket.

"Of course."

"Bella, you coming with me or staying?"

"I'll go with you."

"Good," Alice said under her breath. She was really starting to get on my last nerve.

_**CarlislePOV**_

After giving Charlie Edward's clothes, I sent my family home knowing that Edward probably wouldn't wake until later in the day. Esme insisted on staying and slept in the chair next to his bed. Since I was already at the hospital, I decided to check on some patients, and then found myself back in Edward's room. I was thankful that Edward's injuries were not life threatening and that he would be able to heal from them, yet I was angry that this happened. From the bruising on Edward's hands, I could tell he put up a fight. He never was one to go down easy. However, at some point during the attack, he was incapacitated and was beaten. My guess is someone was standing behind him, holding his arms back. I secretly hoped he got a few good punches in before he was knocked unconscious.

After checking on a few patients later that morning, I wandered back into Edward's room where I noticed he was waking up.

"Where am I?" he whispered.

"The hospital."

"Rose. Where's Rose?" he asked frantically.

"She's at home with everyone else. Are you in any pain?"

"No."

"Do you remember anything?"

Edward took a deep breath before answering. "They came out of no where and pulled me out of the car. They wouldn't stop kicking and hitting and punching me. I was afraid that Rosalie would come out and that they would start on her."

"Did you recognize any of them?"

"No. But I swore I heard someone say Ian's name. I just kept begging for them to stop and praying Rose wouldn't come out."

"Well you're safe now. Charlie's going to need to talk to you soon."

Early that evening, everyone had arrived and were waiting outside of Edward's room, as Charlie and a few other officers were talking to him about his attack. Behind me I heard the elevator ding and saw Alice and Jasper arrive.

"What is _she_ doing here?" Alice said as she approached.

"Alice, Bella's just as concerned about Edward as we are," Esme said.

"She should be. It's her damn fault he's in there!" Alice shouted.

"Alice. That's enough," I said. "We don't know why Edward was attacked."

"Well it is! Before _she_ came back, everything was fine. Everyone knows Edward wouldn't hurt anyone. Now _she _comes back and look what's happened! Because of her and her _issues_, Edward suffered. She shouldn't be here. She shouldn't be putting her problems on all of us, and I for one am done holding my tongue," she replied, her voice dripping with hatred. Her face was red from shouting and her eyes were dark.

"Alice," I said again, "no one is blaming anyone here, so stop with the accusations."

"I'm sorry, Alice," Bella said softly.

"Save it. Why don't you do everyone a favor and just leave? I know I'm not the only one who's tired of playing the 'Pity Bella' game. It's so tiring! As if your past wasn't enough, now we find out you have a love child. Good Lord."

"Alice!"

"I do have a child, Alice."

"Do you even know who the father is?" she snapped.

"No. I don't. I don't even know where she is."

"That's a little dramatic, don't you think?"

"Alice," Esme said.

"I didn't even know she was alive until I saw the photo."

"Then how do you know that she's yours?"

"I don't. But I have to believe it. I'm sorry if you don't like me, if I'm not the old Bella. But I've been through hell and back. I'm sorry that Edward had to get hurt because we're friends. I never wanted any of you to get hurt because of me. I don't know what I've done to make you this angry with me. We used to be best friends and now you won't give me the time of day. I just don't understand."

"Understand this: my brother was nearly killed because of you. I hate you. _I hate you! _You and I will _never_ be friends again," she shouted as she started to close the distance between her and Bella. Thankfully Jasper grabbed Alice by the arm and pulled her back. "If you hurt him again in any way, shape, or form, you'll answer to me. And I'm pretty sure it'll be worse than whatever beating you got there. Now start the water works and run away so that everyone can follow and feel sorry for poor, helpless Bella."

"Alice, calm down," Jasper said.

Just then, Charlie walked out of Edward's room. "We're all done."

"Thanks Charlie," I said.

"Will you please tell Edward that I'm sorry?" Bella asked before joining Charlie at the elevator.

Alice shoved past me as I walked into Edward's room. He was sitting up and taking a drink of water, no doubt his throat hurting from all the talking.

"Where's Bella? I thought I heard her," Edward said, his voice scratchy.

"She left," Rosalie said.

"Why?"

"Alice said some rather inappropriate and unkind things. She left with Charlie," I said.

"Why do you have to be so mean, Alice?" Emmett asked.

"I'm just tired of her drama. Look at what it's done!" Alice said as she pointed to Edward.

"Alice, it's not her fault. She wasn't standing there telling them what to do," Edward said.

"It doesn't matter. You got hurt because of her. I doubt you'll be seeing her any time soon."

"Get out!" Edward yelled.

"What?"

"_Get out of my room_! I can't believe you'd do that. You disappoint me. You may not like her, but I do. A lot."

"She's a waste of time and you could do so much better."

"She's not a waste of time, Alice. Now _get out_."

"Calm down, son," I said as Alice stormed out.

"Can you call Charlie and ask if she's okay, please? I don't want her to think I feel the same as Alice."

"Of course. Just rest. You'll be able to go home soon."

"You don't blame her...do you?" Edward asked, hesitantly.

"Of course not. But, for the time being, maybe you two need to spend a little time apart."

"Dad, I have to leave for Seattle as soon as I get out of here. I just need to tell her that I don't blame her. She needs to see that none of this was her fault. _Please_."

"Alright. If all goes well you'll be out on Wednesday, and I'd like for you to stay at the house for a week just to make sure you're healing and can handle the ride back to campus. I'll bring your laptop from home tonight when I start my shift."

_**BellaPOV**_

I made it all the way home and into my room before I allowed the tears to come. I crawled under the covers in my bed and curled into a ball. Alice words were so hurtful, but true. I had to believe the attack on Edward was a direct message to me from Ian and Keith. It had to be. I knew this was all too good to be true. I also knew that since Ian was back with Keith, that something would happen. That thought frightened the hell out of me. I couldn't let anything happen to Edward, Esme or Dad. If it came down to me or them, I'd give myself back to Keith to keep them safe. But I also didn't want to leave all of this behind. I didn't want to give up my new life after fighting so hard to get it. Dr. Hartford said I deserved to be happy, to be loved. And I was. I didn't want to let that go.

"Bella," Charlie said as he sat on my bed. I didn't answer him, but pulled my legs tighter to me. "You're not going to shut me out. Talk to me."

"Not right now."

"Yes right now," he said pulling the covers off of me. "We'll find whoever did this to him."

"But what if you don't? Alice already hates me and this just adds to it. She blames me, and you know what? She's right. I shouldn't have gotten close with Edward. I should have just stayed away from everyone."

"Including me?"

"No. But I'm afraid you'll get hurt because of me too," I said as I rolled over and laid my head in his lap.

"I can handle myself, you know that. Nothing is going to happen to either one of us, I promise you. You don't know how happy I've been since you've come back to me. I thought I had lost everything. I thank God everyday that he brought you back to me. I know it hasn't been easy for you, and I know that you wish you could just push it all away and go back to the girl you used to be. But you've never been the type of girl who could be rushed. Even when Renee was in labor with you. The doctors wanted to go in and take you, but Renee convinced them to just wait an extra hour. Sure enough you came in your own time. And I have to believe that in time you'll be able to put this all behind you. I also believe that whatever is between you and Edward is a good thing. He's brought a smile to your face even on your worst days."

"What about Esme and Carlisle? They've done so much and I repay them by getting Edward hurt? How can I even begin to apologize for that?"

"Don't worry about that now, okay? Things will work out in the end. It's just the waiting that's the longest part."

"Mom used to say that," I said quietly.

"Yeah, well, it's true." Charlie was quite for a little while, just running his hand through my hair and letting me hold on to him as tightly as I could before speaking again. "Bella, will you tell me...about the baby?"

"I...I can't, Dad. It's too painful."

"Well you know you can talk to me, right? About anything."

"I know. I love you, Dad."

"I love you too, Sweet Pea."


	15. Chapter 15

Finding the Way Back – Chapter 15

_**RosaliePOV**_

"Are you serious? Why waste your time?" Alice asked as we drove towards Bella's house. Today we were heading back to Seattle and back to school, and so I wanted to say goodbye to my friend. I also needed to make sure she really was okay.

"Because she's my friend and none of us have spoken to her in three days! It's a long time for her, no thanks to you," I said annoyed.

"I'm not going in. I'm staying in the car."

"Girl, what the hell is wrong with you? Why are you so angry with her? And don't give me the same lines you've been using."

"You want to know? Fine," she replied. She took a deep breath and looked out the window as she continued. "Do you remember the night before Ian and Bella were taken? Well Ian and I went out on a date and he kissed me. He said he had a crush on me and in all actuality, I had a major crush on him, too."

"Yes, I remember that," I said, wanting to know more.

"And then they were just _gone_ and everyone was focused on Charlie and Renee and finding them. Everyone always asked if _they_ were okay. But what about us? What about me? We were their friends and no one cared how their disappearance affected us."

"But Alice, this isn't about us. This is about Charlie, Bella and Ian. Yes, it was difficult for everyone, but can you imagine what it was like for them? Their kids dropped off the face of the Earth for four years. I can't even imagine what that feeling is like."

"I don't care! The point is Ian was a different person beforehand and now he's this heartless bastard. I have to believe that Bella had a role in that transformation."

"Do you think she forced him to do whatever the hell he did? I think it was the other way around. Bella needs all the love and support she can get. Especially now. I mean, do you think it's easy to know that you have a baby out there somewhere?"

"Oh not that crap again. It's a bunch of lies, Rose."

"This ignorance and hatred is going to put a wedge between you and Edward, you know that right?"

"I just don't want him to get hurt. Apparently I'm too late." There had only been a handful of days that I've wanted to smack Alice for her actions and selfish ways. Today was definitely one of those days. My hand was itching to do it, but I realized that even if I did it, it probably would not have made a difference or solve anything. I wasn't sure what it would take to get Alice to see that none of this was Bella's fault or to get Alice to change her feelings toward her.

I pulled up in front of Bella's house and got out without saying another word to Alice. I rang the doorbell twice and waited for Charlie to answer. When he did, he looked like hell. He was unshaven, his eyes were tired and his hair was a mess. I haven't seen him like this in a while.

"Hey Mr. Swan. Can I see Bella, please?" I asked.

"Uh... sure. She hasn't come out of her room since the night Edward was attacked. How's he doing, anyway?"

"Good. He's home finally and resting. Carlisle is keeping him at the house for a week just to make sure nothing goes wrong," I said as I walked inside.

"So you guys heading back to Seattle today, then?"

"Yep. I wanted to say goodbye to her before we left though."

"Thanks. I'm sure she'll appreciate it. You've been a good friend, Rose," he replied with a small smile.

I gave Charlie a quick smile then ran upstairs and knocked on Bella's door. When she didn't answer, I just walked in. Her curtains were drawn and her room was dark. I found Bella in her bed, under her covers. I walked over, threw the curtains open, then threw her blankets off of her. I then grabbed her wrist and drug her into the bathroom.

"Rose! What are you doing?"

"You need to get your crap together. Now, hurry up and take a shower. I don't have a whole lot of time."

I stood outside the bathroom and waited. I heard her mumble a few choice words at my actions, but I knew she'd be a happier person afterward. After she was done, we walked back into her room.

"Rose..."

"Nope. Stop it right now. Edward is going to be _okay_. He'll be sore for a while, but he'll be fine. I know Alice said some things that were hurtful, but you can't let that get to you. Edward doesn't feel the same way she does, okay?" I answered sincerely, holding her hand as I did so, giving her all the support she needed.

"He doesn't?" she asked? Her eyes held tears that were threatening to spill over.

"No. He's worried about you. Don't push him away. I've seen what you've done for each other."

"Like?"

"All through high school, Edward was very tightly wound. He threw himself into his classes because he wants to be a brilliant doctor like our Dad. It always took a lot of pulling from Jas and Em to get him to let things go and just have fun, and a lot of the time he was faking his smile and laughter. But then you showed up and I don't know how you did it, but it's like you started lifting the weights he put on his shoulders. He's still dedicated to his classes, but he also spends more time with the boys and isn't as stressed as he used to be," I said as I sat next to her on her bed. I was thankful that she brought out a different side of Edward that I always knew existed but had been buried away.

"I really wish you could see his face when he orders your flowers. His eyes sparkle with excitement and he has a huge smile on his face. And then, when you call him, it's like everything he was working on just isn't important anymore. It's like he's finally realizing that it's okay to have a life and be in med school. Which, by the way, is something he said could never exist. So please, don't let Alice get under your skin. You've come so far from that girl I met in the Lodge on her birthday who didn't know what an iPod was."

"I'm still scared, Rose. Everyday. He deserves someone who has a future. I have no idea what I want to do with myself. How's it going to look to people when they find out that he's a doctor and I have a measly GED?"

"I don't think it really matters to him. I think he just wants you to be happy. And I think he wants to be the one to make you happy. Promise me you'll let him."

"I promise," Bella whispered. Looking down as she did so, I could still see just how scared she was to let herself be happy. It was as if she believed she didn't deserve it.

"Good." Outside Alice honked the horn. "I gotta go. Call me tonight, okay?"

"Sure. Have a safe trip, Rose." I gave her a solid hug before joining Alice in the car to make the trip back to Seattle.

_**BellaPOV**_

Once Rose was gone, I got dressed and went downstairs. Charlie was in the living room, looking at paperwork he had brought home.

"Dad, can you drive me to the Cullen's?"

"Sure," he replied, surprised. "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah. I just need to apologize."

"Honey,-"

"Dad, please," I said interrupting him. "I need to do this."

On our drive over, I tried to figure out what I could possibly say, not only to Edward, but to Esme and Carlisle. I was sure they would tell me that I didn't need to apologize and that what happened wasn't my fault, but it was. Whoever did this to Edward was trying to get to me. The beating had Keith's name written all over it, as his signature move would be to break someone's jaw and usually a knee. This way he or she couldn't talk or run away. I wondered if Ian had a hand in this.

"Do you want me to come in with you?" Charlie asked as we pulled up to the house.

"Sure. I don't mind."

I took Charlie's hand as we walked up to the door. I rang the doorbell and a few moments later, Esme answered.

"I've been so worried," she said as she threw her arms around me. I returned her hug and felt tears on my cheeks.

"I'm sorry. For everything, Esme."

"Hush now. Carlisle and I,-"

"I know, but still. Edward was hurt because of me. Please, just let me apologize. I feel so guilty. I'm so sorry, Esme."

"It's alright. Now come in before the both of you catch your death in this weather."

"Is Edward awake?" I asked as we walked in.

"He's in his room. I'm not sure if he's sleeping or not. Would you both like to stay for dinner? I'm roasting a chicken."

"Sure. Thank you," Charlie said.

I left the two of them and went upstairs to Edward's room. I could hear what sounded like a television on, and I quietly knocked.

"Come in," he said. I slowly turned the knob, still unsure of what I would say to him and closed the door behind me. "I was wondering if you would come."

I took one look at him and ran to him. I fell to my knees at the side of his bed, buried my face next to him and cried. He looked awful. His face had bruises and cuts, his eyes looked tired, and an arm was clutching the left side of his ribcage as he turned to place his hand on my face. My guilt was so overwhelming that I couldn't look at him at first. I felt awful for staying away so long, for getting him involved in this mess and for letting Alice get to me.

"Bella, please don't cry," Edward said.

"I'm just...I can't help it! I'm sorry, Edward! You shouldn't be like this. He shouldn't have done this to you. It was me he wanted."

"Who?"

"Keith. You don't understand, Edward. I was his. _His._ Before I left he wouldn't let anyone touch me except him. He told the other girls that they should want to be me. There was this other guy, a regular, who hated that he couldn't have me and Keith beat him so badly. His injuries were like yours, only worse, so I know he has to have done this to you. I'm sorry. So, so sorry," I cried.

I felt the bed shift and looked up at him for just a moment. He was sitting up, with his back against his headboard. "Come and sit next to me." I stood, quickly kicked off my shoes and sat next to him. "Please look at me." I shook my head. "Please?" Sighing heavily, I finally turned and looked at him.

"Look, I know you feel guilty. I also know what Alice said to you. But you have no idea what I've been going through these last few days. I wasn't sure if you would ever come back; if I'd ever see you, talk to you. I don't think I could handle that. Just the thought of you gets me through the long nights in Seattle. While in class, I wonder how I could manage a quick visit back home just to see you. To see you smile and hear your laugh. I don't blame you for any of this. I know that whoever did this will end up getting what's coming to them. Please don't beat yourself up over this, okay?"

He wiped the tears from my cheeks softly. "Okay."

Edward pulled me close to him and together we lay on his bed and watched some old black and white movie. When I was with Edward, I felt incredibly safe, like I could tell him anything and not be judged or laughed at. I desperately wanted to tell someone about the little girl in the pictures. She was my last secret. The only reason I never said anything about her was because I thought she was dead. But clearly that wasn't the case. My heart was longing for her. To touch her, hold her, care for her. I _needed_ to find her.

"Edward, I need to tell you something," I said after the movie was done. I was hesitant, but I knew that talking about it would make me feel better rather than holding it in.

"What is it?"

"Did your dad tell you that a picture was found next to you?"

"Yeah. A picture of a little girl. That was odd."

"I wanted to talk to you about that, if you don't mind?"

"Of course not," he said as he shifted his position. I sat up and turned so that I was facing him.

"That little girl in the picture, well, I think – no I _know_ – she's mine."

"What are you talking about?" he asked, confused.

"A few years ago, Keith decided that he wanted me all for himself. I don't know how long I was with him, but it was a while. I found out I was pregnant, and he was happy. He kept saying I would give him a son and that I would be taken care of, that I wouldn't go back to the pit and those men. I prayed each day that I was carrying a boy. Keith kept me at his home, away from the compound and set up the nursery. I don't remember the day I gave birth all that much. I think I was given something for pain because my memory of that day is a blur. But what I do remember is hearing my baby cry and asking what I had. Someone, the doctor maybe, said it was a girl and handed her off to someone else in my room. I never got to hold her, touch her, or nurse her," I said. I brushed a few tears away, and focused on a spot on Edward's comforter rather than looking directly at him. "I remember waking up a while later and asking for my daughter. The doctor that had delivered her was standing next to my bed and said she died. I kept begging to let me see her, to hold her just once, but they said I couldn't; that Keith had already taken care of it. Once I was cleared by the doctor, Keith made me go back to the compound."

"Wait, wait, wait," Edward said. "Keith brought you to a house? Do you remember it at all?"

"No. I don't know where it is or how close it was to the compound."

"Do you remember the doctor's name? Perhaps we could find him?"

"No, I don't."

"Damn. Have you ever tried looking for her? Asking for her?"

"All the time. No one ever said anything about her. A lot of people never knew about her, either. Eventually, I came to accept the fact that she really did die. I thought it was something I did, I mean, I was always klutzy. Maybe I bumped into something that harmed her. Maybe something happened during labor that caused her to die," I said softly.

Edward took my hand in his and squeezed it. "But she's not dead. If that little girl in the picture is her, then you know it was a lie."

"I have to believe it's her, Edward. I need to find her. I need to find out why Keith kept her from me. I have to make sure she's okay. He said he wanted a boy, and I gave him a girl."

"But from what Dad has told me about the picture, she looked healthy and happy."

"Yeah. I just don't understand, though. If he's kept her all these years, he has to love her, right? So why is he so cruel and mean to women?"

"I don't know. It's not right, that's for sure." I nodded in agreement. Talking to Edward about this felt like a relief. Like the weight of this secret was being lifted from me. I knew I could trust Edward with this, that he wouldn't say anything to anyone without asking me first. He always made me feel like I could tell him anything.

"Have you told your dad about her?" he asked after a few minutes.

"No. I don't know how he'll take hearing the truth."

"You need to tell him. Maybe he can help find her."

"You don't think he'll be embarrassed or disappointed?"

"Why on Earth would he be?" Edward asked me.

"It's bad enough that his kids were taken and then reappeared out of thin air. But when people find out that I have a baby out there somewhere, what will they think?"

Edward leaned forward and placed his hand under my chin, tilting my head up so that I was looking at him. "Who cares what other people think? It's a miracle that you survived, Bella, and anyone who can't see that can go to hell. We will find your daughter, Bella. I swear to you. Maybe not today or this week, but I swear to God we will. But you have to tell Charlie. He can't look for something he doesn't know about. You won't have to go through this alone, Bella. I'll be here whenever you need me. You believe me, don't you?"

"Yes," I replied as I looked into his green eyes.

"Good," he replied as he leaned in close to me. Just as his lips pressed to mine, there was a knock at the door.

"Dinner's ready," Esme said as she walked in.

Over the course of our meal, Edward encouraged me to tell Dad, Carlisle and Esme about my daughter. I wasn't completely comfortable telling them, but if we were going to find her, I would need all the help I could get. I was surprised by my Dad's reaction to the circumstances surrounding my daughter's birth. He swore to me that he would find her for me, whatever the cost. He said he wasn't embarrassed or ashamed that I had a child and that he didn't care what people in our Podunk little town thought, either. He then promised me he would call the FBI detectives that had been assigned to my case in the morning to tell them of this new development. Any worries and fears I had disappeared with Charlie's words.

I went to bed that night dreaming of holding my daughter in my arms.

Over the course of the next week, I fussed over Edward. I made sure his pillows were fully enough; made sure he took his medicine when he needed to; that he got enough rest. Esme thought it was cute and funny. Edward said I was being ridiculous, but I felt I needed to do it. To make up for what had happened.

One day, Esme mentioned how my drawings were changing. At the beginning they were dark and rigid. Once Edward and I started getting closer, they started shifting into happier things. Today, however, she said they were starting to go back to that darkness and noted that I had drawn the same house at least a dozen times.

"I don't know why I'm drawing it. It doesn't look like anywhere I've been," I said. I was confused by my drawings, as I tended to only draw what I saw around me.

"Are you sure?" Esme asked.

"Pretty sure."

"Who's the guy?" Esme asked.

"That's Barry. He's Keith's brother and the first person I met when I arrived there," I said without thinking.

"I thought you said you didn't know that house?"

"I don't."

"Then how do you know that's Barry?" she asked.

I couldn't answer her. I just kept starring at the picture. It was a large home surrounded by trees; a thick forest. The kind of forest where if you screamed no one would ever hear you and it would take officials days of looking before they found your body. The house was isolated, run down. The porch looked like it would squeak under your feet. Just the thought of that house gave me the creeps, yet it was oddly familiar. I felt like if I was standing outside of it, I would know exactly which room held the passage to the warehouse; which room you were brought into for your punishments; which rooms you were stored in until they decided to get rid of you for good. The draw to the house was unbelievable; like whatever I was looking for would be there. But I didn't know what I was looking for, so I wouldn't know where to start.

I told my therapist about the house and my drawings. She thought that some of my memories were starting to come back to me, bit by bit. Esme encouraged me to keep drawing so that maybe I would finally be able to put things together in my mind. I wanted to believe her. I also told my therapist about the second photo of my daughter and how I've been dreaming about her; about how I've seen her with Charlie and I in our living room; how I would hold her while she slept; pushed her on a swing and held her in my lap as we went down a slide. Maybe what I was looking for was her. This little girl who I didn't even know existed. Part of me kept insisting that she was mine. She had to be.


	16. Chapter 16

Finding the Way Back chapter 16

Hold on to your butts, kids, it's about to go down...

**CharliePOV**

_Another night._

Another night wondering whether Bella will wake up screaming in the middle of the night because of the nightmares she's been having about the house she was kept in. It's been a while since she's done this, and even though I should be used to it, I'm not. It's still difficult some nights to get her to calm down enough to go back to sleep. On the nights that she does fall back asleep, which have been few and far between, I would usually find her asleep lying on the floor. Her screams were just like before – terrifying and deafening. The sound of them still broke my heart. She had come so far, and I was fearful that this would become a major setback for her. I wasn't sure if she'd be able to recover this time. I won't tell her, but every time I leave her, even if it's just for work or dropping her off at Esme's, I'm terrified that I'll return to find her gone...and that fear was overwhelming. Billy's mentioned it and has offered to help out as well, but the most I've done had been telling him bits and pieces of what's going on. He's told me that I can just let it all out, and maybe I should, but Edward's already gotten hurt because of this mess. I can't do that to Billy. He is just as much my brother as Carlisle was and look what happened to his son! No, I won't drag him into this mess. The less he knows, the better. I couldn't live with myself if something happened to him, too.

Another night wondering where my possible granddaughter was and if she was okay. From what I could tell, she looked exactly like Bella at that age. It made my heart hurt that a part of me was out there somewhere. I didn't know her, but I already loved her and missed her. I truly believed that she did belong to Bella, and I would do whatever it took to bring her home to us. I could tell that Bella was longing for her, and truth be told, so was I. I often found myself reminiscing back to when Bella and Ian were younger and wondering what this sweet little girl was like. Did she have a favorite doll? Did she have a blanket that she brought everywhere like Bella did? I knew one thing for sure; she was family and she belonged with us.

A few weeks ago, Bella got it into her head that she needed her drivers license. It was a little difficult for her, being in a car alone, but she managed it. She was able to get through her drivers ed course fairly easily. However, she did get a bit flustered one afternoon and backed Jake's car into the cruiser. She had gotten so angry with Jake and I for laughing at her. When she decided to take her driving test, I thought for sure she'd beg me to be in the car. But she wanted to do it alone. I think that was the most nervous I had been in a while, but my nerves were put at ease when she came running from the car screaming that she had passed.

"I have a surprise for you at the house," I said as I drove home.

"A surprise?" she asked.

"Yep."

"Can you give me a hint?"

"No fun in that," I replied with a light chuckle. She was just like her mother when it came to surprises; neither one of them could wait for it. When we pulled onto our street, I had Bella close her eyes.

"Seriously, Dad? This feels silly," she replied.

"I know, but just do it anyway."

As I pulled into the driveway of our home, I was the most excited I had been in a long time. I couldn't wait to see her reaction. I got out of the Rabbit we borrowed from Jacob and quickly ran around to help her out.

"Can I open them now?" she asked excitedly.

I turned her around so she was facing the street before replying, "Okay."

Parked on the street was Renee's old Ford Taurus. When Bella started talking about getting her license, I had asked Jacob to help restore it to working order, as it had been sitting in storage since Renee passed away. Thankfully, Jacob knew his way around cars and saved me quite a bit of money.

"Who's car is that?" she asked confused.

"Yours," I answered simply, curious to know what she thought of it.

"Mine? What?"

"Well technically it was your mother's. Jacob helped me get it back up and running. I figured you'd need a car of your own since you can't drive the cruiser."

"Wait, so this is _mine_?" she asked confused.

"Yeah."

"Oh my God!" she yelled as she threw her arms around me. "I have my own car! Thank you! Thank you!"

"You deserve it, kid," I replied chuckling. I was happy that she accepted it. I knew it would help her achieve the normalcy she craved so badly.

Tonight was Seth Clearwater's birthday. Sue had been sick, so Bella had offered to cook for everyone. By that I mean Bella was going to cook everything at the house and then pack it in the cruiser for me to take while she stayed at home and waited for Edward to call. I really wished she would come to the reservation with me, but it was still too far out of her comfort zone, and she said she was not ready just yet. I knew better than to push it, so I agreed to let her take her car to the store so she can get what she wanted.

A few hours passed and she hadn't returned home yet. I figured maybe she decided to stop and look for a gift. I didn't think twice about it as I signed for her weekly delivery of flowers from Edward. I brought them upstairs to her desk and noticed she had done another drawing of the house. Only this time, she drew a figure at the window. Maybe she was remembered something new, or maybe she's trying to force the memory back somehow. Just the thought of her being in that house sent a shiver down my spine.

A short time later, I called and checked in at the station and glanced at the clock: 5:15. Seth's party would be starting at six. _Where the hell is Bella?_ I called everyone I could think of: Esme, Billy, Jake, but no one had seen her. Esme, hearing the urgency in my voice, said she'd start driving around town to see if she could find the car. I called the station again and talked to Paul who said he'd start looking as well. In a moment of sheer panic, I called her therapist and left a message with her secretary. Another hour passed and no one had seen her or the car. Now, in any other situation, I'd tell the family to just wait at the house, but I couldn't because deep down I knew she was _gone_. Taken to that house in the middle of nowhere surrounded by trees and is the root of her nightmares. I heard a car door outside and for a moment, I thought it was Bella. But when the doorbell rang and I saw what appeared to be a a courier on the other side, I realized her nightmare has become my nightmare. I signed for the envelope and answered my phone that had started to ring.

"Hello?" I answered trying to remained composed.

"Charlie, it's Esme. Did a courier just come to your house?" she asked. I noticed her voice was shaky.

"Yeah, why?" 

"Have you opened it?"

"Not yet. How do you know about that? Did you get one?"

"Just do it," she said.

I ripped open the envelope and found photos inside of it. The first was the same little girl from the Polaroids. The second was a picture of Renee's car followed by a picture of Seth's cake.

"What the hell?"

"They get worse, Charlie."

I quickly looked through the rest. They've clearly been taken today, as one of them shows today's newspaper. The final pictures included one of _the house_ followed by one of Bella in a room, unconscious. The last one was the same picture of Bella, with Ian and two other men next to her. They're smiling like it's no big deal. But worst of all, _Ian_ was smiling. _He's happy about this. How could he be happy about this? How could he do this to her?_ So many things were running through my mind. So many fears had become a reality. Everything stopped in that moment – my life, my breathing, my sanity. Nothing mattered as long as she was gone.

"_All it would take is a phone call," _I heard him say. My heart clenched in my chest and my lungs burned from the lack of oxygen. The room started to spin at the realization that this wasn't some sick joke. I felt my legs wobble and grabbed onto a chair to keep me from falling to the floor.

"Esme... I...I don't...I don't know what to do."

"We'll be there in a few minutes and we'll figure this all out," she said.

While I waited, I put in a call to the detectives again and found my bottle of Scotch. It was the same bottle that I bought the day I married Renee. She had this odd idea that when we celebrated our twenty-fifth wedding anniversary we'd break it open and drink it together. Once the bottle was in my hand, I instantly saw Renee, bottle in hand, a shell of the woman she once was. I knew I couldn't do this. Bella would hate me for it, so I put the bottle away. I didn't want to, but I did.

The doorbell rang and forced me back to reality, which was a step short of the deepest pit in hell. I answered and saw Carlisle, Esme and the two detectives waiting for me. I let them in and brought them into the living room, where I heard the cries of Renee from all those years ago.

"_They're never coming home, aren't they?"_ I heard her say. The hair on the back of my neck stood up. _"I WANT MY CHILDREN BACK!" _

"Chief Swan, we're getting a team together and will be heading out to find the house that your daughter remembered," one of the detectives said.

"I want to go," I said.

"Me too," Esme said.

"I'm sorry, I can't allow that."

"You don't understand, Bella is going to need us. If you expect her to tell you anything when you find her, she's going to need us," Esme said sternly.

"You don't seem to understand, _ma'am_, that if you're there, things could go wrong. We don't know what we'll find when we get there. It could go south in a matter of seconds and we don't want anyone getting hurt."

"But if it turns into a hostage situation, who do you think Ian is going to talk to? Certainly not you. You need us there. We'll stay out of the way, but we're still going," Esme said.

"Do you even know where this house is?" Carlisle asked.

"We have a general idea," the other detective said.

"And just how long have you had this 'general idea'?" I asked annoyed.

"Not long," the second detective said.

"So when do we leave?" I asked. I knew it was against the rules to let us go, but come hell or high water, I would be there. _I had to_. Not just for Bella, but for myself, too. I knew if I stayed behind, I would do nothing but worry-and possibly drink-and I didn't want that. I needed to be there when they brought her out of that house. I knew if anything happened and I wasn't there, it would only make it worse for Bella and she would never recover. That realization scared me to death.

_**BellaPOV**_

Today was Seth's birthday and Dad was going, of course. Mrs. Clearwater was sick, so I decided to try my hand at cooking for a large group of people and offered to make the food. It had been a while since I had to cook for that many people, and I prayed I wouldn't burn anything. I decided just to make easy things that I knew everyone would like. I was actually looking forward to cooking for everyone, and I started convincing myself that maybe I could handle going to the reservation. But then I realized that some of the people who would be there would be people I hadn't seen in a while, and my insecurities started to resurface. Maybe one day I could do it. Maybe even for Jake's birthday. Or Billy's. It would probably mean more to him since he's like my honorary uncle. Yes. My new goal would be to make it to the Rez for Billy's birthday. Thankfully that was still a few months away, and I would have plenty of time to prepare myself.

Once my morning routine was complete, I gave Dad a quick peck on the cheek and made my way to the grocery store. The thought that I was driving my own car was exciting. This was something that I had needed to help achieve a normal life. The store wasn't too busy and I easily made my way through the aisles, thanks to my trusty iPod that was loaded with the peaceful, calming music of Josh Groban. Edward was playing it one day a while back and I fell in love with his voice. My favorite piece was his rendition of "Un Giorno Per Noi (Romeo E Guilietta)." When my cart was full of everything I would need for the party, I made my way to the bakery department to pick up the cake that Sue had ordered. After paying, I carefully placed everything in Renee's trunk and decided to keep the cake up front with me, so I could hold onto it when I turned.

I had just closed the passenger door when I heard a voice behind me. "Bella."

I turned around and was shocked by who stood before me.

"Seth?"

**IanPOV**

"Where the fuck is the blindfold?" I snarled.

Bella was on the floor of Keith's van. Her hands were tied behind her, and she had been staring at me since we took her away from the store. That was well over an hour ago and we still had over an hour until we got back to Keith's house. Seth had taken a bunch of Polaroids and had a friend of his take them to to be delivered to Dad and the Cullen's. I decided to send a copy to them as well, since they treated her like an additional daughter and thought that the blow would be that much harsher. I kind of wished I could have seen his face when he realized that my perfect sister was gone again. I'm sure he was freaking out. Served him right. Bella wasn't as perfect as everyone thought she was. I wasn't sure what Keith had in mind for her once we reached the house, but I was pretty sure it would be harsh. It wouldn't surprise me if she never made it out, either.

"Didn't bring it. Be a man and suck it up," Keith said from the front seat.

"Bella, stop looking at me," I said sternly. But she didn't, being the stubborn shit she always was.

"Here, you can use my shirt if you want," Seth said. "I can roll it up and tie it around her."

"Thanks, bro."

"If you two pussies back there are done, could you shut the hell up?" Keith asked, clearly irritated with Seth and I.

The remainder of the drive was quiet. Thankfully, we made it to the house without any trouble. Keith unlocked the doors and pulled Bella to him by her feet, then threw her over his shoulder and carried her into the house. I stood and watched as he took her upstairs and knew I probably wouldn't see her alive again. I shuddered at the thoughts that were flooding my mind. I knew Keith was pissed that she got away. Thankfully the screaming hadn't started yet. I knew it would only be a matter of time, though.

In the living room was Keith's mother, Neela. She was on the floor playing with my niece, McKenna Claire. Seth stood watch in the far corner, like usual. That was his job when he was here. No one was allowed to see her without Keith or Seth present. Not that many people knew of her. Neela's job was to take care of McKenna, especially when Keith was away, which was rare these days. Keith, surprisingly, was a good father to McKenna. I thought for sure he would get rid of this one like the many other mistakes, but for some reason, he kept her. Even chose her name and everything.

McKenna is not the first child born here. She was the third. Usually when a girl gets knocked up, Keith calls in his "specialist" and has him take care of it. The girls know it's a severe punishment if you get pregnant. But, when Keith started keeping Bella to himself a while back, I knew it was only a matter of time. When Keith found out, he wasn't angry. He didn't call his specialist. He didn't even get physical. Instead, he moved Bella to this house and had Neela fix up a room for her so she would be comfortable. Then he started getting things ready for the baby. Although he would never say it, Keith loved Bella. Yes, he was physical and angry with her when he needed to be, but he grew fond of her. Don't ask me why. It's not like she's something _special_.

"I wonder how long they'll be up there this time?" Seth asked quietly.

"If that boy has any ounce of compassion for that girl, he'll do it quickly and let her rest," Neela said.

Seth grabbed a fist full of her hair and pulled her head back so she was looking at him. "I would watch what comes out of your mouth, _woman_."

"Alright! I'm sorry!" she cried.

"Now go make me some food. I'm hungry and it's my birthday. Do not burn it like the last time," Seth said as he let go. Neela sprang to her feet and practically ran to the kitchen.

"Dude, aren't you supposed to be down at the Rez?" I asked.

"Yeah. Oh well. It's just a party with a bunch a people I could give a shit about."

"We'll celebrate later," I said with a wink.

"Hell yeah."

I picked up McKenna and held her close to me as I stood watch in front of the window.

"E!" McKenna giggled.

I patted her back and smiled. If nothing else, this little girl better get out alive and away from Keith; away from this hell. If it was the last thing I did, I would make sure she got out.

**CharliePOV**

About a mile from where they thought the house would be was the FBI's base camp. We were brought into a truck that was being used for surveillance and were instructed to sit and wait and try not to get in the way. Esme sat beside me and was a total wreck. Carlisle was doing his best to calm her down, but the fact that we were so close was taking a toll on all three of us. It wouldn't take Carlisle and I that long to reach the house if something happened, I was sure. It was just a mile or so and we were both in good shape. Yeah, we'd probably get in trouble, but my daughter was worth it. Even if they took my badge, ass long as she was safe, I'd gladly lose my job and pension.

"Why does it look like nothing is being done?" Carlisle quietly asked me. A few hours passed and Esme had drifted off to sleep. Carlisle and I draped our jackets over her so she wouldn't get cold.

"Your guess is as good as mine. I hope they've got people trying to get close to the house, but I'm not sure."

"Is it supposed to take this long?"

"I'm not sure. Maybe the reason they're taking so long is because someone saw something? I don't know. At least Esme's able to get some sleep."

"Only because I slipped something in her drink. Just don't tell her that," Carlisle said with a sly smile.

**IanPOV**

I was growing impatient. I was sure Charlie would have been here by now. From what Seth had told me, Bella remembered this house and had told him. I _needed_ him to be here. My plan wouldn't work without him.

McKenna had been asleep for a while now, as was Seth. He had decided that my gift to him would be the company of two new girls. He liked the new ones. He liked to break him. He liked to be the one who made them cry. I chose Natalie and Myka, the two we took just prior to getting Bella. They had been brought back to the house and thrown downstairs. They were terrified when I went to get them. Using my natural charm, I made them believe I wouldn't hurt them and that I was letting them go. Lies, of course, but that's what I the best at.

Upstairs, it was quiet, which meant either Keith and Bella were asleep, or something even worse had happened. Amazingly, no noise had come from that room since we arrived back. Either Bella was being stubborn and refusing to give Keith the satisfaction, or Keith let his anger out and Bella was already dead.

I needed air. I needed a minute just to clear my head and force myself to remember my plan. Stepping out onto the porch, I saw movement in the woods and knew they were here.

It was time...


	17. Chapter 17

_***Note: this is long, but a lot happens and I didn't want to be mean and leave you with a cliffhanger. It also flip flops with POV's, but again a lot happens, so bear with me. Also, this chapter EARNS it's rating. OH – you might want a tissue handy too, if you cry easily._

Finding the Way Back chapter 17

_Previously:_

_I needed air. I needed a minute just to clear my head and force myself to remember my plan. Stepping out onto the porch, I saw movement in the woods and knew they were here._

_It was time..._

**IanPOV**

Try as they might to conceal their position, I was able to hear people surrounding the house. I was tempted to wake the others, but decided to make sure McKenna was safe first. I knew Keith had built an underground tunnel between the house and the shed out back. He purposefully made it bullet-proof and sound-proof for situations just like this. I made my way upstairs and found her sleeping peacefully. I picked her up, careful not to wake her as I grabbed a few blankets and quickly brought her to the shed. There I found a crib, changing table and diapers. I placed her in the crib and grabbed the monitor. This way I could hear her if she cried and one of us could get to her quickly. I probably should have stayed with her, in fact I _know_ I should have, but there were still important things to be done. Keith would kill me himself if I let him get ambushed.

Once I was back in the house, I ran upstairs to wake Keith. He needed to know what was going on. When I opened the door, I saw that he was asleep in bed, along with Bella; his arm around her. If you didn't know better, you'd think the two of them were a couple.

"Keith," I said shaking him. "Keith, they're here."

Keith mumbled something as he rolled over. "What?"

"They're here. It's time."

"That didn't take long. How many?" 

"Four that I know of."

"McKenna?"

"Is safe...at the moment."

**CharliePOV**

Finally, some movement! I had overheard one of the officers say they had the house surrounded now, and had a positive ID on Ian. Apparently, all they were waiting on was the negotiator. I was starting to become anxious. I wanted nothing more than to throw on a vest, walk right up to the door, and tell Ian to let me take Bella's place. I would give him anything and everything I had just to make sure she was out of there. The baby too. She was just as innocent as the next person and irreplaceable in my book.

Esme had called Edward and Rose a little while ago and insisted they stay in Seattle. They both were freaking out, saying they wanted to be here for support as well. Esme and Carlisle had both told them to stay and that we would give them updates when we could and that we would let them know when it was all over.

A short while later, the negotiator arrived and insisted that I sit near him to feed him information he could use. For over an hour, no one answered. Then, just before dawn, we finally made contact.

"Hello?"

"Who's this?" the negotiator asked.

"Bella," the familiar voice of my daughter replied. I couldn't hear anyone but her in the background, and I wasn't sure if that was a good or bad thing.

"Bella, my name is Frank. Can you tell me if you're alright?"

"I'm...fine," she said. I could tell by the tone of her voice she was afraid. So was I.

"Who's there with you?" She didn't answer. We then heard some muffled sounds in the background which sounded like two people talking. "Bella? Are you still with me?"

"...Yeah..."

"Can you tell me what's going on?"

"They're arguing."

"About what?" Frank asked.

"What to do. Ian wants to do one thing, Keith another."

"_I told you not to say our names!_" I heard someone shout in the background, followed by the sound of skin hitting skin and Bella crying out. _"Are you fucking stupid?" _In that moment, I wanted nothing more than to walk up to whoever just hit her and kill them. I had to remind myself that any move I made to rescue her would only hurt her chances of making it out alive, but I still wanted to. _No one hurt my little girl._

"I'm sorry!" she cried again. "Please!"

I looked over to where Esme and Carlisle were sitting. I could tell by the look on Esme's face she was on the verge of losing it. She was clinging to Carlisle, who had his arms tightly wrapped around her, grounding her to her chair. It appeared I wasn't the only one who wanted to rush inside and save Bella.

"Bella? Are you still there?" Frank asked. But the line was gone.

One hour. 60 minutes. 3600 seconds. That's all it was. One small measure of time that should have rushed by, but yet it felt like an eternity because I was waiting. Waiting for the go-ahead to come so they could storm the house; waiting for word that they had this Keith person in custody; waiting for word that Bella and the little girl were safe. But it was for nothing. _Absolutely fucking nothing_. That's what happened in that 3600 seconds. _Nothing._

"This is crazy!" Esme cried. "Why can't you just storm the house and get it over with already?"

"Ma'am, if we do that, people could get seriously hurt, and with a small child in the house, we need to take every precaution," Frank said. "I know you're frustrated, but we're doing everything we can to make sure they're okay."

**BellaPOV**

"_I told you not to say our names!_" Keith said and he walked over to me. When he was close enough, he struck me with the back of his hand. _"Are you fucking stupid?"_

"I'm sorry!" I cried. "Please!"

Keith ripped the phone from my hand and threw it across the room. I was trembling and didn't know what to do. Keith looked at me again, and then pulled me close to him. "Why do you make me do these things to you? I love you so much, yet you make me so mad." His body was tense; his eyes dark, though barely visible, as his eyes were in thin slits. He held me tightly against him, like he was afraid of losing me; like he was protecting me. I wished he would realize that the only way he could protect me was to let me go. But I knew that wouldn't happen. I was terrified to think that the only way I would get away from him was if one or both of us were dead. I started trembling at the thought. I didn't want it to end that way. _I wanted to see my Daddy again._ I wanted to see Carlisle and Esme again. I wanted to see Edward, Rose, Emmett and Jasper too. Hell, at this point, I even wanted to see Alice again.

"I'm sorry," I whispered. I knew I needed to say anything I could to keep him happy. A happy Keith meant I stayed alive.

"Just use your pretty little head, okay? I promise you, this will all be over soon and then we can finally get away from everyone and raise our family together. You, me, and McKenna Claire. She's yours, you know. You were the only girl I'd ever considered having my child, and you're the only girl who ever will. You're special to me, Bella. _So special_, and I love you."

**CharliePOV**

From where we were sitting, I could tell something was going on. There still hadn't been any communication from the house, but something was definitely going on. From the looks of it, they were looking at blueprints, and focusing on one area.

"...it's a shed. Thermal vision shows someone's in there."

"Charlie, could it be _her_?" Esme whispered.

"I don't know. Maybe."

"I hope she's okay," she added.

"Yeah, me too."

Another hour passed and the truck we were in was now abuzz with movement. I knew that an ambulance was standing by and Frank had asked Carlisle for his help once they secured whoever it was from the shed. We were now standing next to the back of the ambulance waiting. I was growing more anxious with each passing second. I knew something major was going down when they told us to wait here. I didn't realize how close the team was until they were jumping into the back of an ambulance and I felt Esme's hand on my arm.

"They have her," she said to me.

We shoved our way through the few officers standing in front of the ambulance doors which were now open and watched as Carlisle worked over a small child, who was crying. Dawn was just starting to break and as the minutes passed by, my worry grew.

"I think she's fine," Carlisle said. "Scared and hungry, most likely, but she'll be fine."

Esme and I both climbed into the ambulance. There, laying on the gurney, was the fourth most precious thing I had ever laid my eyes on, next to Renee, Ian and Bella. She was a tiny little thing, with long light brown hair and hazel eyes, which I assumed belonged to her father. She was curled up with her pink blanket and a small doll, looking around at everyone. I knew, just looking at her now, that she was a part of Bella. I held out my hands to her, and she crawled into my lap, tucking her head under my chin. I made sure the blanket was wrapped around her so she wouldn't get cold. She fit so perfectly, like she had always belonged there. My arms held her protectively against me. _There was no way in hell she would ever leave me now._

"I don't even know her name," I whispered. My hand started lightly rubbing her back, in an attempt to calm her down.

"McKenna," an officer said as he handed Carlisle what looked like a thick file. "McKenna Claire Petrelli."

"McKenna, that's a pretty name," Esme said. I felt her smile against my chest.

"She appears to be well taken care of," Carlisle said after a few minutes as he looked through the file. "Looks like she's on schedule with her immunizations... doesn't appear to have had anything worse than a cold."

"How odd. How could he take such good care of McKenna, but treat Bella and the others so horribly?" Esme asked, clearly confused.

"I have no idea," I said.

"Chief Swan, we need to bring her in. I know Dr. Cullen said she's fine, but it's protocol for her to be taken to the hospital. You're free to ride along and stay with her, if you'd like," an officer said.

"We can go, Charlie. You should stay here, in case something happens with Bella. We'll make sure she's safe," Carlisle said.

"Right. Thanks."

I handed McKenna over to Esme. Once she was out of my arms, I instantly felt empty. As I climbed out of the ambulance, McKenna started crying again, and I couldn't help but think that she was crying for me. After the ambulance was gone, I ran my hands through my hair and let out a hard sigh. _My granddaughter was safe_.

**BellaPOV**

Something was wrong. _Really wrong_. A short time ago, Keith and Seth started arguing over what to do about his mother. Seth said she was a liability to the operation and needed to be taken care of. Keith disagreed. When he went upstairs to check on her, he found her dead in her bed. Seth had suffocated her while she slept. _Keith was_ _livid_, to say the least. He was yelling and throwing things left and right. When he finally got his hands on Seth, I couldn't watch anymore.

Ian had run into the room a few minutes ago and grabbed the monitor for McKenna after we heard some movement outside before heading out again. I silently prayed that whoever was out there found her and took her somewhere safe. I hoped that Dad had her and was taking her somewhere far away from here. A few minutes later, Ian returned.

"What is it?" I asked. But he didn't answer. "Ian, what's wrong?"

"So... you know that noise we heard?" Ian asked. He was shaking and running his fingers through is hair while pacing.

"Yeah?"

"I thought maybe she was just waking up, so I went to check on her."

"But?" Keith said.

"But, when I got to her..."

"What? What did you find?"

"She's gone."

"What do you mean _she's gone_?" Keith asked sternly.

"She's not there. They must have found the hidden door and took her. I'm sorry. God, I'm sorry!"

Keith got up and walked over to Ian. I buried my head in the couch cushions, not wanting to see what he would do to Ian. He was still my brother, after all. I didn't need to see the action to know that Keith was punching Ian over and over. After a good five minutes of hitting, I got up and went over to them, putting myself in the middle of them.

"Keith stop! Stop!" I yelled. Keith's fist came down one final time and hit me in the face. I cried out in pain.

"Shit! Bella, baby, I'm sorry," he said pulling me closer to him. "I'm so sorry."

"Let go of me," I said. I wiggled out of his grip and turned to Ian who was on the floor. "Ian, are you okay?"

"Yeah. I'm fine. Keith, I'm sorry. I should have stayed with her, I know, but-"

"You piece of shit!" Keith yelled, interrupting him. "How could you leave her there _unattended_?"

"I made sure to keep the monitor,-"

"_I don't care about the damn monitor! You know the rules! When McKenna is out there, someone is always with her!_ This is the second time you've taken my family away from me, Ian. This isn't good, man. Not good at all."

Keith left the room then, which meant one thing. Ian was going to die, and I couldn't let that happen. Even after everything that had happened, after everything that was said, I still loved him. He was still my big brother. He was the one who put band aids on my knees when I tripped; the one who used to chase me with frogs he found from the river and would bait my hook when we went fishing with Dad and not give me crap about it; the one who used to tell Edward and the others that he'd hurt them if they ever hurt me. He was my brother. My blood. I couldn't let Keith hurt him. Call me crazy, but I loved him. He was _my_ Ian.

I helped Ian to his feet and grabbed Keith's shirt that was on the floor. I started wiping the blood from his face.

"It's okay, Bella," Ian whispered. "I'm alright. I'll be alright."

"But Ian, Keith is going to kill you."

"It's okay," Ian said again.

"How is it okay? I can't let him hurt you."

"I made a mistake, Bella. I shouldn't...I shouldn't have gotten you involved. I'm sorry."

"Don't worry about that right now. Please, just say something to him so he calms down. I can't lose you."

"Just promise me, Izzy. Promise me that you'll take care of McKenna when you get out," Ian begged. I could see sadness in his eyes; a realization of what was to come. He wasn't scared. He wasn't nervous or anxious. It was almost as if he had already accepted what was to come. It was yet another example of how much braver he was than me.

"I will. And you can help me. After all, who's going to bait her hook when we take her fishing?"

"Hold on to her, Izzy. Hold on to her and don't let her go. Promise me that, too."

"I won't let her go, Ian. Please, don't give up yet. There has to be a way out of this," I replied. Tears had started to spill over, and I could feel myself shake. I didn't want to have this conversation. I didn't want to talk about a future without him. He had to be there.

"Please say you forgive me. I never should have gotten you mixed up with all of this."

"I...I do forgive you, Ian." I wrapped my arms around him, knowing it would be for the last time.

A few moments later, Keith came back into the room and pulled me away from Ian. Knowing that Keith was about to do this in front of me, I threw myself between them again. But what happened next surprised me.

**CharliePOV**

After having a few moments to myself in the woods where I completely lost it, I found my way back to the truck, where Frank was waiting.

"Chief, we have to go. _Right now_," Frank said as he practically pulled me into a car.

"What?"

"There's a situation. We have to get to the house."

I jumped in next to Frank and held on as the car sped the short distance to the house. "What exactly is going on?"

"You'll see when we get there. Here, put this on."

Frank handed me a vest and I knew it was bad. When we arrived, I was stunned. Standing on the porch were Bella, Ian and Keith. Ian had Bella by the neck with a knife and Keith had a gun to Ian's head. The two of them were arguing and Bella was shaking uncontrollably. This would not end well.

"_Dad! Help me!_" Bella screamed.

"...you know the consequences, Ian. You need to let Bella go so you and I can deal with this," Keith said angrily.

"Please, Keith. Please, stop this," Bella said.

"There's no way I'm letting you take Bella. _Never_. I never should have dragged her into this," Ian said.

"You had a debt! A big debt! There's no way she couldn't have been involved!"

"What the hell are they talking about?" Frank asked.

"No idea."

"It was a mistake! Everything was a mistake! I shouldn't have done this."

"Ian, what are you talking about?"

I could see Ian's lips moving, but could no longer hear them. I needed to know what was going on. What explanation could Ian possibly have for starting all of this? If Ian could survive this, could I forgive him for everything? He was still my son. My only boy. I still loved him. Maybe with some therapy, for all of us, we could finally be a family again.

"... I swear to God, Ian, you will not take her from me again!" Keith roared.

"Ian, Keith, please! Please just stop all of this. It's over. Just accept it!" Bella cried. "Think of McKenna."

Ian pulled Bella closer to him and I could see his grip tighten. Bella cried out in terror again as Keith cocked his gun and placed it against Ian's temple. "_Stop, Keith! Please! Please stop!_" she cried.

"How much longer?" I asked Frank.

Before he could answer, it was over. The three of them were on the floor of the porch. The SWAT team stormed the house looking for anyone else that may be there. Frank had to hold me back, since I wanted to run up to the porch and see if Bella was okay.

"Stay here. I promise, I'll let you know when it's alright. Just stay here," Frank said sternly.

I stood behind our car as another team handled the scene on the porch. Someone called for a medic, and I wanted more than anything to be able to go to her. Instead, I took out my phone and dialed Esme.

"Charlie?"

"Esme. It's over."

"Are they alright?" she asked.

"I don't know. It was awful. How's McKenna?"

"She's good. Just focus on Bella and keep us informed, okay?"

"I will. And Esme?"

"Yes?"

"Thank you. For everything. I don't know where we'd be if it hadn't been for you."

"Just keep us informed okay Charlie?"

"Yeah."

The ambulance arrived as I closed my phone. I stood by the doors and watched from a distance as they secured Bella to the stretcher and wheeled her back. She was covered in blood and had a neck brace on. I could see the bruising and swelling on her face. Once she was inside the ambulance, I climbed in and sat next to her, holding her hand on the way to the hospital.

_She's safe. It's over_, I kept chanting in my mind.

We met Carlisle and Esme in the Emergency Room. When I had to let go of her hand, I let go of everything and fell to the floor. Everything hit me right there and then: the weight of having both kids taken from us; being told they were never coming back; Renee's drinking; the constant wonder; Renee's death; Bella reappearing; Ian reappearing; my fight with Ian; Bella being taken; finding out I was a grandparent; watching as Ian had a knife to Bella's throat; watching as Keith held a gun to Ian; then watching as everything ended.

I cried, and for once, I didn't care who saw. Usually I suffered in silence, in the privacy of my own home, but today, right now, I needed comfort. I needed to be told it was going to be alright, even when it may not be. Right now, I wasn't Forks' Chief of Police. Right now, I was Charlie Swan, widow, father, and grandfather.

"It's okay, Charlie," Esme said next to me. Her arms were around my shoulders. "Everything will be fine. Bella's safe, McKenna's safe and it's all over. Shh. It's alright."

I looked up at her. I didn't know what to say to her. What _do_ you say to someone who's held your world together when it was on the verge of being torn apart? Somehow the words 'thank you' didn't seem to be enough.

"Esme...Carlisle..."

"Let's see if we can find you some scrubs," Carlisle said.

An hour later I was showered, changed and sitting in a waiting room with a sleeping McKenna on my chest. We're waiting for Bella to have a scan of her head done, since she hit the railing of the porch pretty hard and was unconscious when she was loaded into the ambulance. McKenna's breath on my neck tickled, but is a beautiful reminder that she's away from that horrible place. I smiled as I listened to her mumble unrecognizable words in her sleep, just like Bella used to do at her age. It is then that I realize that I have nothing at the house for her. No crib, changing table, clothing. Nothing. However, I'm pretty sure Bella and Ian's crib was still in the attic. I wonder if she'd like it, or if she'd be more comfortable with the one she had at the house? McKenna sighed in her sleep and I gently patted her back, giving both her and I a reminder that all is good.

"Everything's going to be alright now," Esme said, as she sat next to us.

"I know."

"Renee would be so proud of you, Charlie."

"I didn't really do anything. It was more you than anything."

"You did more than I could. You're Bella's father and were there when she needed you. She loves you and is here, alive, because of you. It may take a little bit to get back to a normal way of life, but at least the threat is over."

She was right. Our nightmare was gone. I just prayed the aftermath would be easy...


	18. Chapter 18

Finding the Way Back – Chapter 18

**CharliePOV**

The next morning, Bella was still asleep, but her doctors assured me she was doing well, and that they would be turning down some of the medicine they had her on. She woke up once during the night and complained that her head was hurting, but she was able to answer various questions which was a good thing. Her doctors also assured me that none of her injuries were serious and that they would heal with time. But it wasn't just the physical injuries I was worried about. I wanted to know when she would heal emotionally. Was that even a possibility? How much could she take before finally breaking? Would she be able to talk to me about what had happened? Would I be able to handle knowing the truth? I just didn't know. My biggest fear was that she would lock herself away from all of us and become that scared, shell of a girl she was when she first returned. I didn't want that again. I wanted the beautiful woman my daughter was becoming.

I knew, however, that once Bella was awake, she'd be self-conscious about the bruising on her face and arms. It wasn't just minor bruising, either. Her right eye was swollen completely shut; she had a gash above her right eyebrow; her left cheek was swollen and purple. Her neck had red marks from where she was strangled, however I couldn't tell if it was from someone's hands or from something else. From what I could see on her arms and lower legs, she had smaller, darker bruises. I knew all of these would heal, but I was more concerned about how she would be when she woke up. None of us really knew what happened inside that house, and while I was desperate to know, in some ways I was glad that I didn't. Not yet, at least. I knew the time for questions was coming, but right now all I could think about was how thankful I am that she's here; that my granddaughter was here.

But my happiness was shadowed by sorrow. For as much as I have gained, I have lost as well. _My son, my Ian, is gone_. Memories had been flooding my mind all night. I could still hear him tell me he wanted to be a famous baseball player, first for the Mariners then the Yankees. My son who used to make pirate hats from old newspapers and run around on the beaches of La Push telling us all he would make sure we were safe from the "evil pirates." I still remember the mini-lecture I had to give him about the _Playboy's_ I found in his room. Renee had been so angry, not just at Ian for having them, but at me because I was laughing at how mad she had gotten. They were just _Playboy's_ after all. I missed him. Even after all the hateful words and actions, he was still my son and I still loved him.

Esme had called a little while ago and said she was on her way back with McKenna. They had rented a room at a local motel and brought her with them while I stayed with Bella. When Esme reached out for McKenna, I didn't want to let her go. I knew she wouldn't harm her, but I had just found her. I wanted her next to me. I needed her as a reminder that everything was okay. But, I knew that a hospital was not the best place for her. I was anxious as I waited by the cafeteria for her to return to me. Thankfully, I didn't have to wait too long, as I heard her high-pitched little voice. She was such a beautiful little thing – so carefree, so loving, and totally unafraid.

"Gampa!" she called from Esme's arms.

"Close enough," Esme said as I took McKenna from her. "I hope you don't mind, but we found a Wal-Mart and I bought her some clothes."

"Not at all. Thank you. I'm not sure when I'll be able to get into that house to gather her things."

"Do you still have a crib or a toddler bed? Perhaps I could get everything set up for you before Bella's released?" Esme asked.

"That would be very nice, thank you."

"Think nothing of it. How is she?" she asked concerned.

"Still asleep, but she did wake up during the night, so that's a good thing. Her doctor mentioned something about moving her into a different room today depending on how she was feeling and all that."

I stayed with McKenna, Carlisle and Esme for a short time in the cafeteria, before Esme said she wanted to head back to Forks to get the house ready for Bella. I was thankful for that time with my granddaughter. I refilled my cup of coffee, and grabbed the morning paper.

"Why don't I take McKenna to the park across the street for a little bit and let the two of you talk before we head back?" Esme asked.

"Sure," I said.

Carlisle and I walked with Esme and McKenna out of the hospital. We sat on a bench by the door and watched as they crossed the street to the park. McKenna went running for the swings and I could just barely hear her laughing.

"So tell me, honestly, how are you?" Carlisle asked.

"I...I can't even describe it. I thought Ian would find a way out of this. I thought that maybe I could say something to him to make him realize that there was still time to change, but things just happened so fast. Everything did. One day I'm alone, the next Bella's back. Then Ian shows up and things were okay. I should have tried more with him, Carlisle."

"Charlie, you can't make someone talk. Ian wasn't in the right frame of mind when you guys went to therapy."

"I should have made him go more; found a better therapist for him. I should have done _something_!" I shouted. I could feel the anger and regret bubbling to the surface. "I hate the fact that I shifted all my focus from him onto Bella. I should have gone after him that night when I threw him out. I should have just told him I forgave him so he would have come back."

"Charlie, did you really want that tension in the house? Bella was so fragile -"

"And Ian wasn't?" I asked, interrupting him. "Ian needed me and I turned my back on him. How could I have done that to him?"

"You did what had to be done, Charlie."

"Would you have thrown Emmett out? Edward? Jasper?"

"If it meant that my family was safe, yes. I know you feel disappointed -"

"You don't know how I feel!"

"So tell me! You can't keep all of this bottled up inside. It's not healthy."

"When I saw him on the porch with Bella...I didn't recognize him. Surely that wasn't my son. My son wouldn't have held a gun to his sister's head. My son wouldn't have gotten involved in whatever mess he was involved in. But he was...and I have to assume he was there because of me. Only, I can't figure out where exactly I went wrong with him. I've tried to remember a moment, something that was said, or an action...but I can't."

"Charlie..."

"I know that I'm a horrible parent for having treated Ian the way I have. He's another failure caused by me."

"What are you talking about?" Carlisle asked confused and concerned.

"First was Renee. I could have helped her, but I didn't. I just thought she'd get better...and she didn't. She died. I could have helped Ian but I didn't and he died," I said defeated.

"What happened with Renee was not your fault. What happened with Ian was not your fault. They both made a choice to do it. You could have gotten rid of all the liquor in your house, but she would have continued to drink. You told Ian all the time that you loved him. I remember hearing you tell him. You could have brought him to every therapist in the state of Washington and he still would have found a way back to Keith."

"No," I said looking away not wanting to hear what Carlisle was saying. _This was my fault. All my fault._

Carlisle put his hands on my shoulders and forced me to look at him. "_Yes_, he would have. Whatever mess he was involved in was not because of you. As parents, we can only guide our children so far before we let them make their own choices. You may think my kids are perfect, but they're not. You may think Esme and I never argue or disagree, but we do."

"That's bullshit."

"It's true. My kids have had trouble and issues just like the rest of the world. My point, Charlie, is that at some point, we have to let them go and make their own mistakes."

"Are you saying I shouldn't grieve for my son?"

"Of course not. At the end of the day he is your son. You love him. I don't know why he did what he did and we'll never know now. Just don't beat yourself up for decisions he made that were out of your control."

I was exhausted, both mentally and physically, and yet, there was still so much to do. I needed to plan a funeral for my son, toddler-proof my house for my granddaughter, get things back in order at work, and watch my daughter so she doesn't leave me. I had absolutely no idea how I would get all of that done. I wanted to get away from all of it. I didn't want to think about it. I wanted to walk into a diner and not have everyone look at me with pity in their eyes. I hated it. I hated all of them for looking at me like that. I just wanted a normal life again.

If I was completely honest with myself, there was a part of me, buried deep down inside mind you, that _craved_ a relationship again. Someone who knew me inside and out. Renee was a wonderful, loving, beautiful woman. I loved her with everything I had and I still love her to this day. But she had been gone for a while now and to be honest, I was lonely. I desperately wanted someone to hold me and tell me everything would be okay. I needed someone who would be there with me when I lost my nerve and not think badly of me for doing it. But maybe this was some sick form of punishment for the way I handled Renee.

Something needed to change...and soon.

**BellaPOV**

The last thing I remembered before waking up in the hospital was standing on the porch between Ian and Keith. I wasn't completely sure why all of this happened, but I knew that it had to do with drugs and Ian seeing a deal gone wrong or something. I did know that Keith felt Ian owed him a debt; a debt I knew nothing about since no one would talk about it. Shortly after Ian joined Keith's crew, he found out about me, thought it would be good to get me involved to help pay off his debt, so a plan was hatched and Ian had convinced me to go to Seattle. We did need to pick up the photos for mom and dad, but he apparently used that as an excuse for the two of us to go alone.

Things were finally coming together; it was starting to make sense now. Keith had told me some of what happened, Ian, other things. The rest, I just assumed happened during the time in the house and the warehouse. Somewhere during all of this mess, Keith 'fell in love with me,' and the tables were turned. I was no longer touchable by others and was forced to stay with him. I had gotten pregnant with McKenna and after she was born, Keith decided he didn't want me and gave me back to everyone else. A short while later, I was pregnant again with someone else's baby. I was terrified to tell him. I was panic-stricken to think what he would do to me. I thought for sure he would take me on that dreaded walk; the walk that you never returned from. In the few days leading up to telling him, I couldn't sleep, as I would have nightmares. When Keith found out, a 'doctor' had come and 'taken care of it.' After I was 'healed,' Keith decided he wanted me again. I hated being with him. Yes, I was away from the other men and I should have been thankful for that, but I hated Keith. One minute he was loving, the next he was violent. Every minute I was with him I was afraid. I didn't know how he would be, and I never knew what might set him off. But worst of all, he kept McKenna away from me and convinced me she had died. I had only seen her once or twice since I was taken for a second time, and those were by accident. Usually it was Keith's mother bringing her upstairs or into rooms I wasn't allowed. I desperately wanted to pick her up and look at her, to figure out if she belonged to me. I think my heart always knew she was mine, but I needed to know for sure.

As my eyes focused on my surroundings, I realized that Ian would not be there. He wouldn't be walking through the door; wouldn't be waiting for me at the house. _He was gone_. And for once, I wasn't upset about it. I was..._relieved_. Happy, almost. Which was completely wrong because he was my brother. But he did have a knife to my throat; he did offer me to Keith all those years ago; he did ruin my life.

"Bella?" I heard a voice say. _Charlie. Dad!_ "Bella, can you hear me?"

"Yeah," I answered. "Where am I?"

"The hospital."

"Am I okay? What about McKenna? Ian? Keith?"

"You're going to be fine," Dad said as he gently took my hand into his. My vision was still a little blurry, but he looked relieved to see me. I felt the same way about him. "Just a nasty bump on the head and some bruising. McKenna is with Esme back in Forks. That little one has too much energy to stay inside a tiny room. Reminds me of you, actually." He smiled warmly. I could tell he had already bonded with her.

"Keith said...that she...was mine."

"She is, I'm sure of it. We had the two of you tested and should have the results in a week."

"She's really mine?" I asked. Even though Keith and Ian had both told me she was, I still needed the proof. I still needed something tangible to confirm it. Maybe it was silly, but I just needed that confirmation.

"I'm completely positive," he replied looking me straight in the eye.

"Mine," I whispered. "Is her last name the same as Keith's?"

"I believe so."

"Can we change it?"

"That's something we can figure out later. Right now, you need your rest. I should let your doctor know you're awake again."

"Wait, what happened to Ian and Keith?" I asked even though I already knew the answer.

"They're both dead," he said softly, looking down as he did so.

"I'm sorry, Dad," I said as I felt tears well up in my eyes.

"Me too."

My time in the hospital passed quickly. I underwent a few more tests, just to make sure everything was alright with my head and eye. Thankfully, nothing was broken and the scans came back normal. Dad never left my room, except to get us normal food, rather than hospital food. He even stayed with me when the officers came to question me about my time in the compound with Keith and the others. They asked a few times if I knew where the compound was and if there were girls still there, but I didn't know. I prayed no one was still there.

Edward had called the day after I woke up and asked if he could come see me. I turned him down because I didn't want him to see me like this. I knew he wouldn't say anything, but I just wasn't ready yet. I missed him like crazy, though.

My doctor had just left when Dad and I heard the sound of a little child, who I assumed to be McKenna. Sure enough, a minute later, Esme opened the door as she ran in.

"Are you alright, dear?" Esme asked as she gently hugged me.

"Yeah. I've been better, though."

"I know, dear. But it's all over."

"Are you in any pain?" Carlisle asked.

"No, I'm fine. Just a bit tired."

"Well, everything is ready for you at your house. I have to admit, I went a little overboard with the clothes."

"Overboard is an understatement," Carlisle said with a chuckle.

"I couldn't help it! There were so many cute things in her size and it's been forever since I've bought for a little one."

"Thank you again, for doing that," Dad replied.

I watched as he picked up McKenna and held her close to his chest. She wrapped her little arms around his neck and started talking a mile a minute in her baby talk. I was amazed at how accepting she was. She wasn't shy or scared. She was quite the opposite, actually. After a few minutes, she looked over at me.

"That's your Mommy," he said.

"Ma Ma?" she mimicked.

"Yeah. Ma Ma. Do you want to give her a hug?" He carefully set her on the bed next to me. She crawled up, sat on my lap and looked up at me. I looked into her beautiful brown eyes, with golden flecks in them; ran my fingers through her bouncy light brown hair. I assumed the lightness came from Keith, as he was a blonde.

"Hi McKenna," I said to her. She yawned then, no doubt tired from her time outside. "Are you tired? Do you want to take a nap?"

"Nap," she replied, and then laid her head on my chest. Charlie handed me her blanket and doll. I placed it next to us and held her tightly in my arms. There's no way I was letting go of her again.

I was able to go home the next day. My room had been rearranged to fit a toddler bed and another dresser, which was full of new clothes for McKenna. Sitting on the kitchen table when we arrived was a package for me from Edward and Rosalie. Inside were a few cute outfits for her. Next to the package was my floral delivery – pink roses with a note:

_Bella,_

_I know you're not a fan of roses, but I thought they were beautiful._

_Can't wait until this weekend – coming home to see you_

_and your daughter. I can't wait to meet her._

_Edward_

"Dad, what do you think about Edward?"

"I like him. I've never had any trouble with him." 

"Yeah, but, what about the two of us?"

"Is there something between the two of you?" 

"I think so. I'm not sure though. I mean, I have a daughter now. I don't know what he'll think about that."

"We'll have to see, won't we? Billy called and invited us down to the Res, if you'd like to go? He'd like to meet McKenna. I can bring her if you want to stay here."

"I don't know, Dad. Seth was a part of all of this and I don't want to upset Mrs. Clearwater or Leah or anyone else."

"I understand, but you'll need to give her your condolences sometime, though. Do you mind if I go?"

"Of course not, Dad. You've been through so much. You deserve a nice break."

"You've been through quite a bit too, you know. More than me. Let me take McKenna so you can enjoy the quiet, okay? We won't be gone long."

"Alright."

Once Dad and McKenna were gone, I made myself a nice warm bath and allowed myself to relax, let everything just disappear, and let my mind wander. I must have fallen asleep, because in my dream I saw myself with Edward and his arms around me. McKenna was running around with a big smile on her face. Another small child was running after her. She ran to Edward and held her little arms up for him. When he picked her up, she said "Daddy!" I looked at him for his reaction, but wasn't Edward that was standing there. It was Keith.

"That's right, baby girl."

I tried to take McKenna away from him, to get her away, but he wouldn't let go.

"You know Bella, I may be gone, but you'll never be rid of me. _Never._"

I shot up in the tub, water spilling over the side. I quickly stood, wrapped a towel around me and went to look for the phone and quickly dialed Dad's cell phone.

"Bella?"

"Dad," I whimpered.

"What's wrong?"

"..nothing..."

"Bella, what is it? Do I need to come home?"

"No. Sorry, I just...needed to hear your voice."

"I'm coming home. I shouldn't have left."

"No, Dad. Stay. I'm fine. It was just a dream."

I hung up the phone before he could answer and went upstairs to get changed. As I was sitting on my bed, brushing my hair, the phone rang.

"Hello?" I said.

"Bella? It's Edward. I'm not calling too late, am I?"

"No, you're fine," I said. I was happy to hear his velvety voice. It calmed me down considerably. "Thank you for the flowers and package."

"You're welcome. So how are you?"

"Um..."

"You can tell me."

"I was taking a bath and had a nightmare that scared me, that's all. I'm okay."

"It's going to take some time for you to get past everything. I wish I didn't have classes tomorrow or I'd come down tonight."

"I kind of wish you would anyway. I miss you."

"Let me call you back in a few, okay?"

"Okay."

Just the thought of Edward coming home soon made me smile. While I waited for Edward to call back, I made sure there were a few bottles made for McKenna, then pulled out a pair of pajamas for her, for when they arrived back home. It was getting late, and I figured she was getting tired.

It was amazing how my entire being shifted with just the knowledge that McKenna was mine. If she wasn't here, I'd most likely be curled into a ball on my bed completely scared out of my mind and completely shutting everyone and everything out. But now, even after a few days, I can't even begin to picture my life without her. I want to be better for her. I want her to be proud of me. I want people to think of me as a good mother, not the girl who was kidnapped and raped. I wanted Charlie to be proud of me, to not be ashamed of everything that's happened and I realized I wanted to have a normal relationship.

A relationship...with Edward. That was going to take time. I have more issues than anyone should ever have to deal with. But what shocked me was that Edward seemed to look past all of that and saw the true me. That worried me because I wasn't sure who the real me was. Part of me thought that it was just a show, that he was doing this only for the happiness of his parents, and that he was spending all of his time with his real girlfriend up in Seattle. But if he had a real girlfriend, how could he string me along? Especially now that I have a daughter. I would have to ask him this weekend.

A few minutes later, he called back. And I smiled.

"Hello?"

"Hey. So, I'll be there around noon tomorrow."

"You don't have to blow off your classes because of me," I said, secretly hoping he would.

"I know. But truthfully, I miss you, and I need to see for myself that you're okay. I wanted to come down and see you in the hospital, but Mom said I should stay here. I should have come anyway."

"Edward, it's okay. I should probably go, though. I think Charlie is pulling in with McKenna."

"Okay. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Good night," I said with a smile.

"Goodnight."

Once McKenna was settled in her crib, I crawled into my own bed and fell asleep with a smile on my face. Edward would be here tomorrow.


	19. Chapter 19

**To everyone in Florida, Alabama and Louisiana, please, please be safe.**

Finding the Way Back – Chapter 19

BellaPOV

The next day, McKenna was in my old high chair with a juice cup and eating some Cheerios. I had dressed her in a pair of jeans and a shirt that had pink rhinestones that said "Spoiled Diva." I had also placed two pink barrettes in her hair to keep it out of her face. She was the cutest little thing ever. I loved how she already had Dad wrapped around all ten of her little fingers. I doubt he could ever say no to her. He was sitting next to her at the table sneaking Cheerios from her bowl and trying not to get caught.

"Gampa, stop!"

"Can't I have some, Little Sweat Pea?"

"No. Is my cereal." Dad and I both chuckled as he poured his own bowl.

My bruises and swelling were still apparent, but they had slowly started to fade. I hated the way I looked. I barely looked in the mirror and tried everything I could to hide my face from everyone. On top of that, I kept bumping into things around the house since I still couldn't see out of one eye. My face hurt all the time, and I desperately wanted to take my pain pills, but they made me feel fuzzy and sleepy, so I decided to take Tylenol instead.

McKenna had taken to the house quite well. I thought for sure there would be an adjustment period, but honestly, she was a happy girl. Karma was seriously kicking my butt because the girl loved pink. Not strongly liked pink, but _loved_ pink. Her Disney Princess bedding was pink; her clothes were pink; her blanket and doll were pink. It was like Pepto Bismol threw up in my room. This morning when she woke up, she snuck out of our room and went to find Dad. I found the two of them curled up in his bed watching the Disney Channel. I truly believed she was our angel sent from Mom to let us know everything would be okay.

* * *

><p>Edward was coming home today. Even though I was incredibly excited, I was nervous as well. How would Edward react when he saw me? Would he be horrified and run away? Would he decide that this was all too much for him and call our friendship, or whatever it was that we had, quits? I didn't want to lose him, too. He had helped me so much through all of this.<p>

"So, I talked to the detectives a little while ago. They're releasing the bodies for burial," Dad said.

"Oh," I answered, not really knowing what else to say.

"I wanted your opinion about what we should do with Ian. I was thinking about just doing a private burial."

"Next to Mom?" I asked.

"Yeah. Is that alright?"

"I suppose so. I just thought you would be next to her, that's all."

"I can call and see if there's another plot available if it bothers you."

"It does. I'm sorry," I said. As much as I loved my brother, my Dad deserved to rest next to Mom.

"Don't be. I'll take care of it. So, what are your plans today?"

"Edward is coming over around noon. I'm not sure I really want to go anywhere looking like this."

"Your face will heal soon, don't worry. You're still my pretty little girl."

"Thanks, Dad." I didn't believe him. How could I be pretty when my face looked so horrible?

Dad left for the cemetery a little while later. Once he was done there, he said he had to go down to the station for a bit. Honestly, I think work was helping him with everything that had happened.

Around eleven thirty it started snowing a bit. I was getting anxious to see Edward. I wondered what he would be like with McKenna. Would he like her? Would she like him? I finished making her lunch and joined her in the living room, where she was standing in front of the coffee table, coloring away and swaying her little hips to the music that was playing on the television.

"McKenna, lunch time."

"Num-num!" she squealed.

I placed the plate in front of her and watched as she picked at her food. She picked up a grape and looked up at me before shoving it in my mouth and laughing.

"I'll eat, don't worry."

"Mommy eat!"

The doorbell rang and I smiled. McKenna took off running for the door.

"Come in!" she laughed as she knocked on the other side of the door. There was a knock again, lower to the ground. McKenna responded and started laughing. "Who is it?" she asked.

I picked her up and opened the door. There stood Edward, Rosalie and Emmett. I hid my face a bit behind the door. I wasn't prepared for all three of them them. This was the worst I had looked and I didn't want them to see me like this.

"I know Edward didn't mention we were coming, but we wanted to meet her too. I hope you don't mind?" Rose asked.

_Maybe asking Edward to come was a bad idea? Maybe I should have waited until everything was fine_, I thought to myself.

"Please, Bella? We've really missed you, and we were so worried," Rose said sincerely.

"Okay," I said hesitantly. I opened the door to let them in, still hiding my face as much as possible.

I set McKenna back down and she went running into the living room calling out the name of the show that had just started. I kept my head down so they couldn't see just how bad I looked.

"She's adorable," Rose said.

"Thank you. Do you guys want anything to drink or eat? We were just having lunch."

"I think Emmett's good. McKenna is forcing food into his mouth," Edward said with a laugh. I didn't see him follow her into the living room, but it made sense. Emmett loved cartoons.

Sure enough, McKenna was shoving her remaining grapes into his mouth. "Num-Num!"

"McKenna have some num-num," Emmett said.

Edward, Rose and I sat and watched McKenna continued to force feed Emmett and sing along to her cartoons. After about an hour, she started yawning. I scooped her up and carried her upstairs. I wrapped her pink blanket around her, laid her in her toddler bed, and waited until her little eyes fluttered closed. I turned around and saw Edward standing in the doorway. I smiled at him. He walked over to me, gently placed both hands on my face and kissed me. First, he urgently, but gently, kissed my lips, then trailed up to the cut on my forehead, then down to my swollen eye and cheeks. I winced a bit.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, "was I too rough? I've been wanting to do that since we got here. And I'm sorry about Rose and Emmett, they basically jumped in the car before I left."

"It's okay. I'm just glad you're here."

I wrapped my arms around Edward and rested my head against his chest. I felt his arms wrap around me, holding me tight. I melted into his embrace and didn't want to let go of him. I just wanted to stand here, wrapped in his arms and forget everything that had happened.

"I was so scared, Edward," I said after a few moments.

"So was I. When we heard that you were taken again, I went crazy. I couldn't focus, sleep, eat. _Nothing_. I was so afraid I wouldn't see you again."

"Me too. I was afraid it would break Dad. He's been through so much and he saw everything that happened on the porch. He saw Ian get killed. It was awful."

"Esme said he was a wreck during all of this. She said he wasn't going to leave without you."

"I wish none of this would have happened. I just want to close my eyes and not be scared. And I want to be able to look in the mirror and not see the constant reminder of what Keith did to me. I hate the way I look. I hate being in pain all the time."

"I'll help you in any way I can."

"I just don't want to be afraid anymore."

"Come on, let's go back downstairs and let the little princess sleep." He took me by the hand and headed towards the door, but I didn't move. "You know they won't say anything, right? They were worried about you, too. Jasper as well."

"I'm just embarrassed, Edward. And ashamed."

"What are you ashamed of? None of it was your fault."

"But Keith...he made me,-"

"I don't care," Edward said interrupting me. "None of that matters. The only thing that does is that you're safe and your sweet little girl is safe. Rosalie and Emmett, they think of you as family. They just want to see that you're okay."

"I was afraid I'd never see you again, too," I said quietly. Edward wrapped his strong arms around me again. I rested the good side of my face against his chest and wrapped my arms around his waist. "I don't know what I would do without you in my life."

"I don't know what I'd do without you, either."

Edward gently tilted my head up to look at him and softly placed his lips against mine. I felt a tingly sensation run through my body and wondered if this is what Rose and Alice felt when Emmett and Jasper kissed them. Whatever it was, I didn't want it to go away. Edward and I walked downstairs and found Emmett and Rosalie in the living room.

"So what's it like being a mom, Bells?" Emmett asked.

"I don't know yet. But she wears me out with all of her energy, and I worry that I'm doing something wrong. I mean, I know I've only had her for a very short time, but, I keep getting this feeling that I'm failing her or that I'll never be good enough for her."

"That's silly. We know you'll be a great Mom," Emmett said.

"I hope so," I replied softly.

"So are you two going out for dinner?" Rose asked.

"What? No. I can't go out like this; people will stare," I said anxiously.

"I could always bring something back and we could eat here," Edward suggested. "I just want to spend some time with you."

"We can take McKenna to the house and convince Mom we need some of her killer cookies. McKenna can help!" Emmett said excitedly.

A few hours later, I had McKenna's bag packed and called Dad. He had found a nice site for Ian, only a few rows away from Mom and he would be buried on Sunday. Edward said he would stay and miss classes on Monday. I tried to protest, saying his classes were more important, but he refused to budge on the matter. Emmett and Rose said they would stay as well and keep an eye on McKenna if Carlisle and Esme went to the burial. I felt bad for keeping them here, but it was nice to know I would have friends to lean on.

When I got off the phone with Dad, I found McKenna in the living room jumping on Emmett's stomach. Each grunt caused her to laugh more. Rose was on the couch laughing with them and snapping pictures left and right. Again, McKenna had amazed me with how well she had taken to everyone. I wish it were that easy for me to be comfortable around people.

"More! More!" McKenna laughed.

"I seriously hope this is good for my abs," Emmett said between his laughter.

"You can ask Dad when we get home," Edward said.

Once McKenna was happy at the Cullen's, Edward and I left for our dinner. We had called ahead to a local restaurant and placed a to-go order. After picking it up, we returned to the Cullen's and headed up to Edward's room for some privacy. He placed a blanket on the floor for a makeshift picnic.

"Can I tell you something?" he asked.

"Of course."

"Sometimes I wish I didn't go to school so far away. Especially now. I'm already dreading leaving you."

"I wish you were closer, too. But Easter is coming, so you'll get time off for that, right?"

"A few days, yes. And then summer, although I was looking into taking a class or two."

"You should," I said. I was a little disappointed he wouldn't be coming home for the summer, but I knew he wanted to be an amazing doctor like Carlisle, so I knew this was important.

"I'll look into an online class."

"Edward, you shouldn't change your plans for me."

"I want to."

"No, Edward. I'm just being selfish. I know how important school is to you and your family."

"But Bella, you're important to me, too," he replied taking my hand in his. Again, I felt the tingly sensation throughout my body. No one had ever made me feel like this before.

While we ate, Edward and I talked about all the things we wanted to do this summer with McKenna. I was relieved that he hadn't found my appearance disgusting. I was also thankful he was accepting of McKenna. She and I were a packaged deal now. After we were done, we headed back downstairs. Everyone was at the table playing cards including Dad.

"Emmett, stop sneaking cookies!" Esme scolded.

"I'm not. She's doing it all on her own!"

"Right. Like you didn't teach her how to do it," Dad said. I didn't even notice his cruiser outside. "Hey Bella, Edward. How was dinner?"

"Very good," Edward replied.

"Did you take your pills?" Dad asked.

"I'll take them before bed tonight. Was McKenna okay for you?" I asked.

"She's always good for me," Esme said. "Emmett, on the other hand..."

A few days later was Ian's burial. I was a wreck. I went to bed the night before crying and woke up pretty much the same way. Not to mention, McKenna was in a mood, but I figured it was because of Dad and I. Rose and Em agreed to keep her at the house, since it was snowing out and I didn't want her to get sick.

Pastor Webber said some kind words at the cemetery, commenting on how Ian was as a child and how he loved watching Ian play basketball. Esme, Carlisle and Edward were with us as well. I clung to Dad during the short service and held onto Edward's hand tightly at the same time. Once it was over, Charlie and I went and visited Renee's grave. I buried my face into Dad's chest and sobbed. I missed her now more than ever. I needed her. I needed her to tell me I was a good mother to McKenna and that it was okay to make mistakes. I wanted her to tell me she had the same fears I do.

After the service, Edward said he wanted to grab dinner with his parents before heading back to school. He promised to call when he got home and made me promise in return that I would call him if I needed to talk. When we arrived back at the house, I put McKenna down for her nap. Dad and I sat on the couch and flipped on a movie. I laid my head on his lap and let myself get lost in _The Princess Bride_.

"I'm telling you, those Rodents of Unusual Size are freaky," Dad said.

I smiled at the realization that some things will never change.


	20. Chapter 20

A/N: Just a quick note for those of you who are reading _There Goes My Life_ – I'm working on the epi and hope to have it off to the betas soon : )

Finding the Way Back Chapter 20

**BellaPOV**

Before I realized it, it was the end of May, and Esme and Carlisle were excited for the kids to be coming home for the summer. This weekend was McKenna's third birthday party and everyone was excited for her. Dad and I had purchased her a tricycle and had spent time each night putting it together and spray painting it pink. Aside from that we had also purchased a pink playhouse for the backyard. I couldn't wait to see her face when she saw it. We purchased some summer clothes for her, as well.

Ever since Ian's death, I had gone back for weekly sessions with my therapist. Dad had come a few times as well, but mostly it was just me. The sessions have helped quite a bit. I've learned to accept what has happened and that it's in the past, which in turn has started to help me move forward. I found myself making plans and not worrying as much as I had about what people thought or said about me. I still had days where I reverted back to my old ways, but they were few and far in between.

It was around noon on Saturday, the day of McKenna's party. I had put her down for her nap about an hour ago so I could start decorating, although she didn't sleep. Instead she just lay there, quietly playing with her doll. Since it wasn't raining, I decided to have her party outside. Dad and I had put up a white pop-up tent and pulled some tables and chairs under it.

"Do you think we have enough food for everyone?" I asked anxiously as I looked at everything I had already put out on the picnic tables.

"Bells, you cook like you're mother. We have enough food for at least fifty people and we'll probably have leftovers for a month," Dad joked. I think he was right though; I may have gone a _tad_ overboard.

"I just want today to be perfect."

"It will be."

A short while later, Billy and Jake showed up along with Sue and Leah. I was surprised when Sue called and asked if she and Leah could come. Leah had been having issues with the death of her brother, Seth, and still hadn't forgiven me for everything that had happened. Sue, on the other hand, knew I had nothing to do with it. She had said that Dad had been helping her with the grieving process, which had actually helped both of them. The two of them have even joined a support group and would go for coffee afterward.

"Glad you guys could make it," Dad said outside.

"We couldn't miss her birthday," Billy said. "Where is she anyway?"

"Bella's upstairs getting her changed."

I finished putting McKenna in her pink sundress then quickly combed her curly hair.

"Barrette?" I asked.

"No."

"Ponytail?"

"No."

"Party?"

"Cake!" she said as she took off for the stairs. Thankfully Dad had 'McKenna-proofed' the house, so we had gates everywhere. I picked her up and brought her outside.

"There she is!" Dad said with a smile. I placed McKenna on her feet and she went running to him. "Look at your pretty dress."

"But-fly," she said patting her dress. Her dress had little pink and white flowers with small butterflies on them.

"Butt-er-flies. Say butterflies."

"But-fly! But-fly!" she said, laughing.

I walked back into the house to start getting the food ready when a wave of nausea hit. I hadn't been feeling well and thought I was getting a touch of the same flu that Dad and McKenna had a few weeks ago. Thankfully it had only lasted a few days for them, so I hoped mine would be the same.

Outside, I heard a horn honk loudly and looked out the kitchen window. I saw Carlisle's black Mercedes, Edward's silver Volvo, and a red BMW pull up in front of the house. I watched as Alice get out of the passenger's seat of Edward's car along with Jasper. I didn't think she would show up. I finished putting the food on the platter and went outside. McKenna was playing inside her playhouse, and was trying to pull Jake in with her.

"McKenna, I won't fit!" Jake said.

"Jakey, play!"

"I'm gonna break your pretty house. Grandpa will be mad."

"Play! Play!"

"Hey, Bella!" Rose said from the driveway.

"Rose, good to see you," I said as I set the food down on the table and started walking back towards the house to grab the rest of it.

"Do you need any help?" 

"Nope. I'm good. I'll be right back out."

Inside, I started putting the hot dogs and burgers on a plate when I heard the door open and close behind me.

"Hey, are you sure you don't need any help?" I heard Edward ask from behind me. "Bella? Are you alright?" I hadn't realized I was gripping the counter top until I felt Edward's hands on mine. When I opened my eyes, the room was spinning and I felt pain across my abdomen. This wasn't the flu. "Bella?" Edward asked concerned.

"I'm okay," I lied.

Edward grabbed a wash rag and ran it under the water before placing it on my forehead.

"Bella, what's wrong?"

"I'm fine. I'm probably just getting the flu or some other bug."

"Why don't you sit down for a minute and let my dad look at you."

"No. It's McKenna's party; I don't want to take anything away from that. Why is Alice here?"

"She'll be on her best behavior, I assure you. Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yes. I just haven't been feeling all that well. Dad and McKenna have been sick, so I'm sure I'm getting the tail end of it."

I let Edward carry the plate outside and sat down next to Esme and Rose, trying my best to hide my pain. I wasn't sure what was wrong, but as the day progressed, my pain started to get worse. I could see the concern in Edward's eyes.

After everyone ate, we watched as McKenna tore into her gifts. I could only imagine what she was going to be like at Christmas. Billy and Jake gave her a dream catcher for her room, which she tried to fly like a kite; Esme and Carlisle gave her art supplies; Edward gave her a pink jewelry box to hold the play jewelry that Rosalie and Emmett gave her; Sue and Leah gave her books; and Alice and Jasper gave her some new clothes.

After the presents were brought inside, Dad brought out the cake. I was quite proud of it, since I made it myself. It was a pink Barbie doll cake, where the skirt of her dress was made of white cake and frosting. I also made some pink cupcakes, just in case McKenna decided she didn't want to share. She had a sweet tooth just like Dad. The minute it was placed in front of her, she dove in it with her little hands. Esme, Rose and I both screeched at the sight, while McKenna, Emmett, Dad and Jake laughed.

"That's a girl who knows what to do with cake!" Emmett laughed. "I like this one."

"McKenna Claire Swan, what am I going to do with you?" I asked as I wiped her hands and face. McKenna answered by wiping a handful of frosting across my face. A split second later, a flash of a camera went off.

"I want a copy of that picture," Rose said.

"Definitely one for her scrapbook," Esme said with a giggle.

Everyone stayed a little while longer, until McKenna started yawning. Billy, Jake, Sue and Leah were the first ones to leave. The rest of the Cullens stayed a bit longer, since Emmett and Jasper started a small bonfire. I joined them and sat next to Rose and Edward after McKenna was passed out in her bed. My pain was flaring and it was taking everything I had not to scream out and grab my abdomen.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Edward whispered to me.

"No. I'm in pain, Edward. Something's wrong," I said having finally decided that maybe I should tell someone.

"Where?"

"Abdomen. I was spotting earlier today, but I don't think that's what's wrong."

"What's the matter?" Rose asked.

"It's okay, Rose, I'm handling it," Edward replied. His voice was stern, yet slightly annoyed, like he didn't want to bring any extra attention to the situation in order to keep me calm. I appreciated it, but I knew something was wrong.

"Handling what?" Esme asked.

"Bella's sick or something. She's been in pain all day and has refused to say anything."

"Pain where? Did you fall?" Dad asked.

"No, I didn't fall. I think I'll just go in and take some Tylenol." I stood to go into the house. The last thing I remember was someone yelling my name.

**CharliePOV**

As soon as Bella stood I knew there was a problem. Thankfully Edward caught her before she hit the ground. He carried her into the house placed her on the couch in the living room. Carlisle looked her over and when he pressed down on her lower abdomen, Bella cried out.

"You need to bring her in. It could be any number of things," he said.

"Can't you just give me something? I don't want to leave McKenna," Bella said.

"McKenna will be fine. I can stay with her," Esme said.

A half hour later, I was sitting in the waiting room with Edward waiting for news on Bella's condition. I was sure he was just as worried as I was. I was really starting to hate hospitals. A short while later, Carlisle appeared along with another doctor and led us into a consult room.

"Chief Swan, I'm Doctor Lexi Hammer. I'm the resident OB/GYN," she said.

"What's wrong with my daughter?" I asked.

"Doctor Cullen has filled me in on her circumstances and told me about the abortion your daughter was given, correct?"

"Yes. She had one over a year ago." I had no idea where she was going with this.

"When Bella was brought in, she was complaining of lower abdominal pain and spotting. When I questioned her about her monthly cycles, she mentioned that she doesn't have a regular period and can go a few months without one. When I did an internal examination, it was revealed that the source of her pain was coming from a miscarriage."

"Miscarriage? You mean...she was pregnant again?" I was stunned.

"Yes. In fact, I would say that this was a good thing. The abortion has damaged her uterus quite a bit. I'm surprised she was able to get pregnant and keep it as long as she did," Dr. Hammer said.

"Is she going to be okay? When can I take her home?"

"When we're done here. I've written a prescription for pain medicine and I'm waiting for it to be sent over from the pharmacy. But I should also tell you that I've discouraged Bella from having children in the future. Would you like me to take you to her?"

"Yes, thank you."

"I'll just wait here," Edward said quietly.

"You can come if you want. I'm pretty sure she'd like to see you."

"Really?" he asked nervously, looking down as he did so.

"Yes. I know you two are close and I know how much you mean to her." Edward nodded and slightly smiled before we followed Dr. Hammer back to the curtained-off area where Bella was. She was curled into a ball with her clothes on and had her eyes closed. I walked over to her and took her hand into mine. Her eyes fluttered open and I could see the sadness in them. "Are you okay?"

"I just want to go home," she said softly.

"I know."

"You stayed," Bella said when she noticed Edward at the foot of her bed.

"Of course I did. Where else would I have gone?" Edward asked.

Just then Bella squeezed my hand harder and whimpered. "What's wrong?" I asked worried.

"Just pain."

"I wish I could make it go away for you," I said.

"Me too," she said, her voice shaking.

"Why don't I go find your doctor and see if we can get out of here?"

"Okay."

**BellaPOV**

When Dad left to find my doctor, Edward took his place. I pulled him on the tiny bed next to me and curled into his side. His hand lightly traced up and down my back while he hummed to me. I couldn't place the tune, but it was soothing. I placed my arm on his chest and grabbed his shirt in my fist every time the pain came. I felt like my body was being torn in two, only not at once, but slowly. My pain came in waves; sometimes it was dull, other times it was so bad I wanted to pay someone just to end it.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Edward asked quietly.

"No," I said as I tried to wipe my tears.

"I figured as much. Do you want to talk about it?"

"I just...I feel like I'm never going to be released from his grip. I understand there's other ways of having children, but... I thought I was done with all of this, Edward. I thought I had finally gotten on the right path."

"You have. This is just a setback."

"It's just another thing he's taken away. It's not fair," I said quietly as my tears started again.

"You'll get through this, I promise."

All I could do was nod my head as I snuggled closer to him. I knew this was a setback, but I wouldn't let it consume me. I would let myself mourn for this loss, but maybe one day I could give McKenna a little sister or a brother. The thought of carrying another child never entered my mind until today; until the doctor told me I was pregnant. For a moment I thought it would be nice, even if it were Keith's. I was excited to experience a happy pregnancy rather than living in fear. But all of that slipped away when I was told I shouldn't try for more children; that the procedure the doctor did after I had gotten pregnant the second time damaged my uterus. While the doctor didn't come right out and say 'you'll never have children,' I knew that's what she meant. I was angry and hurt. But most of all, I just wanted to go home, hug and kiss my sweet little angel, and go to bed.

**CharliePOV**

An hour later, we were back home. The Cullens were in the living room watching television. I helped Bella upstairs and made sure she was comfortable in bed before going downstairs.

"How is she?" Esme asked.

I told Esme and the others what had happened. Would she ever be able to put this nightmare behind her? Is it not enough that she has a constant reminder in McKenna? I just don't understand how much more pain she needs to go through before she finds happiness. She truly deserved it.

Out of all the hurt and sadness tonight, I noticed something. Edward had stayed close by and made sure she was comfortable and cared for. The way he caught her as she fell; the way he held her tightly to him as I raced to the hospital; and the way he let her cry on his chest as we drove home. It was little things that I noticed. I had thought in the beginning that he was just trying to be nice; to give her a reason to smile when everything seemed so dark. But now...now I think it's more than that. And I think I would be okay with the two of them together.

After Carlisle and Esme had left, I went outside to take down the pop-up tent and found Edward already in the process of doing it.

"Need a hand, son?" I asked.

"Sure."

"Edward, I uh, just wanted to say thanks for everything you did tonight. It meant a lot."

"You're welcome. Bella means a lot to me."

"What about McKenna?" I asked.

"She's a little princess."

"You don't have any issues with Bella having a daughter, do you?"

"Of course not. Bella and McKenna mean everything to me, Charlie. _Nothing_ is going to change that."

"Are you sure about that? Because if you're having any doubts, any second thoughts about you and her, you need to figure it out quick. I won't let you mislead her."

"Charlie, calm down. I'm not having any second thoughts or doubts. None whatsoever. I love her, Charlie. Her and McKenna, okay? It doesn't matter that she won't be able to carry more children. If McKenna is all we have, than so be it. All I know is that the two of them will be happy, safe and taken care of."

I was a little shocked at Edward's words, but I knew he meant every word. I knew he would make my little girl happy. Hell, he had been already. I guess the father in me needed to hear that from him; I needed the reassurance.

"Well okay then," I said. I gave Edward a quick nod and together, the two of us finished taking down the tent.


	21. Chapter 21

Finding the Way Back Chapter 21

**CharliePOV**

Today was not going to be a good day.

Today, I had to leave for Tacoma for the weekend for work. I didn't want to go, but I had to. I had asked, begged even, for Bella and McKenna to stay with the Cullens, but Bella insisted they would be okay at the house. To say I was worried was a bit of an understatement. It had only been a little over a week since her miscarriage and I was afraid she was keeping things from me. Well, I _knew_ she was keeping things from me because there were times when she would barely speak a word to me. I also noticed that since that night she hasn't let McKenna out of her sight. It was like she was afraid something would happen if she couldn't see her. I didn't understand it. I also noticed that her phone calls to Edward seemed to be more frequent and longer in length. Before the miscarriage she would maybe spend a half hour or so talking to him, but now it's more like an hour. I'm not exactly sure what they talked about, but it seemed to be helping somewhat. I was happy she was talking to someone, but at times I wished she would open up to me.

I finished packing my bag and went downstairs where I found Bella making breakfast. McKenna was sitting in her highchair with a color book and crayon.

"Gampa!" she said with a smile.

"There's my little princess," I said as I sat next to her.

"Morning, Dad."

"Morning. What are you guys doing this weekend?" I asked.

"Haven't decided yet. I'd like to maybe get some flowers for the front of the house, but I'm not sure."

"That will be nice. There's some money in the jar if you need it."

"I know," she said with a slight smile as she placed a plate of food in front of me. I was actually looking forward to seeing what she did. I remembered at that moment how much Renee liked to garden and was glad to see it was passed down to Bella.

An hour later, my bag was in the cruiser and I kissed my girls goodbye. "I promise I'll call when I get there, okay?"

"Alright. Be safe, Dad," Bella said as her voice trembled. I knew she didn't want me to go.

"Always am."

"Say 'Bye, Grampa,'" Bella said to McKenna.

"Bye, Grampa," McKenna quietly replied.

I gave them both one last hug and kiss on the cheek, and then got in my cruiser. As I drove away, I looked in my rear view mirror and saw McKenna crying on Bella's shoulder, just the way Bella used to do when she was little.

_**BellaPOV**_

After Dad left, McKenna and I went out back and played in her playhouse. I loved just watching her run around chasing nothing at all and listen as she would laugh at herself. I loved watching her golden brown curls bounce and blow in the wind and listened as she carried on a conversation with herself. She was an amazing little creature.

A few hours later, McKenna and I were eating lunch when Dad called and said he made it to his hotel and that he was fine. After hanging up with him, Edward called and asked if everyone could come over for a little while.

"Kenna, should we wait outside for Edward and the others?"

"Eward?" she asked excitedly.

"Yeah, and Emmett and Rose."

"Yay!" she said clapping her little hands. Her excitement made me smile.

I helped her down from her highchair, grabbed her juice cup and we went outside. Thankfully we didn't have to wait long. As soon as Emmett, Jasper and Edward were out of the car, she took off running for them. She came across Emmett first, who pretended to fall over when McKenna threw herself at him. The biggest shock came when I saw Alice.

"Emmy!"

"Hey Kenna-girl," he said.

"Play!"

"Can Jasper play with us?" Emmett asked.

"Yes, Jap play!"

Edward came over to me, wrapped his arms around me and gently kissed my lips. It was just enough to make my head spin, and I loved it.

"Hi," I said.

"Hi. I've missed you."

"I've missed you, too."

I stood with Edward, Rosalie and Alice as we watched little McKenna drag Jasper and Emmett over to her playhouse and stood outside waiting for them to go in.

"I don't think they'll all fit," Rose said.

"Oh, she'll make them fit," I said.

"In, Jap, in!" McKenna yelled. Emmett was now inside the tiny pink house. There was no way she'd get both of them in it.

"Mic, there's no room," Jasper laughed.

"_In!_"

"She's feisty today," Edward chuckled. McKenna was now pushing Jasper into her tiny playhouse. "Think I should go rescue them?"

"She's gonna be mad when one of them breaks it," Rose said.

"Yeah, but it's fun to watch her try to boss them around," I said. I noticed that Alice hadn't uttered a word since she arrived, so I decided to try and make nice. "How is your summer going, Alice?"

"Fine. Thank you," she replied coldly.

"Any special plans?"

"Yes. How long are we going to be here?" she asked Edward.

"No one's keeping you here. You have two legs. If you want to leave, leave. I don't need your sour attitude around my daughter," I said.

"You mean the daughter you've forced onto _my_ family?" 

"I haven't forced anything on anyone."

"Right," she said as she rolled her eyes and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.

McKenna was now frustrated with Emmett and Jasper and decided to pick up her dolls from where she left them on the ground near her playhouse. Once her arms were full, she came running over to us. Edward held out his arms for her, which she happily jumped into.

"Hey little Princess," Edward said. McKenna leaned in and rubbed her nose against his, which was their new way of saying hello to each other.

"Uh, Jasper, a little help," Emmett said.

"Are you stuck?" Jasper asked.

"Yes! Now help me out!"

"You break it, you buy her a new one," I said.

McKenna started handing Rose all of her dolls. "Rose play!"

"Alright, we can play," Rose said.

McKenna looked over at Alice and held out her favorite doll. "Play?"

_This should be interesting,_ I thought.

Alice looked at us with an irritated look before turning away from us. I heard both Edward and Rose mumble something under their breath. I just didn't get Alice's hatred towards me. I tried to think of something I had done, but nothing came to mind. I just didn't get it.

"Edward, a little help!" Emmett called.

"Emmett, you got in there, you can get out!" Edward teased.

"There are tools in the garage if you have to take it apart," I said as Edward placed McKenna on her feet and walked away.

"McKenna, can Mommy and Edward go out tonight if I stay with you?" Rose asked.

"What are you talking about?" I asked.

"I bet we can make Emmett and Jasper stay, too," Rose said.

"Okay. Play!"

"Rose. What are you talking about?"

"Edward wants to take you out tonight."

"Oh. Are you sure you want to watch her? She can be a handful, even for Esme."

"Yes I'm sure. Why else did I bring Jasper and Emmett? They'll wear her out in no time."

"I don't think Jasper and I are staying," Alice said.

"Why?" Rose asked.

"Um...I think we have plans."

"No you don't. I asked you this morning. Jasper too," Rose said.

"Well maybe I thought of something for Jasper and I to do. I don't recall being told to tell you where I'm going. You're not my babysitter."

"If she doesn't want to be here, I'd rather she leave. McKenna doesn't need to be around people like that," I said.

"People like me? Don't you mean people like _you_?" Alice asked.

"Alice, that's _enough_," Rose said.

"What about me?"

"You're just an unwed mother who doesn't work and doesn't even have a high school diploma. What kind of life could you possibly give her? I'm sure you're planning to stick around while Edward goes through med school and will force him to marry you. I'm guessing you'll get pregnant, or fake it so he does marry you. But even then, what will you do? You don't have any talent or gifts. You're just _boring_."

"I don't have to listen to this, Alice. If you don't like being here, then just go, but I'm pretty sure Jasper is having too much fun with McKenna at the moment."

"We'll see," she said before she walked over to Jasper who was sitting on the ground with McKenna on his lap. They were watching Edward and Emmett take apart her playhouse, since Emmett couldn't get out. McKenna was banging a hammer on a piece of wood. She was going to be a tomboy, I could tell. "Jasper, I want to go."

"Why?" he asked.

"Because I don't want to be around her anymore or her daughter."

"Then go, Alice. I'm staying."

"I can't believe you're buying into her lies! God, it's bad enough she's roped Edward into this, but not you too. Jesus, she's taking over our entire family!"

"She's not taking over, Alice. You're just being ridiculous."

"More like a jealous twit," Emmett said.

"_Fuck you_, Emmett," Alice hissed.

"Alice!" I said walking over to them. "You need to leave. I won't subject McKenna to your language and hatred towards me. Emmett, Edward, Jasper, Rose, you're all welcomed to stay, but Alice, you need to leave _now_."

I picked up McKenna from Jasper's lap and walked in the house. I could hear Alice and Jasper yelling at each other. McKenna didn't need to be exposed to that. I felt like smacking her across her perfect little face. Lord knows she deserved it, but I knew that was a road I didn't want to go down.

"No, Mama. I want to go outside," McKenna said.

"We'll go back out in a minute, shortcake."

I stood in the living room and watched as Alice and Jasper argued. Her arms were flailing in the air as she yelled, while Jasper stood there and shook his head with his arms crossed over his chest. Edward and Rose said a few things to her as well before she left. Once she was gone, everyone came into the house.

"I'm sorry about Alice, Bella," Jasper said.

"Don't be. I just don't want McKenna hearing that."

"I know. I wouldn't either."

A few hours later, Edward and I were on our way up to Port Angeles for dinner. The restaurant was full, yet comfortable. I had never been here before. The lighting was dim creating a nice glow about the room. The tables had a small vase with flowers and a few tea candles. We were quickly seated near a large stone fireplace and gave our waiter our drink orders. Edward was seated next to me, rather than across, and held my hand in his as we looked over the menu's. Again I felt that spark that only he created when he touched me.

"So, for the Fourth of July, my parents are throwing a huge party. I'd love it if you, McKenna and Charlie could come," Edward said.

"What kind of party?"

"You know, music, food, fireworks. Esme didn't get to have one last year because she was sick, so this year she's going all out."

_This was news. _"What was wrong last year?"

"She found a lump in her breast. Thankfully it was nothing, but after they removed it, she didn't feel like having the party, so Carlisle canceled it."

"She's okay now though, right? She hasn't found another one?" I asked, concerned.

"Thankfully, no. So, will you guys come?"

"Yeah. I'll make my mom's flag cake."

"Is that the one with the strawberries and blueberries?"

"Yep."

"I'm sure Esme would like that. She's said you're getting really good at that stuff."

"Well I like to bake, and draw. But I doubt I'm _that_ good."

Over dinner Edward and I talked about his finals and made some plans on what we wanted to do this summer. I didn't feel quite as self conscious sitting in a restaurant as I did the last time, and I found myself really enjoying spending time away from everyone. I felt normal. I felt like a girl on a normal date.

_And I loved every second of it._

Edward and I each shared our food, since there was so much of it, and ended up bringing some of it home with us. After we were done at the restaurant, we walked around a bit since it was nice out. As we walked, Edward took my hand in his and it felt right, despite of everything that Alice said today. We spent another hour after dinner in Port Angeles just walking around and looking at the boats out on the water. We held hands the entire time we walked on the boardwalk and kissed when we reached the end of the pier. It was a perfect date.

When we arrived back at the house, we found everyone passed out in the living room. Rose was asleep on the couch and McKenna was wedged between Emmett and Jasper. All three of them were snoring. She looked completely uncomfortable, but since she was out like a light, I left her alone. I had learned the hard way that once she was out to just leave her be. Edward and I cleaned the dishes in the sink and then went out back and sat on the porch swing.

"What's the matter?" Edward asked.

"Nothing. Just thinking about things that Alice said, that's all."

"What things?"

"The part where she said I was ordinary and that I didn't offer anything. But mostly, I'm thinking about how she said I wouldn't be able to give McKenna a good life."

"She said that?" Edward asked angrily.

"Yeah. But you know what? I'm tired of trying to justify myself to her. I haven't done anything to her, even before I left, and now she thinks she can just come in and tell me I'm not a good mom? Yes, I make mistakes with McKenna. Yes, I don't have any special talent, and yes, I'm not a high school graduate. But does that really constitute what a good mother is?"

"No. You're a great mother to McKenna. I'm not sure why Alice is having issues with you, but I do know Jasper put her in her place."

"What do you mean?"

"He broke up with her today before she left. He's tired of her thinking she's better than everyone else. He can't stand it."

"Great, another thing she'll blame _me_ for."

"No, it's been a long time coming with those two."

"Oh." I was actually happy Jasper had broken up with Alice. He was such a caring, mellow person and Alice was constant drama. Part of me hoped this came as a shock to her and that she was home crying in her room over a few pints of Ben & Jerry's. But the other part of me felt bad for Jasper. He didn't need to deal with her drama. "So tell me then. Are you with me because of McKenna, or are you with me because you want _me_?"

Edward turned so he was looking directly at me. As much as I wanted to, I couldn't look into his beautiful green eyes in fear that I would loose my sudden streak of bravery. "I'm with you because you are an amazing person. You're the strongest person I know. I wake up each morning wondering how long it'll be before I see your beautiful brown eyes."

"But with everything that's happened -"

"It just makes you stronger," Edward said interrupting me. "I want to be with you and you alone, Bella. I want to make you and McKenna happy. I think of my future and I see the two of you standing next to me. I see us in a church with you in a white dress and me in a tux. When I think of our home, I see at least three kids running around keeping us busy."

"But I can't have kids," I said quietly.

"There's always adoption. I just want to be with you, Bella."

"I just want to be with you, too."

I felt Edward's lips on mine. And my little world was perfect for a moment.


	22. Chapter 22

_Complete Story Summary: _ Four years ago, Bella and her brother vanished. This is a story of finding your way back to happiness after your world has been torn apart. Mainly told from Bella's and Charlie's POV's.

**NOMINATIONS ARE OPEN FOR THE TWITASTIC AWARDS THROUGH JUNE19. IF YOU FEEL THIS FIC IS WORTHY AND WOULD LIKE TO NOMINATE IT, I WOULD LOVE YOU FOREVER. IF NOT, THAT'S COOL TOO. YOU CAN FIND THE TWITASTIC AWARDS HERE: . /**

Finding the Way Back Chapter 22

_Note: This chapter starts to skip ahead. There are things we need to get to!_

BellaPOV

McKenna was going to be the death of me, I was sure of it. She woke up this morning with a fire lit underneath her. She was constantly running in and out of the kitchen, where I was trying to finish up the cakes for Esme's 4th of July party. I did everything I could think of to get her to calm down, but nothing seemed to be working. It didn't help matters that Dad had brought work home to finish up.

"Kenna, can you please stay out of the kitchen? Mommy needs to finish this."

"No! I want to help," she persisted.

"The faster Mommy gets this done, the faster we can go to Edward's."

"No! I want to help!"

"Dad, a little help, please?"

"Kenna, let's go outside, huh?" Dad asked as he walked into the kitchen.

"I stay!" McKenna said as she clung firmly to my leg.

"How much time until you're done?"

"An hour, maybe? I'm just putting the Cool Whip and fruit on, and I still need to get her changed and her hair done."

"I'll get her changed, and you finish in here," he replied as he pried McKenna from my leg.

"Thanks."

After the cakes were finished and a monster hissy fit from McKenna, we were finally at the Cullen's. I had found a cute little sundress in Port Angeles last week that was white with a flag on the chest. Her hair was pulled back and held in place by a barrette. Dad and I took bets to see how long she'd keep it in.

The Cullen house was full of people by the time we arrived. Dad took McKenna out back while I carefully brought the cakes inside. The kitchen was just as busy, and I silently prayed I wouldn't drop them.

"Bella, dear," Esme said, "why don't you just leave those in here and go outside and enjoy yourself."

"Are you sure you don't need any help?" I asked.

"No, I'm fine."

I set the cakes down and went outside. Dad was talking with some friends with McKenna in his arms. The women he was talking to were gushing over her, and McKenna was loving every second of it. But it was Dad who seemed to be enjoying the stare from Sue. There was definitely something going on between them. Before I knew it, I saw her walk over to him. Dad gave her a sweet kiss on the cheek, before the three of them sat on a bench away from everyone. I looked around a bit and found Edward sitting in the gazebo, and decided to join him.

"Why aren't you with everyone else?" I asked.

"I was waiting for you, actually. McKenna has been attached to Charlie's hip ever since you guys got here."

"Which is surprising because she didn't want to leave me alone at the house. Let's get some food, huh? I'm starving."

"Sure. So I saw your dad and Sue together."

"I did, too. It's weird."

"Why is it weird?"

"I don't know. I'm not used to seeing him with someone other than Mom. She seems to make him happy, though. I mean, he always comes home in a better mood after having coffee with her."

"She's been going to a support group with him, right?" Edward asked.

"Yeah. I think it's been helping him, too. He doesn't seem as depressed when he talks about Ian or Mom."

"Does the thought of him being with her upset you?" Edward asked.

"No. I just want him to be happy."

Edward and I filled our plates then found a shady spot on the ground and chatted more about various things. It was nice to be able to have this feeling of content with him. Every time we were together it felt this way: easy, comfortable, and nice. While we were eating, McKenna wandered over with Charlie and Sue and sat on Edward's lap. She then proceeded to eat the food on his plate.

"Yum!"

"McKenna, you have to ask before taking," I said.

"Peese?" Edward nodded his head, and McKenna continued to eat. She picked up a grape and turned to face Edward. "Open."

The party was a success if you asked me. Just before dusk, Dad took McKenna home, as she was half passed out, and told me to stay and enjoy myself. Emmett and Jasper had started a bonfire in the back yard while we waited for the fireworks.

"Bella, I want you to meet someone," Esme said from behind me. I turned and saw her standing next to a woman her age, with light blonde hair and a warm smile. "This is Julie March. She owns March Bakery and Sweet Shop on Dunken Street."

"Hi, nice to meet you," I said as I shook her hand.

"Esme tells me you made the flag cakes and helped out with some of the other platters."

"Yeah. I enjoy cooking and baking," I said. "I've helped her with a few platters for various dinner parties."

"Well, I'm looking for a new apprentice for my shop. The last girl I had quit after graduation and flew to New York, and I can't run the place in the mornings one person short. Would you be interested? It's a good salary, plus benefits."

"Really? Me?" I was shocked that someone who didn't even know me would be offering me a job.

"Yes. Esme has talked non-stop about how good you are in the kitchen. I would really love having you."

"Wow." I was stunned. I've known this woman all of a minute, and she's offering me a job. I didn't know what to think.

"I'll take McKenna for you while you work, too," Esme said.

"Please?" Julie asked.

"Uh...sure?"

"Great! Why don't you come Monday morning at four am? That way I can take you through a typical morning. You'll have an hour lunch and you'll be done at three. Is that alright?"

"Sure. Sounds fine. Thank you so much."

"Fantastic! See you Monday!"

I left Esme and Julie and went to find Edward. He was playing basketball with Jasper and Emmett. I sat on the blanket next to Rosalie. Alice was on the other side of her, watching Jasper.

"So, I just got a job," I said.

"Really? Where?" Rose asked.

"At the bakery in town."

"Awesome! When do you start?"

"Monday at four in the morning."

"How exciting! Do you know what you'll be doing?"

"Nope. I don't really care, though. I'm just glad to have one."

"Well they make the best cookies there. Emmett always stocks up before heading home. I swear he's obsessed with them," Rose said.

"How are things between you and Jasper, Alice?" I asked.

"Okay, I guess."

"Are you guys back together?"

"No, not yet. I've done what he's asked, and he still won't take me back."

"Maybe he's looking for more? You can say you've changed all you want, but have you?" I asked.

Alice didn't answer. Rose and I sat and watched the boys play a little longer before they came over and joined us. Edward wrapped his arms around me in a hug.

"Ew! Edward, you're all sweaty," I laughed.

"Sorry."

"It's okay. So who won?" I asked.

"I did, of course," Jasper said with a huge smile on his face.

"Only because we _let_ him," Emmett said.

"I don't think so. He looked like he won fair and square to me," Alice said.

"Thank you, darlin'," Jasper replied.

The fireworks started a short time later, but they were nothing compared to the sparks I felt every time I was with Edward. I just wished McKenna was here to see them. Maybe I could sneak a box of sparklers for us to light tomorrow.

"Happy Fourth of July," Edward said before kissing me.

"You, too."

_**~October~**_

Working at the bakery was a blast. McKenna adjusted quite well to the change in our daily schedule and would visit me during lunch with either Esme, Sue or Dad. Julie even purchased a child sized apron with her name on it. I swear, all this girl had to do was meet you and she'd have you wrapped around her finger, completely in love with her. Sue had started watching McKenna on Tuesdays and Thursdays so Esme could have a few days off. McKenna was just as happy on the Res as she was with Esme. Jake would bring her to First Beach and would look for shells with her, while Leah would braid her hair and teach her how to make some jewelry, which mainly consisted of pieces of string tied together.

My relationship with Edward was as strong as ever. Of course, I missed him like crazy since he was back at school, but the distance didn't seem to matter to us. We spoke daily on the phone and exchanged text messages and emails as well. He still sent flowers weekly and every now and then I would send cookies to him from the bakery. I wish there was a way I could get up to Seattle and surprise him, but with work and his heavy class load, it wasn't possible. I'd have to settle and wait for Thanksgiving to see him again.

For my birthday, however, Edward skipped his Friday classes and surprised me. He, Emmett, Jasper and Rosalie all went in on a birthday gift and got me a new Kenmore mixer, black, with flames painted on it. It was good timing too, because the one in the house finally died. McKenna gave me a cement shaped heart with her hand print in it, which for some reason made me cry. I guess it was because I realized she wouldn't be my baby girl forever. Dad gave me a small pair of diamond stud earrings. I've worn them every day since.

Today was Halloween. McKenna's first Halloween that I was a part of. Esme had made her a Strawberry Shortcake outfit, since that was her new favorite thing. Esme even found a wig for her to wear, but McKenna decided she didn't like it. Two weeks ago she was into My Little Pony. Good thing Renee kept all of mine from when I was a kid. When I found them in the attic, I laughed at the memory of Rosalie, Alice and I playing as kids. Mom had to put my initials on the foot of each horse so we would know who they belonged to. The initials were there, but the ink was faded.

I was just finishing up with a customer, when I heard her.

"Mommy!"

"Just a minute, Shortcake. Mommy's finishing with a customer, then you can go to her," Dad said.

I finished with my customer, then grabbed a cookie from the display and broke it in half for her. "Have you been good for Grandpa today?"

"Yes. I saw Jake and Leah!" she said.

"I brought her to the Res today. Sue wanted to see her and her costume, so she ended up bringing her around the Res and yeah, she already has a bag of candy."

"Which will be hidden, correct?"

"It's already in my desk at work," Charlie said with a wink.

"Let me guess, you had to show her off there as well?"

"Bells, she's my Granddaughter. Of course I had to show her off. How cute is she in her costume?"

"Yeah, yeah. She's cute alright."

"Esme? Carbile?" McKenna asked. She was so cute trying to say Carlisle's name.

"We're going for dinner, just give me a few minutes to change, okay?"

A half hour later, we were at the Cullen house for dinner. McKenna rang the doorbell over and over until Carlisle answered. The minute the door opened, McKenna held out her bag.

"Peese?"

"After dinner, 'Kenna," I said.

We walked into the house, and upon reaching the living room, my jaw dropped. There, standing in the living room, was Edward, dressed like Batman.

"You're supposed to be at school," I said.

"I know."

"Then what are you doing here?"

"I had to see you. I didn't want to miss this big occasion," he said before kissing me.

After dinner, Edward and I brought McKenna out along with Charlie, Carlisle and Esme. McKenna was a few steps in front of Edward and I, and when she came upon a fully decorated house, she clamped onto Edward's leg and wouldn't take another step forward.

"It's okay, there's nothing to be afraid of," Edward said rubbing her back.

"Too scary."

"I'll go with you, okay?"

"Okay."

Edward held her hand and walked with her up to the door. However, when the homeowner answered, he was dressed like a vampire and scared the crap out of McKenna to the point where she started crying her eyes out.

"Home!" she cried.

"You don't want to stay out?" Edward asked rubbing her back.

"No. I go home," McKenna said, followed by a big yawn.

"She made a good haul," Carlisle said. "Do you want me to x-ray her stash to check it?"

"People do that?" I asked.

"Yeah."

"What happened to sitting on the couch and waiting while Mom and Dad checked each piece by hand?" I asked.

"More like sort out the good stuff and hide it from the kids," Dad said.

"You are so evil, Dad."

Once McKenna was changed and asleep in her bed, I joined Edward out back on the swing. Charlie was in his room reading. Since Edward would have to drive back to school in the morning, I wanted to spend as much time with him as possible.

"Here, I snuck this for you," I said handing him a mini Snicker's bar.

"My favorite, thanks."

"Sure."

I sat next to Edward and put my head on his shoulder. "Cold?"

"No, I'm good, thanks."

Edward moved his arm and placed it around my shoulders, pulling me to his chest. "Only a few weeks until break."

"Mmmm...can't wait. A whole week with you."

"Yep. You'll get sick of me."

"Never."

"Really?" he asked.

"Nope. I love spending time with you."

"I do too. And McKenna."

"She loves you. You know that picture I have of us next to my bed?"

"Yeah?" 

"Each night before she crawls into bed, she kisses it. 'Night Eward,' she says."

"Sounds like she has a crush on me."

"She's not the only one."

"Really? Who else likes me?" he teased.

"I do, you dork."

"As it happens, I have a crush on you too. Although, I don't think I'd call it a crush."

"What would you call it then?"

"Love."

I sat up and looked at him. "What?"

"I said, I think I love you."

"Edward..."

"I understand if you can't say it. And you probably think I'm an idiot or something, but I do. I love you." Before I realized what I was doing, my lips were on him, kissing him fiercely. Edward Cullen was in love with me. _Me!_ And he loved my daughter. What more could a girl ask for? Finally, everything I had wanted, the normalcy I craved, seemed to be happening.

"I love you, too," I said after breaking our kiss.

Edward kissed me again, and I was in Heaven.


	23. Chapter 23

Finding the Way Back Chapter 23

_Note: This is one of my favorite chapters :)_

**EdwardPOV **

**~_March~_**

_Just go in and ask already_, I thought.

Four months ago Bella and I said we loved each other. Truth is, I've loved her ever since we were kids. I was destroyed when she was taken, afraid when she first returned, and mesmerized as I watched her become a mother to McKenna.

Since that memorable Halloween, I had been exchanging emails with my father, and they weren't the one or two lined emails saying I was okay and that classes were fine. No, these were more in depth. We discussed this overwhelming feeling I had inside of me, this constant feeling of longing to be with Bella. My every thought was of her and sweet little McKenna. My dreams were filled with a lifetime of happiness and a house full of love and laughter. I wanted that more than ever and would give anything to have it. I needed to know that what I felt was normal. While Emmett and Jasper were my best friends and brothers, when it came down to it, it was Carlisle's opinion that mattered most to me.

So here I was sitting in the Volvo in front of Bella's house. She was in Seattle this weekend for work at some Bridal Fair thing and wouldn't be home until sometime on Sunday. I was so happy that she was confident enough to do this. It was the first time she was away from home, and I thought she'd be nervous and afraid about it, but she said she was excited. I could have gone with her and Julie to help out at the fair, but declined and told her some made up lie. This wasn't a bad lie, it was a good one. At least I hoped it was.

As I walked up to the house, I gathered my nerves and rang the bell.

_Please let Charlie be in a good mood and please let his gun be unloaded and locked away_.

"Hey, Edward. You do know Bella isn't here, right?" Charlie asked after he answered the door.

"Yeah. I was actually here to see you. I was hoping we could talk."

"_That _talk, huh?"

"Uh...yes?" I said. How did he know what I was going to ask him?

Charlie chuckled and held the door open for me. I went into the living room where McKenna was playing.

"Hi Edwar!" she squealed.

"Hey there little Princess."

"So, you said you wanted to talk?" Charlie said as he sat next to McKenna. She was coloring in a coloring book, happy as a clam.

"Yeah. So, I had this huge speech all planned out and everything, but I'm way too nervous to say all of it. So, I'll just say it. I would like permission to marry Bella," I blurted out. My hands were sweating and my heart was racing as I waited for Charlie to say something.

"I kind of figured that's what you came to see me for," he replied with a long, heavy sigh.

"Yeah. I love her and McKenna. I can give them a good life."

"You're not done with college. Don't you have a few years left? How will you support them? What about living arrangements?"

"I have the remainder of this year and then my residency, yes. I have enough in savings from my biological parents to live quite comfortably. And the living arrangements...I'm not quite sure about that."

"And what about her job? You know how much she enjoys it," Charlie said.

"I know. If she wants to keep working there, that's fine. I just want her and McKenna to be safe and happy. I can do that for them. They'll never have to worry about anything."

_Please let my answers be good enough_, I silently prayed.

"And the fact that she won't be able to have more children isn't a problem for you?" he asked.

"Should we decide to have children, we can adopt."

Charlie let out another long sigh and looked at McKenna. "Do you have the ring yet?"

"No. I haven't figured out when and how to ask her, either."

I sat and watched Charlie nod his head before he stood and went upstairs.

_Crap, he's getting his gun. My answers to his questions weren't good enough. He's going to get his gun and tell me to leave his girls alone and never come back. _

_What was I thinking? He just got his daughter back and I'm asking him to let her go. Not just his daughter, but granddaughter, too. _

_Which is why he's getting his gun, idiot. _

McKenna crawled up on my lap. She tucked her head under my chin and let out a yawn. I grabbed the blanket that was next to us and wrapped it around her.

"Sweet dreams," I said.

"Sweet dreams," she said back to me before drifting off to sleep.

Charlie appeared a few minutes later. My nervousness increased ten fold since I couldn't read his face. Was he angry that I asked to marry Bella? Was he putting on a tough guy image for me? I just didn't know what to think.

_Well, there's no gun in his hands._

_That you can see anyway. He's a cop. It could be hidden anywhere on him._

"Here, let me take her," Charlie said.

"It's alright. She seems comfortable."

Charlie sat next to me and handed me a small box. "It was Renee's. Maybe you could have it reset or something."

"You don't mind giving this to me?" I asked, shocked.

"No. I know it would mean a lot to her to have it. If you don't use it, give it back so I can do something with it."

"I will. Thank you."

_I'm going to marry my best friend._

I couldn't believe that Charlie gave me his blessing. I was a mix of emotions: happy, anxious, nervous, elated, and petrified. At least the hard part was over. Now I just needed to think of a way to ask her.

That night I was in my room reading. Charlie's box with Renee's ring was sitting next to me.

"Busy?" Dad asked from my door.

"No. What's up?" I asked as I closed my book.

Dad closed my door and sat on the edge of my bed. "Just wanted to know how it went with Charlie today."

"Good. Better than expected, actually."

"You found a ring already?" Dad asked noticing the box.

"No. It's Renee's. I was trying to figure out a way to use it."

"We should go see Hank tomorrow." Hank was his go to man for jewelry for Mom. She had some beautiful pieces from his store. I knew for a fact none of my brothers had been to see Hank yet, so this was a big deal.

"Really?"

"Yeah. Unless you've changed your mind on the whole thing?"

"No. I want to marry her. I'm just nervous about how – and when - to do it."

"Well, you could make a big production about the whole thing, but I think if you just let it happen it'll be fine. You'll know when it's the right time."

"How did you know with Mom?"

"I was doing my residency in the emergency room which meant long hours away from her and when I _was_ home, I was usually sleeping. One night a little girl came in who was very sick and passed away. It was the first child I had lost and was completely consumed with guilt. I thought something I had done caused her death. When I arrived home, I found Esme waiting up for me. Someone from the hospital called and told her what had happened. She led me to our room and let me cry on her shoulder. She kept telling me it wasn't my fault. I realized that night that there was no one else for me. It was a Tuesday morning when I asked her. She was standing in the kitchen making breakfast with her usual smile on her face. Just one look at her that morning and I knew."

"You asked her in the kitchen?" I asked shocked.

"Yep. Although a week later I made up for it and asked her when we were out to dinner."

Dad and I talked a little while longer, mainly about school and what area of medicine I wanted to practice. I was undecided about that as well. Part of me wanted to be a surgeon like him, but another part of me wanted something different.

The next day Dad and I went to see his friend Hank. He owned a store in Port Angeles and was well known. When we arrived, he changed the sign on the door to 'closed' and locked it.

"Carlisle, you haven't been into the store in a while. I thought you had forgotten about me," Hank said.

"No, just been busy."

"So what brings you in?"

"My son here is looking for an engagement ring. Edward, why don't you show him Renee's ring and see if he can't do something?"

I handed Hank Renee's ring. It was beautiful: a simple solitaire diamond mounted to a thin gold band. Knowing how much Bella loved and missed her mother, I was hoping Hank could come up with something good.

"Very nice," he said. "Do you want a new setting or did you want to add to it?"

"I'm not sure. It was her mother's ring."

"Well, we could do a few things with it. We can keep it the way it is and design the wedding ring around it, or we can take it out of this setting and place it in one you like. But why don't you just look around for a bit and see if anything jumps out at you."

I spent the next few hours looking around before settling on a three stone ring with two rows of tiny diamonds on the side. I had seen it shortly after we arrived. It reminded me of the sparkle she had in her eyes. Hank said he would take out one of the diamonds and replace it with Renee's and that I could pick it up in a few days since he needed to replace the other side diamond to match Renee's.

While at the store, Bella sent a text message saying she was back in town, but went to work to finish up a few things and to meet with a new client for a wedding. I was amazed at how far she's come in her work. She started off by making cookies at the bakery and now she's doing wedding cakes. Some of which were breathtaking and looked like they belonged in one of Alice's magazines, and now that's all she does. With the promotion of official wedding cake designer came a new round of confidence for her. It was amazing to see that confidence come through. She smiled more; she stood straighter; she just seemed to be a happier person. I felt like a kid when I watched her create her cakes. She reminded me of the days when Esme would take us to the grocery store. We would stand at the bakery counter watching them make birthday cakes and wondering how they did it.

After Dad promised Hank he'd return soon with Mom, we drove back to Forks where he dropped me off at the bakery. From outside I saw that she was still with her clients and decided to just walk around a bit. By the time I made it back, she was just walking her customers out.

"...I'll call with the address for the reception," the woman said.

"Great. See you soon!"

"How was Seattle?" I asked as I hugged her.

"Amazing. It went by so fast. I don't remember sitting down the entire time. Some of the brides were so rude."

"I bet they were."

"Come on, I just have to do a few things inside and then we can go."

An hour later we were back at Bella's, sitting on the floor of the living room while McKenna played with her homemade play dough. It was more like Bella and McKenna playing with play dough while I sat back and watched. Seeing Bella with her daughter was a beautiful sight. She had a glow around her when the two were together, and McKenna seemed to have one as well. Ever since I decided to propose, I kept seeing Bella with a baby in her arms and McKenna in mine. I knew it was most likely impossible for Bella to get pregnant again, but there were other ways of having a family. I couldn't wait until it happened.

A few weeks had passed and I was back at school. Classes during April always seemed to drag on. Maybe it was just the weather or the anticipation of the end of the semester. For some of us, it was the anticipation of graduation. So imagine my surprise one Wednesday afternoon when I was surprised by the love of my life.

"What in the world are you doing here?" I asked surprised.

"I know a guy who goes here and I thought I'd surprise him," she joked. She was leaning up against my car. The sunlight brought out the light brown in her hair. She was beautiful.

"Where's McKenna?" I asked before kissing her.

"With your mother back in Forks. I had to come up and deliver a cake anyway, so I thought I'd stop by and see how your classes were going."

"They're fine. Rosalie is going to go crazy knowing you're here."

"Actually," she said, "I was hoping maybe we could just go to a quick dinner? I still have to drive back to Forks tonight."

"Yeah, sure. Just let me drop this stuff at the apartment, okay?"

I couldn't believe she was here. Even in jeans and a sweatshirt, she was beautiful. Thankfully when we reached the townhouse, Rose, Alice and Emmett were gone. I dropped my bag in my room, grabbed Bella's ring and joined her back in the car. A short while later, we were in a local restaurant. Our conversation was light, with Bella talking about McKenna and her work most of the time. Apparently McKenna was still sick from a cold and keeping Bella awake with all the coughing and sneezing she was doing. Thankfully Charlie promised that he'd take her this weekend so Bella could get some sleep.

After dinner, she drove me back to the apartment. I didn't want her to go. I wanted her to stay the night. I wanted her to stay _with me_.

"Ugh, another four hour drive," Bella mumbled.

"Why don't you stay? By the time you get back to Forks it'll be like what, two in the morning? McKenna will be asleep at my parents and you won't be able to get her until morning anyway. I'll sleep on the couch and you can have my bed."

"I don't know..."

"Please? I have an early class so you could be on the road by seven. I'll even call Esme for you when my alarm goes off. I don't like the idea of you driving back by yourself in the middle of the night."

"Alright. But you also have to call Charlie."

"Deal."

"You're lucky I have tomorrow morning off."

We walked into the house where Emmett and Alice were watching a movie while Rose was reading.

"Bella! What are you doing here?" Emmett asked.

"I had to deliver a cake and Edward freaked out when I told him I still had to drive home tonight, so he convinced me to stay."

"Well, well, well. Looks like our little Edward is becoming a man," Emmett joked.

"Shut up. I have an early class so we're going to bed."

"Where's your daughter? Wait, let me guess. She's with my family," Alice said.

"That's right. Where's Jasper?" Bella asked. Alice didn't answer but glared at Bella. "Where is he?"

"He's out on a date with Rebecca," Rosalie answered. Rebecca was Jasper's new girlfriend whom he met a few weeks ago at the library. She was beautiful: tall with light strawberry blond hair and bright blue eyes. I hadn't seen Jasper this happy in a long time.

"Does she go here?" Bella asked.

"Yeah. She's pre-law," Rose replied.

"Well, maybe Jasper decided he wanted someone with a whole brain instead of someone with half of one."

"Yeah? And maybe Edward's just using you until he finds someone better. Someone with a high school diploma and actual aspirations to be something more than a baker with a bastard child!" Alice shot back as she stood from the couch.

"Don't you _dare_ speak about my daughter that way!"

"You're just using her to get to Edward and his money!"

"_Fuck you, Alice!_ I love your brother and there's not a damn thing you can do about it!"

"I can do plenty!"

"Okay, lets calm down here," Emmett said standing as he tried to defuse the situation. "I'm all for a hot chick fight, but I really don't want to have to deal with the neighbors."

"Come on Bella, let's go to my room," I said.

I grabbed Bella's hand and pulled her back to my room. When I closed the door, I heard Rosalie and Alice arguing. I couldn't deal with it tonight. I just wanted one night of peace and quiet. One night free of Alice's drama and bitchiness.

"I'm sorry about that, Edward," Bella said as she sat on my bed.

"Don't be. Alice is a bitch and is upset that Jasper's dating other people," I said.

"Still. It's not like me to swear. I should apologize to her."

"Not tonight," I said.

"Do you have a shirt I can wear?" she asked.

"Yeah. They're in my closet. Help yourself."

I sat and waited for Bella to reemerge from my closet and contemplated how to ask her. I couldn't wait to ask her anymore. I took it as a sign that she surprised me and decided tonight was the night. I didn't even realize I had the ring in my hand until Bella said something.

"What's that?"

_Shit._

"Something for you," I said.

"Oh."

"Come and sit down please?" I asked.

"What's wrong?" she asked as she sat next to me.

"Nothing's wrong."

"Are you sure?"

I took a deep breath and slid from the bed onto my knee. I started shaking a bit knowing that I was going to ask her. Any speech I had worked out was gone, and I spoke the only words that came to mind. "Bella, we have been friends since we were kids. The truth is, I've loved you all of my life. You know me better than I know myself. I can't picture my life without you and McKenna in it. I love you more than anything and I know I can make you happy. Will you marry me?"

"Yes," Bella replied as the tears spilled over. "Yes, yes, yes!"

Bella fell to her knees in front of me and wrapped her arms around me. As I kissed her, I realized this was the most passionate she had ever been with me. I placed the ring on her finger and explained how one of the diamonds was Renee's, which only made her cry harder. I decided that night as she slept that I would blow off my classes tomorrow and drive with her back to Forks to tell our parents. I couldn't wait to tell them.


	24. Chapter 24

Finding the Way back – Chapter 24

**BellaPOV**

The next morning, Edward and I left to make the drive down to Forks before anyone else was awake. Before hitting the highway, we stopped at the local Starbucks for coffee, followed by a gas station to fill up. Once that was done, we jumped on the highway and made the four hour trip back home to Forks.

I still couldn't believe Edward had proposed to me last night. I was sure some women wouldn't have liked the way he did it, but for me, it was perfect. Even though his siblings were in the same house, in that moment no one else existed. I had felt so loved, so wanted, that I was overcome with emotion. As Edward held me that night, I thought of what I wanted my marriage to be. I wanted nothing more than happiness and love. It didn't matter where we lived or what we did. As long as I felt that my home was full of love, I would be happy, and I knew Edward would do just that. He had proven that in so many different ways that nowhere on Earth was a piece of paper long enough to list everything he had done for me. I loved this man more that I ever thought was possible.

A few short hours later, we pulled up in front of the house. When we walked inside, Dad was pacing around the living room holding McKenna close to his chest. She was crying and looked rather pale.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"She hasn't been feeling well and the Children's Tylenol isn't helping either," Dad said as he handed McKenna to me. I pressed my lips to her forehead and felt how hot she was. I was scared for her. This was the first time she had been this sick and I was unsure of what to do.

"Do you want me to call my dad to take a look at her?" Edward asked.

"I called him about ten minutes ago. He should be here any minute now."

"How long has she been coughing like this? It wasn't this bad yesterday," I said.

"Started last night. I'm sure it's nothing more than just a cold."

Carlisle arrived a few minutes later. McKenna was still crying and screaming her lungs out and was refusing food and water. She hadn't done that when she had been sick before. Everything I was doing was not calming her down. She didn't want to be put down, but didn't really want to be held; she didn't want something to drink, but refused to let go of her sippy cup; and she was yawning, but didn't want to sleep. I didn't get it.

"Look, it's Carlisle," I said while trying to sooth McKenna.

"No!" McKenna cried.

"It's okay, sweetheart," Carlisle calmly said.

McKenna fought the entire time Carlisle looked at her. Of course the more she cried, the more she coughed, which only caused her to cry more. Thankfully, Carlisle was very patient with her.

"So? Is it just a cold?" I asked.

"I think you need to bring her in. I can hear some cracking and whatnot in her lungs. At minimum she needs a chest x-ray."

"Is it serious?"

"I don't know. It could be a nasty chest cold, or it could be something more, but I'd bring her in soon."

"Okay. We'll take the cruiser. We'll go lights and siren," Charlie said.

"Dad, the siren scares her. Where's her blanket?"

When we arrived at the hospital, a nurse took McKenna and brought her in the back straight away. I took that as a bad sign and was mentally kicking myself for not coming back home last night. I buried my face in my hands and rested my elbows on my knees. _What if we waited too long to bring her in? What if there's something really wrong with her?_ I should have just come home rather than go see Edward. I should be putting my daughter before myself.

"She's going to be okay, Bella," I heard my Dad say as he put an arm around my shoulders, pulling me close to him.

"You don't know that."

"Yes I do. You were sick like this a few times, and the doctors here are very good."

A few minutes later, a doctor walked out and over to us.

"We've started an IV on McKenna to replace the fluids she's lost and will be bringing her to get a chest x-ray in a few minutes," the doctor said.

"Can I see her?" I asked.

"Of course. We did give her a mild sedative to calm her down as well."

Dad and I followed the doctor back to McKenna's bed. She was awake, but was a lot calmer, being held by a nurse. Her little arm was taped up with an IV. The moment I saw her I started crying. She looked so tiny and helpless. I took her from the nurse and held her close to me.

The x-ray was a disaster, since McKenna had fallen asleep in my arms and had to be woken up. She was sobbing and wanted for me to hold her, but I couldn't for the few minutes it took for the x-ray to be taken. Once that was done, we were moved to a private room so McKenna could be more comfortable. A nurse came in and gave her a breathing treatment which consisted of Albuterol to help open her lungs. I lay on the bed and let her curl up next to me. She didn't like the oxygen mask and kept pushing it away, until a nurse came in and put on a movie for her to watch while we waited for the doctor to come back. She also said it didn't matter if McKenna wore the mask, as long as it was near her face and was breathing it in. This was a lifesaver, as she eventually calmed down and fell back asleep.

"How's she doing?" Edward asked from the door. He and Dad had left to get some food.

"Still sleeping."

"Can we come in?" Esme asked from behind Edward.

"Sure."

Carlisle walked over and shut off the oxygen since the Albuterol was done and listened to her lungs. "They sound a bit better. Have the x-rays been read yet?"

"I don't think so. At least, no one's come and talked to us yet." Carlisle mumbled something under his breath and then walked out. "Did I say something?"

"No dear. I'm sure he's going to see what the holdup is," Esme said.

Dad returned a few minutes later followed by Carlisle and McKenna's doctor, who looked none to pleased. "It looks like McKenna has a case of bronchitis and is a bit dehydrated."

"Is that bad?" I asked.

"No, but I'd like for her to finish her bag of fluids and give her another breathing treatment before you take her home. She'll be on antibiotics and you'll be given a portable nebulizer machine for her breathing treatments, which a nurse will show you how to use. You'll need to bring her to her regular doctor in a week for a check up, okay?" 

As I waited for McKenna to finish getting her fluids, I called and spoke to my boss to let her know what was going on and that I wouldn't be in today or tomorrow, since McKenna was pretty sick. Thankfully, I didn't have any orders that needed my attention, so she was fine with my absence.

Edward and I decided to wait a bit before telling everyone that we were engaged. It just didn't feel right with McKenna being sick. Before he left to go back to school, Edward had purchased a new doll for her. She wrapped her little arms around him and gave him a kiss on the cheek. I almost cried when I saw that.

Two weeks had passed and McKenna was back to her usual self and was running around the Cullen house like she owned the place. Edward and I decided that we would tell the family tonight about our engagement, since everyone was here, but I was pretty sure Dad already knew. I wasn't really worried about what he'd say, but rather, I was nervous as to what Alice would say. She and I still weren't getting along, and I had an overwhelming feeling that I would be forced to put her in the wedding because she was Edward's sister. I had to laugh at Alice, though. She was doing anything and everything to get Jasper's attention. Although he wasn't ignoring her, he wasn't really speaking to her either. He had broke it off with his girlfriend a few days ago from what I heard, and was rather upset about it. Alice was using every trick she knew to get him to talk to her, but she was failing.

"Everyone," Edward said at the dinner table, "Bella and I have an announcement."

"What is it dear?" Esme asked.

"We're getting married!" I announced.

Esme jumped up from her chair and came over to Edward and I. She gave us both a hug and a kiss on the cheek as tears fell from her eyes. "Your mother would be so happy for you," she whispered into my ear.

After the family calmed down from the squealing, hugging and a few tears, we all sat back down to finish dinner. Alice looked livid, but I refused to let her ruin this for me.

"When did Edward ask you?" Rosalie asked.

"The day before McKenna went into the hospital. We were going to tell everyone then, but it just didn't feel right," I said.

"Tell them about your ring," Edward said.

"One of the stones was the diamond in my mom's ring."

"Oh how sweet! Now she'll always be with you," Rosalie said.

"Alice dear, you have yet to congratulate your brother," Esme said.

"Congratulations," Alice said dryly. I could tell it was difficult for her to say it. Her lips had been pursed and she had anger in her eyes. I could tell she wanted to say more and was a little shocked that she didn't. But maybe it was because she was in front of Carlisle and Esme. Whatever the reason was, I was glad she didn't ruin this for Edward and I.

"Have you given any thought to the type of wedding you'd like?" Rosalie asked.

"Not really. I don't want anything too big, though."

Throughout the rest of the night, Rosalie, Esme and I talked about the wedding, while the men watched the Stanley Cup Finals. McKenna decided she wanted to sit with Edward and every time he cheered, she did as well, although she kept yelling "home run" rather than "goal." Dad was certainly rubbing off on her. Not that I minded.

Esme brought out her wedding photo album and Alice joined our little group. I loved looking at the old photos. She was so beautiful and statuesque in her dress and Carlisle was stunningly handsome in his tux. In a few of the group shots, I saw my parents. Esme told us stories of their engagement and wedding and even said Carlisle got a little woozy during the rehearsal. She was afraid he was going to pass out at one point, but thankfully all he needed was something to eat to make him feel better. Apparently he had come straight from work and hadn't had time to eat anything. Their wedding went off without a hitch, even though he did cry when saying his vows.

"Bella, are you and McKenna staying the night?" Charlie asked from the doorway.

"Not sure, why?"

"She's sound asleep on Emmett's chest. I can bring her home if you want."

"Oh. Yeah, if you don't mind? I think I'd like to stay a bit longer, if that's alright?"

"No, it's fine. I'm off tomorrow anyway. Do you mind if I bring her to the Res?" 

"Of course not. She loves it there."

"Call me sometime tomorrow so I know when you're coming back," Charlie said.

"I will. Love you."

"Love you, too."

Edward and I went up to his room a few minutes later. I was tired and was looking forward to sleeping in tomorrow, since I didn't have McKenna. I threw on one of Edward's t-shirts and snuggled up next to him in bed.

"Did you enjoy your time with Esme and Rosalie?" Edward asked.

"Yeah. She showed us her wedding album. She was beautiful."

"She was, yes."

"Edward, do I need to ask Alice to be in our wedding? I mean, I want Rosalie for sure, and I know Alice is your sister as well, but we just don't get along."

"No, it's fine. I asked Jasper to be my best man and Emmett agreed to be an usher if we need one."

"I feel bad not asking her, but I don't want her to ruin my day, either."

"If she pitches a fit, let me know and I'll deal with her."

"Thanks."

In my dreams that night I saw my wedding. I saw me on Charlie's arm, Edward at the end of the short isle waiting for me, and I also saw my mother. She was there with all of us, along with Ian. She was crying a little bit and had a large smile across her face. I took it as a sign that she was giving me her blessing.


	25. Chapter 25

Hey everyone! Happy Halloween! I hope you enjoy the chapter and wanted to let you know I have a new OS posted – _All I Saw Was Black. _Go check it out!

Finding the Way back – Chapter 25

**BPOV**

I was still attending my weekly therapy appointments which were very helpful. A lot of the time we would talk about my continuing goal to get outside my comfort zone, which I determined to be inside Forks, and also my lack of confidence. There were still days when I didn't feel like I was worthy of everything that I had: Dad, McKenna, the Cullens, or Edward. I also felt like I was still making mistakes with McKenna, even though I was being told that mistakes happened and that I was a good mom. I wasn't aiming to be the perfect mother with a perfect child, but there had been a few times when I had lost my patience and yelled at McKenna. It scared me and I felt horrible about it, since I had never raised my voice to her before.

"Is there anything specific you'd like to talk about today Bella, or shall we pick up where we left off?" Dr. Hartford asked.

"Actually, I think I just need to talk and have someone listen. There's something I've been thinking about for a while now, and I'm just not sure how to deal," I said.

"Of course. Talk away." 

"Well, you know that Edward and I are engaged and that we've been talking about the wedding and our future and all that. Well, it's got me thinking about our honeymoon."

"What about it?" she asked.

"I'm worried that he's going to expect us to be..._intimate_," I said hesitantly, remembering what I had done in my past. I want to be, but the thought of it brings back so many memories and I don't want to ruin the happiest time of my life. I also don't want to let him down. It's not like I don't know what to do, but it's more like I don't want to remember the men I was with when I'm with Edward. I don't want that part of me to click on. I want to enjoy being with him."

"Have you talked to him about this?" she asked.

"No. I wanted to while he was here, but we were both so busy with work and Edward was busy studying."

"I wanted to talk to you about that. Edward's in school up in Seattle, correct?" I nodded. "How are you two going to work that out after your married? Will you be moving up there?"

"Edward knows how important it is for me to stay close to Forks. He knows being in Seattle would be difficult for me, so McKenna and I will be staying here. It's going to be odd with Edward away, but we'll make it work. He'll come down on weekends when he can. Truthfully, I don't want to leave Forks and I don't want him to give up his dream of being a doctor."

"So you're okay with only seeing your husband on weekends for the next few years while he's doing his residency program?"

"He's hoping to place here at Forks Hospital for his residency. Whatever happens, happens. If he's placed somewhere else, like Tacoma for example, of course I'd follow him. I may not like it, but I'd go." I may not have liked the idea, but I wouldn't do anything to hinder his career. I knew that if we had to move, it would be a big change and the thought of it scared me. But honestly, I wasn't completely sure how us living apart would work.

"Now, getting back to the first issue: intimacy. I think you and Edward need to address this. You need to be open and honest with him and he needs to be open and honest with you, as well. Is it safe to assume that you've done nothing but kiss?"

"Yes, and we sleep next to each other." I could feel my face start to flush.

"Have you ever thought about doing more with Edward?"

_God this is embarrassing._ "Yes."

"And?"

_Is she really going to make me say this out loud?_ "And...I just want to be normal...in that...department."

"Next time the two of you are alone, I want you to try to push yourself a little bit in that _department_. I'm not saying I want you to sleep with him the next time you're together, but definitely try something new. If it gets to be too much, or if something upsets you, I want you to be honest with Edward."

"But...what if I tell him something about my past that scares him away? I'd rather keep it to myself and have him, than tell him something that scares me and watch him run out the door."

"Bella, if you want this relationship and your marriage to work with Edward, you need to have faith in him. Don't you think that with everything that's happened, with all the scary moments, the second kidnapping, the addition of McKenna into your life, that if he didn't really love you that he would have ran a long time ago?"

I was quiet for a few moments while I let her words sink in. I really didn't know anyone who would have stayed during any of it. Looking back, Edward was there through almost everything. He was there when I knocked on Charlie's door that night; he was there when we were at dinner and Ian returned; he was there when Ian outed me in front of everyone; and he was there when McKenna came into my life. He sent me flowers every week just so that I would smile; he would let me call him at all hours of the night when I needed someone to calm me down; and he would hold me as I cried. Who else would do that?

_He was my everything. _

"You're right," I quietly said.

"I really think you and Edward need to sit down and talk. Tell him everything that scares you about your future."

"I'm worried though, that if I tell him everything, he's going to realize that he can do so much better, just like his sister has been saying from day one."

"Let's talk about that a little bit. I know you've told me a few of the things that she's said. Why do you think she's right?" Dr. Hartford asked.

"Because I think she is on some points. I think people will look at us and see the brilliant doctor with a poor wife, or the guy who felt sorry for me and decided to stay even though he longs to be with someone of equal brilliance. I mean, he's in college and I just got my GED. Where's the equality there? He could walk up to any girl and have a deep, meaningful conversation with her and I wouldn't have a clue what they'd be talking about. I work in a bakery making cakes and live at home with my daughter and my father. He lives in Seattle with his siblings while going to school to save lives," I said. I could feel myself starting to get upset, so I took a deep breath to calm myself. "I just... I just don't see how he could want someone who's so..._under_ him. I have all this shit wrong with me and yet...there he is, standing next to me with a smile on his face telling me he loves me."

"Do you doubt his love for you?"

"No. I just don't understand what he sees in me. I'm nobody special."

Dr. Hartford put down her notepad and pen, grabbed my hands and led to me a mirror hanging on the opposite wall. "I want you to look in that mirror and tell me what you see," she said standing behind me.

"What?"

"What do you see when you look in the mirror?"

I took a few moments to look at myself before I answered. "I see a girl with long brown hair and brown eyes, which are puffy from crying."

"Go on."

"She's wearing clothes that look comfortable, nothing designer."

"Anything else?"

"Nope. She's just a girl."

"Hmm."

I left my therapy appointment with more questions than answers. I knew the only way I would get my answers was by talking with Edward, but I wanted time to process them on my own. I needed to figure out a way to bring up the subject of my fears and insecurities without scaring him off. That was one of my biggest fears – having Edward wake up one morning and realize that he didn't want me, McKenna or my baggage. Part of me wouldn't blame him for leaving. I was probably the world's most difficult girlfriend. One minute I was fine, the next I was sitting in my therapy appointment trying to figure out why my boyfriend - fiancée - was with me. This was something I'd have to think about and worry about later. Right now, I needed to put on a happy face so I could watch McKenna at her dance class. She was beyond cute in her pink tights and leotard. She loved her classes and I had to admit that I had cried a few times watching her. She was growing up so quickly.

I pulled into the parking lot of the dance studio and spotted Carlisle's Mercedes. Inside, I found Esme sitting in front of a large window watching McKenna laugh and run around with her little friends. Heavily, I sat next to Esme and tried to hide all my insecurities from therapy.

"Is everything alright, dear?" Esme asked concerned.

"Yeah. I'm just trying to figure some stuff out, that's all."

"Would you like to talk about it?"

"Not yet. I think I need to talk to Edward first."

"Did something happen in therapy today?"

"Sort of. Dr. Hartford gave me a lot to think about."

"Well, you know I'm here if you need to talk about anything."

"I know, thanks."

I sat with Esme while McKenna danced. After she was done, McKenna and I headed over to the diner to meet Charlie for dinner. I sat and listened to her jabber on about dance and her friends and how she was excited for the recital in a few weeks. After dinner, I threw McKenna in the tub for a quick bath before bed time. Once she was asleep, I went downstairs to call Edward. I knew that if I didn't hear his voice, I wouldn't get any sleep.

"Hello?" Rosalie answered.

"Rose? Why are you answering Edward's phone?"

"Oh, he's in the shower. How are you?"

"Eh, I've been better. You?"

"Fine. Although, Edward's been pretty stressed lately. I can't figure out if it's coming from the stress of finals or if it's from the constant bickering between him and Alice."

"Over me?"

"Partly. He's also tired of hearing her complain about Jasper. He's found another girlfriend who is really sweet and really smart. She's majoring in History as well. Alice is fuming because there were a few days when the two of them were inseparable, and she thought they would be getting back together."

"Why doesn't she try dating other people?" I asked confused. "Maybe it would help her see where she made her mistakes with Jasper? And what happened to his last one?"

"Because she says she's had a _vision,_ whatever that means, and says that she knows the two of them will be together. She doesn't want anyone else but him. I think he feels the same, but is just a little worried about the whole thing. Alice has always been possessive of him, and I think that's putting him off. As far as the last girl Jasper was with, it didn't work out."

"Rose, is it wrong that I didn't ask her to be in the wedding? Isn't there some unwritten rule that she has to be in it?"

"No. You have to look at it like this: the day you get married needs to be all about you and Edward. Do you really want to put Alice in it and risk something going down? I don't think so. But, I do think she was hurt when she overheard you ask me and Jasper. Don't worry about it though. She'll get over it. So tell me, how are things with you? How's Miss McKenna? Emmett is going through withdrawal."

I laughed. "I'm okay. Had therapy today, which is what I wanted to talk to Edward about, actually."

"Is everything alright?" she asked.

"Yeah, just need to talk to him."

"Ah! Here he is! Call me later this week, okay?"

"Sure."

I heard Emmett yell a 'hello' in the background.

"Hello beautiful," Edward answered.

"Hi. How were your classes?"

"Long. At least there's only one more day before labs. That's a plus. How are you? How's the little Princess?"

"She's good. Excited for her recital in a few weeks."

"Oh that's right. We can't wait to see it."

"Me either. So listen, when are you planning on coming back down to Forks? I need to talk to you, and I'd rather do it face to face."

"Is everything alright?"

"Yeah. I'm facing some things in therapy and I just really need you here."

"I can leave Friday after lab, but I need to leave early Sunday morning. I have a final on Monday, so I'd like to get some last-minute studying done."

"Oh. Well no, stay there then. If you need the weekend to study, just stay there. I can wait," I said a little disappointed.

"Bella, if you need me, I'll come."

"No, it's okay. Stay and study. I'll figure it out."

"I take it your session didn't go well?"

"It's not that it went badly, I just want to talk to you about some of the things that were brought up. Let me know how your test goes, okay? Love you."

I hung up before Edward could get a word in. Maybe I wasn't ready to talk about everything just yet, but I knew I needed to talk to _someone_.

**EdwardPOV**

"It's not that it went badly, I just want to talk to you about some of the things that were brought up. Let me know how your test goes, okay? Love you."

_Click_.

What the hell? Why wouldn't she let me respond? She never does that. Something was wrong.

I quickly threw on some clothes and went out into the living room where I found Rose, Emmett, Jasper and his new girlfriend, Anna. I was glad that Alice wasn't in the room. I didn't think I would be able to keep my anger with her in check if she said something. She was my sister and I loved her, but she was really pissing me off with her hatred towards Bella. She and I had gotten into some heated arguments lately. There had been a few times where Emmett had to drag me out back to cool down. I would never do anything to harm Alice, but there were times where she really got to me. How could she say such hurtful things towards the woman who makes my life complete? I had a feeling that Alice was keeping something from all of us. I just wish she would say it already so we could deal with it.

"Hey man. I'm surprised you're not engrossed in one of your medical books," Jasper said as I sat across from him.

"I should be."

"But?" Jasper asked again.

"But Bella called and I think there's something really bothering her. She asked when I was going back to Forks and that she wanted to talk about some things, but when I told her that I had lab Friday and that I would have to leave early Sunday to get ready for a final, she told me to stay. I couldn't even get a word in after that. She just hung up."

"That's not like her. Did she say what she wanted to talk to you about?" Emmett asked.

"Therapy. I don't know what to do. Part of me wants to jump in the Volvo and race down there right now, but I know I can't miss tomorrow's lecture and Friday's lab. Plus,I need to study."

"Has she ever talked to you about her appointments before? I know I don't know her personally, but maybe something was brought up that is upsetting or scaring her," Anna said. I was a little annoyed that she was talking about Bella like she knew her and what she went through. But then again, maybe the stress from finals was starting to get to me.

"No, she didn't say what it was." I laid my head on the back of the couch and closed my eyes, trying to figure out what to do. How can I make her happy and get what I need done as well?

"I think you should still go. I don't know the history behind you and her, but it's quite obvious she needs you," Anna said. "Do you have your study materials downloaded? Perhaps you could listen to them while you drive."

"I do," I said.

"It sounds like there's something else you're not telling us?" Anna asked.

"The sound of her voice was..._different_. It reminded me of how she acted when she first returned. She sounded scared and insecure. She hasn't been that way in a long time."

"Then get your ass in your Volvo after labs and drive down there," Emmett said.

Friday came and I found myself anxious and distracted. Around ten, I decided there was no way I could stay focused. In between labs I made my excuses to my professor and left Seattle. Once I hit the highway, I turned on my iPod and listened to the lectures I needed to review for Monday.

By the time I reached Forks, it was early afternoon. I drove past the bakery and saw her car parked nearby and decided I would surprise her when she picked up McKenna at my parents house. I spent the remaining hours waiting for Bella by taking McKenna to a local park and letting her burn off some of her excess energy.

"Higher! Higher!" McKenna laughed as I pushed her on the swing. The sound of her laughter made my heart soar. I knew I didn't need anything more than her and Bella. Those two would make my life complete. I could be the father that McKenna deserved and the man and husband that Bella deserved.

A few hours later, McKenna and I were back at my parents' house, waiting for Bella to return. McKenna was in the kitchen helping Esme with dinner while Charlie, Carlisle and I looked on.

"Keep beating that egg, sweetie," Esme said.

"Beat, beat, beat!" McKenna then sucked in a breath. "Mommy's home!" She jumped down from her stool and went running to the front door. "Mommy!"

"Hey baby girl. Did you have a good day?"

"Yep!"

**BellaPOV**

I was exhausted. I had four client meetings and two testings. Of the six brides, five of them were pleased with my work. The sixth bride, my final one of the day, decided to add an extra one hundred people to her wedding and couldn't fit the extra cost into her budget. I tried designing a completely different cake and included a tier of cupcakes to help feed everyone, but she was hell bent on getting a normal cake. She was the first bride that said she was going elsewhere. By the time she left the bakery, I really wasn't all that upset about losing her.

Seeing McKenna at the door of the Cullen house made my spirits lift. Her smile made my heart soar. I knew I didn't have a lot of time to spend with her tonight, as I had made another therapy appointment.

"Mommy!"

"Hey baby girl. Did you have a good day?" I asked.

"Yep!"

When we reached the kitchen, I walked over and gave my Dad a kiss on the cheek and then sat next to him. Everyone had a weird look on their faces.

"Bella dear, why don't you go into the living room and relax? Dinner will still be a little bit," Esme said.

"Alright."

I stood and walked into the living room where I was completely overcome with emotions. Edward was standing in the middle of the living room with his arms open for me. I quickly ran over to him wrapped my arms around him. Before his arms closed around me, my sobs had overtaken me. I couldn't believe he actually came. I had convinced myself that he wasn't going to, but he did. I guess I didn't realize that I needed him _this_ much. He held me tight until I calmed down, running his fingers through my hair and whispering to me. What he was saying, I had no clue.

"Better?" he asked after I quieted down.

"A little. I didn't think you'd come."

"How could I not? You said you needed me, and here I am."

"I know, but you need to study," I replied as Edward wiped the tears from my cheeks.

"Don't worry about it, okay? Now, what did you need to talk to me about?"

"Um, actually, I'm supposed to go to therapy tonight. Will you come with me?"

"Of course."

After a quick dinner, Edward and I drove to my appointment where we were greeted by Dr. Hartford. I knew she was staying late just for me, to which I was grateful. I really needed to talk and I needed Edward there for support.

"Shall we get started?" she asked.

"Yeah, I know we only have a small amount of time."

"Don't worry so much about time. You're my last appointment and my husband is out of town with the kids, so take your time."

"Do you mind if Edward sits in with us?" I asked. I could already feel myself start to shake. I wasn't sure if it was because I was nervous or if it was because I felt so vulnerable.

"Not at all. So, where would you like to begin?" she asked.

"Well, I've been thinking a lot about everything we talked about last time."

"Good."

"I think part of my intimacy issues have to do with my future with Edward."

"Edward, do you mind if I ask you a question?" Dr. Hartford asked.

"Go ahead."

"I assume you're aware that it's unlikely that Bella will be able to have another child, correct?"

"Yes."

"What are your thoughts about that?"

"There are other ways of having children. My birth parents passed away when I was young and I was adopted by the Cullens, so there's always that route. But if Bella wasn't comfortable with that, then I would be just fine with raising McKenna. I just want Bella to be happy."

"But you deserve to have a happy family," I said.

"My happy family is with you and McKenna. I don't need anything else, and I don't want anyone else but you."

"I'm nobody special, Edward," I said. I could feel the tears coming again.

"Of course you are," he replied. He took my hand in his and gave it a gentle squeeze.

"What do you see, Edward, when you look at her?" Dr. Hartford asked.

"I see a beautiful woman who has worked her way back from a living hell. I see a woman who loves her daughter like there's no tomorrow and would give anything to make her happy. I see the woman I'm going to grow old with."

"How can you see all that? I just see a plain girl with scars and who is too afraid to have sex with her fiancée because she doesn't want to relive everything."

"Bella -"

"I want to be with you _so bad_, but I'm so afraid I'll see Keith's face or something worse," I said interrupting him. "I don't want that. I don't want those memories anymore," I cried. "I love you, but sometimes I think Alice is right. Sometimes I think, no I _know_, you deserve better. I've got so much baggage that I don't want to wear you down with it."

"It doesn't matter to me. It never has. After everything that you've had to go through, you're still so beautiful to me. I don't care about the scars or the baggage. If I could take them away for you, I would. I just want to know that one day soon, you'll be my wife, my companion, and my best friend _forever_."

"Edward, perhaps you could tell Bella what it was like for you when she was taken the second time?" Dr. Hartford asked.

"It was a living hell. Mom had called and told us about the photos she and Charlie received and how they were going with the FBI to find you. I _begged_ her to let me come. I needed to see that you were okay, to touch you, to tell you that I loved you. Then she called and said they had found your daughter and I wanted nothing more in that moment to hold on to her and protect her from everything. Trying to focus in class was completely useless. I kept checking my cell phone for text messages, voicemails, and missed calls. I couldn't sleep. I couldn't eat. I couldn't do anything. I felt like I was going out of my mind knowing those bastards had you again," Edward said. His words were so powerful. He had never told me any of this before. I was upset that I had gotten him that upset. I noticed that his eyes were a little glossy, like he was trying to fight back tears.

"When Carlisle called and said you were safe and in the hospital, I fell to my knees in the middle of campus and cried. It was like a weight had been lifted. I knew you were in good hands and that you were safe. When I saw you after it was all over, I knew right then that I was going to marry you. I knew that no one else would make me feel the way you do. I know you get scared, and I know you hate that I'm so far away from you, but you have to know how much I love you and that I would never hurt you. I can't function without you," Edward said. He was now crying as well. I had never seen him like this. I wanted to hold him and tell him it would be alright, but, I wasn't sure.

"I just don't want to let you down, Edward."

"How could you ever let me down?"

"We're going to be married, and I know that you'll expect -"

"I don't expect _anything_, Bella," Edward said interrupting me. "I know that area hold a lot of painful memories."

"But you have needs -"

"We'll figure out what works for _us_. Even if we take things step by step, we'll figure it out. I want to be with you too, probably just as bad. We'll figure it out, I promise."

"We'll take it slow?"

"We'll take it however slow you need," Edward replied. He pulled me close and softly kissed me.

After therapy, we returned to the Cullen house. I didn't realize how late it was until Esme told us that Charlie had taken McKenna home well over an hour ago. Too exhausted to drive, Edward took me upstairs and into his room. I quickly changed into one of his shirts and sat on the edge of his bed.

"Will you hold me tonight?" I asked.

"You never have to ask that."

Edward and I crawled into bed. I curled up next to him, with my head on his chest. Edward put his arms around me, holding me close to him. I knew tonight had been a turning point for us. While Edward had said that my time with Keith was unbearable, I never knew it affected him so badly. I hadn't expected my appointment with Dr. Hartford to go the way that it did, but I was happy with the outcome. Some of my fears about being with Edward were eased, but not all of them. Right now though, I didn't want to think about it. I just wanted to marvel in the fact that Edward loved me.


	26. Chapter 26

Finding the Way back – Chapter 26

**BellaPOV**

(approx Mid April)

Since Edward was still in town, we decided to sit down with Esme, Carlisle and Dad to discuss our wedding plans and everything that followed. I hated talking about money, but it needed to be done. Amazingly, the conversation went very well. We decided to marry at the end of August, which was just a few short months away. Dad was touched when Edward and I told him that we wanted to be married in the same church that he and mom were married in. I swore I saw a tear in his eye. We also wrote out an initial guest list, which turned out to be close to two hundred people. Just the thought of all those people watching us started to freak me out, but Dad and Esme assured me that we could cut at least fifty people if not more.

That afternoon, Esme called her friend at the bridal salon and was able to get an appointment for us. Edward said he wanted to talk to Carlisle about school, so the two of them stayed behind, with Dad coming with us to keep an eye on McKenna. Truthfully, I wanted him to be there since Mom couldn't be.

"Bells, can't I just take McKenna home with me?" Dad asked on the drive over. I could tell he was a little uncomfortable at the thought of shopping for a dress.

"I'd really like you there, Dad."

"I'm no good with this sort of thing."

"I know. I'm not asking for you to name designers, but every girl wants their mother with her when she picks out her wedding dress, and since mom is gone, I want you there."

We arrived at the bridal salon a few minutes later. Dad was completely overwhelmed and out of his element, but he managed to keep a smile on his face as I walked through the rows of dresses. They ranged from very simple to over the top. I knew I wanted something simple, maybe with a little sparkle and a short train.

"Mommy! Look at this one!" McKenna called from a few rows over. "You should have this one."

I found her standing in front of a mannequin that was dressed in a gown that looked like it was make of feathers and toilet paper. It was awful.

"It is pretty, 'Kenna, but I don't think it would look good on me," I said.

I joined Esme and was taken to a dressing room. Over the course of the next hour, I tried on several dresses. Dad was surprisingly opinionated about everything. There were a few dresses I liked, but none that jumped out at me. However, the last dress I tried on changed everything. It was a simple sleeveless A-lined dress with a short train and beading. The moment it was zipped and I looked at myself in the mirror, I knew it was the one. I walked out from the dressing room to show Esme, Dad, and McKenna.

"I think this is the one," I said excitedly.

"Mommy, you look so pretty!" McKenna said bouncing in her chair.

"What do you think, Dad?" I asked.

"You look...just beautiful," he replied. He shook his head a few times and tried to hide the face that his eyes were a bit wet. "Just beautiful."

"What about my scars? Are they noticeable?"

"Not at all," Dad said.

"We can always keep your hair down to hide the ones on your shoulders if you're worried about them, but they're not noticeable at all," Esme replied.

"So is this the one?" the bridal attendant asked.

"Yeah. This is the one."

Edward had come home a few times since our therapy session. I thought for sure it would be weird between us, but it wasn't. If anything, our relationship seemed stronger. Every time we got closer – more touches, more kisses – he was gently coaxing me to go farther, and I trusted him not to hurt me. The first time I let Edward touch me, I felt myself slipping back into that other girl. The one who let the past consume me and ruin my life. It scared me because it was like my body was on autopilot, reverting to my old patterns - the way I kissed him, touched him. When I realized what I was doing, I was disgusted with myself. It was Edward who stopped me and simply pulled me into his arms and held me, kissing my hair and offering comfort. He was the one who put on the breaks, who knew I wasn't ready, and because he knew me this well and loved me enough to stop, it only made him more precious to me. It was like he knew how I was feeling even without words. He was a miracle and I wanted, more than anything, to give myself to him, to be able to move beyond the past and just love him.

He was so patient. We tried again, more than once, and each time it was a little easier than the last. Edward helped me by talking to me, murmuring words of love and letting me know how he was going to touch me. I started to feel more comfortable and was able to go further, letting him try new things, touch me in new places, and get bolder with his kisses. He was perfect and the love in my heart swelled for this beautiful man. I started to long for his kisses and crave his gentle touches.

I could sense his disappointment when we would stop, but he never pushed me.

"_Edward, I know how badly you want this…don't stop."_

"_You're not ready," he'd whispered. "We've talked about this and I'm satisfied with the progress we've made. I have no intention of rushing you, Bella. It will happen, and when it does, it will mean everything."_

"_But that's just it…I _do_ want it. I want you. I'm just scared." I hesitated and gazed up into his green eyes. They were full of love and understanding. "I think I'm more scared of what you're thinking or if I'll disappoint you than anything else."_

_He pushed a stray lock of hair off of my face, his fingertips soft and gentle against my skin. "Hush. You could never disappoint me. You're so special, love. So beautiful. Yes, I want you," he whispered and then brushed my mouth with his, "so much. But not until the time is right. You don't have to be scared. I'll never hurt you and when we do make love, nothing will matter but the two of us. Okay?"_

"_You're so good to me," I said softly, nuzzling his jaw with my chin as I sighed into him. His arms tightened around me and he pulled me into his body. "I love you."_

Today we had the house to ourselves. Dad and McKenna had gone to La Push for the day and I'd made up my mind that this was it. I was going to make love to my Edward. I wanted him in ways I never wanted any of the others. I desired him. I wanted his hands and mouth on my body and to finally feel him inside me. _So much._

When he arrived, I took his hand and led him up to my bedroom. His eyes were questioning at first but he didn't ask what my intentions were. I closed the door behind us and walked up to him, reaching out. I laid my hands on the solid muscles of his chest and slid them up to his shoulders, kneading the strong muscles. His arms closed around me and pulled me close while he buried his face in the curtain of hair at the side of my neck and started running kisses up and down it. His touch was magical - so soft yet more intense than I'd ever felt before. My body straining against his, I felt his hardness press into my stomach as our mouths finally came together and my body reacted. My heart was racing and my skin was infusing with a heated flush…my sex opening in want.

"Bella," he groaned as he pulled his mouth away from the gentle kiss. "Are you sure?"

"Uh huh." I nodded and reached for his mouth again. I could sense how hungry he was, but he tried to be gentle, so careful of what I needed, but this time I wanted him to lose himself as much as I wanted to let myself drown. "Edward, take me."

He gasped. "Fuck, Bella. Oh, Jesus, I love you."

"I know. It's time," I breathed heavily.

His hands slid down over my butt, pressing my body closer to his as his mouth devoured mine. Again and again, we kissed, his hot tongue plundering my mouth and mine answering back. Somehow we ended up on the bed, and his kisses slowed, his hands inching underneath the hem of my t-shirt and ghosting over the satin and lace of my bra. He pushed the offending material away and looked upon my naked flesh. He was breathing heavily and his hair was a wild mess from my fingers raking through it while we were kissing.

His hand cupped the swelling flesh of my breast and his thumb brushed over the pink nipple sending electricity shooting through me. I moaned softly and arched into him, carefully watching his expression. He bent his head and gently took the hard little nub into his mouth and suckled softly.

"Bella, if I do anything that hurts you or you want me to stop, you have to tell me," he whispered as he pulled away. His hot breath rushed over my skin and he dragged his mouth over my flesh. "God…I've dreamed about this for so long."

"I won't want you to stop, Edward. I'm ready for you. I want you, too." I wound the fingers of my left hand in his hair again, urging his head back to mine for another series of kisses as my right hand found the buttons to his blue linen shirt. Soon my hand was inside, sliding through the light chest hair, caressing and kneading his flesh. Edward's hand slid down to the waist of my jeans and undid the button and zipper, sliding his hand into the front of my panties and gently parting the hot flesh he found there.

My hands clutched at his shoulders, pulling him closer as he touched me. It felt so good. He was so gentle and I could feel the love seeping out of him and into me. It made it different than anything I'd ever experienced. "Edward," I said breathless as my body quickened beneath is skilled fingers.

"Does it feel good, Bella? I want to give you everything."

"Oh God…it feels...uh…uh…amazing. I want to be closer," I whispered against his mouth. I was timid, shy but I wanted to touch him. I needed to touch him.

Edward smiled gently and bent to kiss my mouth as his hands pushed the denim down my hips, the tight material taking my silk bikini panties with it. The air was cold on my bare skin and I wanted him to cover me.

He pushed my blouse off and I shrugged out of my bra. I was completely naked to his gaze and he stopped and stared. "Jesus, Bella. You're beautiful. I'm…I'm...speechless."

I held up my arms to him as he ripped his t-shirt over his head in one smooth movement and then his hands moved to the fastening on his jeans. He was kicking off his shoes at the same time as I watched with rapt fascination as more and more of his body was revealed to my view.

I could tell from touching him how perfect he'd be, but still I wasn't prepared for the effect that naked Edward would have on me. My mouth fell open and my breath rushed out of me. I hoped he could see how much I desired him in my face. It was nothing like I'd ever felt. He was beautiful and he was mine. I reached for him and he came to me. It felt like everything was moving in slow motion. His touches, his kisses…all heaven on earth.

His kisses slowed, and he lifted his mouth from mine, but still moved his lips over mine as he spoke. Brushing against mine, I was hungry for more of his delicious lips and my chin lifted toward him. "Edward…" I moaned into his mouth.

"Bella, are you sure? This is the moment to change your mind if you want to." He brushed my hair back and looked into my eyes. "I want you…so much, but it has to be right. I want it to be perfect. And just us. No one will ever touch you like this again. Only me. Forever. Tell me that's what you want."

My hands slid into his silky hair, fingers threading through the glorious strands as I pulled his head back to mine. "Only you. Forever."

His mouth found mine again in hungry fervor, our hands roaming over each other. My hand moved between us and closed around him, causing him to groan. "Jesus…I've waited so long to feel you touch me like this. Bella, I love you, beautiful."

"I love you."

His tongue slipped into my mouth and we kissed again and again, writhing together on the bed until finally his body was settled into the cradle of my body and all of my limbs were wrapped around him, urging him on. When he finally entered me, I felt more love than I ever imagined possible.

We moved together, touching, our bodies mirroring each others, our hips rocking together perfectly. He wasn't going fast, yet it still felt frantic, urgent. Every thrust filled with desperation and something else that I couldn't put into words.

I felt myself start to fall apart and he felt the reaction of my body to his.

"Oh yes, Bella. That's it. Give in to it, sweetheart. Let me have it all."

My body quivered and clenched around his, and his thrusts increased in speed and pressure until he moaned softly, both of his hands on the sides of my face as he kissed my again. My arms tightened around him as his body stilled against mine and I kissed the side of his face, tears filling my eyes.

"We did it, beautiful," he whispered, "and it was beautiful. I'll never forget this moment when you finally became mine. You're all I'll ever want. I love you so much."

"I love you too," I whispered against him. He held me close to him, my head over his heart. The rapid beating, paired with his gentle caresses against my skin, lulled me to a deep, peaceful sleep.

A few weeks had passed and it was McKenna's recital. Edward and the others had come home yesterday. At the sight of Edward, McKenna ran straight over to him and jumped into his arms. He, Jasper, and Emmett took her to the park after her last rehearsal to burn off her excitement. About ten minutes into dinner, McKenna passed out at the table. I wasn't sure if it was because she was overly excited about the recital or the fact that Edward was home. I think it was a little bit of both.

"Mommy, wake up! I get to dance today!" McKenna said as she jumped up on my bed. _"Wake up!"_

"I'm awake, baby."

"Are we still painting my nails? You promised."

"Yes, sweetie, after breakfast we will, okay?"

"Okay! Can I put my outfit on now?"

"Later. We don't want it ruined, right?"

"Right."

That night, we all sat and watched as McKenna and her group did their routine. She was adorable in her pink and white outfit. Her smile seemed to light up the dance hall and her excitement and happiness was contagious. After she was done, I found her backstage talking with some of her friends.

"...and my Mommy is getting married! I get a pretty dress and my hair done and everything," she said.

"Wow. Is she gonna marry your daddy?" a little girl asked.

"I think so."

"McKenna," I said.

"Mom!" she said as she turned around. I wrapped my arms around her and kissed the top of her head. "Did you see me? Was I good? Did you like it?"

"Of course I saw you. You were wonderful. Come on, everyone's waiting for you so we can go to dinner."

"I want tacos!" she replied as she skipped out the door in front of me.

A few weeks later was my bridal shower. Usually Edward would come down on Friday nights for the weekend, but since it was getting so close to graduation, he stayed behind with Jasper and Emmett to study for finals. Rosalie and Alice had arrived yesterday to help get everything ready at the Cullen house.

The day of the party, I was running a good hour late. McKenna had a full-blown temper tantrum when she realized that the gifts at the party would not be for her. Then, the new girl at the bakery called in, so I had to go in to finish a few things, which I was not happy about. By the time we got there, the house was filled with people and McKenna was still in a foul mood. Esme introduced me to everyone I didn't already know, most of whom were close friends family of the Cullens.

After eating and playing silly games, people started leaving, which I was thankful for. The house was so full with people that it was too much for me. Rosalie and I were in the living room talking about a few details for Edward's graduation party, when I heard McKenna.

"...you are a mean girl, Alice! A mean girl!"

"What the hell is she saying now?" Rose asked as we stood and walked to the front door.

There we found McKenna with her little hands on her hips facing Alice and another woman, whose name I couldn't remember.

"What's going on here?" I asked.

"Mommy, Alice said some naughty words! She needs a time out," McKenna said.

"What an outspoken little child you have," the woman said.

"That's what happens when you have a mother who passes her off to others," Alice said. "No proper upbringing at all."

"God, Alice, can you stop being a..._brat_ for just one day?" Rosalie sneered. I had to giggle at the fact that she had to stop herself from swearing.

"My Mommy is a good mommy! She's nice and she loves me," McKenna said.

"Alice, what did you say?" I asked.

"I was merely saying to Tanya here that I was impressed how you managed to latch onto Edward the way that you have. You not only have him fooled, but the rest of my family as well."

"Mommy, she said to that lady that she should go and find Daddy and take him away," McKenna said.

"Who exactly are you?" I asked.

"Tanya Maxwell. I attend school with Alice, Rose and Edward. I have a few classes with him, and I must say, he's barely mentioned you."

"And what's with your bastard calling Edward 'daddy'?" Alice asked. I had found McKenna and Edward sitting on the porch talking a few days ago. She had asked if he was going to be her daddy now that we were getting married. Edward had told her that if she wanted to call him daddy, he would love that but that she didn't have to. McKenna wrapped her arms around his neck, kissed his cheek, and said 'I love you, Daddy.' The two of them have been pretty much inseparable since.

"Come on, McKenna, lets go see if there's any cake left," Rosalie said.

"You're a mean girl, Alice. A mean girl with ugly shoes!"

"That's not nice, McKenna," I said.

Once McKenna was out of sight, I turned to Alice. "Alice, I've seriously have had enough of you. If you weren't Edward's family, I would tell you to stay the hell away from us. You've been nothing but mean since the day I returned. I'm glad Jasper has found someone else and flaunts her in front of you because he is too good for you. I hope he gets married and has a family, and I hope that you're left alone with an apartment full of cats always wondering what could have been. Meanwhile, Edward and I will be happy together raising our daughter and any other children we may have. Everyone in his family, with the exception of you, will share in that joy. But you'll be all alone and it will be no one's fault but your own, and I will not spend one second feeling sorry for you."

I didn't give her a chance to respond as I turned and walked away. I heard her say something behind me, but didn't acknowledge it. I meant every word that I said...and I felt a little lighter for saying it.


	27. Chapter 27

Finding the Way back – Chapter 27

_Note: This chapter does skip ahead, but again, there are things that we need to get to!_

~End of May~

**BellaPOV**

Before I realized it, it was Edward's graduation. _God, where did the time go? _I was riding in the Mercedes with Carlisle and Esme, who were both beaming with excitement and pride. Carlisle had said that Edward had an announcement to make after the ceremony. Esme asked if he knew what it was about, and all Carlisle would say was that he was proud of him. I was a little upset that Edward hadn't talked to me about whatever he was planning on announcing. I understood that Carlisle was also a doctor, but I was going to be his wife. Shouldn't I have been included in that discussion? Even though I was angry, I wouldn't let that ruin today.

McKenna stayed behind because she was a bit embarrassed from falling off her bike a few days ago. Dad had purchased a new "big girl bike" with training wheels. She had been doing quite well and only needing Dad to hold onto the seat while she steadied herself. The day of her fall, she insisted that she do it herself. She was able to push off, but lost her balance and fell. Her left cheek was badly scraped and swollen. After we returned from the hospital, because I was afraid she would need stitches to close a cut, I had called Edward to tell him what happened. I asked McKenna if she wanted to talk to Edward, but she refused. I think she was still a little embarrassed and a little sore. He insisted on talking to her, and after about ten minutes, he managed to get a smile on her face. The next day a FedEx box was delivered for her. Edward had sent a teddy bear wearing a helmet, knee and elbow pads for her. She's slept with it every night since then and has yet to go anywhere near her bike.

When we reached Seattle, we found the campus and made our way to our seats along with Emmett, Jasper, Rosalie and Alice. My stomach was in knots in anticipation. I was so proud of him. He had worked so hard to reach this day. I strained in my seat to see Edward in his cap and gown. I only spotted him for a moment, but he looked so handsome. After the ceremony was done, Edward found us. I stood back and let Carlisle and Esme have their moment with their son. Esme had tears in her eyes as she hugged and kissed him on both cheeks, while Carlisle could not stop smiling.

"Son, would you like to tell everyone your announcement?" Carlisle asked from the head of the table at the restaurant a short while later.

"Right. So, I've made a decision about my residency," Edward said.

"What did you decide?" I asked.

"I was placed with two hospitals – Tacoma General and Olympic Medical Center in Port Angeles."

"That's wonderful!" Esme said happily from the opposite end of the table.

"Which one did you decide to go with?" Emmett asked.

"I wanted Tacoma, but I've decided to go with Olympic," Edward replied as he looked at me. I could see a bit of disappointment in his eyes, and I knew it was because of me.

"What?" Esme asked.

"Why would you do that?" I asked.

"Several reasons, actually. I want to be close to home during my residency and Tacoma is too far away from everyone. I don't want Bella to give up the job that she loves and I don't want to take McKenna away from everyone as well."

"So you're throwing away Tacoma just because _she_ doesn't want to leave Forks?" Alice asked annoyed. "How is that fair to you?"

"I'm not throwing away anything, Alice."

"For Christ sake, she works at a _bakery_! I'm pretty sure there's at least one out in Tacoma!"

"Alice, that's _enough_," Edward said sternly. "I've made my decision and I'm happy about it."

"It just seems like you're throwing everything you've worked so hard for away for _her_."

"I'm sorry you feel that way, Alice, but I'm not throwing it away. I really wish you could support my decision."

"If you're happy, than I think it's a wonderful idea," Esme said, diffusing the situation.

"Yeah man, great choice," Emmett said as he clapped him on the shoulder.

Alice remained quiet throughout dinner and kept shooting nasty looks my way. During dinner I had learned that Emmett, Jasper and Rosalie had all taken a few years off after high school to do a bit of traveling before starting college, which is why they hadn't graduated yet. It surprised me that since I had been back, I had yet to ask Rose and Emmett what they were majoring in. I knew Jasper was pre-law, but I was pretty clueless when it came to the others. Emmett, through the help of a few tutors, was a business major and Rose was planning on becoming a CPA. I had to admit, the thought of going to college interested me, but not to the point where I actually thought about doing it.

"You've been quiet tonight," Edward said as we lay in bed that night.

"I know. Just thinking."

"About?"

"Edward, if you want to go to Tacoma, I think you should go. It'll be difficult, but I think I could manage it."

"I don't want you to just manage, Bella. I want you to be happy and comfortable."

"I want that for you, too. If Tacoma is where you want to be -"

"I want to be where you are," Edward said interrupting me, "and you are in Forks, so that's where I want to be. Yes, Tacoma is a great hospital and their Emergency Medicine program is terrific, but to be honest, I don't know if that's the area I want to practice anymore."

"Really?" I asked as I turned my head to look into his eyes. "I thought you wanted to work in the ER?"

"I did. But then you came back, followed by McKenna, and the more I think about it, the more time I spend with her, the more I've come to realize that I want to work in Pediatrics. Maybe even Pediatric Surgery."

"I just don't want you to regret your decision."

"I won't. I'm excited for it, actually."

"As long as you're happy with your decision." I snuggled closer into Edwards side and held him tight.

"I am."

**~ August ~**

These last few months since Edward's graduation had flown by in a blur. Edward had started his residency, which basically meant that when he was home he was most likely sleeping. He was really enjoying working with kids and to be honest, I can't remember seeing him this happy, even though he was exhausted at the same time. Edward had also moved into our house as well. We had started looking for a place of our own, but hadn't found anything we liked so far, so needless to say our house was crampt.

Dad and Sue had been spending a lot more time together as well. They were still attending their support group and going out for coffee afterward, but lately he had been going to the Reservation a lot more just to spend time with her. Sometimes he would go to help with repairs around the house, other times it was because he simply wanted to be around her. I had come to realize that she did for him what Edward had done for me. She was his second chance at happiness. They were cute together. He would whisper something in her ear and she's giggle, or she'd say something and he'd blush. It's the happiest I've seen him in a very long time. Leah had come around too, and seemed to accept their relationship as well. She and I had grown closer and there were times where I felt she was my sister. I had learned that she and I had quite a bit in common and I enjoyed spending time with her when I was on the Reservation. I enjoyed spending time with Sue, too. She and I would exchange recipes and bake so much that we would have to make trips to different houses on the Reservation because there was so much. What used to be a scared, overwhelming feeling when I visited the Reservation was now replaced by joy and happiness.

When I woke up this morning, I realized that tomorrow was our rehearsal dinner. _Holy crap!_ This meant that I would be Mrs. Edward Cullen in just two days. There were still a million things that needed to be done, but tonight, however, Edward and I were going to dinner alone. It was something we hadn't done in so long. Our conversation was light, and we mainly spoke about our wedding and how Edward's residency was going. We also spoke about McKenna and her new obsession of wanting a pet. It was nice to have a night to ourselves for a change.

Once the check was paid, Edward and I went back to the car. Once inside, I opened the door and got out before he started the car. There was something I was keeping from Edward, for the first time ever, and it was slowly picking at me. I hated keeping it from him, but I was scared to tell him even though I knew I had to. I had my reasons, though.

"What's wrong?" Edward asked after he got out.

"Can we go for a walk or something?"

"Of course."

As we walked, I became increasingly more nervous. I knew I had to tell him my secret, and I knew he was going to be scared and maybe even upset that I had kept it from him, but I had to. I needed to make sure it was real, that it wasn't going away. I had no idea how I was going to tell him. After walking for a few minutes, I sat on a bench in front of a small pond. The brightness of the moon on the lake was our only light. It was beautiful.

"I have a confession," I said as I turned to face him.

"What would that be?" Edward asked.

"Do you remember that night when we made love for the first time?"

"Yes. Of course I do," he replied with a sly smile on his face.

"Two weeks ago I went to the doctor because I hadn't been feeling all that great. I had passed it off as just wedding stress, or maybe it was because I was stress eating and it was getting to me, but it wasn't that."

"Is something wrong? Did your doctor find something?" he asked worriedly.

"Yeah, she did."

Edward grabbed my hands in his and squeezed them tight. "Tell me. Whatever it is, we'll get through it together."

"Edward, I'm pregnant," I whispered. I sat and watched as Edward opened his mouth to say something, only to close it again. He then shook his head a few times before looking at me. I wasn't sure what to expect.

"I thought...I thought you couldn't have any more?" 

"The doctor said that I _shouldn't,_ not that I _couldn't_. There's a difference."

"Are you?" he asked, taking my face between his hands. "Are you really pregnant?"

"Yes."

"And everything's...okay? No symptoms like the last time?" he asked, still a little fearful.

"No, nothing. Well, I've been a bit more nauseated lately, but I can't figure out if it's from that or just nerves from our wedding."

"Are you _sure_ you're okay? That our baby is okay?"

"So far so good. I'm sorry I didn't tell you right away, I just wanted to make sure, you know? I have my first full appointment after our honeymoon."

Edward kissed me tenderly. When he pulled away, I saw that he had tears in his eyes. "I'm going to be a dad."

"Yeah. Can we wait until after our honeymoon to tell everyone, though? I just want to keep this between us for a little while longer."

"Of course. Whatever you'd like to do. I love you so much, Bella."

"I love you, too." I placed my head on his shoulder as we sat on the bench a little longer and watched the stars sparkle and the moon shimmer on the lake.

The next morning I was in the bakery before the sun was up to work on our cake, as well as a tray of cupcakes. I had my iPod playing loudly in my ears, essentially blocking out everyone around me. I needed to focus on getting everything done so that tomorrow could go easily. I needed everything to go easily today as well. Not only did I have to get the cake done, but I also needed to get the hem on McKenna's dress fixed, make sure that my dress fit after emergency alterations, pack and get to the church for the rehearsal by six tonight. I had a very good feeling that I would be late.

A few hours later, the cake and cupcakes were done and put away. I quickly swung by the house to pickup McKenna and her dress. Thankfully she was good and listened to the seamstress. While there, I was able to try on mine and found that it fit perfectly. _Thank God_, I thought. While we waited for her dress to be repaired, McKenna and I had a quick lunch. After she was done, I let her play in the play area. I watched the way she interacted with the other children. A little girl was standing at the top of the play area and was too scared to go down the slide. McKenna let the little girl sit on her lap as they went down. I knew she was going to make an _amazing_ sister.

By the time we made it home after running a few more errands, it was already 5:45. It took twenty minutes on a good day to get to the church from the house and I still needed to change out of my jeans, do my hair and hang up our dresses. We were going to be so late.

"Edward's already called twice," Dad said as we walked into the house. "What took you so long?"

"Please don't start. Call Edward and tell him we're leaving in twenty, I just need to change!" I said as I darted up the stairs.

Forty-five minutes later we arrived at the church. Thankfully things went smoothly. We quickly put the decorations up and had a decent run-through of the ceremony. When I arrived at the restaurant for the rehearsal dinner, I saw Alice and Edward arguing by the door. I knew then that tonight would not go well. While everyone ordered, I passed out the gifts Edward and I had purchased. For Rosalie I purchased a matching necklace and bracelet set. When I gave it to her, I whispered in her ear that I needed to talk to her about something later. Alice was sitting next to her and rolled her eyes when Rosalie saw her gift.

"Did you get that off a street corner? It looks rather cheap," Alice said quietly.

"No, actually. Edward and I fount it online from Tiffany's," I said.

"Already spending his money?"

"What does it matter to you?" I asked annoyed.

"I hope you're keeping track of how much you're spending so that Edward can ask for it back when he divorces you."

"Shut up, Alice," Rosalie said.

About an hour later, after everyone ate and toasts were made, Rosalie and I went to the bathroom. "So, what did you want to talk to me about?"

"Can you keep a secret?" I asked.

"Of course."

"Edward and I were going to wait to tell everyone until after we came back, but if I don't tell someone soon, I'm gonna bust."

"What is it?"

"I'm pregnant."

"You're what? I thought you couldn't -"

"I know, but I am," I said interrupting her.

"Have you been to the doctor yet?"

I nodded. "I made my second appointment for after we get back. I have a _really_ good feeling about this, Rose."

"I'm so happy for you, Bella," Rose said wrapping her arms around me.

"Thanks."

A short while later, everyone was back sitting around the table enjoying dessert. I grabbed Edward's glass and took a quick drink as I sat on his lap. His arms gently wrapped around my waist, and he placed his chin on my shoulder.

"Everything okay?" he asked.

"Yep."

"Are you sure you should be drinking that, Bella?" Alice asked.

"Yes."

"Are you sure there's no alcohol in that?" 

"Edward doesn't drink. You know that."

"Well it _is_ the day before his wedding."

"Why do you care, Alice?" Edward asked.

"She's having your child. I'm pretty sure drinking is discouraged during pregnancy...unless she's faking it."

Edward looked at me with shocked eyes. All conversations had stopped as well, and I could swear you could hear a pin drop. "You told her?"

"No. I only told Rosalie in the bathroom," I replied quietly.

"What's all the fuss down there?" Carlisle asked.

"It seems our dear Bella is a liar. Tell us, have you even _been_ to the doctor?"

"Alice, _stop it_," Rosalie said. "You don't know what you're talking about."

"_Have you?_" Alice asked again.

"I can't get in for a full appointment until after we get back from our honeymoon."

"Convenient. Or is this just another way to make sure Edward marries you tomorrow?"

"Why wouldn't I marry her?" Edward asked angrily.

"Because maybe you've finally realized she's not good enough for you," Alice said. "Maybe you finally realized how she forced herself not only on you but on this entire family!"

"She did nothing of the sort, Alice," Carlisle said. "You _will_ watch your tone, young lady."

"No. Someone needs to say it. When will everyone realize this won't last? That Edward is going to get his heart broken in all of this? When will everyone realize what _lies_ she's been telling?"

"_That's enough!"_ Dad yelled, causing McKenna to jump in her seat. "You will not talk about my daughter that way, especially not the night before her wedding. Say what you want about me, Lord only knows I've made mistakes, but you will _not_ talk about my daughter that way." I noticed that Sue had stood and wrapped her arms around his shoulders to calm him down. She was also whispering something in his ear as well.

"Why can't you just let us be happy, Alice? Just for one day?" I asked. Tears were forming and burning in my eyes. 

"There she goes crying again. God, _please_ stop. It does nothing for me," Alice said.

Carlisle slammed his fist down on the table and stood. "Alice, enough! I've had enough of your hurtful words towards Bella. Your mother and I raised you _better_ than this."

"What? I'm telling the truth here."

"Jesus, Alice. Let them be happy. She's done nothing to you," Jasper said.

"She's done plenty. I'm sure her own mother would be spinning in her grave the way she's raising her _bastard_."

I couldn't take it anymore. I jumped up and ran out of the restaurant. Behind me I could hear both Edward and Charlie call for me, as well as the tiny footsteps of McKenna. I made it to the curb next to my car before I sank to the ground, hiding from everyone. McKenna stood in front of me, wrapping her little arms around me.

"Don't cry, Mommy," she said.

**EdwardPOV**

"Jesus, Alice. Let them be happy. She's done nothing to you," Jasper said.

"She's done plenty. I'm sure her own mother would be spinning in her grave the way she's raising her _bastard_."

"ALICE!" I shouted as Bella stood and ran from the table. McKenna was behind her, of course. "Bella!"

When I turned my head to yell at my sister, I noticed that Mom and Dad were escorting her from the restaurant. Each of them were clutching an arm. Charlie's face was bright red as he took a moment to calm down.

"Edward, you need to go find Bella," Emmett said.

"I know," I said standing. As I walked toward the door, I knew Charlie was behind me. It didn't take us long to find Bella. She was sitting on the curb, sobbing her eyes out, while McKenna patted her back.

"It's okay, Mommy. Alice is just a mean girl. Please don't cry."

"Hey McKenna, why don't we go inside and get Emmett and Jasper and go get some ice cream?" Rosalie said behind us. I didn't even know she was with us. I felt a tap on my shoulder a second later, and saw that Rose was holding a glass of water.

"Can I, Mommy?"

"Of course, baby. As much as you want," Bella said.

McKenna kissed Bella softly on the cheek then disappeared with Rosalie. Charlie and I sat next to Bella, each placing a hand on her back while she cried.

"I can't...do this anymore, Edward. I can't keep...trying with her and getting nothing in return."

"I know," I said.

"I didn't know...she was in the bathroom when I told Rosalie. I thought we were alone."

"It's okay."

"I don't want her there tomorrow."

"I'll take care of it, I promise," I said as I picked up the glass of water. "Here, take a drink for me."

"She crossed a line," she replied after taking a few quick sips. "She needs to realize that. I don't want her around me, McKenna or this baby. I know she's your family, but I won't do it anymore. I won't play nice with her anymore. I can't."

"You won't have to. I'll tell her tonight."

"If he doesn't, I will. She can hate me all she wants," Charlie said.

"Oh, Dad," Bella said placing her head on his shoulder. "Mom wouldn't be upset with the way I'm raising McKenna, would she?"

"No. She'd be proud of you. So proud. Just like I am. I truly think of her as a blessing. I see so much of your mother in you when you are with her."

"Really?"

"Yes. You're a good mom, Bella. You really are. But I have to ask. Are you really pregnant again?"

"Yes. I know the doctors said I shouldn't, but it's a miracle, I think. I know Edward will take good care of me."

"I know he will too. Just promise me you'll be careful and take it easy."

"I will."

A few hours later, I was back at the house. I made sure Bella was sound asleep before I left her. It was now close to one thirty and I was exhausted. When I walked into the living room, I found McKenna asleep on the couch with Emmett and Jasper sitting on the floor in front of her playing video games with the sound off.

"Hey," Emmett said. "Is Bella alright?"

"No. She had a full out breakdown in the parking lot. Thank you for keeping McKenna here."

"No problem," Jasper said. "She didn't need to see her like that."

"Where's everyone else?"

"Mom and Dad are upstairs talking with Alice, and Rose is asleep," Emmett replied.

I carefully gathered McKenna in my arms, carried her to my room and placed her in my bed before going to Alice's room carrying a bag in my hands. She was sitting on her bed, her face buried in a pillow.

"How is Bella?" Mom asked.

"Asleep. Charlie and I had to convince her to take a sleeping pill. Have anything you'd like to say to me?" I asked as I looked at Alice.

"I'm so sorry, Edward," Alice quietly said.

"Sorry? You're _sorry_?!"

"I am!"

"No you're not. You're happy. You've wanted this all along, right? She's done nothing but be nice to you. Hell, Alice, she even bought you a gift!" I said as I flung the bag onto her bed. "Now listen to me. _Do not show up tomorrow_. I won't have you doing anything to hurt her more than you have tonight."

"Edward," Esme said shocked. I had never spoken so harshly toward anyone, let alone my sister.

"You crossed a line when you brought up Renee and when you said she was a bad mother. I don't know what's going on in your head, Alice, but she's carrying my child and I'm marrying her tomorrow. If you can't accept the fact that I love her more than anything in this world, then you can stay away from us. I don't want you around. It kills me to say that, Alice, but I will do anything to see Bella smile. I can't understand why you hate her so much, but at this point, I don't care. Tomorrow I'm marrying her and I expect that you'll stay away." I stormed out of Alice's room. I hated telling Alice to stay away, but I knew it was for the best. Bella and McKenna were my life now and I would do anything for them. Even if it meant cutting ties with my sister.


	28. Chapter 28

_**Note: This chapter has the full wedding in it. Enjoy.**_

_**Pictures of the dresses, cake, rings, etc can be found here: **_**photobucket dot com / ****albums/nn166/sweetishbubble/Finding%20the%20Way%20Back/**

_The song Edward & Bella dance to is "When You Say You Love Me," by Josh Groban._

* * *

><p>Finding the Way back – Chapter 28<p>

**BellaPOV**

I awoke the next morning feeling groggy, tired, and surprisingly unexcited. Today was my wedding day. A day that should be full of excitement, joy, and wonder. I should be bouncing on my bed yelling 'I'm getting married today!' I should want to throw open my window and scream it so loud so everyone around could hear. I should have a permanent smile on my face. Instead, I'm standing in my room looking at my wedding gown wondering if Alice is going to show up and ruin it just like she did the rehearsal. I didn't feel guilty for demanding that she be banned - not one bit. Knowing that I needed to get going, I quickly got dressed and went downstairs and found Dad in the kitchen.

"Hey. Feeling any better?" he asked.

"Not really."

"Cheer up, sweetheart. You're getting married today. I really don't think Alice will show up."

"She'd better not. Although, if she did, I can't guarantee that I wouldn't smack her."

"Don't worry, I have bail money set aside just in case," he said with a wink.

Just then, the door bell rang. Dad answered it while I found something for breakfast. He returned carrying a familiar package. I quickly opened it to find a dozen red roses from Edward, of course, with a note.

_Today I marry my best friend, my one true love _

_and the mother of my children._

_I look forward to a lifetime seeing you smile._

_I'll see you at the altar._

_I love you always,_

_Edward_

A bit later, I was walking into the bakery with Dad to pick up the cake and bring it to The Emerald Inn, our reception site. It was the nicest hotel in Forks. Apparently it had been featured on television and in bridal magazines. It had dark wood throughout the ballroom and high vaulted ceilings. I couldn't wait to see what it would look like with all of the candles and crystals and flowers.

"Happy wedding day!" Julie said when we arrived.

"Thanks. Is the cake ready?"

"Yep. Just finished boxing it up. Do you need help?"

"Nope. Dad and I can take it."

"Alright. I'll bring out the cupcakes, though."

A half hour later, Dad and I were carefully bringing in the cake. The ballroom was already starting to take shape. The tables were out and had linens on them and the chairs were covered as well. Once the cake was carefully placed on the table, Dad ran back out to the car for the cupcakes. I stood in the middle of the dance floor and looked around.

Soon, I would walk back in this room as Mrs. Edward Cullen.

Soon, I would leave my childhood, or what was left of it, behind me and embrace married life.

Soon, I would be a grown up.

_I couldn't wait._

Dad and I spent the next two hours putting the centerpieces, candles, favors and seating chart together. Thankfully the employees of the Emerald Inn were a huge help so we didn't have to do too much, but just enough to keep up busy. Everything was looking perfect. Once that was done, I met up with McKenna, Rosalie and Esme at the hair salon. They were all seated and being attended to. Esme was glowing and sipping on her coffee. McKenna was next to her, eating a sandwich while Rose was texting.

"Mommy! Look! I have soup cans on my head!" McKenna laughed.

"Wow. Those are big curlers," I said kissing her on the cheek. "Were you good for Esme?"

"Yes. Uncle Emmett gave me two scoops of chocolate ice cream last night! With chocolate sauce!"

"And you got her to sleep after that?" I asked shocked.

"Emmett and Jasper tried to teach her how to play tennis on the Wii, which wore her out."

"I don't like that game," McKenna said crossing her arms and scrunching up her face.

"Why?" I asked.

"I'm not good at it!"

"You'll learn, sweetie. Finish your lunch, okay?"

I sat down in a chair and let the stylist get to work. My hair would be simple, just pulled back with lots of curls. I had a small clip that I would wear that belonged to Renee and I would not be wearing a veil.

While the stylist did her thing, I closed my eyes and wondered what Mom was like on her wedding day. Was she excited? Was she nervous? Was she scared? Was she glowing? I missed her terribly today. I had always pictured her being here, fussing over my dress, crying as I walked down the aisle on Dad's arm and glowing as she danced. I missed her, but I knew she was with me.

"Are you alright, dear?" Esme asked.

"Yes. Just thinking."

"About your mother. Would you like me to tell you about her wedding day?"

"Do you remember any of it?"

"Some, yes. She looked absolutely beautiful. I remember she could barely sit still the entire day until she walked into the church. She hated being away from Charlie for so long and it didn't help that I refused to let her talk to him. After they were married, the two were inseparable during the reception and they danced to every slow song that played. Charlie made sure there was a _lot_ of Bon Jovi played. They loved that group."

"I miss her today."

"I know you do, but she's with you in your heart. And look, she gave you a beautiful sunny day. Now you'll be able to take your pictures outside, just like you wanted."

"Yeah," I softly said.

"Why are you so down?" Rosalie asked as she snapped her phone shut.

"I'm just worried about Alice showing up."

"Honey, you can't worry about that. Alice promised Edward she would stay away. Carlisle and I spoke with her last night. She gave us her word that she would stay at the house and she knows what will happen if she doesn't keep that promise. What happened last night is over and done with. Don't bring that hurt with you today," Esme said.

Once we were back at the house, I got McKenna dressed and sent her downstairs with Dad and the photographer. I had never seen Dad in a tux before, except in pictures. He looked so handsome with a fresh haircut and shave. McKenna was beyond adorable in her yellow dress with a brown sash. Her hair matched mine, however her curls looked more like the ones Shirley Temple had. Rosalie quickly changed as well into her brown dress with a yellow sash.

"Do you want me to help you into your dress?" Rosalie asked.

"Yeah. We're running late so we'll have to hurry through pictures."

"Bella, it's your wedding day. They can't start without you."

I could feel myself start to shake as Rosalie helped me. I knew I was shaking out of excitement, which made me happy. Time seemed to slow down, yet speed up at the same time. I wanted to run out the front door and down to the church and get this started already! I wanted to be married to the most wonderful man alive. Once the dress was on, I looked at myself in the mirror. The sadness and depression I felt for my mother had been pushed aside. As much as I missed her, I wouldn't let those feelings overshadow my joy and happiness in marrying Edward. I knew she was smiling down upon us. Along with Ian. I had to believe he was with me as well, even after all the hateful things he had done. I had to believe that he got caught up in something he couldn't get out of and that he really never meant for me to get involved. Even if it was just a dream to think that way, I had to.

"You look beautiful," Dad said from the door.

"I'll just go sit with McKenna," Rosalie said as she walked out.

"Ready for all this, kid?" he asked as he walked over to me.

"I think so."

"Edward is going to take good care of you," he said as he took my hands in his.

"I know he will."

"And I know he'll take care of McKenna, too. He loves that little girl something fierce."

"I know he does. He already loves our little miracle."

"Just promise me you'll be careful?"

"I will. I'm sorry I was in a horrible mood this morning."

"It's okay, Bells. A lot happened yesterday. Just be happy today."

"I will."

After what seemed like a hundred pictures were taken, we were at the church. It was such a beautiful day out, that I decided to stand outside and wait for the church ladies to come and get us, rather than stand in a tiny, claustrophobic room. Thankfully, we didn't have to wait long. Inside, the organist was playing and our guests were anxiously waiting.

"Good luck, Mommy!" McKenna said.

"Thanks, baby. Remember, drop the petals just like we practiced."

"I know! Daddy said if I did it good, I could have two pieces of cake."

I wish I could have been in the church to see McKenna as she walked down. That little girl could light the darkest cave with her smile. I loved how she and Edward had settled into their new relationship. She was truly his daughter, even if they weren't related through blood. We decided not to have her last name changed to Cullen after we were married, as I wanted to keep the Swan name going. If she decided to change it when she was older, she could, but for now it would remain the same.

The music changed and I knew it was time. I looked over at Dad, who had a large smile on his face. As we walked down the aisle, I saw no one but Edward. He was so handsome in his tux. His hair was combed and tamed nicely, though I made a mental note to rough it up after pictures.

Dad and I reached the end of the aisle. As he kissed me on the cheek and placed my hand in Edward's, my tears finally spilled over.

"Take care of her," Dad quietly said to him.

"With my life, Charlie. _All_ of them," Edward said.

**Pastor POV**

"Friends, we have come here today to celebrate love. We see it in the faces of Edward and Isabella who stand before us, but we experience it in our own hearts as well. This love is powerful enough to untie the strong entangled knot of life. It is a love which is spoken of in all religions, which kindles our souls with hope and which is our true home, our true meeting place.

"Edward and Isabella have opened their hearts to one another, and today in just a few moments will share their vows of marriage together. We are deeply grateful to them for opening their hearts to us as well, inviting us to witness and share in this precious moment. To this day, they bring the fullness of their being as a treasure to share with one another. Their marriage is being entered into reverently, with the recognition of a true union which has been discovered. For what greater joy is there for two human souls than to join together to strengthen each other in all their endeavors, to support each other through all sorrow, and to share with each other in all gladness?

"We hope that the words and spirit of our gathering may be filled with a truth that will deepen with the passing years. We hope, too, that the meaning of the vows that Edward and Isabella are about to share with one another will deepen as well, as they discover the endless possibilities of this life together. This is a love which need not be tarnished by common events, but which can flower both in deepest adversity and in greatest joy. As the years go by, you will find more and more in one another a loveliness which neither comes nor goes, which neither flowers nor fades, no longer even taking the form of face or hand or words or knowing. Everything in your marriage can partake of this mysterious beauty beyond beauty, until wherever you turn you see reflections of this loveliness.

"We ask that the vision you have of one another be always informed by that radiant power which first brought you together. Love is stronger than your conflicts, bigger than life's changes, the miracle always inviting you to learn, to blossom, to expand. It is to love that you must always return.

"Edward, do you take Isabella to be your wife, to love her, to cherish her, and to continually bestow upon her your heart's deepest devotion?"

"For forever and a day," he replied.

"Isabella, do you take Edward to be your husband, to love him, to cherish him, and to continually bestow upon him your hearts deepest devotion?"

"For forever and a day," she replied.

"Please join hands and face each other. Edward, please repeat after me: Isabella, you are my beloved, to love and to cherish, and to have and to hold, for richer, for poorer, for better, for worse, in sickness and in health, in sadness and in joy, to share our lives together, from this day forward."

"Isabella, you are my beloved, to love and to cherish, and to have and to hold, for richer, for poorer, for better, for worse, in sickness and in health, in sadness and in joy, to share our lives together, from this day forward," he said with a smile upon his face.

"Isabella, please repeat after me: Edward, you are my beloved, to love and to cherish, and to have and to hold, for richer, for poorer, for better, for worse, in sickness and in health, in sadness and in joy, to share our lives together, from this day forward."

"Edward, you are my beloved, to love and to cherish, and to have and to hold, for richer, for poorer, for better, for worse, in sickness and in health, in sadness and in joy, to share our lives together, from this day forward," she said as a tear escapes the corner of her eye.

"What tokens of your love and devotion do you have to offer one another?" I ask.

"These rings," they replied, as Edward places them into my hand.

"May these rings be blessed as a symbol of this affectionate unity. Your two lives are being joined today in one unbroken circle. Wherever you go, may you always return to one another in your togetherness. May you find in one another the love for which all men and women yearn. May you grow in understanding and compassion. May these rings, soon to be on your fingers, symbolize the touch of the spirit of love that is in both your hearts. Edward, in placing the ring on Isabella's left hand, please repeat after me: Isabella, I give you this ring as a pledge of my love, and as a symbol of our unity."

"Isabella, I give you this ring as a pledge of my love, and as a symbol of our unity," he said sliding the ring on her finger. He then brought her hand up to his lips for a quick kiss.

"Isabella, in placing the ring on Edward's left hand, please repeat after me: Edward, I give you this ring as a pledge of my love, and as a symbol of our unity."

"Edward, I give you this ring as a pledge of my love, and as a symbol of our unity," she replied sliding the ring on his finger.

"Edward and Isabella, the rings you have given to one another are symbols of your commitment to one another, but they are also more. For today you are also making a commitment to McKenna Claire. Today you are pledging your love to her as well, committing to her that you will create a family together. Let the perfect circle of the wedding ring embrace McKenna Claire as well as the two of you. For our children are gifts entrusted to us.

"You have consented together to marriage before this company, pledged your faith and declared your unity by each giving and receiving a ring, and, as you are now joined together in mutual esteem and devotion, it is my privilege to announce you husband and wife."

**BellaPOV**

"Edward, you may now kiss your bride," the pastor said.

Edward tenderly pressed his lips against mine. I couldn't believe how fast it all happened. It seemed like just a short time ago I arrived on Dad's doorstep, and now I was married to a man that loved me for me – flaws and all. I felt like the luckiest woman on the planet and I knew this was just the start to a lifetime of happiness. I couldn't wait for it. I felt like I had finally found the normalcy I had been looking for, and now that I had it, I wouldn't let it go without a fight.

"I love you," Edward whispered to me after his lips left mine.

"I love you, too."

"Ladies and gentlemen, may I present Doctor And Misses Cullen," the pastor said. _That has a nice ring to it_, I thought.

Edward kissed me again as the church filled with applause. He held out his arm for me, and together we walked back up the aisle. We quickly took pictures after the church emptied. On our way over to the reception, Edward and I made a quick detour in our limo. I picked up the small bouquet from the seat next to me. I wanted to make sure that even though she wasn't here that she was remembered. Edward helped me out of the car and made sure my dress didn't touch the ground as we walked to Renee's headstone.

"Here, let me put it down for you," Edward said. But I couldn't let go of it. "Bella?"

"I miss her so much today, Edward," I softly said.

"I know you do, but she wouldn't want you to feel sad today. She'd want you to be happy." I let go of the flowers and let Edward place them on the ground. He then placed soft kisses on my forehead, cheeks and lips. "Come on. Everyone's waiting for us."

We arrived at the hotel where Esme and Rosalie quickly worked on the bustle of my dress before leaving Edward and me alone for a few moments. I needed to be in Edward's arms, to hear him whisper to me, to feel like there was no one else but us in the world. That's what he did to me. He made me feel smart, special and sexy – feelings that were new to me in the beginning, but are now something I loved to feel.

"Are you alright, my beautiful darling?" Edward asked.

"Yes. This is all just a little surreal, you know?"

"How so?"

"When I was a little girl, I dreamed about my wedding. Then when I was taken, I was positive I would never get this. Now, here I am, standing in a beautiful dress next to the most perfect husband a girl could ask for. I'm the luckiest person in the world."

"No, _I'm_ the lucky one, Bella. You've given me so much. So much more than I could ever give you," he said before kissing me so passionately that my toes curled.

Inside the ballroom, we heard the DJ announce us. As we walked in, everyone was clinging their glasses and cheering for us. I spotted McKenna in Dad's arms clapping her little hands. Edward brought me to the middle of the dance floor. Our quests quieted down as our song began to play a very familiar tune.

_When you say you love me  
>The world goes still, so still inside and<br>When you say you love me  
>For a moment, there's no one else alive<em>

You're the one I've always thought of.  
>I don't know how, but I feel sheltered in your love.<br>You're where I belong.  
>And when you're with me if I close my eyes,<br>There are times I swear I feel like I can fly  
>For a moment in time.<br>Somewhere between the Heavens and Earth ,  
>And frozen in time, Oh when you say those words.<p>

When you say you love me  
>The world goes still, so still inside and<br>When you say you love me  
>For a moment, there's no one else alive<p>

And this journey that we're on.  
>How far we've come and I celebrate every moment.<br>And when you say you love me,  
>That's all you have to say.<br>I'll always feel this way.

When you say you love me  
>The world goes still, so still inside and<br>When you say you love me  
>In that moment,I know why I'm alive<p>

When you say you love me.  
>When you say you love me.<br>Do you know how I love you?

I didn't even realize I was crying until Edward wiped my tears away. I loved him more than I could describe. My heart ached when we were apart and sped up when we were together. There was no one else around when he was with me. So many nights I had thought that none of this was ever possible; that I would always be trapped in that place. Some nights I would let my mind wonder and dream about this day, but it was nothing like this. Today was simply perfect and I would remember it forever. Edward kissed me before handing me off to Dad. We danced to "Isn't She Lovely" by Stevie Wonder, followed by Edward and Esme's dance to "Have I Told You Lately" by Rod Stewart. Apparently he played that for her daily when she was unsure about her breast cancer. Edward then called for McKenna and the two of them danced – well more like swayed – to "You Are My Sunshine." I was pretty sure I wasn't the only one who teared up at the sight of them.

Dinner went well, even though I could barely eat a thing. Both Rosalie and Emmett's speeches were touching, funny and heartfelt. I felt so blessed to have them in my life. The cake was a hit as well. Edward loved the little figures of us on top, and true to his word, gave McKenna two small pieces. When I threw my bouquet, I tried to aim it towards Sue, but one of my cousins had caught it. Edward had tickled my legs as he removed my garter, making me squirm in my seat. This, of course, caused Emmett to be his usual self and told us in no uncertain terms that there were children present and that we needed to 'get a room already.' One of Edward's college friends caught the garter and I laughed as Edward punched Emmett in the arm for his little comment. Soon after, everyone was mingling or dancing. I smiled at the sight of Dad and Sue together. They were seated with Billy, Jake and a few other people from the Reservation. Dad had removed his tie and had the top button of his shirt undone, while Sue sat on his lap, her arm around him.

"How are you feeling? You barely ate anything," Rosalie said after we walked outside for some air.

"I know. My stomach has been doing flip flops all night. I was too afraid that if I ate something, it would just come right back up."

"Were you like that with McKenna?"

"I honestly don't remember. It wasn't a pleasant time for me."

"Just think how much fun it'll be this time around."

"But what if it doesn't last, Rose?" I asked worried. "What if something happens?"

"Have you and Edward talked about it?"

"A little bit," I said. "I don't know how many times I want to keep trying. If I can get through the next month, I'll have made it longer than the last one."

"Well, maybe that's a sign that this was meant to be?"

Just then, Edward, Emmett, and Jasper joined us. McKenna was in Jasper's arms with heavy eyes. It was past her bedtime and I knew the day's events had worn her out. I ran my hands over my arms, as the night air was chilly. Edward removed his jacket and gave it to me.

"Mommy, I'm tired," McKenna said.

"I bet you are. Will you come sit with me while Daddy gets Grandpa?"

McKenna nodded. I sat on a bench and held my arms open to her. Jasper placed her carefully in my lap. She tucked her head under my chin and sighed. I knew it would only be a matter of minutes before she was asleep.

"What the...?" I heard Rosalie say.

"She's not supposed to be here," Emmett softly said.

"Who?" I asked.

"Don't worry about it. I'll handle it," Edward said before kissing me and walking away.

"Who's here?" I asked again.

"Alice," Rosalie said.

"But she _promised_," I said angrily.

"I know. Edward's going to get rid of her, don't worry."

**EdwardPOV**

"What are you doing here, Alice? You promised to stay away," I said angrily. She had quite a nerve showing up tonight.

"I know. I just wanted to see my brother on his wedding day," she said timidly.

"You've seen me. Now go."

"Edward, please. You're my brother,-"

"You promised, Alice. Why can't you just let me have this?"

"I just... I don't want to see you get hurt, Edward."

"I'm not. I've married Bella. We're going to have a family and a wonderful life. I wish you could be a part of it."

"I want to be a part of it, but,-"

"I don't want to hear it, Alice."

"Please Edward, just listen to me," she begged. _"Please._"

"No. I can't, Alice. Not anymore. I'm sorry."

I kissed her on her forehead and walked back over to Bella. McKenna was asleep in her arms and wrapped in Emmett's jacket. Charlie pulled up in Bella's car to take McKenna home. I assumed Jasper or Emmett must have gone to get him since I had to deal with Alice.

"Here, let me," I said. I lifted McKenna from Bella and placed her in the warm car.

"Call us when you get there, okay?" Charlie asked as he hugged Bella goodbye. It was late, and most of our guests were beginning to leave as well.

"Of course. You have our cell numbers if anything should happen," Bella replied.

"I do. Have fun, okay?"

"I will. Love you, Dad."

"Love you too, kid."

We stood outside and said goodbye to our guests before heading up to our room for the night. When we walked in, we found the room lit by several of candles. On our bed was a heart made out of sunflower petals. In the middle of the heart was a piece of paper that was folded. Bella opened it to find a picture that McKenna drew of our family. I stood behind Bella and wrapped my arms around her as we looked at the picture. It was the three of us, along a baby in Bella's arms.

**BellaPOV**

"It's perfect," I said softly.

"It is."

"You've made me so happy, Edward."

"You as well, my love."

I set the picture down on the bed and turned to face Edward. I captured his lips with mine as my arms wrapped around his neck. Edward's arms wrapped my waist and pulled me closer to him. It had been far too long since we were alone together. I deepened the kiss and started on the buttons of his shirt.

"Are you sure you want to do this tonight? We don't have to," he said pulling back from me.

"Yes, I'm sure. I'm tired, but I want this. Don't you?"

"Of course I do."

"Then what?"

"I just don't want to push you into something you don't want to do," he replied.

"You're not. Edward, I haven't felt this beautiful in such a long time. Not since our first time. I want this. I need this."

"Then let me give it to you, along with anything else you could ever want."

He kissed me again. I finished unbuttoning his shirt while he shrugged out of his jacket and tie. Once they were all off, I pulled back from him and slid my hands up and down his chest, feeling his sculpted muscles and the fluttering of his heart.

"If I forgot to tell you, you look absolutely stunning tonight," he said.

"Thank you. You're quite handsome, yourself."

Edward's hands found the zipper of my dress and slowly pulled it down. My body tingled as his fingers ghosted over my skin. I wiggled my hips a bit and my dress fell to the floor. My arms snaked around his neck and his lips found mine. Edward's hands went to the back of my bustier, undoing all the little hooks that kept it together. Once it was open, he pulled it from me and let it fall to the ground with the rest of our clothes. His lips moved down to my neck, causing a soft moan to escape, as he led me around to the side of the bed. I crawled into the center as Edward quickly shrugged out of his pants then joined me and settled between my legs where he positioned himself at my entrance.

"Yes," I moaned, sinking further into the pillows as he entered me.

"So wet... so tight... so beautiful," he said as he moved in me.

"_More_," I begged. "_Please...more." _I felt like I couldn't get enough of him. I didn't want the slow and deep lovemaking we experienced before. I just wanted him. I wanted to feel how much he wanted and needed me.

He picked up his thrusts, going deeper each time. The deeper and faster he went, the louder I got. My moans turned into soft cries, which turned into screams as my orgasm overtook me. I didn't know where this side of me had come from. Was it just my desperate need for him or was it something entirely different, like the hormones from my pregnancy? Whatever it was, Edward didn't seem to mind. He was moaning and appeared to be just as desperate for me as I was for him. After we had finished, I curled into his side, my head over his heart, and fell asleep knowing that all of my dreams had come true.


	29. Chapter 29

_The B&B that Bella & Edward visit can be found here: www dot thornewoodcastle dot com_

Finding the Way back – Chapter 29

**BellaPOV**

The next morning, Edward and I hopped into the Volvo to make our way to the bed and breakfast we would be staying at for a few days. Neither one of us wanted to stray too far from Forks, but we also wanted a little privacy. We would be staying at Thornwood Castle Inn and Gardens. It looked beautiful from the pictures we saw online and I couldn't wait to get there.

During the drive, Edward and I talked about various things, mainly the type of house we wanted. We both agreed we needed to find one quickly, since McKenna would be starting preschool in the fall. I wanted to make the transition as easy as possible for her, although I truly didn't think she would have a problem with it. I also wanted to get it done quickly to get the nursery set up as well. We didn't have too many requirements for our home, but we knew we wanted a nice large room for McKenna, at least one fireplace, a large kitchen and a big back yard. I knew I needed to contact a real estate agent once we got home since we wanted to be in the house, or at least found one before the baby was born.

We also talked about our future, particularly children. I had expressed to Edward that if I lost this one, I couldn't and wouldn't do it again. I couldn't go through the emotions of becoming attached only to have it slip away again. I was so thankful that we had this little miracle, but I was still so afraid that something would happen. I thought for sure he would want to try again, to have a child of his own, but surprisingly, he agreed with me.

"Bella, I'm perfectly content with just you and McKenna if that's what's meant to be. But if you want more, I'll do everything I can to give you more," Edward said. "But right now, let's just focus on the here and now. Right now we have a precious miracle growing inside of you. Let's enjoy it and take it one step at a time."

"Can I make a confession?" I asked.

"Of course."

"I've had nightmares where we've walked into the doctor's office and have been told we have to end it. That it's because of everything that I've been through. Other times, I've had dreams where he or she has been born, only to have Keith reappear and take him or her away, saying the baby was his, even though it's not. I know he's dead and I should be over this, but...I'm not. I'm scared and nervous."

Edward pulled over to the rest area on the side of the road and turned to face me. I had my head lowered, trying to hide my tears. Even though we were married, I was still afraid to cry in front of him. I was used to being told that crying was a form of weakness. I felt Edward's soft hand on my face, as he drew my eyes to his. "Bella, I wish you would open up to me when you're feeling like this, rather than keeping it all inside. I love you more than anything in this world, you know that, right?"

"Of course I do. It's just hard sometimes."

"I know it is. But you have to realize that they were just dreams. None of that is going to happen. And from what I understand about pregnant women, such vivid dreams are normal. But just remember that Keith is dead, and even if he wasn't, there would be no way in hell that bastard would touch you, McKenna or our child. _Ever_. I would go to the ends of the Earth to keep you safe. You must know that."

"I do."

"Then lets just enjoy ourselves during these next few days and see what your doctor says when we get back, okay?"

"Okay," I softly said. "I'm sorry I kept my fears from you."

"It's alright."

He leaned over and softly kissed me. A few hours later, we arrived at our destination. The lawns and gardens were beautifully lined with fountains, shrubs and vibrant flowers. We checked in and were escorted to the Blue Room. After unpacking a bit, we decided to walk around the grounds before dinner. Edward and I had found a shady spot under a large tree. I sat with my head in his lap while he read to me. At some point I must have drifted off to sleep, because when I awoke, I was in bed. Edward was sitting in a chair next to the window, quietly talking on the phone. The evening sun caste a beautiful glow throughout the room, making it feel like we were home, rather than at a Bed and Breakfast.

"Are you being good?...Yes, we'll bring you back something...No, tell Uncle Emmett and Uncle Jasper you cannot have a pet frog at the new house...You already have one?...At Grandpa's house?...You named him and everything?...Okay, I'll talk to Mom about it, but no promises...I love you, too. Bye."

"A frog?" I asked.

"Emmett and Jasper took her to the river and she found one. Named him George and he is living in a fish tank at Charlie's."

"Why couldn't she just ask for a dog? A dog I can do, but not a frog."

"She's turning into a little tomboy," Edward said as he crawled in next to me.

"No thanks to your brothers," I said.

"They love her to pieces. Are you feeling alright? Do you want anything? We missed dinner service, but I can run and get you something."

"I'm fine, thanks. Sorry I fell asleep."

"Don't be. You needed your rest. It's no big deal."

"Is everything else okay at home?" I asked as I curled into Edward's side.

"Everything's perfect."

Our honeymoon passed far too quickly. Edward and I made love a few times. I thought for sure that he hated the fact that I didn't want to be that intimate every second of everyday like normal newlyweds, but he was content to just hold me tightly against him. I think it was his way of reassuring himself that I was safe.

We ventured into town on our second day and found a cute little clothing store for children. I found McKenna a pink sundress, barrettes and a sweater. I also found a few gender-neutral items for the nursery, mainly a few soft blankets. After we were done there, we found a place for lunch. I called home to check in on things only to find that McKenna was having a ball with Emmett and Jasper. So much so that she barely noticed we were gone. I missed her terribly, though.

We spent the remaining days holed up in our room, just enjoying the time together. Since Edward had started his residency, time together was becoming more precious to us. I loved the quiet time. I had felt so wanted, so loved that I didn't want to leave our little bubble.

The day we returned home, my morning sickness decided to kick in. I was nauseated, achy and hormonal. I could barely keep anything down, and I wanted nothing more than to crawl into my own bed and sleep. I lay as flat as I could in the passenger seat on the ride home with my arm draped over my eyes to help with the nausea. We arrived back at the house at dusk. Edward helped me into the house, up to my room and placed me into bed. It felt good to be home, but I was still feeling weak and sick.

"I'm going to see 'Kenna, okay?" Edward whispered. 

"Fine. Don't give her my gift, though, okay? I want to do it."

"I won't. Just rest. I'll be in once she's asleep."

**EPOV**

I drew the curtains and softly kissed Bella's forehead before heading back downstairs to Charlie and McKenna. I wasn't sure how far along she was, but I knew this was the start of things to come. I was overjoyed with the notion of being a father, but I had to be honest. I was just as scared as she was that something would go wrong. I knew the doctors said she shouldn't have children. I knew there was some risk, but I had to believe, even just a little bit, that this would turn out okay. It had to.

I found Charlie and McKenna in the living room watching a game on the flat screen. McKenna was sitting on his lap, her eyelids starting to get heavy. Charlie was running his hand through her hair, just like he did with Bella.

"Do you want me to put her down?" I asked.

"Not just yet. Is everything alright with Bella?" he asked worried.

"Yeah. Her morning sickness kicked in. She feels awful and nothing I can do will help."

"Get some Ginger Ale and some Ginger Snap cookies. They helped Renee when she was pregnant. Has she been able to keep anything down?"

"Nope. I was half tempted to call my dad, but she wouldn't let me."

"So do it now. She's upstairs and can't hear us down here."

"True. Let me put her down, and I'll call."

McKenna was now asleep and quietly snoring. I lifted her from Charlie's lap and took her upstairs. I tucked her into her toddler bed and checked on Bella one more time. She had a glass of water on her side table and a bucket on the floor in case she couldn't make it to the bathroom. At this point, I didn't feel guilty for calling my dad. Once I was back downstairs, I joined Charlie in the kitchen and called my father's cell phone. He answered on the fourth ring.

"Edward! How was the honeymoon?"

I told him what was up with Bella, and how I felt something more than morning sickness was wrong. He agreed and told me to bring her to the ER, since he was working tonight. When we arrived, Dad had a team waiting for us. She looked so weak, so helpless. I stood off to the side as he and another doctor looked over her. She didn't even flinch when they poked and prodded or when an IV was started on her.

"Edward," my father said. "I'm going to keep her tonight just to be on the safe side. She's dehydrated and I want to make sure the baby is okay. Dr. Collins, here, is going to do an ultrasound just to make sure everything's okay."

"I tried, Dad. I tried to get her to eat and drink, but it wouldn't stay down. What else could I have done?"

"Nothing. These things just happen. But you were right in calling."

"Will she be alright?"

"I think so. Why don't you call Charlie and let him know while we wait for the ultrasound, okay?"

I reluctantly left Bella and called Charlie. He said not to worry about McKenna, that he would take her to La Push with him tomorrow since he was off. I promised to keep him up to speed on her condition. When I arrived back in Bella's room, she was just waking up. Dr. Collins was there, along with a wheelchair.

"Bella, are you alright?" I asked.

"I'm tired. Why am I in a hospital?"

"I'm sorry. I didn't know what else to do. You couldn't keep anything in, and I was worried about the baby."

"It's okay. Are we okay?" she asked.

"We're going to find out," Dr. Collins said. "Edward, will you help her into the wheelchair? Ultrasound is waiting for us."

Once in Radiology, I helped Bella onto the bed, being careful of her IV. Dr. Collins was with us as well and stood behind the technician. Everyone was quiet for a few minutes, as technician did her job.

"Oh my," Dr. Collins said.

"What?" Bella asked. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong, my dear."

"Then what's the matter?"

"See there," Dr. Collins asked as she pointed to the monitor. "There's one baby, and there's the other."

"Seriously?" I asked shocked. I didn't know what to think. The idea of just one child was thrilling, but twins? A mixture of emotions hit me all at once then: excitement, fear, anxiety, joy... it was overwhelming, yet I couldn't wait.

"Seriously. They look healthy. Their heartbeats are nice and strong and they're moving around a bit, too. Looks like you're measuring right around eighteen weeks."

"So that's why I had to let my dress out at the last minute. I didn't think I was that far along. Can you tell what they are?"

"Not from the angle they're at."

"But they look okay?" I asked.

"Yep. When we get you back to a room, we'll hook you up to the monitors so we can watch their heartbeats, but they look just fine."

A short while later, we were in a private room. Bella was hooked up to the monitor and her IV bag was changed.

"Are you staying the night?" her nurse asked as she adjusted the sound on one of the monitors.

"Is it okay?" I asked.

"Of course. The chair there folds down so you can lay flat. I'll grab you a pillow and a blanket and be back," she said before leaving.

"Come and lay with me," Bella said patting the space next to her on her bed.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes." I carefully crawled into the small bed next to her, being careful of all the chords attached to her. She rested her head against my shoulder and held up the ultrasound picture of our twins. "Can you believe it, Edward?"

"I can't. It's a bit crazy, isn't it?"

"It's wonderful. Being able to see that they're growing and moving...it gives me hope that things will be alright."

"They will be."

"I guess I just needed that reassurance, you know? Man, McKenna is going to flip out when we tell her."

"_Everyone_ is going to flip out. I wonder which one of us has twins in our family?"

"I don't know," Bella said followed by a yawn. She fell asleep a few minutes later holding a picture of the twins. As she slept, I prayed that everything would be alright. That nothing bad would happen to take these miracles away from us.


	30. Chapter 30

Hello all and Happy New Year!

Sorry for the massive delay. I'm trying to get something new going, but I'm having such writers block it's not even funny. UGH.

* * *

><p>Finding the Way back – Chapter 30<p>

BPOV

A few weeks had passed since our wedding, and I swear, my stomach was as big as a beach ball. I could no longer see my feet and have been bumping into just about everything in front of me. We had another ultrasound last week and we still couldn't see what we were having. I was kind of bummed about that, since I wanted to plan, but the idea of being surprised on the day they were born was growing on me. Edward was just happy with the fact that nothing had happened so far and that they were healthy. He would come home from a shift, kiss McKenna then place his hands on my belly waiting for them to move. His eyes lit up every time they did. The one piece of bad news, if you could call it that, was that I was told to stop my medicine. This of course meant worse mood swings, anxiety and panic attacks. Thankfully Dr. Hartford and I had began working on some techniques to help calm me when I was having one of my moments. While it didn't work as well as the meds, it still helped.

McKenna was obsessed with babies all of the sudden. Edward had purchased a baby doll for her, complete with stroller, bottle and a spare diaper. Every time we would go out, the doll would come with. It was cute, but sometimes it was a little much. Her frog, George, still lived in the garage. However, I was trying to convince Dad, Emmett and Jasper to get rid of it. It didn't seem to be working.

"_Bells, every kid needs a pet," Emmett said._

"_But not a frog! I don't even know how to take care of it. I'm surprised it's not dead, actually."_

"_We Googled it so that wouldn't happen," Dad said._

"_Still. Why can't you convince her to ask for a dog?"_

"_Do you really want a puppy with the twins?" Dad asked._

"_Good point."_

Currently, we were waiting to hear back on an offer we put in on a house. It was beautiful: five bedrooms, den, full basement, three bathrooms and a killer kitchen. It had a huge back yard and a tree house. It was located close to both Dad's home and the Cullen's. The house itself was in foreclosure, so we were hoping the bank would accept the offer we put on it. We were still living with Dad and things were getting a bit tight.

Work had been going well, although I've been sitting down while working a lot more than what I used to. Other employees have had to make the deliveries for me, and I missed seeing the reaction of my customers. I felt guilty for having other people do my work, but they were very understanding. I simply couldn't lift the cakes anymore.

The buzz around the shop was all about the fair this week. Our bakery would be having a booth and everyone would be working. We would have samples to hand out, and of course, I would be there talking about wedding cakes, graduation cakes and almost any other kind of cake that you can think of. Julie was hoping this would help expand the business, as she was looking to open another location.

The morning of the fair, the twins were moving around like tiny monkeys in my belly. I didn't want to get out of bed and I _really_ didn't want to do anything. But, I had made a commitment to Julie so I had to go.

"Please take it easy today, okay? Sit down when you need to," Edward said worriedly.

"I will, don't worry. What time are you guys coming?"

"Charlie said his shift is done around four, so we figured we'd find him then come over to your booth. Is that okay?"

"Yeah. Tell your children to chill, please. They're kicking the heck out of my back."

"I want to feel!" McKenna said.

I waved her over and placed her hands on my belly. She started giggling when she felt them move around. "Have you fed your frog today?"

"I'll do it right now, Mommy!" she said before running out to the garage.

Outside, a horn honked twice. "That must be Julie," I said.

"I put a couple of water bottles along with some snacks in here for you," Edward said handing me my bag.

"Thanks." I gave Edward a quick kiss and quickly waddled my way outside.

Our booth had a good turn out. Thankfully, the weather was nice and cool and there was a breeze. I took in ten new orders for upcoming birthdays, christenings, and other events. Seven of the ten were new customers, and three of those mentioned they heard about me through friends. I loved that I was making a name for myself. Around three, I decided I needed to lay down for a bit, and Julie suggested the back seat of her SUV. It wasn't ideal, but at this point I didn't care.

**EdwardPOV**

"McKenna, are you ready to go?" I yelled upstairs at my parent's home.

We had spent the day with my parents and siblings. Emmett, Jasper and Rose had come home for the weekend. On the days that I had off, I usually slept and helped out around Charlie's, but since they were home, I decided to spend time with them and catch up. While my brothers and I spent the day playing basketball with Dad, McKenna spent her day with Mom and Rose doing 'girly things.' Whatever that meant.

"Coming!"

A few minutes later, our caravan was heading towards the fair. We knew Charlie would be at the gates waiting for us once his shift was done. We found him waiting with Sue, Leah, Jake, and Billy.

"Hi, Grandpa!" McKenna squealed from Emmett's back.

"Kenna, that was my ear," Emmett said.

"Sorry, Emmey," she replied and kissed his cheek.

"How's my girl?" Charlie asked.

"Good. Auntie Rosie painted my nails today! Where's Mommy?"

"She's working. Should we go get her?"

"Yes!"

"Kenna, my ear!" Emmett said again.

"Oh, Emmett, you'll live," Rosalie said.

Now that we had everybody, we set off to find Bella. The fairgrounds were starting to get busy, as it was early Saturday evening. McKenna was talking nonstop to Jake about her frog and how she wanted another one to keep George company.

"I don't think your mom will let you have another frog, McKenna," Jake said.

"But George is lonely! He needs a friend."

"I'm sure you're a great friend to him," Jake said.

"Well _yeah_, but he needs a frog friend."

A few minutes later, we found the bakery's booth. There were people standing in a line to get a sample and a few talking to some of the employees about what services they offered. I stood on my toes, but could not find Bella anywhere.

"Hey, McKenna!" Julie called.

"Hi, Julie!"

"Where's Bella?" I asked.

"Oh, poor thing. She's asleep in my SUV behind the booth. She was dead exhausted. She only wanted an hour, but I figured she needed more than that."

I walked around the booth and found the SUV with Bella in the back, fast asleep. One arm was draped over her belly, the other tucked under her arm. I quietly opened the door and brushed a few hairs from her face.

"Bella," I quietly said. "Bella love, it's time to wake up."

"Five more minutes, Julie," she mumbled.

"Bella, love, wake up."

It took her a few minutes and a few more prompts, but eventually she opened her eyes and smiled.

"Hey. Wait! What time is it?" she asked.

"About five thirty."

"Crap! Julie must be so mad -"

"She's fine," I said as I helped her sit up. "She's not angry at all. She knows you need your rest."

"Where's McKenna?"

"She's with everyone else trying to convince them -"

"Convince them of what?" she interrupted.

"She wants another frog to keep George company."

"_Ugh_. Maybe I should just give in and buy her one. We'll see. Can we go find some food?"

"Of course."

The night passed quickly. Leah ran into some friends from the Reservation and decided to hang out with them. Bella and Emmett got into a 'Who can eat the most food on a stick' contest. It ended in a draw when the both of them said they were ready to vomit. Bella convinced McKenna to get a fish, rather than a frog, which Jasper ended up winning for her at a booth. Around nine, McKenna passed out on Billy's lap and Bella said her back was really getting to her, so we all headed home. Once she was tucked in bed, she joined me, Billy, Jake, Sue and Charlie out back on the porch.

"How far along are you now, Bells?" Billy asked.

"Just shy of six months."

"Do you know what you're having?"

"Nope. Their legs were blocking our view, although, I think one is a girl," she said as she laid her head on my shoulder.

"How's the house hunting going?" Sue asked.

"We put in an offer, and we're waiting to hear back from them. Hopefully, tomorrow," I said.

"That should make you happy, right Charlie?" Billy asked again.

"The house hasn't been this full in a long time. I kind of like it, actually," he replied with a small smile.

"Don't say that! You'll make me feel guilty for leaving!" Bella said.

"Bells..." Charlie said.

"I know we have to go, but it doesn't make things any easier when you say things like that."

"I know -"

"Trust me, I'd rather stay, but there's no room. I know you and McKenna have your special time together and I hate taking that away from you both, but what else are we supposed to do? I can't kick you out of your room and make you sleep on the couch, so we have to leave," Bella said. By now, an endless stream of tears was running down her face.

"Bella, love, why don't we go inside? I'll make you a cup of hot chocolate and rub your feet?" I offered.

"I don't want hot chocolate and my feet rubbed!" Bella said and stormed into the house. I wanted to go in after her, but I knew she just needed a few moments to collect herself.

"Is she always like that?" Jake asked.

"Lately," both Charlie and I replied.

"Wow," Jake said.

"She's just feeling overwhelmed at the moment, I'm sure," Sue said from Charlie's lap. "Poor thing."

A few moments later, Bella reappeared in the doorway with a blanket wrapped around her.

"Edward," she quietly said. I could see her bottom lip quivering. She was crying. I stood from my chair, walked over to her and pulled her back into the house. I knew she hated crying in front of people.

"Why are you crying, my love?" I asked.

"Because I yelled at you and Dad in front of Billy and Jake. Are you mad at me?" she asked as she cried.

"No, and neither is Charlie."

"Really?"

"Really. But, you need to get some sleep. Put some pillows under your feet to help with the swelling. I'll be up after Jake and Billy leave, okay?"

"Okay," she said quietly.

I wiped her tears and lightly kissed her before going back on the porch.

"She alright?" Charlie asked.

"Yeah, just worried that we were mad at her. I will be so happy when she gets back on her meds."

Billy and Jake stayed a few more hours. I picked up the living room a bit before heading up to Bella. She was finally asleep, with a few pillows tucked between her legs and feet. With what little there was left of the bed, I managed to snuggle next to her.

**CharliePOV**

After everyone had left for the night, Sue and I went upstairs to bed. I was falling in love with this woman. _My angel,_ I would call her. She truly was. She had saved me in every way imaginable. She listened to me when I needed to talk, or yell, or scream when things seemed to be too much. I, in turn, was there for her when she needed to talk, or yell, or scream. With her, I never felt the need to hide my feelings. I never felt ashamed or embarrassed by what I said or even when I cried.

These days were a lot less emotional and stressful. We still went to our group meetings and coffee afterward, but instead of just dropping her off, we would go to dinner or a movie, or just spend time together. Time I wouldn't trade for anything. I even found myself thinking of Leah as a daughter. I knew I was probably overstepping there, but I couldn't help it. She was a great kid – bright, funny, and kindhearted like her mother. I still remember the night she came and asked for help with her trig homework. Sue was so hopeless when it came to any sort of math, that it was actually kind of funny. The woman had a calculator in every room of the house. Sue and I had been watching a movie when she came into the living room with tears in her eyes. I spent the next two hours helping her before she finally grasped it. Once she did, she threw her arms around me before bringing her notebook out to Sue to show her.

"You're awfully quiet," Sue said as she brushed out her hair.

"Just a little worried about Bells, that's all," I replied as I pulled my shirt off and threw it in the laundry basket.

"That was quite an outburst tonight, wasn't it?"

"Yeah. I'm worried that this is too much for her."

"Charlie, Edward wouldn't let anything happen to her, you know that. I'm sure if he noticed something, he'd take care of it and I'm pretty sure that once the twins arrive and she's back on her medicine, things will be back to normal."

"Yeah. Doesn't stop me from worrying, though." I pulled the covers down and crawled in. I always slept better the nights she stayed over.

"I'm not saying you shouldn't. You're her father. I'm sure when Leah gets married I'll still worry about her. But that isn't happening for at least another twenty years, so there's that," she replied as she quickly braided her hair and joined me in bed.

"Sue," I chuckled, "you do realize that she's going to a movie with a boy next week, right?"

"Yeah. You better be at the house cleaning your shotgun when he shows up."

"You seriously want me to do that?"

"Well...I'm pretty sure she'd hate me forever if I had you do that. So maybe no gun," she said with a sly smile as she curled up next to me.

"Good idea," I replied.

The next day, I awoke knowing exactly what I needed to do. I stopped by the local florist, who kindly opened early for me. Once I had a bouquet of Renee's favorite flowers, I made my way over to the cemetery. I gently placed the flowers in front of her headstone before stepping back a few feet. I never could stand right in front of it.

"Hey Renee," I said quietly. "God, I don't even know how to say this...but I need to."

I pulled my hand through my hair a few times as I tried to find the right words. It was difficult, though. I never thought I would be standing here trying to say goodbye for the final time. I no longer wanted to live as a ghost of a person I was before. I looked at my relationship with Sue as a second chance – one I was not going to give up. I wanted to live and laugh like I used to.

And I couldn't do that before saying goodbye to my beautiful Renee.

I knew that if I didn't, I wouldn't be a whole man. The man that Sue deserved to love her; the man that Bella deserved as a father and McKenna a grandfather. I no longer wanted that black cloud of guilt hanging over me. I wanted to wake up each morning and embrace the day, rather than see it as another day without her.

I still loved my Renee. I always would.

But it was time. Time to let go of the guilt, the regret, the anger, the longing, and the pain.

"Oh Ren, I hope you know how much I've loved you. How much I will always love you. But I also know you wouldn't want me to be this miserable everyday. Lord knows I wouldn't want that for you. Sue...she makes me happy. I...I'm falling in love with her, Ren," I whispered into the slight breeze around me. "Of course she could never replace you, but I do love her. I imagine you're up there somewhere saying 'just get on with it,' like you usually would when I was stalling, so I'll just get on with it. I'm going to be with Sue and I'm going to be happy."

My cell phone rang in my pocket. The display showed it was it was the station signaling my time here was done. I shoved it back in my pocket and ran my hand through my hair one last time.

"Bye, Ren. Love you always."


	31. Chapter 31

Finding the Way back – Chapter 31 (22 weeks preggo)

**EPOV**

A few days after Bella's little breakdown about moving, we found out the house we wanted was ours. To say we were excited would be an understatement. We moved in two weeks after that and ever since, we've been trying to get the house presentable. McKenna's new bedroom set arrived a few days ago along with ours, but we were still waiting for the dining room and living room. Mom has been a big help with the move and decorating. She was able to find an artist to do a beautiful butterfly design throughout McKenna's room and found the right fabrics and colors to make our room soft and romantic, just how we wanted it.

Bella and I also talked about what would happen after the twins were born. Bella said she wanted to take a few months off to take care of the twins before returning to work, but she was worried about our finances. I told her to let me worry about that, and that we would be fine even if she decided she didn't want to go back. I knew she missed everything when McKenna was an infant, so I wanted her to be a part of everything with the twins. We have yet to pick out names for them, but we were looking forward to doing it.

About the same time we found out the house was ours, McKenna started school – a Pre-K program at the elementary school. Since I had the day off, I decided to take her with me and get the few things that she needed that Bella either forgot to get, or was added to her supply list last minute. Who knew Pre-K would have supply list? When we went school supply shopping, she had picked out a backpack for me that was bright pink and matched hers because apparently, I needed one, too.

"But, Dad, isn't it pretty? You could write your name on it so our bags wouldn't get mixed up," she said.

"It is a pretty bag, but I don't think pink is my color. Besides, I don't need one." I chucked as she huffed and walked away.

Once the supplies were all paid for, we headed to a specialty store that sold scrubs. I had the standard blue that everyone wore, but thought that since I was working with kids, maybe something familiar to them would help calm them. McKenna, once again trying to be helpful, found an assortment of Sponge Bob and Disney scrubs. It was nice to have some alone time with her. I didn't realize how much I was missing out on until today. I was noticed little changes in her: the way she smiled like Bella when she got her way, the way she would curl her hair around her finger when she was thinking about something, or how her eyes narrowed like Charlie's did when she was listening to something. I loved this little girl so much.

Once we were back home, McKenna went out back and played with a few friends from the neighborhood. I quickly put everything away and threw my new scrubs in the wash while I waited for Bella to return home from work. As I started making a light snack for McKenna and her friends, Emmett called and asked if everyone could come over for a cookout since the weather was still nice. I told him that would be fine, but to be careful around Bella, as she's been hormonal and tired lately. He assured me no teasing would occur and that he would bring over everything we'd need. Once I was off the phone with him, I called the rest of our family, including Billy and Jake and invited them over as well.

A few hours later, everyone was over at the house, the grill was getting hot, and McKenna was trying to get Jake to play in her tree house. Mom and I were in the kitchen with Billy and Charlie getting the food ready when I heard Bella's car pull into the drive.

"I'll be right back," I said. I walked outside and helped Bella out of the car. "How was work?"

"Tiring. Who's all here?" she asked.

"Pretty much everyone. Emmett wanted to break in the new grill."

"Oh. Can we talk for a few minutes?"

"Of course."

Bella and I walked into the living room, where she sat on the couch and put her feet on a few pillows. "Ugh, my feet are so sore."

"Do you want me to rub them?" I asked.

"No, but some ice packs would be nice."

"I'll be right back."

I quickly went into the kitchen and grabbed the two large bags of frozen peas and corn, as well as a few kitchen towels. Once I was back in the living room, I placed them carefully around Bella's swollen ankles.

"Better?"

"Yes, thank you."

"So, what's up? How was your day?"

"I quit."

"You quit?" I asked.

"Not yet, but I need to. It hurts too much. The bending, standing, all of it. Even when I sit my back hurts. I just can't do it anymore."

"What did Julie say?"

"She understood completely and I told her I would call her with my final decision after talking to you about it. She said after the babies are born, and when I'm ready to come back, my job would still be there. Are you okay with this? Can we even afford me not working?"

"Yes. You don't have to go back to work if you don't want to. I've told you this before."

"I know, but...I've been worrying about what you'll say for the last hour."

"I would never be mad at you about this. To be quite honest, I've been waiting for you to say something. I know how much you hurt and how tired you've been. Now, do you want to come out back with everyone or rest in here until dinner?"

"Out back, please. But, I need to call Julie and tell her first."

I left Bella and returned to the kitchen with Mom who told me to go outside since she was just finishing the burgers. Everyone was enjoying themselves. Jake was standing of to the side talking to a girl he brought with him. Billy said she and her mother just moved back to the area and that Jake was quite taken with her. Sue was also here sitting between Charlie, whose hand she was holding, and Billy.

"Was that Bella who pulled up?" Charlie asked.

"Yeah. She'll be out in a few minutes. She's just talking to Julie."

"Everything alright at work?"

"Yeah. She's just letting her know that she isn't coming back for a while. It's too hard on her."

"That's understandable," Sue said. "She's close to delivering. I'm surprised she hasn't stopped sooner."

"She still has a little bit before that happens, but I've been asking her to stop for a while now. I can tell how miserable she is. Her doctor's been asking her to cut back at work, too." Just then, Bella appeared in the doorway with her peas and corn. She moaned a bit when lifting her legs onto the lawn chair. I could see indents from her socks as well. I was thankful then that she decided to stop working and take it easy.

"How are you feeling, dear?" Billy asked.

"Large and front heavy like I'm going to tip over. I'm constantly tired. I haven't seen my feet in who knows how long and my back is sore from the minute I wake up until I go to sleep. And the two little monkeys in here never seem to stop moving," Bella said with a smile. "I can't really complain about that, though."

We all sat and chatted a bit more, while I rubbed her legs and feet when she would let me touch them. Mom and Dad came out with food for the grill when Jasper and Emmett came rushing over. McKenna was screaming her lungs out in Jasper's arms.

"What happened?" I asked worriedly over McKenna's cries.

"She was climbing up the ladder to get into the tree house when she fell," Jasper said.

"She landed on her arm pretty hard," Emmett said.

Jasper set McKenna on my lap while Dad looked over her arm. Even though he barely touched her, his touch seemed to make her scream even more. I looked over at Bella who was crying as well. I could tell she wanted hold and comfort McKenna, but I was too afraid to hand her over and cause her more pain.

"I'm about ninety-five percent sure it's broken," Dad said.

"It hurts, Papa," McKenna cried.

"I know, but we'll get it fixed, okay?" he replied gently.

"Okay," she sobbed.

**BPOV**

A few hours later, Carlisle, Edward, McKenna and I returned from the hospital. McKenna had passed out on the ride home, so Edward took her up to bed, hot pink cast and all. Thankfully she didn't require surgery to set the bone. Billy, Jake and his girlfriend had left, with just Esme, Sue, Charlie, Emmett, Rose and Jasper remaining at the house.

"How is she?" Jasper asked. He had guilt written in his face.

"She'll be fine," I said.

"I'm so sorry, Bella."

"Jasper, you don't have to apologize. It was an accident. Besides, you said she fell off the ladder, right? It happens."

"I know, but I didn't catch her in time. I'm so sorry, Bella."

"It's alright, Jasper," I said as I hugged him the best I could.

Feeling hungry, I walked into the kitchen where I was joined by Sue, who closed the door behind her.

"Bella, could I talk to you?" she asked.

"Sure," I said curiously.

"I just wanted to let you know that your father and I have been seeing each other for the past few months."

"Really?" I asked. I knew they were close, but I guess I never realized they were a couple. Talk about being oblivious.

"Yes. We wanted to say something sooner, but I wasn't sure how you'd react, and I didn't want you to think I'm disrespecting your mother's memory."

"I know you would never do that, Sue."

"So, are you alright with this?"

"I'm shocked that Dad never mentioned anything. We tell each other everything. Does he make _you_ happy?"

"Oh yes. Very much so. Plus, he's such a help with Seth and Leah as well. Your father is a very good man, and he's still very protective of you and McKenna. I'm lucky to have him."

"So how serious is it?"

"I'm not all that sure, but we've talked about the future a few times."

"Marriage?" I asked.

"I don't know. At least not yet."

"He deserves to be happy, Sue. Now that I think about it, he has been different lately and I can only attribute that change to you."

"So, you're okay with this?" she asked again hopefully. 

"Yeah. Thank you for telling me about it, though. It was really thoughtful of you."

I went to bed that night happy for Dad. I knew he and Sue had grown closer recently, but I had no idea they were actually _together_. Amazingly, the thought of my dad loving another woman didn't upset me. After everything he had been through, he really did deserve some happiness. Sue was a good fit for him, as well. She was smart, funny, loyal and she seemed to care for him deeply.

I also had a weight lifted from my shoulders when Edward told me we would be okay if I didn't work anymore. I know we had talked about it before but looking back, I didn't believe him. Now, however, I just couldn't do it anymore. Not only was I bumping into everything with my overly expanding belly, but my back and feet were always in pain. I probably shouldn't complain since these two little ones are a miracle, but I just don't know how much longer I can take this.

_**So here's a cute little fluffy chapter. Next up: baby shower and a surprise!**_


	32. Chapter 32

Finding the Way back – Chapter 32

_**Note: Again, we're skipping forward a bit here. We need to get to a few things, and I'm not going to drag this on showing everything everyone does. It would get rather boring.**_

**BellaPOV**

I really don't know why I hadn't stopped working sooner. Being able to lie down and rest when I needed, and not having to worry about deadlines or whether the customer would like your work was heavenly. While my back and feet still hurt quite a bit, I actually felt better than what I did before I stopped working. I still kept myself busy by unpacking the house and getting the nursery set up.

I also made sure to spend some quality time with McKenna, since I felt I wasn't spending enough time with her since I found out I was pregnant. Edward said I was crazy for feeling that way, but I still did. I was able to find a pottery store in Port Angeles where we made specialized plates, which now sat on holders in the kitchen. When I asked her what she'd like to do after, she said she wanted to spend the weekend with Grandpa, who was going to La Push to visit and fish with Uncle Billy and '_Her_ Jake._'_ She had such a crush on him and was none too thrilled to find out he had a girlfriend.

I was now 32 weeks and being closely watched by my doctor since my blood pressure had started to rise. At the moment I was getting bi-weekly pressure checks, but my doctor mentioned that I might have to go on bed rest. That thought freaked me out a bit. How would I take care of the house and McKenna if I couldn't get out of bed? I couldn't ask Edward to stay home because of his residency, so that option was out. But once Esme and Sue found out, the two of them created a schedule for helping out if it came to that.

Today was my baby shower. Esme had invited so many people that she ended up renting out my favorite restaurant and held it there. I was really looking forward to it. Not only were family and friends coming, but some of Edward's college friends were coming as well. A few came in last night and met up with Edward for beer and pool – something they used to do at school. We also decided that since we knew so many people, we were having both men and women at the shower.

"Mommy, are you ready yet?" McKenna asked from the hallway.

"Just about. Will you help me put my shoes on, please?"

"Sure."

After putting on the one pair of shoes that fit, McKenna and I went downstairs where Edward was waiting. His eyes were still a bit red from all the drinks last night. I told him he could stay and sleep, but he said he was fine and wanted to go. When we arrived at the restaurant, everyone was already there. The place was decorated with tea candles and fall-colored flowers. The smells coming from inside was making my mouth water. Esme squealed when she saw us walk in.

"Bella! Edward! Everyone is here, are you ready?"

"I just need to sit down, please."

"Of course. Would you like something to drink?"

"Sure."

Edward, McKenna and I walked into the restaurant where everyone was gathered. I saw Charlie standing next to Sue and Leah; Jake and Billy were sitting with Emmett, Jasper and Rosalie. Everything was perfect. Next to a long table holding all the food and a cake, which I assumed was from my bakery, was a smaller table overflowing with gifts. McKenna's eyes were the size of saucers when she saw them.

"Mommy, are all those for _you_?" she asked.

"For the twins, sweetheart."

"Oh."

After everyone ate, Esme forced us all to play silly games, and even rigged one so that McKenna could win. One of the games Esme planned was especially for the guys – they all stood behind a table with a doll, a diaper, wipes, and a onesie. Whoever could change the doll and correctly dress it first won a prize. Emmett, Jake and Jasper failed miserably, with Edward, Billy, Carlisle and Charlie ending in a tie. Esme then decided to have pairs face off before a final round. The final round ended up coming down to the grandpas.

"Ready? Set? Go!" Esme said.

"Esme, what did you put on these dolls?" Carlisle asked as he started to clean the doll.

"What's the matter old man?" Charlie asked with a laugh. "Your arthritis kicking in?"

"_Arthritis!?_ Please, I'm only a month older than you!"

"And yet you take more pills everyday than I do."

"Which you make up for in gray hairs!"

"Hey! Don't knock his gray hair, Carlisle," Sue said with a smile. "It adds to his sex appeal."

"I did _not_ need to hear that," I replied.

"Done!" Charlie called out holding the doll up in the air.

"Yea, Grandpa!" McKenna squealed.

"Great job, Charlie," Edward said, clapping him on the shoulder.

"I think it was rigged," Carlisle said as he laughed. "Rigged, I tell ya!"

"Oh hush now," Esme said.

"Besides, Carlisle, it's not your fault. You work in surgery, not with babies," Billy said.

"See, I knew there was a reason I liked you more than him," Carlisle replied with a smile.

"Ow," Dad replied with his hands over his heart. "I'm wounded."

"Oh whatever," Sue replied, laughing.

"Why don't the 'Wise One,' 'The Protector' and 'The Healer' go grab a drink before Bella opens her gifts, huh?" Esme asked. Apparently when Dad, Billy and Carlisle were younger, that's what they called themselves.

A few minutes later, I started opening gifts. Jake and Billy had made the twins dream catchers, similar to the one Jake had given me shortly after I had returned home. Sue had given me a beautiful wind chime for just outside the bay window, which she said was a tradition in her family as well. I had received almost everything on my registry, but the best gifts I received were from Dad and Edward.

"Open this one first," Edward said.

After ripping back the wrapping, I saw that it's a large framed picture of my mother taken from the side and printed in black and white. My heart ached at the sight of her. Her arms were wrapped around her swollen stomach with a beautiful smile on her face.

"That picture was taken three days before you were born," Charlie said.

My breathing hitched and my heart felt like it jumped into my throat. My finger traced the outline of her face. It was a little puffier than usual, but I assumed it was because she was so close to giving birth. But her smile and eyes were the same. She looked so beautiful, so peaceful.

"Open this one now," Edward said. He took the picture and handed me another large gift.

This was another picture of Renee taken from the side in black and white again. This time, she was nursing a child. Her face again, had the same beautiful smile. My eyes were full of tears.

"That picture was taken about three weeks after you were born," Dad said.

"Where did you find these?" I quietly asked. I'm so choked up I can barely get the words out. I had never seen these pictures before and I couldn't take my eyes off of either picture.

"I stumbled across them a few weeks ago. Edward mentioned you wanted more pictures of her, so I thought you might like to have these. You're a good mother, Bella, despite what you may think. Your mother would agree."

"Do you like them?" Edward asked.

"They're perfect," I said wiping my tears.

"I have an appointment for you to have the same pictures done next week," Edward said. He took the picture from me and placed them against the wall so they wouldn't break as I stood and hugged Dad as best as I could.

"Thank you, Dad."

"Anything for you, Sweet Pea."

I let go of him and then wrapped my arms around Edward as best as I could. "Thank you for doing that, Edward. You don't know how much that means to me."

"I know how much you're missing her, and I just thought you'd like it."

"I love it. I think this is the best gift you've ever given me."

"It pales in comparison to the two gifts you're giving me," he replied before kissing the tip of my nose. I loved it when he did that.

About an hour later, everyone was gone. Edward was sitting across from me, rubbing my feet when Esme walked over holding another gift.

"I didn't want to give this to you guys with everyone here," Esme said.

"Who's it from?" I asked.

"Alice. She's working in Portland now and wanted me to pass this on to you both. A peace offering, perhaps?"

I hesitantly opened the box. Inside were two matching Winnie the Pooh outfits, which was the theme to the nursery. I looked up at Edward and saw that his face was a combination of anger and pain. I knew Edward was missing her, even though he would never come out and say it. She was his sister, after all.

"Maybe you could call her and thank her," Esme said. "What's the harm in a phone call when she's so far away?"

"Yeah, maybe," Edward said shortly. "Are you ready to go home?"

"Sure."

Once we were home, I brought the pictures up to the nursery, contemplating where to hang them. I couldn't stop looking at them. She was clearly glowing in the first picture. You could almost feel the excitement through her smile. I wondered if she knew she was having a girl, or if she wanted to be surprised. In the second picture, you could see how content and complete she was. You could see how in love she was as well. Not just with me, but with her family, with her life. She was beautiful. And I missed her like crazy.

**EPOV**

"It's okay to say you miss her, Edward," Bella said to me later that night as we cuddled in bed.

"What?" I asked.

"Alice. It's okay to say you miss her. I can tell that you do."

I let out a long, hard sigh. "I do."

"Tell me."

"Bella, are you sure you want to hear it?"

"Yes. I think it'll be good for you. Besides, you've said it yourself. It's not good to keep stuff like that inside. So tell me."

_God, where to start?_ I thought to myself. How could I tell her that I missed my sister when she's done nothing but cause us pain? This whole situation was messed up. Even now, looking back on everything that has happened, I didn't understand it all. The hatred, the anger, I just didn't understand it. And why was Alice so hell bent on keeping me away from Bella?

I had to believe that this was just a serious misunderstanding. There's no way Alice could be this mean without some sort of reason, and even then there had to be an explanation...right?

Before we left the baby shower, I managed to speak with Dad. He told me that Mom had called in a favor and leased an apartment for Alice in Portland. They weren't exactly sure what she would be doing out there, but she said the move felt good. I could tell the separation was hurting both him and Mom, but it was for the best. Part of me wanted to ask for her number so I could check in on her and make sure she was okay, but the other part of me wanted nothing more to do with her. She had hurt us too many times to just simply forgive and forget.

But, above all of it, I missed Alice my _sister_. I missed the girl who used to look up to me like I hung the moon or something. I missed the way she would chose coordinating outfits for family pictures, or the times that she would sit next to me when I played my music and give me the God's honest truth about it. Her laugh and her honesty were the two things I loved about her.

So how could I tell all of this to Bella, yet still convey the anger I felt towards Alice? I didn't want Bella to think I wasn't angry with Alice, but yet, I wanted to be honest with her. I wanted to tell her everything, yet I just couldn't put some of it into words.

"Edward?"

"Sorry, just lost in thought, I guess." I let out another sigh before continuing. "I do miss her, Bella. She's my sister. I hate being away from her."

"I know you do. I miss the old Alice, too, you know."

"I just wish she would tell us what the hell is wrong so we could help her," I said in frustration. "I'm having a hard time turning my back on her, if I'm being honest."

"I could tell, and I hate the fact that I've made you do it."

"You didn't. She did it to herself by her actions."

"That doesn't mean you have to like it."

"I don't like it one bit."

I couldn't tell Bella exactly what I thought or felt about everything. The reason being that I was ashamed. I was ashamed at the fact that even though I backed my wife one hundred percent, I was still missing my baby sister. I felt that if I admitted that, I would be letting her down. She needed me to be strong for her and our family. But deep down there were days when I wanted nothing more than to pick up the phone and call Alice.

On top of my anger and loneliness for Alice, there was even more anger for Ian. I knew he orchestrated the beating as a message to me. I knew there was more to this entire thing that any of us knew. So many questions were unanswered, and I wondered if we would ever know the entire truth.


	33. Chapter 33

****Hi everyone!

I'm sorry if I haven't been responding - I've been in a crap ton of pain with my knee. Apparently, my physician things that an ACL cyst, cartilage thinning and a tilted knee cap is "normal." UGH. I have a second opinion coming up on Thursday with an actual Orthopedic doc. So, hopefully he can explain what all of that means and give me a better plan than rest, ice, and physical therapy.

Anyway, here's the next chapter. And don't forget, I do have a new-ish one shot up - "All I Saw Was Black." It's a Charlie/Renee/Billy Black OS. Check it out if you haven't yet.

* * *

><p><strong>BellaPOV<strong>

The last few weeks of my pregnancy passed quickly. The house was finally unpacked, the nursery ready for the twins, and our garage now held a spot for McKenna's animals. In addition to the frog and fish, she now had a gecko named Spike. Thankfully Edward agreed to help her with it, because I would not go near it. No, thank you. She had also started asking for a dog, but we quickly shot that down saying she had enough pets already.

At my last appointment, my doctor said that everything was looking good and that my blood pressure was still high, but had stabilized. She did a quick ultrasound and said that both babies looked good and that they were in the correct position. She also said that she wouldn't let me go past my due date, but that she wouldn't be surprised if I went into labor before my next appointment. I couldn't wait to meet the two little ones inside me. I was released from bed rest but told to not overdo it.

Today I was running errands with Dad since it was his day off and I was too big to drive. Last night when he called, he asked if he could drive me around, stating he needed my opinion on something. After getting Edward off to his shift at the hospital and McKenna off to school, Dad and I headed out. We ran to a few stores and grabbed a quick bite to eat before we pulled up in front of a jewelry store.

"Are you -"

"_No_," he interrupted. "Okay fine. Yes, what I need your opinion on is a ring for Sue."

"Oh," I replied with a giggle.

We walked into the store and were greeted by an older gentleman. "Mr. Swan, I was wondering if you were coming back. I see you brought someone with you, as well."

"Yes, this is my daughter, Bella."

"I have your choices over here, if you want to look over them again," he said.

"Great."

"You wouldn't by chance have a chair or stool I could sit on, do you?" I asked.

"Yes of course. Sarah, bring out my chair from the back, please? When are you due, my dear?"

"Anytime now," I said uncomfortably.

A few moments later Sarah brought out a chair, and even though I was off my feet, I was still uncomfortable – more so than usual.

"So, I'm leaning towards this one," Dad said handing me a ring. It was a simple solitaire, with the diamond in the shape of an oval. I noticed his eyes sparkled while holding it.

"It's very nice, Dad," I said rubbing my belly furiously.

"Then there's this one," he said handing me another ring. Again, it was a simple solitaire, with the diamond being done in a princess cut. "What do you think?"

"It's very nice, too."

"You're not helping here, kid," Dad said as he chuckled.

"Sorry. These are your favorites, then?" I asked.

"Yeah. I like them both, but can't decide."

"Well, I'd say the first one is the perfect one, only because you light up when you look at it. Are you sure you're ready for this? You two haven't been together all that long."

"I am. So is she, I think. Harry was a good man, and Renee was a wonderful woman, but neither Sue nor I want to be alone anymore. I love her, Bella."

"Then go with the first one. I think she'll like it." Dad nodded his head in agreement.

"Ah, an excellent choice," the man said. "Just let me clean it and I'll box it up for you."

"Great, thanks."

"Dad, can you help me up, please?" He held out his hands to me, and as I stood, I felt a sharp pain followed by a rush of liquid between my legs. I immediately grabbed onto my stomach.

"Are you alright?" Dad asked concerned.

"I think I may have wet myself," I softly said.

"Oh...well, we're close to the house. You can take a shower if you want."

Feeling rather embarrassed, I nodded and waited for him to pay. During that time, I felt the pain again, and noticed it started to get a little stronger. By the time we reached the house, I was on the verge of tears. I really wished Edward were here to tell me everything was fine, but I knew Dad would make me feel comfortable.

"Why don't you get yourself cleaned up, and I'll throw your clothes in the wash?" Dad asked.

"Actually, I think I need to call my doctor," I moaned as the pain came again.

"Oh... _Oh!_Here, just sit on the couch. I can call for you. Do you want me to try Edward?" he asked nervously.

"He's working. I don't think he has his phone on. I'd rather wait to tell him until we know this is happening for sure."

About an hour later, Dad and I were walking into the hospital's Labor and Delivery Unit. Even though I knew his phone was probably off, I tried to reach Edward a few times. Once I was hooked up to the monitors, I was informed that I was, in fact, in the early stages of labor, and to add fuel to the fire, my normal doctor was out of town due to a sudden death in her family. This was _not_ how my delivery was supposed to go.

"How about I call Esme and Carlisle? Would you like them to be here?" Dad asked.

"Sure. Sue, too."

There was a knock at the door and a middle-aged woman walked in. "Hi, I'm Cierra, and I'll be your nurse until midnight. Is there anything I can get you?"

"Could you see if Dr. Carlisle Cullen is working? He's my father-in-law."

"Sure. I'll be back in a few."

"Tell him to call his wife and have her grab my bag from the house, please."

Roughly forty-five minutes later, Sue, Carlisle, and Esme arrived. I was given an injection to help take the edge off of my contractions, which were getting closer together, but I was still only five centimeters. Carlisle had called the hospital in Port Angeles and found that Edward was observing a surgery. I was starting to get worried that Edward would miss this.

"Dad, can you do me a favor?"

"Of course."

"Can you go get Edward? I don't want him to drive his Volvo all crazy in a rush to get here. Please? Oh, and someone needs to meet McKenna at her bus stop."

"I'll call Leah and see if she can take her," Sue said.

"Why don't you just call the hospital and have them give a message to Edward?" Esme asked.

"Because I don't want him to drive crazy just to get here. Please?"

"Okay, I'll go. I just hope we make it back in time, now that it's raining."

"Use your siren, Dad."

"Wow. You must be in pain if you're asking me to abuse my power," Dad joked.

A few hours passed. Leah called and said she and Jake had McKenna at the reservation with Billy and that they were all just fine. Although, she was wedged between Jake and his girlfriend on the couch and had been following him everywhere he went. McKenna then got on the phone and asked when she could come down to the hospital.

"Tomorrow, after school," I said.

"Okay. Will you call me when they're born?" she asked.

"We'll see, okay? Be good for Jake, Leah and Billy."

"I am. But Jake's _friend_ is here. She won't leave him alone."

"Honey, as much as I'd like to talk about this, I need to go, okay?"

"Okay, Mommy. I love you!"

"Love you too, baby girl."

**EPOV**

I was standing with Dr. Walker as he spoke to the parents of a boy who just had his appendix removed. The surgery went well and he would make a complete recovery. I remembered the young boy and how scared he had been going into surgery. Thankfully he mentioned how he liked reading, and I was able to calm him down by talking about the book he was reading.

After we were done reassuring his parents that he was fine, Dr. Walker and I walked back to the nurses' station. I stood and chatted with a nurse, Gina, before checking on a few other patients. She was one of my favorite nurses to work with. She was older in years but had a big heart, and all the children just loved her.

"How did Miss McKenna enjoy the zoo this past weekend, Edward?" she asked.

"She loved it, as usual. Anything to do with animals she loves."

"She reminds me of my granddaughter."

"Are you going to visit her over the holidays?" I asked as I grabbed a chart to look over.

"I hope so. I haven't been back to Minnesota in quite a while, but I have a new grandchild as of three days ago that I need to meet," she said beaming.

"That's fantastic! What did your daughter have?"

"A boy, William Arthur, after my late husband, God rest his soul. Speaking of babies, isn't your wife due soon?"

"Anytime now. The nursery's ready and her bag is all packed. We're just waiting on them now. Bella's getting rather impatient."

"I bet she is. I bet McKenna will be a wonderful big sister."

"I think so, too. She's so excited. More so than me, I think."

I stood and chatted with Gina for a few more minutes before checking on a few patients. When I was done, I was back at the nurses' station writing notes in a patient chart when the elevator dinged behind me. A few moments later, I heard a familiar voice.

"Where could I find Doctor Edward Cullen?"

"He's at the desk," someone behind me replied. I turned and found a very anxious looking Charlie walking towards me.

"Charlie, what's wrong?" I asked.

"Bella's in labor, and I have strict instructions to drive you back to the hospital."

"What?! Is she okay?" I couldn't believe that today would be the day that I became a dad. Bella had always joked that the twins would come while I was at work. I never believed her...until now. I wasn't sure how far along she was, but I knew if we didn't hurry, we could possibly miss it.

"Your parents and Sue are with her. Come on, we need to get you back."

I quickly reported to Dr. Walker what was going on before running to my locker and grabbing my things. Once we're on the road, I pulled out my phone and dialed the hospital, where I was connected to Bella's room.

"Hello?" my mother answered.

"Mom? Why are you answering the phone?"

"Bella's in the middle of a nasty contraction."

"Is she doing okay?"

"Yeah. We're waiting for the anesthesiologist to come for her epidural. Hopefully she can relax and progress. She's stuck at a five. Would you like to speak with Edward?" Esme asked.

"Edward," Bella says a few moments later, "how close are you?"

"We just left the hospital."

"What if you don't get here in time?" she asked. Her voice was shaky and she sounded tired. I wished I were there with her, coaching her through her contractions and giving her ice chips.

"I'll do what I can to get there before they're born, I promise."

"Hurry up. I love you," she said.

"I love you, too."

Charlie and I sped down the highway towards Forks in silence. I sat and looked out the window, watching the trees whip past us and wished the time would go by faster so I could get to my beautiful Bella. I had wanted to be there when she went into labor – to sit beside her and do whatever she needed to help her get through the pain of labor. I checked in a few times while we were on the road and learned that the epidural she received wasn't working. They tried setting it at a different level, but that wasn't providing much relief either. She was handling the pain as best as she could, and I even coached her through a contraction that came.

I knew the moment when we reached the Forks City limits, because Charlie threw on his siren and lights and hit the gas. I looked at him and raised my eyebrows, giving him a questioning look.

"Don't look at me like that. She asked me to do this," he said chuckling.

"I didn't say a thing," I said as I shook my head.

I called the hospital again to let Bella know where we were and was greeted by Dad's voice. "Son, how close are you?"

"We're in Forks. We should be there soon, why?"

"Her doctor is talking about bringing her in for a C-section. She hasn't been dilating."

"Can I talk to her?"

"Sure, hang on."

"How much longer?" I asked Charlie.

"Half hour, tops. I'll drop you at the door."

"Edward?" Bella asked. I could tell she was tired and in pain, but she was trying to hide it.

"I'll be there in a half hour. Are you alright?"

"No, I need you here. I'm scared."

"I know. I'm sorry."

"My doctor just came back in, I have to go. Hurry up, okay?"

"Charlie's driving as fast as he can."

"Does he have his siren on?"

"Yes," I said chuckling. "I'll be there in a few, I promise."

"Okay."

**BellaPOV**

This wasn't going how I wanted it to. I thought for sure Edward would have been here by now. I needed Edward here to coach me through the contractions and to help me through my pain. Yet, here I was, confined to an uncomfortable bed scared out of my mind because there was a very good chance that the doctor may not wait until he got here before delivering our twins.

"Bella, I just want to check you again before we make our decision on what to do, okay?" my doctor asked.

"Fine." I rolled onto my back while she checked me. I looked over to my left and saw that everyone looked worried.

"I'd say you're at an eight, which means you've progressed, but not by much. I think we need to get you delivered sooner, rather than later."

"Can we wait until my husband comes? He's almost here and I can't do it without him."

"How far out is he?"

"Less than a half hour," I said before I took in a deep breath for a contraction.

"Alright. I'll give you until six. If he's not here by then, we need to get you delivered."

I nodded my head, since I was incapable of speaking at the moment. I rolled back over on my side and waited for Edward to come. Sue resumed her position behind me, using a tennis ball on my back to help with the pain, while Esme kept a cool towel on my forehead. Carlisle, bless him, let me squeeze his hand as hard as I needed to during my contractions. I thought for sure I was hurting him, but he assured me I wasn't.

"You're doing so well," Esme said. "So well."

"These feel so much worse than the ones earlier. They're right on top of each other, it seems."

"That's a good thing," Sue said. "Despite what your doctor thinks, I have a feeling Edward will make it in time. I have no doubt Charlie's abusing every power he has right about now."

"Has someone checked on McKenna recently?" I asked.

"She's with Billy, don't worry," Sue replied again.

In what seemed like a blink of an eye, my doctor was back in my room. I felt like I was being ripped in two, like my pain had quadrupled in intensity. It felt like as soon as one contraction was done another would start, and I couldn't catch my breath in between.

"How are you feeling, Bella?" my doctor asked as she walked in.

"There's pressure. A lot of pressure."

"Pressure's good. Let me check you, okay?"

"Esme, can you call Edward again?" I asked as I rolled onto my back again.

"I'm dialing him now, sweetheart," she replied.

"Well, looks like you're ready to have a baby, Bella. You're just starting to crown."

"No! My husband's not here! He _has_ to be here!" I said as I started to panic.

"Well, it looks like this little one decided he or she is ready to be born," my doctor replied as her staff got everything set up.

"Would you like me to step outside, Bella?" Sue asked.

"Why?"

"I thought maybe you'd want just family here."

"You are family," I said. Sue gave a big smile, before taking a hand in hers.

I swear this had to be a nightmare, because in reality, Edward would be here with me. Carlisle, Esme and Sue all crowded around my bed. I was beyond exhausted after the third push and I had decided I was done with this whole mess and wanted to go home.

"You're doing so good," Esme said as she pushed the hair out of my face. "You're so close."

"Only one more before your baby comes," my doctor said as a nurse placed a blanket on my belly. This was really it. Edward was really going to miss this. I knew it wasn't his fault, but how could he do this? How could he miss this?

"_Sir, you can't go in there!_" I heard a woman say from outside my door.

"That's my wife in there," I heard Edward say. A few seconds later, my door burst open and I saw him standing in the doorway.

"Edward!"

"Push, Bella," my doctor said.

In an instant, Edward was next to me, his hand in mine. I pushed as the nurse counted out my contraction. There was a faint cry, followed by a stronger one.

"Well hello there," the nurse said.

I felt Edward's lips crash onto mine. "I'm sorry I almost missed it," he said after pulling away. The nurse placed our newest member of our family onto my chest. Instinctively, I begin wiping all the gunk off with the blanket, as the most beautiful cries filled the room.

"It's okay. What did we have?" I asked.

"It's a girl!" Edward exclaimed.

"And she's quite vocal!" Esme said with a laugh.

"Well then, she must be a Cullen, because we usually have an opinion about anything and everything," Carlisle said with a laugh.

Edward cut the cord with a shaking hand, and the nurse took her over to a bassinet to finish cleaning her off.

"Where's my dad?" I asked.

"He's in the waiting room. He didn't want to walk in and see certain areas, if you catch my drift," Edward said.

"Oh for goodness sake! Do you want me to get him?" Sue asked.

"Yes, please."

Sue quickly left the room while my nurse walked over with a precious bundle in her arms. "Would you like to hold her for a moment?"

I nodded as she placed my daughter in my arms. She was perfect. Her little cone-shaped head was covered by a tiny white hat, her eyes were closed tightly and her lips were curled into a pout. She was absolutely perfect.

"She's so beautiful."

"Just like her mother."

"Oh no, I must look a mess."

"You look _beautiful_," Edward said again.

"Bella, let me know when you start to feel pressure again, okay? I don't think you'll have to wait too long, though," my doctor said.

"Here, Edward. Say hello to your daughter," I said as I handed her to him.

Watching him hold his daughter was a beautiful sight. I could see his heart melt after taking one look at her. Sue returned with Charlie as Esme started taking pictures.

"I texted Rose. She, Emmett and Jasper will visit you tomorrow," Esme said.

I felt the pressure return and found myself curling around my belly, just like I had done before.

"Ready to go again?" my doctor asked. I nodded in response. "Push just like you did the last time, okay?"

I noticed from the corner of my eye that Edward handed Charlie our daughter before taking my hand in his. A few pushes later, another cry filled the room.

"Another girl!" Edward exclaimed. "Two girls, can you believe it?!"

"They're both healthy, right?" I asked.

"They look very good," my nurse said.

After my doctor finished with me, both of my daughters were placed in my arms. It was all so overwhelming. Both of them had the same little pout on their faces, and I knew the minute Emmett and Jasper saw them, they'd be done for, since McKenna made the same face.

**EPOV**

I had never been more in love with Bella than right in that moment. Even though she was a crying mess, with her sweaty hair clinging to her face, she was the most beautiful woman in existence.

Looking down upon my two little girls in Bella's arms was a moment I would never forget. I couldn't believe we had made these two precious little beings who seemed to fill a void in my heart I didn't know I had. So small, so wrinkly, so perfect. There were just no words to fully express my joy, love and excitement.

Esme started taking pictures as the twins were passed around. I sat on the bed next to Bella and wrapped my arms around her.

"I love you, so much," I said.

"I love you, too."

"McKenna is going to flip out when she finds out she has sisters."

"I know. Think she's still awake?"

"I think so. Where's she staying?"

"Billy's, but they might be with Leah."

I pulled out my cell phone and quickly dialed Jake's number.

"Hello?" Billy answered.

"Billy, it's Edward. Is McKenna over there?"

"Yeah. She's passed out, though. She played hard with the boys today. Do you want me to wake her?"

"If you don't mind."

"No, it's fine. I'm pretty sure Jake would like to get off the couch, anyway. She passed out with her head in his lap, and he's too afraid that if he moves, she'll wake up. That girl has not left him alone since she got here."

A moment later, a sleepy McKenna was on the phone. "Hello?"

"'Kenna, I have some news for you."

"Did Mommy have the babies?"

"Yep. You have two little sisters!"

"Really?! Can I come see them?"

"Not until tomorrow after school."

"Why do I have to go to school?" she asked.

"Because you have your field trip. I'll pick you up at after and bring you here, okay?"

"Okay," she pouted.

A short while later, everyone had left and the twins were asleep in their bassinets. Bella's eyelids were drooping, and I knew she had to be exhausted. I checked on the twins one last time, closed the curtains and settled into the uncomfortable pull out chair.

Life couldn't have been more perfect.


	34. Chapter 34

Finding the Way back – Chapter 34

**CharliePOV**

After dropping Edward off at the front door of the hospital, I found a parking spot and found my way to Labor and Delivery. I decided to stay in the waiting room until after the twins were born. I wasn't sure if Bella wanted me in there, and I didn't want to impose. This was the only time I had been excited while here at the hospital. This place represented so much pain and misery, so knowing that this was a happy occasion was a nice change. I was excited to meet my new grandchildren. I had told Bella throughout her pregnancy I didn't really have a preference as to what she had as long as they were healthy. But, in all honesty, I was hoping for at least one boy. It would be nice to take my grandson fishing and teach him about baseball. My sweet little McKenna liked to do those things, but the thought of doing it with my grandson always put a smile on my face. Despite what Bella and Edward had, I'd love my new grandchildren unconditionally. I had just sat down with a hunting magazine when Sue came over to me.

"Charlie, what are you doing out here?" she asked.

"Just waiting. How is she?" 

"Good. One girl so far. She really wants you in there."

"She does?" I asked nervously.

"Yes. Why wouldn't she?" 

"I wasn't sure."

"Charlie, she needs you. I know you've been worried about her during all of this, but she's doing so well. And your granddaughter is beautiful."

"But she's married now. It should be her husband next to her."

"She may be married, but she's still your daughter. She needs your strength just as much as she needs Edward's, and I know she'll be upset if you miss this."

I put my magazine down and followed Sue into Bella's room. Carlisle and Esme were on one side of the bed with Edward on the other. He was holding the newest member of our family. He looked completely in awe of his newest daughter, a feeling I knew quite well.

"I texted Rose. She, Emmett and Jasper will visit you tomorrow," Esme said.

"Ready to go again?" Bella's doctor asked. "Push just like you did the last time, okay?"

Edward quickly handed me his daughter and helped Bella with the next delivery. I looked down at this precious little one and briefly saw Renee. She had the same pointy noise and thin lips. I couldn't tell if she had any hair, as her head was covered my a little pink cap. I noticed one of her hands was peeking out of the blanket. I put my pinky finger next to it, and her tiny fingers wrapped around it. In that moment, she grabbed a piece of my heart. Any worries I had about Bella's pregnancy melted away with this precious little one. A few moments later, another cry filled the room.

Sue and I stayed a few hours longer before heading back to the house. I wanted to upload the pictures of my newest granddaughters right away so I could print some off and take them to work with me in the morning. As my computer started up in the den, I went back into the kitchen. I leaned against the doorway and watched as Sue moved around the kitchen fixing something for the both of us to eat. It felt right having her here, and I didn't want her to leave. I knew Leah was in high school on the reservation and that Sue would have to stay, but I started to wonder what was keeping me in this house now. Bella and McKenna were living with Edward, and Ian and Renee were gone. I really had no ties to this house anymore. The thought of leaving didn't scare me at all, which was surprising.

"What are you thinking about so hard over there?" she asked.

"What? Oh, nothing."

"What a day, huh?"

"Yeah, definitely one I'll remember."

"Edward is going to have his hands full with three daughters."

"I know, but he'll do a good job, I think."

"Me too. Although I'm sure that if he has any trouble, Grandpa can always help out. Especially when they all start dating," she said with a wink.

"Let's not rush that," I said.

After dinner was done, we went upstairs for the night. Sue changed into an over-sized shirt she kept at the house, and I stripped down to my briefs and undershirt. I sat and watched as she brushed out her long hair before putting it into a braid.

"What?" she asked.

"Nothing. Just watching you, that's all."

"Why? I'm just doing my hair. It's nothing special," she said with a smile.

"I think it is. It's one of the many things I love about you."

"That's nice to hear. And speaking of hair, you need yours cut and soon. You're getting a tad shaggy."

"I know. I was going to have Greg's wife do it like she usually does, but with all the excitement, it got overlooked."

"Leah could do it for you. She's into all that and cuts almost everyone's hair on the Res."

"Oh right. Yeah, I'll ask her tomorrow."

"You know she really adores you, right?" Sue asked as she climbed into bed.

"No, I didn't know that."

"She does. You really helped her after Seth died. I mean, I know you were busy with Bella and all, but the times that you were on the Res helped her a lot."

"She's a good kid, but I'm pretty sure her mother did more work than I did."

"You're sweet," she said before kissing me.

I placed my hands on either side of her face and deepened the kiss. I knew the moment was right, at least for us. I knew she didn't need some grand gesture or me rambling about how much I loved her. I wasn't going to give up this second chance at being happy. Sue made me feel alive again, complete. There was no one better for me than her.

"Where did that come from?" she asked after pulling away.

"Marry me," I said as I pressed my forehead to hers.

"What?"

"Marry me."

She pulled back a little and looked into my eyes. I prayed that she felt the same way as I did and that she would accept my proposal. I loved her with everything that I had. "Yes," she whispered after a few moments.

I kissed her again and could feel her tears on my face. I felt like a weight was lifted from my shoulders. A weight I didn't know I had been carrying. Sue had helped me in more ways than she knew. She had seen me at my best and my lowest. There were a few times I thought she'd run away from me, but she didn't. With her, I didn't have to put on the brave face. I could loose my nerve and not have to worry about what she thought. She could read me better than anyone. I loved this woman like no other, and I swore to myself that I would protect her better than I did Renee.

**BPOV**

The next morning, my doctor had come to check on me. I was still tired, but I felt refreshed. My back was a little sore still from the epidural, and of course there was some lingering pain from giving birth, but other than that, I felt fine. Edward was half asleep in the chair, a burp rag still hanging on his shoulder. I wondered how many times during the night he was up. McKenzie was asleep in her bassinet, while McKayla was in the nursery. My doctor said she had a slight case of jaundice, so they had placed her under lights for treatment. Since her levels were low, she would only need the therapy for twenty-four hours. They had also started an IV so she would stay hydrated. Since she was getting phototherapy, she was given a bottle for her feedings. I would be able to see her once my doctor was finished examining me.

"Everything looks good, Bella. Do you have any questions for me?" my doctor asked.

"When can I go home and when can I start my medicine again?"

"You can go home tomorrow. As for your medicine, I would advise you to start it again in a small dose and work back up to where you were before you got pregnant. Since you want to nurse, I would suggest you take your medicine at night, just before you go to bed. This means that the feedings during the night will be done with formula."

"But, will they still get everything they need from the formula? What if they decide they want a bottle instead of me?" Nursing was something I had been looking forward to since I found out I was pregnant. I didn't get the chance to nurse McKenna, so knowing that I would be able to this time was something I looked forward to.

"Formula will give them everything they need. If you find nursing is something you cannot do, you can still pump and give them your milk in a bottle."

"Why should I take my medicine at night?"

"Because we don't want your little ones to absorb the medicine. If you take it at night, it'll work through your system and you won't have to worry. However, you'll need to wear a few nursing pads in your bra because you'll leak at first until your body gets adjusted to your feeding times. And don't be surprised if you find yourself washing your sheets often in the beginning if you leak through the pads. I'll send up a lactation consultant to show you how to do it and what to expect, okay?"

"Alright. Thank you."

"You're very welcome. When your husband wakes up, head down to the nursery and the nurses there will take you to your daughter and answer questions you may have."

As she left, Carlisle appeared in the doorway with a bag. "Good morning! I come bearing gifts from Esme," he said with a smile. Edward was so out of it, he didn't even stir at the sound of Carlisle's voice.

"Morning. Where is she?"

"She'll be here, don't worry. But for now, I have freshly baked blueberry muffins."

"Yum! Since you're here, I wanted to run something by you. Do you think Esme would be upset if we gave one of our girls her middle name?" I asked as he set the bag down and took McKenzie from the bassinet who was starting to stir.

"No, not at all. I think it would be very nice. So you've decided on names, then?"

"Middle names, yes. I have ideas for their first names, but nothing has been decided yet. I still can't believe they're here."

"They're definitely little miracles. Where's the other one?" I quickly told him of the overnight developments. "Well the lights will help bring her level back down. I'm sure she'll be just fine."

"It's just scary, you know?"

"Yeah, but she has good doctors and nurses taking care of her, and if her levels come down, I'm sure she'll be able to leave with you. Have you seen her yet?"

"No. Edward must have noticed something during the night."

Carlisle left a few minutes later saying he had rounds to do but would be back later in the day. Edward woke when my lactation nurse arrived. I didn't realize how difficult nursing would be and how much it actually hurt, but I wanted to do this. The nurse assured me that once the milk came in, it wouldn't hurt as much.

Once I had taken a shower and changed into a sweater, yoga pants and slippers, Edward, McKenzie, and I went to the nursery to see McKayla. It felt good to be up and out of bed. When we reached the nursery, a nurse took us over to an incubator where McKayla was. She had a large patch that covered both eyes to block the light and was just starting to fuss. My heart broke seeing her like this. I placed my hand against the side of the incubator, wanting nothing more than to be able to touch her. Edward wrapped his arms around me from behind and rested his chin on my shoulder.

"She looks so helpless," I said quietly.

"She'll be okay," he whispered.

"I know, but it's hard seeing her like this."

"It is. But this is making her better."

"I bet she's hungry," the nurse said from behind us. "Would you like to feed her?"

"Can she come out of there?" I asked in reply.

"Yep. Have a seat and I'll take her out for you," she replied. I sat in a rocking chair next to the incubator and pulled McKenzie's bassinet over to me as well. The nurse unhooked the side of the incubator, removed the eye patch, and then placed McKayla in my arms.

"How is she doing?" I asked.

"Very well. We'll take some blood today and see if her levels are coming down. She was right on the border anyway, so I'm sure they'll be fine."

As I fed McKayla, Edward snapped a few pictures. I didn't realize he brought a camera with him. McKayla had Edward's features, while it seemed that McKenzie had mine. My heart hurt that she needed to be in here, but being able to hold her, touch her, and talk to her had helped ease my worries and fears for her. I memorized everything I could about her – her eyes, her lips, her sounds, her cries, even her burps. I needed something to hold onto while I was away from her. She was perfect. After spending about an hour with her, her nurse placed her back in the incubator and told us we could come back when she was hungry again.

Esme arrived around ten and told Edward to go home and shower before the family arrived. She also said that Jasper would pick up his Volvo in Port Angeles for him, since Dad drove him here. While I was excited for our family to come, the person I was most looking forward to seeing was McKenna. I hadn't been away from her since our honeymoon and I missed her. I couldn't wait to see her reaction when she met her sisters for the first time. She was going to be the best big sister McKayla and McKenzie could ask for.

Edward arrived a few hours later with Dad and Sue, who was wearing a familiar piece of jewelry. I was nursing McKenzie and could see that my father was uncomfortable at the sight. I picked up a small receiving blanket and draped it over us, which seemed to ease some of Dad's nervousness.

"How are you feeling?" Sue asked as she hugged me.

"Tired, but good. Edward let me sleep through the night, which was nice, but I'm sure he must be tired."

"I'm sure he's fine. Besides, you need all the rest you can get. I hope you'll let me help you with them when you go home?" Sue asked.

"I would love it, thank you. Did you and Dad do anything last night after you left?"

"We went back to the house and had a quick dinner, and...Charlie asked me to marry him," she replied nervously. "I hope you don't mind that he did it on the same day the twins were born. I don't think he planned on it happening that way. He just sort of asked me."

"I don't mind. I know you two will be happy, and Leah is a great girl." I loved Leah. Whenever we were together, she brought out the teenager in me. We would laugh and carry on about stupid stuff, and I loved every minute of it. She had a _serious_ Justin Bieber crush, which slightly freaked me out, but spending time with her was fun. I couldn't wait to say she was my sister.

"Thank you. I can't believe she's going into her senior year of high school."

"I can't believe my baby is in school," I said.

"Just wait until _all three_ are in school. You'll wonder where the time went," Esme said.

A few hours later, Emmett, Jasper and Rosalie arrived. Jasper was carrying a huge amount of balloons while Emmett's hands were full of flowers. I wouldn't be surprised if Emmett bought out the floral shop in town.

"Where are my little nieces?" Rosalie asked when she walked into my room.

"Bella, I'm going to go wait for McKenna at her bus stop and then be back, okay?" Edward asked. "We'll probably grab some dinner while we're out, too. Do you want anything?"

"I'm fine." Edward gave me a soft lingering kiss before leaving. His kiss left me feeling like I was sitting on a cloud and made me feel beautiful, even though I knew I looked like crap.

"Oh, Emmett, look how precious she is," Rosalie said as Esme placed McKenzie in her arms. "I can't wait to have a family."

"Now lets not rush things, beautiful," Emmett said.

"Oh please. Like you don't want a house full of boys."

"I never said I didn't. I just don't want any right now."

It was nice to visit with everyone while they got acquainted with McKenzie. Of course, I would have liked to have had McKayla in the room as well, but knew she was just fine where she was. In fact, when it was time for a feeding, everyone was able to see her through the nursery window.

**EPOV**

I pulled up in front of McKenna's school and waited with the other parents. I made small talk with the parents I knew and told them of our additions to the family. I was so anxious for McKenna to arrive that I contemplated walking into the school and excusing her from class early. After checking my watch for the tenth time since arriving, I heard the school bell ring. A few minutes later the front doors flew open and scores of kids piled out. My eyes quickly scanned the crowd for my girl.

"Daddy!" she hollered as she emerged from the school. She quickly ran over to me and threw her arms around my legs. "Let's go see my sisters!"

"We will, but I thought we'd do something first, okay?"

"Okay," she replied from the back seat. She was practically bouncing in her chair with excitement. If I didn't have to drive, I would be bouncing right along with her.

About twenty minutes later, I pulled into a parking space at the tiny strip mall in town. I grabbed McKenna's hand and together we walked inside.

"Daddy, what are we doing here?" she asked confused.

"Well, I thought maybe you could help me pick out a present for Mom."

"Oh. Yeah, I can do that. I'm great at picking out presents." I chuckled at her enthusiasm.

We looked in a few stores before McKenna said she found the _perfect_ gift. It was a bracelet with a diamond heart, along with a pink heart intertwined into the diamond heart. I had thought about getting her a necklace or earrings, but the bracelet had 'Bella' written all over it. I knew she wasn't expecting it, but I wanted to give her something to show her how much I loved her for giving me the gift of two more daughters. I couldn't express it in words – there were none to express the depths of my love for her and our daughters – so I hoped this would do it for me.

**BellaPOV**

"Hi Mom!" I must have dozed off at some point, because I was awoken some time later by McKenna's voice. Our family was still here, talking quietly amongst themselves. I hoped I hadn't slept too long.

"Hey baby! Come in and meet your sister."

Sue placed McKenzie on the bed after McKenna crawled onto my lap.

"She's so tiny," she said.

"She'll grow, just like you," I said.

"Where's the other one?"

"She's a little sick," I said.

"Is Papa making her better?" she asked.

"No. But you know how Daddy helps kids like you get better and how Papa helps mommies and daddies get better?"

"Yeah."

"Well, McKayla has a doctor who helps babies get better. She just has to stay in a special part of the nursery."

"Oh. Is she getting better?"

"A lot better," I said.

"Can I help with them?"

"Of course. We can't do it without you," Edward replied.

"I don't want to change their stinky diapers, but I can feed them."

"I'm sure you'll be a big help," Edward said before kissing the top of her head.

"So what are their names?"

"Well, we thought about McKenzie Renee and McKayla Ann," I said. I looked up at my family when I announced the names. Esme had tears in her eyes and Charlie was smiling.

"That's kind of like my name."

"It is, isn't it?"

"Do you like the names?" Edward asked.

"Yes. I can't wait to tell George and Spike!" I had to laugh at McKenna's reply. She told her pets everything. "Daddy, can we give Mommy her gift now?"

"What gift?" I asked confused.

"Here," Edward said as he handed me a box. I quickly undid the pink bow and opened it. Inside was a beautiful bracelet. "Do you like it?"

"It's beautiful. You didn't have to do this."

"I wanted to. You have given me so many precious things, Bella. Aside from your love, you've given me three beautiful daughters. I can't imagine my life without you or them. I know the bracelet pales in comparison to what you have given me, but I wanted to do something that shows how much I love you."

I leaned forward and kissed him. I loved this man with everything I had. "Thank you, Edward. It's beautiful and I love you, too." Edward handed me a tissue to wipe my tears. As I did so, I noticed Rosalie, Sue and Esme were all teary eyed, too.

The next day I was released with McKenzie and McKayla. I was happy they didn't need to stay in the hospital. With McKayla, we were told to put her in the sunlight and follow up with our doctor next week just to make sure everything was alright. It was so nice being able to bring her home at the same time as McKenzie. It wouldn't have felt like a homecoming without her.

When Edward and I pulled into the driveway, we noticed pink balloons tied to the porch, two 'Its a Girl' signs in the yard, and a 'Welcome home McKenzie and McKayla' sign on the garage. Edward got out of the car first, then proceeded to help me, as I was still sore from giving birth.

"Are you alright?" he asked.

"Fine. Happy to be home."

"Me too."

Edward, the girls, and I went into the house where we found our family waiting. Even though I had started on my medication again, I was still feeling a little anxious and overwhelmed. I just wanted to settle in with just Edward and McKenna before everyone visited. I tried to put a happy face on and appear thankful, but I felt like the walls were closing in. Thankfully Edward must have noticed, because he pulled me into the kitchen and wrapped his arms around me.

"Why don't you go upstairs? I tell everyone you're tired so they'll leave and I'll make dinner."

"Thank you. Please tell them I'm sorry. I'm not sure where this is coming from."

"Bella, no one's going to be upset, I promise you that. Go upstairs and relax. I'll let you know when dinner is ready. I'll make some Gnocchi and a salad. Is that alright?"

"That sounds wonderful."

I went upstairs to our room and felt myself relax considerably. After taking a shower, I looked out our window and noticed the cars were gone. I quickly changed into my pajamas and went downstairs. McKenna was sitting at the center island while Edward was at the stove.

"Where are the girls?" I asked.

"They're asleep in the nursery. The monitor is on the counter. Feeling better after your shower?"

"Yes. Was everyone upset?"

"No. They understood."

Over dinner, McKenna told us about her day at school and how she remembered to feed her pets without being reminded, which as a big thing for her. She said she was getting excited for the upcoming dance recital and how she hoped to be in the front line and that she was practicing hard. After dinner was done, I read two chapters of _Charlotte's Web_ to McKenna before tucking her in for the night. I was able to nurse both girls before turning in for the night. The girls woke every few hours, but thankfully they went back down easily. By three in the morning I could barely keep my eyes open as I fed McKayla, but I wouldn't have it any other way. My girls were home, happy and safe.


	35. Chapter 35

Finding the Way back – Chapter 35

**BellaPOV**

A few weeks had passed since McKenzie and McKayla's arrival. I noticed some differences between the two. McKenzie was loud. She wailed when she was hungry or wanted to be held. And when she was held, she preferred to be held like a football, her head resting in Edward's elbow and tucked close to his body. Why she wanted to be held like that, I have no idea. I didn't even think it was safe for her to be held like that, but she liked it, so we went with it. McKayla, on the other hand, was quiet. She hardly ever fussed, unless she was hungry, and even then it was quiet. She was also my little cuddler. She'd tuck her head under my chin, tuck her arms and legs under her little body and would be perfectly content. Both girls had brown hair with auburn accents and had hazel eyes. I was a little bummed that they didn't Edward's eye color. However, they both had Edward's smile.

McKenna was my saving grace. She would help me fetch diapers and wipes and would sing to them when they cried. Every Friday night, Charlie and Sue would come over and watch the girls while McKenna and I went to dinner. I still wanted to have special time with her so she wouldn't feel left out. We usually ended up at the diner, but I didn't mind. Usually our conversation surrounded the little world she created for her pets, George and Spike. McKenna loved her pets and she continued to ask for a dog. I was just about ready to give in, but Julie suggested I bring her to the local Humane Society and have her volunteer instead. To say McKenna loved it would be an understatement. Since she was too young to really do anything on her own, we usually walked the dogs on the days we volunteered.

Edward returned to work a week after the girls were born. The first day he was gone I cried the entire day. Both Sue and Esme had been with me to help out, but I still missed him. When he finally returned home after a 36-hour shift, I held onto him for a solid five minutes in the doorway. For some reason I thought he wouldn't come back to us. Silly, I know, but I truly believed that. I think that first day away from us was hard on him. He checked in as often as he could, but I could tell he missed us. He made sure to spend time with each girl – almost as if he was reacquainting himself with them.

After settling into a routine, things became easier. The mornings were spent getting McKenna ready and out the door for school, and in the afternoons the girls and I took a walk around the neighborhood. If Sue and Esme were over, they'd join us as well. At four o'clock, we went to the bus stop to pick up McKenna who would tell us all about her day at school. As she did her homework, I would get dinner ready. After dinner, I would give all three girls their baths, followed by a story and bed.

On the first of November, I returned to work on a part-time basis. Edward tried to convince me to stay at home, saying we didn't need the money, but I missed working at the bakery. I missed meeting with clients and loosing myself in the designs. After meeting with Julie, I agreed to return to the bakery three days a week and Saturdays when I needed to make deliveries. Edward wasn't exactly happy, but he eventually understood that I needed my own time. Sue and Esme worked out a schedule as well for taking the twins.

Everything seemed to be perfect.

Thanksgiving came and we found ourselves at Carlisle and Esme's for dinner, along with Sue, Dad, Leah, Billy and Jake. McKenna, McKenzie and McKayla were in the living room with the guys, while the women were in the kitchen.

"Have you given any thought about the wedding?" Esme asked Sue.

"A little bit. We don't want anything big, so we were thinking of having it maybe having it on the cliffs or at the house. I told Charlie that if we do it there, I want to work on the landscaping a bit. We'll probably work on the it anyway since Charlie wants to sell the house."

"How soon were you thinking?" I asked.

"We haven't even talked about a date yet. We're not rushing anything, but I've been looking at a few things online – mainly dresses. But right now, we're just enjoying being engaged."

"And Leah took the news okay?" Rosalie asked.

"Oh yes. She's very excited. Although at the moment, she's waiting to hear if she got into the beauty school she applied to."

About an hour later, everything was in the oven. McKenna was outside playing with Jake, Emmett, and Jasper. I was upstairs in Edward's old room nursing the girls when there was a knock at the door.

"Bella, can we come in?" Esme asked from outside the door.

"Sure."

I quickly grabbed a receiving blanket and draped it over me as Esme, Carlisle and Edward walked in. McKayla started fussing next to me, so Carlisle picked her up and clutched her to his chest. I had an odd feeling that something was wrong.

"She may need to be changed. There's diapers and wipes in the bag," I said.

"Bella," Esme said as she sat down next to me, "there's something we need to tell you."

"What is it?" I asked.

"Do you remember I told you that a new doctor had started at the hospital last week?" Carlisle asked.

"Yes."

"Well, we invited him to dinner tonight, along with his wife."

"Okay," I said. I had no idea where this was going.

"His wife is _Alice_," Edward said angrily.

"Alice? What? When did she get married?" I was stunned.

"A month ago, I believe. We weren't there, but she did call us," Esme said. Sadness was apparent in her face. "Anyway, they should be arrive in about an hour."

"You don't have to do this, Bella," Edward said. "We can leave if you want."

"It's alright. I can handle one night. But so help me, if she says one thing -"

"We understand, Bella. Thank you for doing this," Carlisle said.

"Sure."

Carlisle handed McKayla to Edward and left the room with Esme. I could tell they were both relieved that I agreed to stay with Alice coming over, but I knew they missed their daughter. I knew Edward was missing his sister as well, but was still angry with her.

"Are you sure you can handle this?" Edward asked.

"I'll be fine. Just don't leave me alone with her," I said as I placed McKenzie on my shoulder to burp her.

"We can go, you know. We don't need to stay."

"Yes I know, but Emmett, Rose and Jasper are here. We hardly get to see them anymore since they're all are in Seattle."

"We can see them tomorrow," Edward said. I could tell he was uncomfortable with the entire situation. "Really Bella, I don't want her to make you upset."

"Calm down. Things will be fine. Maybe now that she's married, she's gained perspective and has changed."

"Doubtful."

"I promise I'll tell you the minute she makes me uncomfortable. If she does, we can go."

"Alright," Edward said with a sigh.

"Edward, what's wrong? I can tell you're keeping something from me."

"I'm just afraid," he said. His voice was shaky, like he was on the verge of losing it but was holding it in. "I'm afraid that she'll try something with the girls. I'm afraid she'll say something or do something again. But most of all, I'm...I'm afraid I'll take one look at her and see her as my sister and want to forgive her for what she's done. But I can't. As much as I miss my sister, I can't put my guard down."

"If you want to leave, we can leave. I don't want you to suffer like this, Edward."

"And as much as I don't want to see her, I do. I want to see who she's supposedly married to."

"Then tell me what you want to do, Edward. I think we should stay, but if you can't handle it, we'll leave. I can always see Rose tomorrow when we go shopping."

He was quiet for a few minutes. He looked at me, then at the twins before letting out a hard sigh and running a hand over his face. "Lets stay, then. Maybe you're right. Maybe she did change. Maybe this man she's married to has had a positive effect on her."

"For everyone's sake, let's hope so."

About a half hour later, everyone was in the living room. Word of Alice's pending arrival had made everyone on edge. Rosalie was pacing behind the loveseat where Emmett and Jasper were sitting. Jasper's leg was bouncing in anxiety. I was curious how the two of them would act around each other. I wondered if Jasper knew Alice was married and what he thought about that. Jasper had loved Alice with everything he had at one point. I had to believe those feelings still lurked inside him.

"Are you sure you want to do this, Bella?" Charlie asked after the doorbell rang.

"I'm fine."

Carlisle and Esme returned with Alice and an older-looking male. He had older than Charlie, Carlisle and Billy, as his head was full of gray hair. He was dressed in khakis and a blue polo shirt. Alice had black pants, black heals and a blue silk shirt on. In one hand she clutched an over-sized designer purse, and I wasn't sure if it was the real thing or a knock off. In the other hand, she had a large pink gift bag. Edward placed a hand on my shoulder and stiffened when he saw her.

"Hello everyone," she said.

"Alice," Emmett said politely.

"The house looks beautiful as usual, Mom."

"Thank you, dear. Why don't you introduce everyone."

"Everyone, this is my husband, Doctor Gabriel Pena."

"Alice has told me so much about all of you. It's nice to finally put faces to the names," Gabriel said.

"Gabriel and I met shortly after I left Forks," Alice said during dinner. "It was love at first sight."

"It really was," Gabriel said. "I've never met anyone like her."

"What area of medicine do you practice?" Edward asked dryly.

"I'm in Obstetrics and Gynecology. Alice tells me you're in medicine, too."

"Yes," Edward replied coldly. I took note that he didn't elaborate in his response.

"And what is it that you do?" Gabriel asked me.

"I'm a cake decorator at the local bakery."

"Have you started back since having the twins?" Alice asked.

"Yes."

"So where exactly are you living?" Edward asked again.

"We just bought a house on Conner Street," Gabriel said. "Alice has been busy looking for furniture and everything to fill it." I quietly groaned when I realized the house she was talking about was only a few blocks away from ours.

"I think in inherited my mother's love of decorating," Alice said.

After dinner was done, I was in the garage grabbing a beer for Dad and Billy, since Esme refused to keep them in the kitchen. As I bent over to grab a couple of cans, I felt someone behind me.

"Edward, I know we were given the okay to be intimate, but really, now's not the time." I grabbed the beers, closed the door of the refrigerator and turned around. "Oh, Dr. Pena, I'm sorry. I thought you were my husband."

"It's quite alright. Alice tells me you two used to be best friends."

"Yes. We haven't spoken in quite some time, though."

"Why is that?" he asked. I noticed his eyes began to roam my body.

"It's complicated."

"That's a shame. She misses you."

"I seriously doubt that. If you'll excuse me, I need to get back to my family," I said. I was uncomfortable with how close he was.

"Of course. Just one thing," he said. He leaned in close, putting his mouth close to my ear. "I know who you _really_ are."

_**A/N: eep! runs and hides**_


	36. Chapter 36

Finding the Way back – Chapter 36

**BellaPOV**

"_Of course. Just one thing," he said. He leaned in close, putting his mouth close to my ear. "I know who you _really_ are."_

Time seemed to stop in that moment.

I couldn't move. I couldn't think. I couldn't breathe.

How could he know who I really was? More importantly, why didn't I recognize him and what exactly did he _do_ to me? My mind was yelling at me, telling me to get out of there – to run to Edward and tell him that Gabriel was more than just Alice's husband. I needed to tell Dad that he was involved in all of this and to haul him off to jail. I needed to tell Carlisle and Esme to take my children out of here and get them as far away from him as they could.

But I couldn't.

I couldn't because the fear and anxiety that once consumed me had come flooding back. Suddenly, I felt like the girl I used to be – terrified of anything and everything. The walls began to close in on me, reminding me of the tiny room I used to sleep in. _God, what if he takes me back to that hellhole? Would Dad and Edward be able to find me this time? Would he keep me around long enough to find out? _ I needed to remind myself that I wasn't her anymore. I was a stronger, confident Bella. I was loved and wanted. I was a wife and a mother. I wasn't the pathetic girl who let anything and everything happen to her because she was too scared to fight. But as hard as I tried to remind myself that I had changed, it didn't work. I found myself looking down toward the floor of the garage like I had been trained to do all those years ago. To say I was petrified would be an understatement. I was terror-stricken.

"Yes, I know who you are. I knew the minute Alice showed me your picture. You're Keith's girl," he said as he ran his hands up my arms. My body stiffened at his touch, and my hands released the beer, causing it to crash to the floor.

I should have been pushing him off of me and running out of the garage, but I was still frozen in place – paralyzed by my fear that if I moved this man would hurt me. I wanted to tell him to go away and leave me alone, that I wasn't Keith's girl anymore, but the words wouldn't come.

"I remember men paying double for you. They said you were the best, but I never really got the chance to experience it. I wanted to, but I never had the opportunity. But that doesn't mean I never touched you. I was there when that _child_ of yours was born, and I took care of the one Keith didn't want." _Oh God, he knew about McKenna._ He was the monster that took her away from me. I wanted to run from him, pull McKenna, McKenzie and McKayla into my arms and tell Edward to take us all away from here – to take us to a place where no one knew us or my dark past – but again, my feet were cemented to the floor.

Gabriel trailed his hands from my shoulders, down over my breasts and down to my stomach. I could feel myself start to tremble even more now, as his breath caressed my skin.

_Edward!_ my mind screamed. _Dad! Edward! Emmett! Jasper! Someone! _

"I remember you screaming after that little girl was born. You kept begging for me to let you hold her, just for one minute. Just to make sure she was okay. Man, Keith loved that little girl, too. Where is he, by the way? Why aren't you with him?"

"He...he's dead," I finally managed to get out.

"Dead? When did this happen?" Gabriel asked.

"A while ago." My voice was shaking so badly that I was amazed I could even get a word out.

"And what about your brother? Ian, wasn't it?"

"He's gone, too."

"Both of them...gone. What about the other girls?"

"I don't know," I quietly said. _What about them?_ What if there were girls stuck somewhere? Alone. Afraid. Sick, maybe even near death because there was no one bringing them water or food? I couldn't live with myself knowing they were out there.

"How I would have loved to have a turn with you," Gabriel said after a long moment of silence. His hands moved back up from my stomach toward my breasts, where he caressed them as if he was my lover. "How I would have loved to watch you quiver under me; hear you beg me for more." His hands now moved from my breasts to around my neck. "Watch as your face grew terrified as I squeezed your neck as I came. I know that was your favorite thing. You were the only girl who liked it." His grip on my neck became tighter with each word. "Do you like it now?"

"P...pl...please," I begged. Darkness started closing in. I tried prying his hands off of me, but he wouldn't budge. With what little vision I had left, I could see Gabriel smiling. He was _enjoying_ this.

Behind Gabriel, I could hear muffled laughter from the kitchen. After a moment, it seemed louder. Gabriel then released me, where I crumpled to the floor of the garage. One hand supported my weight against the floor; the other was at my neck as I coughed, struggling to refill my lungs. During my coughing spell, I vomited, emptying the contents of my stomach over his shoes. I could feel the tears stinging my eyes, but knew I couldn't cry in front of him. The room was spinning and I felt sick to my stomach.

_Crying is a sign of weakness_, I heard Keith say in my head. _You disappoint me when you cry, Isabella...Maybe you aren't worth keeping around anymore. _His voice was swirling around in my ears reminding me of the past I tried to put behind me.

_I'll never be rid of this no matter how hard I try_, I thought to myself.

I heard the garage door open, but I didn't look up to see who was there. Gabriel bent down and leaned towards me. "If you know what's good for you, you'll keep your mouth _shut._ We wouldn't want your husband's medical career to be over, would we?" he whispered.

"Is everything alright in here?" I heard Jasper ask.

"We're fine," Gabriel said as he stood to leave.

I kept my eyes and head down as he walked out. It amazed me how I could quickly snap back into the girl I was. After all this time away from that hell, knowing that I wasn't the same person I was then, I still went back to the girl who was afraid. Fear consumed me. My body started to tremble as the room started spinning. My breath started coming in gasps, and I had the overwhelming feeling to flee.

"Bella," Jasper said next to me. I felt his hand on my shoulder and I flinched.

I heard someone start to scream and realized it was coming from me. I crawled to a corner, curled my knees to my chest, and started rocking back and forth. So many memories and voices were going through my head. I felt like everything was coming back to me - that I was going to be that girl again. As hard as I tried to fight it, it was too much. I felt myself recoil inward, not wanting to be touched and being deathly afraid.

"Bella, it's alright," I heard Jasper say. He was on his knees in front of me. "Everything's alright." I wanted to believe him. I wanted to believe that this was just all a horrible nightmare that I would wake up from, but it wasn't. It was real. Alice had somehow found someone from my past – either on accident or on purpose – and brought him here. I wanted to believe it was a coincidence that she knew him and that he knew of my past, but something in the back of my mind told me otherwise.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw movement at the door and I started screaming louder. This was all too much. I needed reassurance from the one person who mattered. The one person who existed for me now, in this moment. I needed him to say it, to make me believe that I'd changed, that I wasn't that girl anymore...and that he didn't see that part of me when he looked at me. I needed him to see a woman who loved him madly...and not all that bad shit. If I knew he saw me that way, then I'd be able to see myself that way. And I needed it if I wanted to move on.

But the only thing I felt was fear and Gabriel's lingering touch that made me feel nothing more than the whore I used to be.

**EPOV**

I couldn't believe the nerve of Alice. She walked in here, pretending like nothing happened, and kissed Mom and Dad's ass. Mom seemed genuinely happy that Alice was here. Dad, on the other hand, was reserved. He just sat back and watched. We all knew he would step in if needed. I was surprised that Gabriel didn't speak with Dad about his marriage to Alice. Wouldn't a normal man do that? Wouldn't you expect the man that married your daughter ask to have a conversation with you to assure you he's going to take care of her? I know I would if any of my girls did that.

After dinner, everyone moved into the living room. Rosalie and Sue each had one of the twins in their arms, while McKenna sat on my lap and looked through the Toys R Us catalog. She was getting excited for Christmas.

"Look at this Barbie house, Daddy. Isn't it pretty?" McKenna asked excitedly.

"Very. Why don't you ask Grandma Esme for a pen so you can circle everything that you'd like? That way Santa has an idea of what to get you."

"I already wrote my letter to Santa. He knows what I want."

"What did you ask for?" Alice asked. _Was she seriously trying to act like nothing happened in the past?_ I didn't understand why she was suddenly interested in McKenna, when just a few short months ago she didn't want anything to do with her.

"I asked for -"

"You know, McKenna," Rosalie interrupted, "you should keep that a secret. Kind of like a birthday wish."

"Really? I thought I could say it out loud?"

"If you really want Santa to listen, you keep it a secret," Rosalie said.

"Is that true, Daddy?"

"Yep," I lied. I knew exactly what Rose was doing and was grateful. The less Alice knew the better.

"Edward, could I...could I maybe hold one of the twins?" Alice asked hesitantly. "Please?" I saw both Sue and Rosalie stiffen slightly. Was she crazy? Did she actually think I'd let her?

"They're pretty content at the moment," Sue said.

"Okay. Edward, I'm sorry I wasn't in town when the girls were born," Alice said. "I brought a gift for them. I hope you like it."

"That was...nice of you, Alice," I said. "I'll wait for Bella to return before opening it."

"Of course. I really hope we can move on from what's happened and become a family again. I've really missed everyone."

"Alice, now is not the time or place to talk about that. Especially with children in the room," Rosalie said.

We sat in silence for a few minutes. Gabriel entered the room, stopped and looked at Alice, then walked out. Alice stood and left as well without saying a word. _What just happened?_ A silent conversation had passed between the two of them that, although they tried to hide it, was painfully obvious to all of us. What an odd relationship they had. I couldn't figure out why Alice was remotely attracted to him. They never touched and would sit with quite a bit of distance between them. Yet, Gabriel would look at her like she was the only the only thing that was important one minute and like a piece of property the next. I didn't get it.

A few moments after they left, I heard screaming from the garage followed by Jasper yelling, "_Edward_! Edward! Dad! Charlie!"

"Stay here, McKenna," I said as I moved her off my lap and headed for the garage. By the tone of Jasper's voice, and the terror of Bella's screams, I knew something was wrong. It didn't help that Gabriel had just come from there.

_He better not have hurt her, or so help me I will _kill_ him._

As I walked in, I saw Bella curled up in a corner shaking, rocking back and forth. I ran over to her, but she flinched at my touch.

"_Don't touch me!_" she screamed.

"Bella, it's alright," I said. I slowly reached my hand for hers, not wanting to scare her. Behind me, I heard Dad and Charlie.

"_No!_"

"What happened?" Charlie asked.

Bella kept rocking back and forth, burying her head in her hands. When I touched her, she continued to flinch away. I wanted to pull her to me and tell her that it would be okay, but I knew, just like in the past, that when she was like this, it was best to just let her be until she came down from her fear; until she realized that I wouldn't hurt her.

"Bella, _please_. It's me, Edward. I'm not going to hurt you," I said. "_Please_, baby, come back to me. You're fine. You're safe, I promise."

"Jasper, go and get my bag," Dad said. Jasper stood and disappeared from the garage.

"No! Don't medicate her yet. We need her to talk," I said.

"Edward, she won't talk in this state. She needs to calm down."

"Maybe she won't talk because you all are scaring her," Rosalie said from the door.

"Bella, do you want to talk to Rose?" I asked.

"Y...yes," Bella said quietly.

Charlie, Dad, and I stood and moved away to give Rosalie and Bella some privacy. We would still be able to hear anything they said, but maybe the distance would help her. Rosalie, who was holding a blanket and a glass of water, sat next to Bella, wrapping it around the both of them. She then brought the glass to Bella's lips and held it there as she took a few small sips.

"What happened?" she asked.

"I...I came in to get my Dad and Billy a beer. I felt someone behind me, and I thought it was Edward."

"But it wasn't," Rose said.

"No. It was...Gabriel."

"What did he do?"

"He said he knew me. He _knew_ me! He...he delivered McKenna and took her away from me. He said that he wished he could have been with me," she said as she cried.

Rosalie looked over at us, her eyes wide with shock and fear. I looked over and saw Charlie was gripping the door frame, waiting for Bella to say something so he could jump into action. Jasper then reappeared holding dad's bag.

"What else?" Rose asked.

"He said men paid double for me and how he wanted to choke me while he... and he did."

"He _what_?" Charlie asked.

"He put his hands around my neck and squeezed." Bella looked up at us. On her neck were marks from Gabriel's hands. "I thought for sure he wouldn't stop. When he finally let go, I started coughing and I threw up. I'm sorry, Carlisle." 

Charlie stormed out of the garage. A few moments later, I heard a car start and tear out of the drive.

"It's okay. Don't worry about it," Carlisle replied.

"I should clean it up," Bella said.

"We'll make sure it's taken care of, don't worry," Rosalie said.

"The way he touched me, Rose...I couldn't stop him. I couldn't move. I wanted him away from me. I tried screaming, but nothing would come out," Bella cried.

"He's gone now," Rosalie said, wrapping her arms around Bella.

"I thought...I thought he was going to take...take McKenna away from me," she sobbed. "I should have pushed him away, but I couldn't."

"It's alright. The girls are fine. Sue and Esme brought the twins downstairs after Jasper started yelling for Edward, and McKenna is finger painting with Emmett. They're all fine."

I walked over to Bella and sat next to her as Rosalie stood. Bella threw her arms around me and held onto me for dear life. I ran my hand through her hair and held her close to me.

"What if he comes back, Edward? What if he takes them?"

"It's okay," I whispered. "_No one_ will touch you or our daughters. I promise you that. He will not get near you."

Emmett walked in carrying the house phone. His hands were covered in paint, as well as his shirt. "Charlie called. He said we need to take pictures of her neck. Mom wants to know if you guys are staying tonight. McKenna's getting pretty tired."

"Sweetheart, you have to calm down," I said. Bella was still sobbing and shaking.

"He wanted me, Edward," she said.

"I won't let him touch you."

"I'm scared. I'm trying not to completely lose it, but I'm afraid."

"_Nothing's_ going to happen. And I'm so proud of you for talking, rather than keeping it all in. That's such a big step. I love you."

"I love you, too," she said.

An hour later, Bella was asleep in my old bed with McKenna. We had gotten her to take a sedative to calm her, and Esme took pictures of her neck and emailed them to Charlie at the station. I knew there was something off with Gabriel, and now I knew what it was. All I had to do was figure out why he was with Alice and what he wanted from us.

**Edward POV**

That night I barely slept. I kept thinking about everything that had happened tonight. _How could Alice bring this person into our lives? Did she know about the connection between Bella and Gabriel? If she did, did she purposely do this?_ So many things were going through my mind. I wanted to believe that Alice was innocent and didn't know about the past, but something in the back of my mind said she knew more than what she was telling us. _What happened to my sweet baby sister? Where did she go?_

I kept waiting for something to happen during the night. Every noise I heard I checked out. Of course I was overreacting, but I couldn't risk not checking it and having something happen. I had finally gotten Bella to a place where she was comfortable and confident in her own skin, and I was not about to let that slip away. I would do whatever it took to keep my family safe.

Bella kept tossing and turning and mumbling in her sleep. McKenna woke up around midnight and said she couldn't sleep because of all the noise Bella was making. She ended up knocking on Mom and Dad's door and slept with them. Then, around two, the twins decided they wanted to be awake after their bottles. I took them downstairs to the living room and found a music channel to listen to thinking that would soothe them enough to fall back asleep. Around five, Mom came downstairs to start coffee for Dad, who had to work that morning.

"Edward? What are you doing up?" she asked from the doorway.

I was laying on the floor on my stomach, one hand rocking each of the girls' car seats as they cooed along to the music and pictures on the television. My back was killing me from being in this position, but at least the girls were quiet now.

"Trying to get them to sleep," I mumbled.

"How long have you been at it?"

"A few hours. Is McKenna still asleep?" 

"Yes. She and Carlisle are snoring away upstairs. Do you want me to sit with them?" she asked from beside me.

"I'm fine. Can you get me a blanket, though?" 

"I'm awake anyway. Go upstairs and get some rest." As I sat up, I noticed both girls were starting to doze off, and the thought of my nice warm bed was rather comforting.

Once upstairs, I poked my head in my parent's room to check on McKenna. She was laying sideways with her head on Dad's stomach, mouth hanging open while she snored and feet dangling from the side of the bed. One of her hands was draped across Dad's face, a finger dangerously close to his eye. I probably should have moved her, but decided against it. Obviously Dad didn't seem to mind. I quietly shut the door and made my way back to my old bedroom. I crawled under the covers and curled up behind Bella.

"Hey," she quietly said.

"Hey. I thought you'd be asleep."

"I was. Where's 'Kenna?"

"She's sleeping with Dad. Mom has the girls downstairs."

"Did they give you a lot of trouble during the night?"

"No. Go back to sleep, love. It's still early."

"Do you think she did it on purpose?" Bella asked.

"What?"

"Do you think Alice brought Gabriel here on purpose? I mean, she had to have known that he knew me."

"I'm not too sure, but I don't think it was a coincidence, either. We'll have to talk to Charlie today to see if anything happened. He was none too happy last night."

"Yeah," she said softly. Her voice sounded a million miles away, like she was lost in thought about something.

"What else is wrong, baby?" I asked.

Bella rolled onto her back and looked up at me. "I'm just afraid that we'll get to a place again where we're happy and content, and someone else will re-appear. I'm afraid that my dad will have to let Gabriel go and he'll do something to you or the kids. But worst of all, I'm afraid that I'll sink back into the shell I used to be. I can't do that again, Edward. I can't let McKenna see me like that. I can't have Dad worry about me like he did before, and I can't be afraid of your touch again." Her voice trembled as she spoke. I wanted to tell her that it was alright and to go back to sleep, but I could tell she needed to get all of this out.

"When Gabriel came up behind me, I thought it was you. I thought you wanted to use those few moments alone to just hold me and maybe make out a little bit. I was hoping that when we went home, that we'd put the girls to bed and escape to our room and make love. I was actually looking forward to it, because I've been craving it. I've missed the way your touch made me feel and how your words would make my body tingle. But it was taken from me the minute Gabriel said he knew me. I started remembering what it all felt like, and I can't do that again. _I just can't_. I've worked too hard to lose it. McKenna, McKenzie and McKayla need to see that they have a strong mother, and I'm afraid that if Gabriel is out there, then I won't be the mother they need."

"Bella, you're a wonderful mother to our daughters. Your love and patience with them makes you the best mother they could ever ask for. Sometimes, I just stand back and watch you with them and the only thing that I can even think about is how beautiful you are. I don't know what I've done to be so lucky and blessed to have you. If we decide to tell them about your past when they're older, then they'll know that you overcame some pretty big obstacles in your life and know that you're stronger because of it."

"But Edward, how are we going to explain it to them? It's not an easy subject to bring up."

"We don't _need_ to tell them about your past, Bella. All they need to know is how much we both love them. You have to realize what a big step it was for telling us what happened rather than holding it all in. The old Bella wouldn't have done that. She would have kept it in and put on a fake smile to make us think she was okay. But you, this new you, knew you had to say something. That just proves that he can't hurt you like before – that you're fighting back. And I am _so_ proud of you for that."

"I'm just scared, Edward."

"I know. I am too, but _nothing_ is going to happen."

Bella reached up and wrapped her arms around my neck, pulling me down to her. I gently kissed her lips. Bella deepened the kiss, and after a few moments, I pulled away.

"Bella..."

"Edward, please? I need to feel you."

Our lovemaking was slow, sensual and deep. She always liked this type of lovemaking best, and so did I. She would let go of her insecurities and just feel. I could usually anticipate what she needed, but today she surprised me. She flipped us over and eased herself onto me. She grabbed my hands and held them to her hips. She threw her head back and just let go. Her movements were slow and I couldn't get enough of them. I knew she was getting close when she started moaning without abandon.

"Ohhh...Edward...more..."

I flipped her on to her back and kissed every inch of her I could as I moved within her. Her hands were wrapped tightly around my biceps, her back arched. She began lifting her hips to meet me, pulling me close to my release.

"Please, Edward...I'm so close..."

"Just let go, Bella. Let go."

"Promise me, Edward...promise me nothing will happen."

"I promise. He'll never get close to you," I said before taking her left nipple in my mouth and flicking it with my tongue. I made sure not to do it too hard since she was still nursing.

"Deeper...so close...please."

I lifted one of her legs and pulled it up and over my shoulder, picking up my pace. It didn't take long before she completely unraveled. My mouth covered hers and she cried out. Her hands found my hair and tugged as her muscles clenched around me, bringing me to my own release.

"I love you," she said as she pulled my head down to her chest.

"I love you, too," I replied.

**BellaPOV**

I heard Dad's car pull into the drive later that morning, and I felt my body relax even further than what it already had after making love to Edward. Talking to him about my fears of Gabriel helped, but I really wanted to hear that Gabriel was in jail. When Esme answered the door, I waited for him to step in before I flew to him. I needed to feel his arms around me. I needed that confirmation that everything was fine. The child in me still needed to hear her daddy say everything was okay.

I wrapped my arms around him and tucked my head under his chin, breathing in his scent. I felt his arms hold me tightly to him. I guess he needed reassurance as well. "Are you okay?" he quietly asked.

"Yeah. You?"

"Yeah."

"Did you sleep last night?" I asked.

"Nope. You?"

"Barely."

I let go for a minute and kissed his rough cheek. "Promise me you'll sleep tonight."

"I will, don't worry. Sue will have my ass if I don't. I'm surprised she didn't slip me something in my beer last night."

"Come on, we're having a late breakfast."

We walked into the kitchen where Edward was waiting with a cup of coffee for him.

"Thanks."

"So, what happened with Gabriel?" Jasper asked.

"He's sitting in a jail cell...Alice too," he replied hesitantly.

"What?" Esme asked, shocked.

"I'm sorry, but she went after an officer. From what I'm told, she was trying to protect Gabriel. But the weirdest part was that he didn't say a word when he was arrested. He just kept glaring at Alice who was hysterical. I'm hoping the city attorney won't press charges on her;she owes me a favor, anyway. I figure it's the least I could do since you both have done so much to help Bella and I." I wasn't shocked that Dad would do something this big for Carlisle and Esme. After all, what they've done for us was more than I could ever repay them for. But seeing the site of Esme curled into Carlisle's chest as she softly cried broke my heart. I felt horrible that they've been brought into this mess. They were such good people and didn't deserve this. But then again, none of us deserved this – myself included.

"Has she said anything this morning?" Carlisle asked.

"No. One of my guys showed her the pictures you emailed me and she smirked."

"What about Gabriel? Has he said anything?" Emmett asked.

"The only thing he's done is ask for his lawyer, who of course told him not to say a word. They both see the judge Monday morning regarding bail."

"We'll be there," Edward said.

"What? Are you sure that's a good idea?" Esme asked.

"If we don't go, it'll look like Bella's scared."

"But that's exactly what I am."

"I think Edward's right about going," Charlie said. "He won't do anything with a courthouse full of people, and we need to show how serious we are."

"No. I don't want to see him again. I don't care if he'll be in shackles or if the courtroom is packed."

"Bella, think about it," Edward said. "If the judge sees us there, it's giving a clear message -"

"Edward, _stop_! I don't want to do this. It's bad enough he knows me and that he lives so close to us. But I don't want to do this. If he was anything more than just Keith's doctor, then you don't know what he's capable of."

"Bella, he won't touch you," Edward said.

"Don't you see? He doesn't have to. He's sitting in jail right now, and we're sitting here obsessing about him. I wish you'd realize how _terrified_ I am. I can't close my eyes without seeing him or hearing his voice. I don't want to be anywhere near him, Edward. I can't and I _won't_," I said before storming out of the kitchen.

"Bella," Edward called after me. "Bella, wait." I stopped on the first step leading upstairs and turned to face him. "I'm sorry if you think I'm being pushy, but I really think we should go."

"I understand, but I don't agree. You have no idea what this feels like, Edward. I can't even fathom being in the same room with him. It doesn't matter that people will be there. Just the fact that he'll be there, after what he just did to me...I just can't do it. It's like a slap in the face for you to not take my feelings into consideration. You may think it'll be easy, but it won't be for me. I wish you'd see that."

"I'm not saying it's going to a picnic, but I'll be there with you."

"Ugh!" I growled. He wasn't getting just how terrified I was. He was coming across like it would be no big deal, but to me it was. I needed some time to myself to collect my thoughts and to calm down. "I'll be upstairs. Bring the girls up when they're hungry."

"Do you want some company?" he asked.

"No." I turned around and went back upstairs to Edward's room and slammed the door behind me. Maybe an hour or so apart would help him realize just how hard this would be for me – how much I was suffering after what happened.

I gathered a few drawing supplied I kept stashed in Edward's room and sat at his desk. As I drew, or at least attempted to draw, I tried to rid my mind of everything that had happened. I could feel myself slowly falling back into that dark place. I tried to surround myself with things to remind me of who I was now. Using pictures and looking at the completed drawings in my book were helping, but what I really needed was to hear my husband, the man I love more than anything else, tell me he understood my fear and that he would protect me. We had been through worse things and I never doubted him, yet today I did. I didn't understand that one bit. Edward was making me feel like this was nothing to worry about – like it was nothing more than name-calling and a slap across the face. But it was so much more than that to me. It was like Gabriel took hold of every ounce of self-confidence and security and snatched it away from me. He left me exposed for the world to see.

An hour or so had passed before I heard a knock at the door. I wasn't sure if I wanted Edward to be on the other side or not. I had hoped that he had realized how much I was hurting and how much I needed him right now.

"Bella? Can I come in?" Esme asked from outside the door.

"Of course," I replied. I expected to see the twins in her arms, but she was alone. "Where are the girls?"

"Downstairs," she replied as she closed the door and walked towards me. She sat next to me and pulled me into a tight hug. "Are you alright, dear?"

"I'm just...afraid, that's all."

"I don't blame you. What happened last night was terrifying, and I'd be worried if you weren't scared. I also don't blame you for not wanting to see Gabriel, either."

"You don't?"

"Not at all. I don't think I'd be able to see him if he did that to me, so don't be ashamed that you feel that way."

"If you can understand my fear, then why can't Edward? Why can he just dismiss them so freely?" I asked.

"I don't think he's dismissing them, but rather not realizing how overwhelming it is. I think he thought that since you were able to tell us what happened and how you were feeling, that you were better. But your little outburst made him see otherwise."

"How so?" I asked, a little shocked.

"He went for a drive with Charlie, Billy and Carlisle, which is like walking into the Lion's Den. I can only imagine what the three of them are saying to him. I'm not sure where they went, but they haven't returned."

"I just don't want him to come home angry with me. I can't help how I feel, and I wish he'd realize it."

"He will, just give him time."

"The girls must be hungry," I said.

"They're fine. I figured you needed some quiet time, so I made them a bottle. There was still some breast milk in the fridge from earlier today."

"Thanks. What about McKenna? Is she alright?"

"Sue picked her up a little bit ago and brought her back to the Reservation. I just wanted to check on you, to make sure you were okay."

"I will be. I just needed to collect my thoughts, you know?"

"Of course. Come down when you're ready and I'll make you something to eat."

"Bella..." a voice called from far away. I knew that voice. That voice was home to me. "Bella, wake up, love." I smiled as I rubbed my eyes. Edward was home. As I opened my eyes, I noticed it was much later in the day. I only wanted a quick nap, but by how low the sun was, I realized it was early evening. "Hey beautiful."

"Hi," I replied softly. I noticed then that Edward had both McKayla and McKenzie in his arms. I quickly pulled McKayla into my arms. "So how was your drive?"

"Intimidating, but good. I'm sorry if I made you feel worse than what you already were. I didn't mean to."

"But you did, and when I tried to get you to understand, it still didn't work," I said as began to nurse my sweet girl.

"I know. I'm sorry. I really am. If you don't want to go and face Gabriel, that's fine. I realize now how difficult that could be for you. I should have realized it right away, but all I could think about is showing him that he wasn't going to get away with this."

"I understand, but I really needed you today. I don't like fighting with you, and I hate that we had to do it over him."

"I know. I don't like that either. Can you forgive me for being an idiot?" he asked.

"Yes, just don't make me feel like that again."

"Never again," he said as he leaned over and kissed me.

We spent the rest of the weekend at the house, playing with our girls. Edward had called the hospital and asked for an extra few days off, explaining that there was an incident with the family. As Monday grew closer, I became increasingly nervous. I didn't want to face Alice and Gabriel, but I knew Dad and Edward were right. I knew he wouldn't try anything at the hearing. Maybe I had to face my past in order to move forward. Maybe if I did this, I could finally move on.

Monday morning Edward and I rode with Carlisle and Esme to the Clallam County Courthouse in Port Angeles. When Alice's case was called, she was escorted in. She was in a jumpsuit and handcuffs. She looked over at us...and smiled. Alice was charged with assaulting an officer, but the charges were dismissed. Charlie had explained that the prosecutor wanted to get Alice to talk about Gabriel and his past, and that apparently her marriage to Gabriel may not be legal.

When Gabriel was brought into the Court, I grabbed onto Edward's hand. Just seeing him again caused me to panic, but I kept it under control as best as I could. Gabriel stood next to his attorney, a woman, and looked directly at the judge. He entered his plea of not guilty to assault and battery. After he spoke those words, I heard Edward and my dad mumble something under their breath. The prosecutor argued that Gabriel should be held without bail due to the severity of his actions, while the defense attorney said he had ties to the community and should be released on bail. Little did Gabriel know that the prosecutor would be asking for an Order of Protection keeping him away from me. After about twenty minutes of arguments, the judge agreed on bail and the Order of Protection and explained to Gabriel that if he were to come around, he would be arrested and kept in jail until his next hearing. Somehow I knew this wouldn't be enough.


	37. Chapter 37

**Er... hi? Anyone still reading? Sorry for the delay. I don't know why it's taken me forever, but here's the next chapter. **

**Bella POV**

It had been a few weeks since the hearing. Dad insisted that I start carrying a can of mace with me, especially in the mornings since it was dark when I left for work. I hated having it with me, but I understood his reasoning. After arriving at work, I would send Dad and Edward a text message saying I was fine and secure in the bakery, and when I arrived home after my shift, I would send them another text as well. It seemed like a bit much, but it was better to be safe than sorry.

In the days that followed the hearing, I found myself talking more in therapy. I needed to prove to myself that I wouldn't let Alice and Gabriel get to me. So far, it seemed to be helping. Edward and Dad had come with me for one session. Dr. Hartford thought it would be good for the three of us to express our fears now that Gabriel was in the picture. The things that Dad said during our session surprised me the most. He said he was afraid of not only losing me, but also the girls and his sanity.

"_Bella, if anything happened to your girls, I couldn't live with myself. And, if anything happened to you...I don't think I could live through it. I love Sue with my entire being, but to know you were put through that hell again, to see you battered and crumpled, I don't think I could handle it. The mere though of that bastard touching you makes me sick. I can't lose you again. I just can't."_

"_Dad..."_

"_No, Bella. You don't understand what it was like for me," he interrupted. His voice was stern yet shaky, like he was on the verge of losing it. "I know I've told you some of what it was like, but there are things that happened that you don't know about. When you and Ian were first taken, I tried everything I could to find you. I threw myself into work and organized search parties. I did everything I could think of. When those two FBI agents told us your case was cold and that there was nothing more they could do, I felt like a complete and utter failure. Everything felt like it had slipped away from me. I didn't know what to do. For the first time, I failed at doing my job – my job as a husband, a father and a police officer. I started questioning every decision I made at work because I couldn't trust my judgment. Billy and Carlisle saw how far gone I was and told me to get my head out of my ass before I put one of my officers' lives in jeopardy. Then, when your mother died, I didn't know what to do. Everything I had was gone. I was numb. I went through the motions of the day and put on a fake smile. I'm sure people knew I wasn't okay, but I just didn't know what else to do. I hate to admit it, but there were a few times when I contemplated eating my gun."_ _I was shocked at his words. I didn't think his depression had gotten that bad back then._ "_After you and Ian reappeared, I thought I was given a gift. I'm sure I've made mistakes, but truthfully, I just wanted you to be happy."_

"_I was happy, Dad. I _am_ happy. Ian was too, for a short time," I assured him._

"_When Ian had you on that porch, with the knife to your throat...I still have nightmares about that." Dad shook his head to clear his thoughts, but his emotions were still evident on his face. His eyes were wet with tears that were just about to fall, and he was shaking a little bit. "Even now, even though I know he's gone and that you're safe...I still see it. I can still see the terror in your eyes, the uncertainty in his, and the rage in Keith's. It was too much. Too many questions are still unanswered."_

"_What questions do you still have?" Dr. Hartford asked._

"_I just want to know why all of this happened. What did I do to put this on you guys? What could I have done better?"_

"_Dad, I'm sure whatever the reason, you couldn't have prevented it," I said lovingly. I took both his hands in mine and squeezed them._

"_You don't know that. Only Ian and Keith do, and now we'll never know. When the FBI agents found the house that you were in, all I could do is sit there and wait. No one was telling me anything. I was restless and just wanted some answers. It was the worst hours of my life...knowing you were right there, within reach, and I could do nothing. All I wanted to do is go in, grab you and get you as far away as I could. Hell, I even thought about having a drink to calm my nerves, but I didn't. I couldn't. I knew you'd hate me if you found out._

"_But you need to know, that when it was all over, when you were brought into the hospital, and I knew you and McKenna were okay, I lost it. I lost it in front of Esme and Carlisle, of all people. The two people that have done the most for you, for us. I was a sobbing mess."_ _I was shocked again, knowing that Dad broke down in front of them. I realized then how difficult it had been for him. I stood from my chair, sat on his lap and wrapped my arms around his shoulders. It wasn't much, but it was all I could do for him at that moment._

"_Who were you crying for, Charlie?" Dr. Hartford asked._

"_Everyone. Renee, because I loved her and was still upset that she left. Ian, for the loss of my son even though he caused this. McKenna, because even though her father was a bastard, he was gone. And Bella, because the threat was over, that she was okay, and that she was a mother. My biggest fear is that you hate me for not trying hard enough to save Renee."_

"_Dad, I don't hate you. I don't even hate her. She didn't know how to deal with her pain. I'll admit, when McKenna first came into our lives, I wished she was still here. I didn't know what I was doing. I still don't, even with three girls now. But McKenna, McKenzie and McKayla love you so much. Sue and Leah love you. And I wouldn't be here without you. You saved me in more ways than you could ever know."_

"_I did?" he asked as he quickly wiped the tears that had fallen._

"_Yes. The nights when we just watched movies, the hours you let me cry into your chest with your hand running through my hair...I can't explain it. It was the little things that made the difference."_

"_So many nights I found myself standing in the doorway of your room or sitting in the rocking chair watching you sleep. Watching McKenna sleep. I would go in and place my hand on her chest to just make sure she was real, just like I did with you at her age. I even do it with the twins when they're over. I couldn't live with myself if something happened," he said as he shook his head to clear his thoughts. He was gripping my hands so hard, like he was afraid to let go. It didn't matter though, because I was squeezing just has hard._

"_I know that you and Edward will protect me and the girls, so please stop worrying about something that hasn't happened yet, okay? I don't need you making yourself sick."_

"_You sound like your mother...and Sue."_

"_Mom and Sue are smart ladies." We both chuckled and essentially eased the tension in the room. Sue had told me the next morning that Dad had slept the deepest he ever have since they've been together. I imagined that a weight had been lifted off his shoulders by what he had revealed in therapy. I was glad to see that it had helped him._

Today was my day off, and McKenna did not have school because of the holiday. I decided we needed to have a girl's day and called Sue to see if she could take the twins for a few hours. She agreed, saying she didn't have anything important to do today. After dropping the twins off at Dad's house, McKenna and I made our way downtown to get our hair cut and nails done. Her hair had really started to turn blonde and her curls had begun to straighten out as well. She was starting to look like Keith more and more each day. Thankfully, she hadn't started showing any of his aggressive behavior, which made Edward and I happy. She still loved her pets, although none of them remained. For whatever reason, they all died within a week of each other. She cried in her room for an entire day, only coming out for lunch and dinner, and refused to speak to anyone. It broke my heart to see her that sad. She hasn't asked for a new pet yet, though I was pretty sure it was coming.

As we were walking back to the car after getting our hair cut, a car pulled in next to mine.

"Bella, how lovely to see you," Alice said as she got out of her car. I instantly froze and pulled McKenna close to me. "My how you've grown since the last time I've seen you, McKenna. You have such pretty hair."

"Get in the car," I said to McKenna. As soon as her door closed, I hit the lock on my kiosk, and turned to face Alice. "What do you want, Alice?"

"I just wanted to see how you're doing."

"Why?" I asked.

"I'm trying to be nice, Bella. Maybe even give you a chance to apologize."

"_Apologize?_ For what?" She had to be joking.

"For ruining my life, of course. Seeing Gabriel in that horrible jumpsuit and in handcuffs, it was just awful."

"Well if I had my way, he wouldn't have been released. He deserves to be in jail for what he did."

"He didn't do a thing. You made that up just to get attention, just like usual."

"Sure. Look, I have to go," I said as I turned back toward my car. Alice grabbed me by the arm and spun me back around.

"Just remember something. Gabriel has _resources_. Resources to make you disappear, not to mention your _kids_," she said with a slight, yet evil, grin.

"You wouldn't dare," I said.

"I'm sure the staff of Forks Elementary School is overwhelmed with the number of children enrolled. Maybe one is unaccounted for after recess one day..."

I pulled my arm back forcefully from Alice's grip. "Stay the _hell_ away from me and my family, Alice."

"Just remember Bella," Alice said, "all it takes is a phone call to tear your perfect little world to shreds. Don't think I wouldn't do it, either."

I quickly got into the car and tore out of the parking lot. McKenna was talking to me from the back seat, but I didn't hear a word she said. I drove through town, not realizing where I was headed until I found myself parked next to Charlie's cruiser at the station.

"We're going to see Grandpa?" McKenna asked excitedly, clapping her hands.

"Yes." I clutched McKenna's hand as we walked inside. "Hey, Brian, is my Dad around?"

"Yeah, go on back."

McKenna and I walked past the front desk and back to Dad's office. He was busy typing away on his computer but stopped the minute he saw us.

"Grandpa!" McKenna said excitedly.

"Hey! What are you guys doing here?" he asked as he stood.

"I need to talk to you. _Alone,_" I insisted.

"Oh. Sure. McKenna, why don't you see if Maureen has any candy hidden in her desk? She's right outside."

"Okay!"

McKenna rushed out of Dad's office for Maureen's desk. She had been his secretary since I was a girl and had the best candy in the place. Maureen adored McKenna, so I knew she would be fine. I sat in a chair in front of Dad's desk and broke down.

"Bella, what's wrong?" Dad asked after he closed his office door.

"Alice...I saw her after leaving the salon," I said after composing myself somewhat. "We're not safe, Dad."

"Wait, slow down. What did she say?"

I told Dad what Alice said and how I no longer felt safe in Forks. He immediately called Edward - who had just gotten home from a long shift at the hospital – and Carlisle and Esme down to the station to decide what to do. I needed to get away from here. I didn't even want to stay in the same state. But, I knew Edward couldn't leave. He had just started his residency, and I wouldn't do anything to jeopardize that. Perhaps I could just take the girls somewhere – maybe to a small town in the mountains where we were surrounded by trees. It didn't matter where, really – just some place where no one knew us.

"We have that cabin in Canada that you guys could use," Carlisle said.

"No. Alice knows that place," Edward said. "Maybe another state."

Everyone went back to talking at the same time about what they thought was best. Esme had pulled out her phone and started going through her contacts, trying to find friends that were out of state that we could stay with. It was so loud that I couldn't hear myself think. Once Edward starting talking about looking at other hospitals, I knew I needed to step in.

"Edward, you need to stay," I said.

"What?" he asked.

"You have to. It's not that I don't want you to come with us, but you really need to stay. It'll look too suspicious if we all left town. Plus, you have work."

"To hell with work, Bella. This is more important right now."

Everyone started talking again, making plans for us to leave. Not wanting to hear it, I walked out of Dad's office. McKenna was sitting on Maureen's lap and painting on her computer. I walked outside and sat on a bench, breathing in the cool air. I closed my eyes and basked in the few moments of quiet I had.

**EPOV**

I knew Bella was right – I knew it would look like something was up if we all left, but I didn't care. I needed to be there with them. I needed to protect them if something happened. Surely Alice would never harm the children. At least, that's what I told myself before all this happened. McKenna, McKenzie and McKayla were innocent in all of this.

My mind started wondering if we'd ever escape all of this. We had been happy and content, and now everything Bella and I had worked hard for, everything we worked through, was crumbling. Each minute that passed, another piece would fall. I couldn't let it get to a point where it all came down, but yet, in the back of my mind, I knew it would happen. The only way to prevent it would be to leave. You could call us cowards for running, but what other choice did we have? Gabriel and Alice clearly had a plan on Thanksgiving. Now that their plan had started, it wouldn't stop until someone paid the price.

"What if we asked Em and Rose to take the girls?" I blurted out.

"I think that's a good idea," Esme said. "I could bring the girls up there myself in the morning. It wouldn't look out of the ordinary."

"I'll call Emmett and Rose," Carlisle said.

"Good," Charlie said.

"Can I see Jasper too?" McKenna asked from the doorway. I didn't realize she had come back into the room.

"Yes, if he's around," I said.

"Yea! I'm going to tell Mommy!" McKenna ran out of the office, her long hair trailing behind her.

I knew Emmett and Jasper would be able to keep up with her, and Rose could handle the twins. If necessary, we would register McKenna in a school in Seattle, but I hoped this mess wouldn't last that long.

A few minutes passed. I sat and listened to Dad speak with Emmett, making arrangements to bring the girls to their home tomorrow morning. From what I could tell, Emmett was excited to have them, yet wanted to be here to help as well. Dad assured him that he was a bigger help where he was, and that we would keep him up to speed on what was happening here. Next to me, Esme was making a list of everything we would need to pack for the girls.

"Charlie, come quick!" Maureen called frantically from her desk.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"Someone said McKenna was just hit by a car!"


	38. Chapter 38

"_Charlie, come quick!" Maureen called from her desk._

"_What's wrong?" I asked._

"_Someone said McKenna was just hit by a car!"_

**EdwardPOV**

By the time I reached the front door, we could hear McKenna screaming her lungs out, calling out for Bella and myself. There were people in the parking lot crowding around her, most of them being police officers. Charlie, Carlisle and I pushed our way through and saw her lying on the cold, wet ground on the edge of the entrance way and the front sidewalk. I sank to my knees next to her. I started going out of my mind. Part of me wanted to jump in my car and find the fucking bastard that hurt my child, while the other half of me wanted to gather her in my arms and take her pain away. My instincts as a doctor started kicking in, and I started doing my ABC's – airway, breathing and circulation – to make sure she was okay. Everything that could possible be wrong went through my head – broken legs, broken back, broken neck – causing me to freak out.

_God, what if she was badly hurt to the point where she was paralyzed?_

_Okay, calm down, calm down,_ I thought to myself. _Let's take it one step at a time. She's breathing, crying, talking; those are good signs._

_Yeah, but she's bleeding and not moving her legs. _

"Back up, give her some air," Charlie said forcefully. I could hear a bit of panic in his voice as well.

"_Daddy! Mommy! I want my Mommy!_" McKenna cried between her sobs.

"McKenna, sweetheart, it's okay," I said, taking her little hand into mine.

"_Mommy! I want Mommy!_" she cried.

"Did someone call an ambulance?" Dad asked, as he held her neck still in his hands.

"Yes," someone said.

"Do you hurt anywhere, sweetie?" Dad asked again.

All McKenna could do was cry in response. I wanted to scoop her up in my arms and hold her tight against me, but by the looks of it, she took a pretty hard hit. Her clothing was ripped, and I could see some rather nasty road rash. In the distance, we heard a siren approaching. Not only were there police officers gathered, but there were now bystanders watching the scene unfold. The ambulance arrived and strapped her to a backboard. McKenna refused to let go of my hand. Each cry she let out, each scream, broke a piece of my heart. As the EMT's loaded her into the ambulance, I was forced to release her tiny hand from my grip, instantly feeling horrible.

"Bella, you're bleeding, too," someone said behind me.

"It's nothing, just a scratch," Bella said. I looked back and saw that Bella was badly bleeding from her forehead. I placed my hand over her wound to help control the bleeding.

"Are you alright?"

"Yeah. I'm okay. What about McKenna? How bad is she?" she asked frantically.

"She's hurt, but we're taking her to the hospital," I replied.

"I need to see her!" Bella said again as she swatted my hands away from her and pushed her way to the back of the ambulance. I helped her climb in, making sure she was steady on her feet before letting go of her.

"McKenna," she said as she sat next to her. "Baby girl, are you okay?"

"Mommy!" she cried.

"Shh, it's okay," she replied. I could tell from the tone and shakiness of her voice that she was crying. "I'm here. Papa is going to make you all better, okay?"

"Okay."

"What are you waiting for?" Bella yelled at the EMT. "Why are we just sitting here? Lets go already!"

"We'll be on our way in just a minute, ma'am," an EMT replied.

"Do you need a damn invitation or something? _Shut the damn doors and go! Now!_"

"Did anyone see anything?" Charlie asked.

Everyone started talking at the same time, however I didn't hear a word. I just wanted to jump in the car and race to the hospital to make sure my girls were alright. I had a good idea as to who was behind all of this, but I didn't say anything. I didn't want to accuse my sister of something this horrible, this mean.

Twenty minutes later, Mom, Dad and I rushed into the hospital Emergency Room. Charlie stayed behind to look at the surveillance video from outside the station. He said he would be right behind us, but to call him if anything serious happened. From inside the ER, I could hear McKenna crying, screaming from her pain.

"Let me go see what's going on. I'll be back," Dad said.

As he walked away, I wrapped my arms around my mother and cried. I hated to hear McKenna cry, but this was worse because I couldn't do anything to help her. I also knew Bella was injured, although I wasn't sure how badly. I didn't want to believe Alice or Gabriel could be behind this. Why would they want to hurt a child? She was completely innocent here.

"How could they do this, Mom? How could _she_?"

"Honey, we don't know who was driving the car."

"Oh please. You know as well as I do there are only two people in this world hell bent on making Bella's life a living hell."

"Yes, but I don't like to place blame without knowing the facts. It's winter, Edward. Roads and sidewalks are covered -"

"_Don't_ make excuses for them," I interrupted angrily. "Bella has a gash on her forehead and McKenna... What if she's really hurt? She wasn't moving her legs. What if the hit paralyzed her?"

"It's alright, Edward. She'll be okay. They'll both be okay," Mom said. "No matter the outcome, we'll face this together as a family." She held me tightly to her, as we waited for Dad to give us an update. Thankfully, we didn't have to wait long. He reappeared with a nurse at his side.

"So? How are they?" I asked anxiously.

"McKenna's starting to calm down, although not very much. The doctors have an IV in, and we're waiting for CT to call for her. X-rays have already been done, so the CT is merely a precaution. We'll probably have to sedate her a bit for that. She's still in the neck brace, which will come off depending on what the scans show. She also has areas of road rash, some of it being quite bad and will need mending."

"Is she moving her legs?"

"A bit, yes. I think moving her legs hurt too much and now that the pain medicine has kicked in a bit, it's easier for her. Once her scans are done, we'll clean her wounds and see how bad they are. She's asking for you. Sarah, here, will take you back to her, while I attend to Bella."

"How is Bella?" I asked again.

"She's got a nasty cut on her head and she's complaining of a headache, so we're going to make sure nothing's wrong."

"Edward, you go to McKenna. I'll check on Bella," Esme said.

"Come with me. I'll show you to your daughter," Sarah said.

I walked back with Sarah to the small room McKenna was in. There was a nurse with her, and the television was on showing some Disney movie that she liked. She was still crying, but not as bad. Her arm was taped to a board to keep it straight for the IV. Her clothes had been cut away, and she now wore a hospital gown and was covered with a blanket. I immediately closed the gap between us and rushed to her side. She held her arms up for me. I bend down and let her hold onto me as best as she could without lifting her from the table. She wrapped her arms around my neck and squeezed as best she could.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

"I hurt, Daddy."

"I know, I'm sorry. We're going to make you feel better, I promise."

"Where's Mommy?"

"Papa's looking at her cut right now."

"Daddy, my leg hurts bad," she said.

"I'm sorry, sweetie. Your doctor gave you some medicine to help, okay? But you have to calm down a bit so you can feel better."

"I want to see Mommy."

"Okay. Will you be a brave girl until I get back?"

"Yeah," she said quietly after taking a calming breath.

"Good. I love you."

"I love you too, Daddy."

**EsmePOV**

I rounded the corner from the emergency room waiting area to the patient area and instantly heard Bella's voice. Her voice was frantic, scared, and incredibly pissed off. She was demanding to see McKenna, saying she didn't care how she looked or what was wrong with her, just that she needed to see her daughter. Another voice, a female who I assumed was a nurse, kept saying she had to stay in her area so the doctors could treat her wound. I found the area she was in and saw Bella pacing back and forth in front of her bed.

"Bella, honey, are you alright?" I asked.

"Esme, how's McKenna? Have you seen her?" she asked anxiously.

"No. Edward's with her right now."

"I need to see her! No one is telling me anything!"

"Honey, calm down and let the doctors work. I'm sure once they have an idea of what's wrong with her, they'll come talk to you."

"You don't understand, Esme! I _need_ to be with her. She won't calm down without me!"

"You won't do her any good in this condition, young lady. I know you're worried and scared, but if you go in there, you'll only make her worse," I replied. "And if you don't calm down, I'll call Carlisle in here and make him give you a tranquilizer." I was serious. She needed to calm down not only for McKenna, but for herself as well.

"I'm sorry. I'm just freaking out, okay? She's my baby, Esme," she replied as tears formed in her eyes.

"I know she is," I said, wrapping my arms around her, "but if you're not calm, she won't be calm. I know you're scared, but she's with the best doctors in the hospital, okay?"

Bella's tears overcame her then, and I did the only thing I could do – I held her. No words were said, as nothing I could say would have helped her. Instead, I held her tightly in my arms letting her cry on my shoulder. I wasn't sure how long we stood there, but eventually she calmed down and pulled away a little bit.

"Thank you, Esme."

"No need to thank me, dear."

"Have you heard from my Dad? I should call Sue, too."

"Charlie's still at the station. He wanted to look through some footage outside the station to see if he could see anything. I can call Sue for you, if you'd like."

"Could you ask her to stop at the house and pick up McKenna's stuffed dog that Jake gave her? That usually calms her down."

"Of course, dear." A nurse appeared in her doorway. I figured she was here to take Bella for an x-ray or something of the like.

"Thanks, Esme. Could you maybe send Edward in for just a minute?"

"Sure."

I left Bella and quickly called Sue. She and Leah would stop at the house before heading over. I then found McKenna's room and sat with her while Edward went to check on Bella. Carlisle was also with McKenna, giving her some pain medications since the first round didn't help her. She had finally calmed down to the point where she fell asleep.

As I watched McKenna sleep, I sat and tried to figure out where I went wrong as a mother in regards to Alice. She had been such a sweet, loving girl. Now...well I wasn't so sure what she was. When she had brought Gabriel home, I thought maybe this would be a good thing. That maybe she'd realize that she had made mistakes in the past and was trying to change. But watching the two of them interact, I could tell that this was more for show than anything. They hardly ever touched, and when they did, it looked forced rather than natural. Whenever Gabriel wanted something, Alice always went to get it for him, without so much as a thank you. Their relationship was..._odd_. I can't even remember what her wedding ring looked like or if she was even wearing one. Then, when we found Bella on the floor in the garage, I knew she had brought him to stir things up. I just wished I knew _why_ she was doing this.

"What are you thinking about?" Carlisle asked.

"Different things, really. Why?"

"You looked pretty lost in thought. You're thinking about Alice, aren't you?"

"Yes. I have this feeling that she was behind this, Carlisle."

Carlisle disposed of the needle and his gloves and let out a hard sigh before sitting next to me. "So do I. She may not have been behind the wheel, but I think she may have set everything in motion."

"I just wish I knew where I went wrong with her. It seems like something changed in her the day Bella returned."

"You didn't do anything wrong. You're a wonderful wife, mother and grandmother. Alice is the way she is based on the choices _she_ made, not because of something you did or didn't do. None of this is your fault."

"It's not yours either," I replied. "I would love more than anything to just sit down with her and have an open and honest conversation about everything that's happened, but I know she won't do it."

"I know. I want the same thing."

"I miss our daughter, Carlisle," I softly said. My eyes began to tear up at the realization that the daughter I once had could be gone forever.

**EdwardPOV**

When Mom appeared in McKenna's room, I left to go check on Bella. She was being brought back to her room after getting a CT scan herself. She had gauze over her wound and had her arm draped over her eyes to block the light. I stood to the side of the hall as they wheeled her back in her room and got everything situated. I noticed Bella ask her nurse a question and realized what she wanted when her nurse turned down the overhead lights in her room. Once her nurse was gone, I grabbed the stool that was in the corner and sat next to her.

"Feeling okay?" I asked.

"Other than my head pounding, yeah. How's McKenna?"

"In pain and scared. She wants me to hold her, but I can't because she's still restrained and it hurts a lot when she moves her legs."

"I should have told her to wait," she said softly. "She was excited about something and didn't stop to look for cars. It's not her fault, I know. It's mine. I should have told her to just wait on the sidewalk."

"It probably would have happened anyway, I'm afraid. It's obvious now we can't put it past Alice to harm anyone, even a child."

"It didn't look like her in the car. It looked like a man, and it wasn't the same car that Alice was in earlier."

"Well, even if it wasn't her behind the wheel, I'm pretty sure she was the one who put it in motion."

"Uh huh," Bella replied again. I could tell by the distant sound of her voice, that she was lost in thought about something.

McKenna slept through her CT, which came back normal, as did the initial x-rays that were taken when she was brought in. I was thankful to learn that she wouldn't require surgery to close the road rash. Some of the deeper wounds were cleaned and stitched, while the rest were treated with ointment and wrapped with gauze. Sue had arrived about an hour after we did and brought McKenna her stuffed dog that Jake got her. It was her favorite thing, and it seemed to calm her down a bit. Once her IV was out, I was able to take her and Bella home.

"Did the footage show anything?" Esme asked Charlie. We were all sitting around the kitchen table while McKenna and the twins were asleep upstairs.

"Yeah. It shows the accident, but we can't get a good look at the license plate or the face of the person driving the car. It looks like McKenna was running across the parking lot to get to Bella when the car plowed into them. They didn't even hesitate or stop afterward."

"So what are you going to do now? Are you still going to send Bella and the girls away?" Sue asked me.

"No," Bella said. "I'm going to send the twins to Rosalie and Emmett. McKenna isn't going to want to be away from us after this."

"Bella, I can't let you stay here. It isn't safe," I said.

"I'm not going to let Gabriel or anyone else force me from my home. The twins are too young, so they won't remember this. I think if all of us left leaving you behind, Alice and Gabriel would notice. I know I said I was too afraid to stay, but I think leaving would do more harm than good. For whatever reason, she doesn't seem to mind the twins the way she does McKenna. I know for a fact that if we told her she had to stay with Em and Rose while we were in Forks, she would be incredibly upset. Given how injured she is, she's going to cling to us like glue. I lost her once, Edward. _I'm not going to do it again._"

"Well, we need to come up with a plan then," Charlie said.

**AlicePOV**

I sat in my lavish living room, waiting for my _friend_ to return. I sent him on an errand for me, and I was dying to hear if it went as well as I hoped it would. Gabriel was also out with some of his _friends_, looking for a new place to keep the girls. The house they were being kept in now was too close to Forks, and I knew someone would notice something was up eventually. I knew I would have to go back soon to check up on them and get rid of the ones who no longer made us money. I hated visits like that, but it had to be done. Someone had to do it now that Ian was gone.

As I waited, I wondered how long it would take Gabriel and I to start a family. After all, he did tell me he loved me more than any other girl he had been with. I knew Gabriel hadn't been with Bella because Keith was greedy, but he admitted that he did want her at one point in time. He assured me, however, that this was no longer the case. He was madly in love with me.

Perhaps a baby would mend my relationship with my family. I knew my mother loved children, so I hoped that when I had one, we could set aside our differences and be a family again. Maybe I'd invite Mom and Dad over for dinner to tell them. Of course she'd start to cry and hug me, while Dad congratulated Gabriel. The two of them would talk about medicine while Mom and I planned the nursery. Maybe Edward and I would be able to talk as well. Maybe I'd finally be able to get him to realize everything was a mistake. I was almost positive that he would listen to me now, as I was sure that he was starting to have doubts about his marriage. I mean really, how long can you truly be happy with a whore?

Yes...a baby is what I needed. A baby would make things better for everyone.


	39. Chapter 39

_**Hello! I just wanted to pass on some news. For those of you who remember my posts about my friends son, Derek, who was injured in the line of duty – I'm sorry to say he passed away suddenly on Monday. Everyone's devastated, but especially his family and his fiancee. Please keep the McConnell family in your thoughts and prayers. #DeplyedToHeaven #Hero #DerekMcConnell**_

* * *

><p>Finding the Way back – Chapter 40<p>

**BellaPOV**

Two days later, Edward and I were on our way to Seattle with the girls. I was hesitant about leaving them, but I knew it was for the best. Rosalie and Emmett would be taking the twins, and they also offered to take McKenna as well. I wasn't sure if we would leave her with them or not. To be honest, I didn't think I could part with her. I didn't want to part with any of them, but I had to. I couldn't let them get caught up in this disastrous mess. We stopped a few times along the way to eat and stretch our legs. McKenna was crabby, but I knew she wasn't feeling the best either. She still had pain from her road rash. Thankfully she slept through most of the drive, which helped a lot.

By the time we reached Seattle, it was early evening. We pulled in the drive of Rose and Emmett's newly purchased town home. Aside from the home, Emmett had bought a chocolate Labrador and named him Cash. He was fully trained and a good guard dog. That fact helped settle a few of my nerves. Jasper was living with them as well, and turned the basement into an apartment. As I was unbuckling McKenna from the back seat, we heard Emmett's voice.

"Glad you're here," he said to Edward.

"Thanks. Where's Rose?" Edward asked.

"She's inside making dinner. We figured you guys would be hungry after the drive."

"Hi, Uncle Emmett," McKenna said quietly as I helped her from the car.

"Hey, 'Kenna-Girl. How are you feeling?"

"Tired. Can I go inside please?"

"Of course, sweetheart."

I stood and watched as McKenna made her way inside with Emmett at her side. She was limping and every once in a while she'd wince in pain. Emmett offered to carry her, but she declined saying she could walk into the house just fine. She was so brave. Edward came around to where I was standing and wrapped his arms around me.

"It'll be okay," he said.

"I know. I just hate seeing her like this."

"Me too."

Once inside, I took McKayla out of her car seat since she was awake and carried her into the kitchen with me. Rose was busy fussing over dinner. I sat on a bar stool with McKayla, who started cooing away.

"Hey," Rosalie said as I sat. "I'm so glad you guys took us up on our offer. I'm sure it's difficult for you."

"It is. I hate this, Rose. I hate having to hide like this," I said, trying to hide the tears that were forming in my eyes.

"I know, but the little ones will be safe here. Seattle's a big city, and Alice doesn't know about this house. Should she find out, Emmett and I have another place to go."

"Really?" I was a bit surprised that Rose and Emmett had gone to this much trouble for us.

"Yep. If need be, we can take the girls down to his family in Tennessee. Alice has never been down there." I remembered Edward telling me that a few years ago, Emmett had been contacted by an attorney about his birth parents looking for him. Edward had said he was hesitant to meet with them because he thought he would be betraying Carlisle and Esme. Initially they corresponded through letters and emails. After a few months of that, Emmett made the decision to meet face to face. He said that when he saw his family, it was like looking in the mirror – everyone looked like him. His birth parents were nice people, but they explained that when he was born, they were too young and too poor to care for him. They've kept in touch since then and have visited occasionally.

"Oh," I said quietly. Tennessee was even further away. Just the thought of my babies being that far away made me feel uneasy. It was bad enough they were a good four hours away, but the thought of them out of state seemed unbearable.

"It'll be okay, Bella. Trust me," she said as she reached across the counter and took my hand in hers. "We'll guard the girls with our _lives_. Either Emmett or Jasper will be at the house with us the entire time. We have a security system, and we have Cash. It'll be alright."

"This is so hard. I feel horrible for letting this happen."

"You didn't _let_ anything happen, Bella. It was out of your control. Everyone knows you love your girls more than anything."

From the living room, we heard McKenna laughing, most likely from Cash licking her. It was something I had missed these past few days, and the sound of it made my heart smile. Emmett walked in a few seconds later with McKenzie in his arms. Even though she was now a pudgy baby, she looked tiny, yet content.

"We have everything in from the car. Edward and Jasper are upstairs setting everything up for them. Have you made a decision about McKenna yet?" he asked.

"Edward thinks we should leave her here, but I'm not so sure. She can be really moody when she doesn't feel good, and I don't want to overburden you," I said.

"You're not. Now, why don't you go in the living room and relax? Dinner will be ready shortly," Rose said.

**EPOV**

I didn't like the thought of leaving my kids – all three of them. I wanted them to be near me, where I could keep them safe. I wanted to protect them like a father was supposed to. I knew I couldn't do that if they were this far away from me. I felt like I was going out of my mind these past two days. McKenna wouldn't leave our sides for a minute. If Bella or I went into a different room, she would be right there with us. And her nightmares...I have never heard her cry out like that before. Her first one came about an hour after we were home. We were discussing plans with our family when we heard her terrifying scream. Since then, she had been sleeping with us, and even then she would wake up a few times during the night because of them. She would usually grab onto one of us until she realized it was just a dream. Bella had been going around the house making sure all the windows and doors were locked a few times a day and kept the curtains closed. Another thing I've noticed these past two days was that Bella had been drawing more and was quiet. I hoped the quietness would pass once all of this was over.

But the biggest thing – the thing that was yelling at me in the back of my mind but I refused to listen to – was that I was almost positive that this was just the start of it. What _it_ was I didn't know, but I knew it was coming. _That thought terrified me._ How was I supposed to protect everyone if I had no idea what was coming? It was now obvious that Alice and Gabriel were capable of anything and everything. I found myself spacing out and seeing every imaginable scenario play in front of my eyes. I wanted so badly to talk to Dad about them, but I knew he would say I was crazy. Maybe I was crazy. Maybe I was turning into someone obsessed with protecting his family. Regardless, I just wanted whatever was coming to get here already so we could finally put everything behind us and live our lives.

The rational part of me knew I needed to leave the girls here – that they wouldn't be safe in Forks until all this was over. I knew this. It made sense. Yet, the thought tore at me. Not being able to listen to the twins gurgle on my shoulder as I burped them or help McKenna with her school work was difficult to comprehend. The girls and Bella were my life. There was nothing I wouldn't do for them – even if it meant sending them away to keep them safe.

Once everything was in from the car, Jasper and I made our way upstairs to the guest room where McKenzie and McKayla would stay. When we walked in, I was surprised to see a twin bed off to the side of the room, complete with soft pink linens. There was a crib on the other side of the room that also had a pink fitted sheet. There was also a changing table and a dresser. It looked like a normal kids' room, which made the decision to leave the girls a little easier.

"The bed is for McKenna if she stays," Jasper said. "The crib and changing table are borrowed from the neighbor."

I dropped the bag I was holding and then sat on the edge of the small bed, running my hands through my hair. Jasper sat next to me and placed a hand on my shoulder. The weight of everything from the past few days was starting to wear on me. "What's really going on, Edward? Rose and Emmett have hardly told me anything."

"You know Bella and McKenna were hit by a car, right? Well, people are saying it was Alice or Gabriel that did it, but there's no real proof. I just...can't believe she would stoop to this level."

"I can't either. The question is, do _you_ think she did this?"

"I do, and I feel terrible about it," I said as I ran a hand over my face. A moment later, I completely broke down. I sat there, next to Jasper, as I cried. The overwhelming feelings of guilt, regret, sadness, loneliness, anger and rage overtook me. Everything that I was holding inside since all of this started finally broke through the wall I had put up. I buried my head in my hands and finally let it all go. I was thankful that Bella hadn't seen me like this. I needed to be strong for her, and I didn't want her to see me like this. But most of all, I was thankful that Jasper was with me. Emmett was a great brother, but when I needed to talk to someone, Jasper was usually the one I went to. His quiet comfort and honesty made him easy to talk to.

"I loved Alice, Edward. I really did. But something happened, and I can't figure it out. It seems like everything I knew about her is nothing but lies."

"I know. It's like ever since Bella returned, Alice has been different. I feel terrible for saying that, because it sounds like I'm blaming Bella, but it's the only thing that stands out when I try to figure out where things changed."

"Everyone was happy when she came back. It was like a piece of you was found that you didn't know was missing. But, I have to admit that a part of me died. Alice changed for the worse that day, and I've missed her ever since. I wanted to marry her, Edward," he said softly. "I wanted to raise a family with her, grow old and gray with her. When I broke things off, I felt a weight lift from my shoulders. I didn't feel guilty for dating other women. I still don't. Initially, I thought that maybe if Alice saw me with other women, she'd get her act straight and go back to the way she was. But that never happened. I've come to realize that she'll never be that person again."

"I know. But, if she truly did send a car to hurt McKenna...I don't know what I'd do. It was horrible, Jasper. Seeing her on the ground bleeding, hearing her scream when they cleaned her wounds almost killed me. I never thought Alice would hurt a child."

"Neither did I," Jasper said.

"And now...having to hide my girls...I'm just tired of living in fear, Jasper. I just want all of this to be over. I feel like a horrible parent for sending my girls away."

"You're not. You're protecting them. What are you going to do about McKenna?"

"I want her to stay here. I know she'll be safe here, but Bella won't listen to me. She doesn't want to be away from them, and she doesn't want to stay away from Forks, either. Every time I talk to her about leaving McKenna here, she starts crying, and nothing I say calms her down."

"I'm sure this is difficult for her, too. Think about it. She went for years thinking McKenna was dead. Then she gets her back. Now she's being told to send McKenna away. I'm sure she knows it's for the best, but right now, she's probably scared out of her mind. And she'll probably stay that way until this is over. I swear to you, Edward, Emmett and I will not let Rose be alone with the girls. We have back up plans in place just in case something happens. I know you have a lot to worry about, but maybe just knowing that will help ease some of your own anxiety."

After dinner, we knew we had to head back. Bella had just finished nursing both girls and I had given McKenna some medicine. Saying goodbye was not going to be easy. Leaving my girls was the worst scenario, but I knew the worst was yet to come. I knew Gabriel and Alice were still out there, and I knew something was going to happen. McKenzie and McKayla were too young to realize the danger. As much as I hated the thought of leaving them, I knew I had to leave them here.

Emmett, Jasper, and I had come up with a code word, should the worst happen. If I felt Alice or Gabriel knew the girls were here in Seattle, or if something major was happening, I would send one of them a text message with the letters 'TN.' They knew that should they get this message, they were to travel to Tennessee immediately and wait until they heard from me before returning.

"Daddy, can we go home now?" McKenna asked. I could tell her medicine was starting to make her sleepy.

"In just a few minutes, sweetheart."

Bella and Rosalie came into the living room, followed by Emmett and Jasper who each had one of the twins in their arms. Bella's eyes were puffy, and her cheeks were lined with tears.

"Are you sure you don't want to leave McKenna with us?" Rose asked.

"I'm sure. I need her with me. Are you sure you can handle both of them?" Bella replied as she wiped the tears from her face, only to have them replaced by new ones.

"Of course. We have everything we need for them, and if we run out of something, Emmett or Jasper will get it. I don't plan to leave the house unless absolutely necessary."

Bella walked over to Emmett and Jasper and gave both girls kisses. "Please protect them, guys."

"We will, don't worry," Emmett said.

"Bells, we need to get going," I quietly said.

"I know," Bella said, taking one last long look at the girls, who were sound asleep. "Oh, I don't want to leave them."

"Don't worry, they'll be safe, I promise you," Emmett said.

I walked over to where Bella was standing and gave my girls a sweet kiss before taking Bella by the hand and leading her towards the door. McKenna was waiting for us, her eyelids heavy. I was pretty sure she'd be asleep before we pulled out of the drive.

I buckled McKenna into the car, draped her favorite Barbie blanket around her, and made sure her little pillow was in the right spot. "Daddy, can we get a dog?"

"What?"

"When Mommy is happy again, can we get a dog? One like Cash? I can take care of him."

"Of course we can," I said.

When we reached the highway, I looked in the rear view mirror and saw that McKenna was passed out cold.

"She asleep?" Bella asked.

"Yep."

"She finally asked for a pet. I was wondering when that would happen."

"Me too. She really liked playing with Cash. I think a dog would be good for her."

"Thank you for bringing McKenna home with us. I know you think it's better for her to be with Emmett and Rose."

"She wouldn't want to be away from you when she's like this, and I know you would be miserable without her."

"I would," she said quietly.

"Jake all set for when we get back?"

"Yeah. He'll pick her up in the morning and take her to LaPush until Charlie or Sue show up to bring her home."

"Good. I just hope all of this is over soon."

We reached the house around eleven that night. I did a quick scan of our surroundings before getting Bella and McKenna out of the car. As we walked into the house through the kitchen, I flipped on a light and was spooked by the voice that spoke from the living room shadows.

"Hello, brother dear."

**A/N: **_**dun, dun DUN! **_**Only a chapter or two left and and epi, can you believe it?**


	40. Chapter 40

_**Note: There's **__**a lot**__** of talking in this chapter, but a lot happens. Get ready...**_

_We reached the house around eleven that night. I did a quick scan of our surroundings before getting Bella and McKenna out of the car. Walking into the house through the kitchen, I flipped on a light and was spooked by the voice that spoke from the living room shadows._

"_Hello, brother dear."_

EPOV

I instantly froze. Never in my life had Alice's voice scared me. Usually, it filled my heart with joy to have her around, but not tonight. If she was here, that meant Gabriel was here as well – and that meant trouble. I knew then that this would not end well. I prayed no harm would come to Bella or McKenna. I'd gladly take it if it kept them safe. Thankfully, we were in the corner of the kitchen out of sight of Alice.

Next to me I heard Bella gasp and latch onto me. "She's here, Edward," she whispered.

"I know."

"Daddy, I want to go to bed," McKenna mumbled. I cradled her tightly to my chest, afraid I would drop her.

"What is she doing here?" Bella whispered.

"Aren't you going to say hello?" Alice asked from the other room.

"What do you want, Alice?" I asked.

"The time has come, my dear brother, to show you what kind of person Bella is."

"What are you talking about?" I asked again confused.

"I've tried to explain it from the beginning, Edward, but you've never listened. So, I figured once you got rid of the kids, I'd have to show you."

I looked at Bella; she already had her cell phone out and was rapidly texting. McKenna shifted in my arms again, and I realized I would have to find a way to get her out of here. I couldn't expose her to whatever it was Alice had planned. Bella quietly closed her phone and nodded, signaling our emergency text had been sent. I hoped she had also sent something to Charlie, but I knew I didn't have the time to ask her.

"Come out, come out wherever you are, Bella," Alice called from the living room.

"What do you want?" Bella asked. I could hear the fear in her voice.

"I brought you a gift," Alice replied.

I looked at McKenna. She was awake and had a confused look on her face. I quietly set her on her feet, and then bent down to whisper something to her.

"'Kenna, quietly go outside and run as fast as you can to the Johnson's. Call Grandpa and tell him Alice is here, okay?"

"Daddy, I'm tired and I hurt," McKenna replied quietly.

"I know, but I really need you to do this, okay?"

"Okay," she replied hesitantly. Bella then handed McKenna her cell phone.

"Oh Bella, I'm waiting," Alice called again.

Once McKenna was safely out of the house, I looked out the kitchen window and saw her running, as best as she could, through the backyard towards the gate that would lead her to the Johnson's. His back porch light was on signaling he was home and awake. He worked as a security guard at night, so I knew McKenna would be safe with him. I gave Bella a reassuring smile, knowing our daughter was now safe and away from this mess.

"I don't want to go out there," Bella whispered, as she wrapped her arms around me.

"I know. I don't either."

"I'm afraid of what she'll do."

"I'll protect you, I promise," I replied firmly. "I love you."

"I love you, too."

"_Bella!_ Seriously! How long does it take your stupid ass to walk five feet?" Alice yelled from the living room.

I realized there was no way out of this, so I quickly gave Bella a kiss before she walked into the living room. As the light flipped on, I heard Bella gasp loudly.

"_No!_"

When I walked into the living room, I saw Alice sitting in a chair, with a smirk upon her face. Behind her was Gabriel with a smug look on his face and his hands resting on Alice's shoulders. Next to them stood three men I didn't know. Two were tall and lean, and one was shorter and heavier. They all had a smirk on their faces as well.

"I take it that you remember them," Alice said, far too pleased with herself.

"Who are they, and why are they in my house?" I asked.

"Bella, why don't you tell him? At least then they won't be strangers when all the fun starts."

"_Why_, Alice? Why them?" Bella asked. She was visibly shaking.

"Because they were your favorites, if I recall. Edward, meet Sticky Pete, Fat Joe, and Big Ben."

"_Bitch!_" I hollered as I pulled Bella close to me. "Why are you doing this to us?"

"Because you people don't know how to listen! I've told you time and time again that she's no good for you or our family. But none of you listen, so it's time to show you what she was and what she will always be."

"You come anywhere near her and I'll -"

"You'll what?" Gabriel asked, interrupting me. "Put your hands on your sister?"

"She stopped being my sister the day before I married Bella," I said.

"Gabriel, do me a favor?" Alice asked.

"Sure," he replied happily. It was apparent he was enjoying all of this. _Sick bastard_.

"Get rid of Edward for me. Tie him up or something. I don't want him to ruin my fun."

Bella latched onto me and looked into my eyes. I held her tightly to me as Gabriel and Fat Joe approached me.

"No! Alice, please, don't do this to him," Bella begged.

"Oh for Pete's sake, we're just tying him up. It's not like we're going to hurt him."

"_Yet_," Gabriel added. Alice laughed behind him.

As Gabriel and Fat Joe pulled me to a chair, Bella clung to me with one hand and tried to pry me out of their grip.

"_Please_," Bella begged, as she pushed the tall one away from me. "Please stop. We haven't done anything!"

"You've done plenty," Alice spat, as she stood from the chair.

I caught a glimpse of a gun tucked in the pants of Fat Joe and started struggling against their grip. A fist struck my face, stunning me long enough for them to finish tying me to the chair. Bella was screaming in fear as the man I assumed was Fat Joe grabbed her and brought her back to Alice, where he then threw her on the floor at her feet. Another blow to my face and everything went black.

When I came to sometime later, I could smell blood. I could also smell cigarettes and the sickening smell of burnt skin. Though my vision was still a little blurry, I could see Bella – naked and curled into a ball on the floor. I blinked my eyes a few more times to clear my vision. Once the blurriness was gone, I looked back at her. She instantly reminded me of the Bella I met all those years ago. Her eyes and face were blank – the light that had once graced them was gone. I knew with just one look at her what had happened during the time I was out. The realization caused a violent shudder to rock my body.

"Edward, you're awake," Alice said, breathless from atop of Gabriel's lap. "You missed quite a reunion."

"Alice...I don't understand. Why do you hate Bella so much? What could have happened that changed the way you were?"

"Gabriel, do you think it's time they learned the truth?"

"Whatever you'd like, my dear. Just don't take too long. I'm sure the kid has run off to tell someone we're here."

"I don't really care about the bastard child. She's insignificant to me." Alice stood from the couch and quickly straightened out her clothing. She looked down at Bella and let out a pixie-type laugh. "Oh Bella, thank you. You made that reunion better than what I could have imagined."

"What did you do to her?" I asked as I struggled against the ropes and tape that bound me to the chair. I needed to get to Bella to see how bad she was and to reassure her that we would get through this.

"I just reminded her of her place in the world, that's all."

I looked down at Bella. Her deep brown eyes were staring into mine. I could feel her fear – her pain. I hated that I couldn't protected her. I wanted nothing more than to kill all of them, and I would have, if I weren't tied to this chair.

"Why? She's done nothing to you. Even when we were kids, she never did anything to incur this type of pain, this type of hatred from you."

"Oh, don't give me that, Edward. You don't know what really happened."

"_So tell me!_" I needed to know why my sister felt this way, why she hated Bella so much.

"Shall we tell him, Bella?" Alice asked.

"N...no. Please Alice, just leave us alone," she replied quietly as her voice quivered. I could tell she was scared and in pain. I knew she needed to be in my arms – a place where she always felt the safest.

"But don't you want to know? Don't you want to know the _real_ reason Ian wanted to go to Seattle that day?"

"_Jesus_, Alice," Gabriel said impatiently. "Just get on with it."

"Fine, fine. The day that you and Ian went to Seattle, do you remember it?"

"Yes," Bella said quietly.

"Do you remember how he didn't want you to go? That he tried to talk you out of it?"

"Yes."

"The reason, Bella, is that we were going to run away together – me and Ian. He had met Keith at some club, and Keith promised him he could make a lot of money if he joined him. But the problem was that he needed a girl. When he told me about it, I begged him to take me. I hated it at home. Edward was the perfect son, Rosalie the beautiful daughter with her brilliant brother Jasper, and Emmett was the up and coming sports star. Mom was the perfect homemaker. Dad was the brilliant doctor. I didn't fit in. So when Ian told me about working with Keith, I knew it was my way out."

Alice's words shocked me. How could she think she didn't belong? Mom and Dad did everything they could to make us feel like we were truly theirs and not just an adopted kid. I tried to find the words to show her that she was a true Cullen. She was smart, savvy, loyal, loving and beautiful. To hear her say she wanted out so badly broke my heart. She had once been my partner in crime – my 'short shit in high heals,' as I so affectionately called her.

"I told Mom and Dad that a friend asked me to go with her to Seattle for the weekend to work on some stupid homework project. Of course that was a lie because I was really going to meet up with Ian about three miles out of Forks. When Ian called and said you wanted to go to Seattle to pick up those stupid pictures, I knew my chance was gone. He left and took you with him." Alice looked down at Bella with anger written all over her face. I noticed a few times that her fists were clenched, and I thought for sure she was going to hit Bella, but never did.

"About a month after you guys were gone, he called me and said I could still join him on a temporary basis. He said he worked it out with Keith that I could join them on weekends. So I did, making up excuse after excuse that Mom and Dad believed."

"Why did Keith let you leave and not me?" Bella asked confused.

"Because you were the one girl Ian wouldn't let him touch. At least, not at first. Every time Keith got bored with whatever girl he was with, he'd always come looking for you. He almost had you a few times, too. Not to mention you made Keith a shit-ton of money. Do you remember when he put Ian on the other side of the building?"

"That was the first night he came for me."

"Yes. I was so jealous."

"But Alice, I thought you loved Ian?" Bella asked.

"I did. Ian was my entire world for a long time. He was my first for everything: crush, kiss, touch, even my first time. He took my virginity one night in the back of that Cadillac he used to drive for Keith. It was so beautiful, Bella." Alice sighed. Her face was softer now and her eyes were loving. In that moment she reminded me of the old Alice – the one we all loved. "Granted, I didn't expect it to happen in the back of a car, but still it was nice. How funny we both lost our virginity's in the back of a car, huh Bella? Well, at least I can say mine was special. I remember, in the beginning, I would crave his touch – especially when I was home. Every time we were together, he was gentle and would pay attention to me. I loved him," she said with a sad smile on her face.

I wasn't shocked or surprised to hear that Alice loved Ian. What shocked me was that she never once mentioned Jasper. Everyone knew how much he loved her; he would do anything she asked him to do. He would be devastated if he ever knew she really loved Ian and not him. Then again, maybe she loved Jasper in a way – a way I probably didn't understand.

"Eventually Keith started giving Ian more responsibilities, which meant we didn't see each other all that much. When we did, he would barely touch me, if at all. Ugh, it was torture for me.

"One weekend Keith came for me. I was excited because it was him and because someone was finally paying attention to me. All the whores talked about how he'd spoil the girls with clothes and food and how he made them feel special. But he wasn't that way with me – not at all. He didn't give me anything. For those few quick minutes we were together, I was a whore. I was just like you, Bella. Never forget that. You may change your clothes, change your name and use my brother's money, but you'll never be anything more than a _cheap, pathetic whore_," Alice spat.

"I saw how Keith was with you, Bella. I wanted that. Especially when he stopped giving Ian the okay to come and get me. I hated being alone. I hated not being with Ian. I hated the feeling that I wasn't wanted or desired."

"I desire you, baby," Gabriel said.

"Keith decided that after he had you, that you were off limits. Eventually Gabriel said you were pregnant. I remember that night so clearly. You were screaming for hours. I thought about taking Ian's gun and ending it for you because I couldn't take it anymore. When your _child_ was born, Keith was so happy. Do you know your name was on the list the next day to be taken care of? I couldn't wait. I knew once you were gone, he'd come back to me, and I'd never have to go home again. Ian found out somehow and convinced Keith to keep you around. He ruined _everything._ Then you got pregnant again. Keith didn't believe that it was his, so of course you were given the abortion. The thing is, Bella, it was _I_ who told Gabriel to make it dirty. I wanted you to pay for taking my place – for taking the things that belonged to _me._"

"Alice, I was a good friend to you. I loved you as a sister."

"Shut up!" Alice hollered.

"So what do we do with them now?" Gabriel asked.

"The same thing you did with the others, my darling," Alice said with a smile.

"This is going to be too quick and easy," Gabriel said. "But, seeing as how we don't have much time, I suppose it'll work."

Gabriel stood from the couch and walked to the table behind me. I craned my neck to see what he was doing and was horrified. There, on the table, were two pistols and a box of bullets. I started struggling against the ropes that bound my hands and feet. I needed to get to Bella – to protect her. I didn't care if they hurt me, just as long as she was safe. Gabriel walked back over to Alice and handed her a pistol. Alice bent down and grabbed Bella by her hair. She started screaming, kicking her arms and legs, doing anything she could to get out of her grip. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw movement at the window.

_Thank you God,_ I thought.

"Alice, wait!" I begged.

"I've waited long enough! She's had the life I was supposed to get! I was supposed to be the untouchable one!"

"But Alice, if you were going to be with Keith, then what was going to happen to Ian?" Bella asked.

"Ian was insignificant," Gabriel said. "He never did what he was told. If he hadn't been your brother, he never would have lasted as long as he did."

"Alice, please, as your brother, please don't do this," I begged.

"Why? Why is she so damn special?"

"Alice! We need to hurry," Gabriel said. I could see he was starting to get irritated and was looking at his watch frequently, almost as if there was someplace they needed to be.

"She's my wife and the mother of my children. Why punish them as well?"

I thought that maybe if I kept them talking, whoever it was outside would have more time to get this over with without too much hassle. I prayed it was Charlie and the police. I just wanted this to be over. I needed Bella in my arms. I needed to know McKenna was safe, and I needed to know the girls were okay with Emmett and Rosalie.

"Trust me, they'll be fine without her. Better off, actually." How could my girls be better off without a mother? Without Bella? There was no way I could raise the girls on my own. I didn't want to. And I wasn't going to. Come hell or high water, Bella and I were going to make it.

"Alice, for me, please don't do this. I'll give you whatever it is that you want. I'll take Bella and the girls and move away so you can have Mom and Dad if that's what you want. Please, don't take her away from me. I'll give you all that I have. Please, don't do this.," I begged.

Alice stood there with a shocked look on her face. I meant every word I had just said. I would move away. I would gladly give her anything, just as long as she stopped all of this. But I had no idea why she finally started to listen to me. Had I offered something she had wanted all along?

"We'll go clear across the country, if that would make it easier," Bella said. I was glad she caught on to what I was doing – buying more time for whoever it was outside. "Your family misses you. I'm sorry for hurting you. Let us go and we'll leave. You can have this house and everything we have. You know how hard it would be for me to leave and how badly I don't want to go. But, if it makes you happy I'll do it. All you have to do is say the word and Edward will come and visit. Maybe you could finally convince him to stay...and maybe I'd insist that he did. Please Alice, don't do this."

"Please, Alice. You're my sister. I still love you," I said. I could feel tears in my eyes. Alice face softened. It looked like she was considering stopping this entire thing.

"_Alice!_" Gabriel shouted, clearly irritated that this was taking too long.

"Gabriel...I," Alice said. "I can't -"

"_What!?_" Gabriel shouted as he interrupted her. "Don't you dare back out now! Our entire plan will be ruined!"

"I know," Alice said. "I know, I know. But...you don't understand -"

"I don't understand?! I understand plenty!" Gabriel walked over to Alice and slapped her hard across her face.

"Don't touch her!" I yelled.

"I knew I should have just done this myself! I knew I should have gotten rid of you a long time ago as well. You're a good for nothing whore just like all the rest of them," Gabriel yelled at Alice.

"That's not true! I love you! I didn't mean it! I'll do it, Gabriel, I promise!" Alice cried.

"_Then do it already!_" Gabriel shouted.

I struggled harder against my bindings and could feel them cutting into my skin. I watched as Alice slowly stood and picked up her gun. She looked at Gabriel, then at me and then down at Bella.

"Alice, _please_," I begged.

"Hurry up!" Gabriel shouted again.

Alice cocked her gun and pointed it down at Bella. Her head was down, and she was violently shaking. I wanted her to look at me, so I could tell her I loved her, and that I would be the last thing she saw. But she didn't.

"Alice! Do it now!" Gabriel shouted. Alice just stood there, her hands shaking. Gabriel then raised his gun to Alice's head. "Do it. Do it or I'll kill you."

"Do it, Alice," Bella said in a defeated tone. "Just do it already. It's what you've wanted all this time. Now you'll finally be rid of me."

"Bella, no! Don't give in!" I yelled.

"Alice, can I tell you one thing?"

"_Oh for fuck's sake!_" Gabriel yelled.

"What is it?" Alice asked.

"I forgive you," Bella said.

"This is fucking ridiculous!" Gabriel shouted. He was clearly agitated, but what he did next surprised me. Horrified me. Without warning, I heard a loud bang, and Alice was on the floor. Part of her body was draped over Bella who started screaming. Suddenly, the front door flew open. I heard movement behind me as well.

"Drop it!" I heard a familiar voice yell. I looked up to find Charlie standing in the doorway, his gun drawn and aimed at Gabriel.

Behind me, I felt someone cutting the binds around my wrists and ankles. When they were free, someone grabbed me and started pulling me towards the kitchen. I struggled against their grip, wanting to stay to grab Bella.

"Drop it!" Charlie yelled again.

Another bang and Charlie was on the ground. Bella started screaming louder, but the only thing I could hear was another shot. I watched in horror as Gabriel's body fell to the ground. The hands gripping my body pulled me into the kitchen and out the door.

"Bella!" I yelled. "Bella! Let go! _Bella!_"

"Sir, you have to come with us," an officer said.

"I need to get my wife! She's Charlie's daughter! Please, let me back in there."

"Let us secure the scene, and we'll get you to her. For now, stay with me."

"Officer down!" someone called over his radio. "We need an ambulance! Swan's down! _Officer down!_"


	41. Chapter 41

**EPOV**

The hours that followed passed in a blur. Bella and Charlie were whisked off to the hospital without me. I called my parents and Sue and told them to get there right away and that I would be there as soon as I could. Sue said she would call Jacob to come and get McKenna from the neighbor's house. Thankfully, she was asleep on Mr. Johnson's couch. Once that was done, I was taken the to station to give my statement. I relived every detail I could remember and became even more horrified by my sister's actions. It hit me then that we very well could have died if Charlie hadn't shown up. You know the saying "my life flashed before my eyes?" Well after that unsettling realization, mine did. I saw everything: every happy memory followed by every scary moment in a blink of an eye. It terrified me. I didn't know how long I had been in that tiny room, but all I wanted to do was check on Bella.

By the time I reached the Emergency Room, it was full of people. Most of them were officers. It was odd seeing them all, but I knew they were here for Charlie. They all had the same look of uncertainty upon their faces. I was sure a few of them were wondering what would happen if Charlie didn't make it. After looking around for a few moments, I found Mom and Sue sitting together, both of them visibly worried.

"Edward!" Mom called. I rushed to her side, and she threw her arms around me. "Edward, are you alright?"

"I...I don't know. Have they said anything about Charlie and Bella?" I asked frantically, running my fingers through my hair.

"No," Sue said. I gave her a quick hug before sitting down. "What happened, Edward?"

"It all happened so fast at the end. I know Charlie was shot, but I don't know where or how bad."

"What about Alice? Gabriel?" Mom asked. I didn't have the heart to tell her about Alice.

"Where's Dad?"

"Once we got here, he went in to work on Charlie. I just hope everyone's okay," Mom said concerned.

I didn't want to be sitting here. I wanted to be with my wife, holding her hand and telling her everything would be alright even if it wasn't. I needed that reassurance, even if it was a false sense of hope. I just needed her near me. So many emotions were bottled up inside me that I didn't know how to handle them. I knew that if I was near Bella, I would be somewhat calm.

As I sat with Mom and Sue, every mistake I had made kept running through my mind. There were at least a dozen, if not more. I should have done things so differently. This overwhelming sense of guilt consumed me, knowing I could have stopped at least part of the outcome. Maybe if I had calmed Gabriel down a bit, Alice would still be here. A sense of grief washed over me. My sister was gone. I hated the fact that Mom was sitting next to me thinking there was still a chance she made it through all of this. None of what happened was fair. Not for Alice, Bella, my parents or me. It just wasn't fair.

"Mr. Cullen?" a young nurse asked, pulling me out of my thoughts. I didn't see her even walk over to us. "Bella is asking for you."

I followed her back to where Bella was. The doctor outside her room said she didn't have any major injuries, but she did have some internal tearing from what those three horrid excuses for men did to her while I was unconscious. Thankfully, they were able to repair the tears without having to take her into surgery. She said Bella was resting comfortably. She also had some bruising around her neck and some small burns on her body from someone using her as an ashtray. The doctor assured me they were able to collect enough evidence to give to the police.

"She fought them, Edward," her doctor said, as he placed his hand on my shoulder and gave me a reassuring squeeze.

"How do you know?"

"She had quite a bit of skin under her nails, most likely from scratching them. Not to mention cuts on her knuckles and hands; defensive wounds. She's a brave woman. We should look at that bump on your head."

"In a little bit. I need to see my wife first."

When I walked in, she was attached to an IV and monitors. The moment I saw her, I went to her side and took her into my arms as best as I could. I placed my cheek gently on her head and breathed in her scent, which calmed me just a bit. I could feel her frame shake with her cries.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

"No. No, I'm not," she cried. I felt her hands fist my shirt in attempt to get closer to me.

"Me either." I felt my eyes fill with tears, but held them back. I didn't want Bella to see me this way. She needed me to be strong for her.

"Where's McKenna? Is she okay? Did she make it to the Johnson's?" she asked frantically.

"She's fine, she's fine," I assured her. "Jake picked her up and brought her back to the Res. I left a voicemail for Rose and Emmett, but they must be on a plane headed to Tennessee. I'm sure they'll call when they land."

"I'm scared, Edward," she said before breaking down again. An endless trail of tears flowed from her eyes. "I'm scared that your parents will hate me when they find out what happened. How can I face them once they know the truth? I'm to blame for Alice's death."

"Bella, none of that is your fault. None of it. Alice's decisions were her own."

"I know, but maybe if...we had offered to move away earlier...none of this would have happened," she replied as she wiped her tears away. "She would still be alive."

"Maybe. But I do know I should have done more to protect you. You wouldn't be in this hospital bed if I had done a better job."

"No, Edward," she replied firmly as she looked into my eyes. "You can't blame yourself. You were tied to the chair and unconscious. There was nothing you could have done! If anyone should have tried harder, it was me. I did try to fight them. I punched and kicked and hit them, but they were bigger and stronger. I didn't want you to be disappointed that I didn't try to get away from them."

"I could never be disappointed in you," I said softly. "Never." I gently placed a kiss on her forehead.

"Edward, what if they have new girls somewhere? We have to find them! They could be hurt!" she said urgently.

"Calm down," I said, putting my arms around her. "One of the detectives is already working on it. If they have girls hidden somewhere, they'll find them. I promise."

"How's your head?"

"Sore, but I'll manage. Bella, did those men..." I couldn't bring myself to say the words. Just knowing the fact that I didn't do anything to stop them from hurting her tore me up inside.

"Yes," she whispered as her sobs overtook her again. I held her as tightly as I could without hurting her and ran my fingers through her hair, hoping to calm her down a bit. I hated seeing her in pain, but I hated seeing her cry even more. Once she calmed down a bit, she finally spoke. "The doctors here did something and are turning the evidence over to the police. I hope they catch them and put them in prison."

"I'm sure they will. You're so brave. Braver than I will ever be." I absolutely meant it. To have gone through everything she has and still be able to face life...it was something I didn't think I as able to do.

"You make me brave, Edward."

A few hours passed, and Bella was transferred to a private room. The doctors explained they wanted to keep her overnight for observation and pain control. Mom and Sue sat with us until Carlisle appeared, still dressed in scrubs. I felt Bella squeeze my hand and saw that she had grabbed Sue's as well.

"How is he?" Sue asked.

"He made it through surgery. The bullet hit him just under his vest, pierced his abdomen and was lodged in his large intestine. We were able to repair the damage and he's resting comfortably," Carlisle said.

"Will he be alright?" Sue asked.

"Yes. He's going to be sore, and he'll be in the hospital for about a week before he's able to go home. He's three doors down in room 403 if you want to see him."

Sue stood and rushed out of the room, desperate to see Charlie. I knew that feeling all too well. Carlisle sat in Sue's chair and took Bella's hand.

"How are you doing, sweetheart?" he asked.

"I'm just tired," she replied quietly.

"How's your pain? Do you need something a bit stronger?"

"It's fine." I noticed Bella's eyes start to droop and I was thankful that she would get some sleep. I prayed it would be peaceful for her.

"Edward, we should get that bump on your head looked at."

"I'm fine," I replied, not wanting to leave.

"It looks pretty nasty. Let me at least clean it."

"Just go, Edward. I'll be alright," Bella said.

I didn't want to argue or upset her further, so I kissed her softly on the forehead and left with Dad. On the way to his office, we stopped at a supply closet where he grabbed everything he'd need to clean my wound. Once we reached his office, I sank into one of his comfortable couches and let out a long, slow sigh. I suddenly felt incredibly tired. Exhausted, even. The drama from today's events was finally catching up to me.

"So, now that we're alone, how are you? I can't imagine that was easy to go through."

"I'm better now that it's over. I feel... I just..." I couldn't get the words out. Part of me didn't want to say anything in fear of upsetting my father, but at the same time, I felt the overwhelming urge to get it out. Yes, I had told the detectives, but it wasn't the same. They didn't understand the magnitude of it all.

"What? You can tell me."

"I just feel like I should have done _more_. We should have stayed with Emmett and Rose. I should have left McKenna with them and the twins. It was stupid of me to let her come home. She could have been hurt. I should have fought more against the rope. I should have fought. I just let them take me. I didn't do anything to stop them. I should have done something to try to save Alice. I should have sent Bella with McKenna to the neighbors. I should have called the police right after Bella called Rose. I should –"

"Shhh," Dad said as he placed his hands on my face to calm me. "You did everything you could have. Granted, I don't know all of the details, but I'm sure you did everything you could."

"I begged her, Dad. I _begged_ Alice to stop all of this," I cried. I wasn't embarrassed that I let tears fall. I didn't need to hold my shit together in front of him. I knew it was better to let it out with him rather that Mom, as all she would do is worry more than what was necessary. "I told her we would move away so she could be happy. I think I got to her at one point, because she told Gabriel she didn't want to do it, but he was so _angry_. He put a gun to her head and told her to kill Bella. When she didn't do it fast enough, he...killed her. It was like she wasn't important; she was just a toy he was getting rid of. It was so loud, the gunshot, and Alice landed on top of Bella. I couldn't do anything. I just sat there, stunned. I should have done more. I should have saved her."

"Alice..." Dad said quietly. "She's gone?" 

"Yes. You didn't know?"

"No. No one's talked to us yet."

"I'm sorry, Dad. I didn't mean to tell you like this." I wrapped my arms around him, pulling him into a tight hug. I felt awful for telling him like this. I knew mom would be a mess when she found out. I hoped they would water it down for her and not tell her all of the details.

"It's alright," he replied as he pulled away. I saw his eyes become watery as he started to clean my wound. I could barely keep my eyes open at this point. The last thing I remember was him placing his jacket over me before I succumbed to sleep.

**SuePOV**

Once Carlisle said Charlie would be fine, I needed to see him. I needed to see for myself that he was alright. I made my way to his room and quietly entered. The lights were dim, except for the monitors. He had wires and tubes going in and out of him all over the place, and for a moment, I was scared. He was always so strong and brave, and yet here he looked so vulnerable. I walked to his bedside and gently placed his hand in mine.

"Charlie, I'm here," I said. I felt silly for talking to him, knowing full well he wasn't going to answer. "Carlisle says you'll be fine, that he fixed everything that was injured. And Bella is okay, too. She's in a room right down the hall. She's okay, but they're keeping her overnight just to be safe. She said she's in some pain from everything that's happened, but she's alright. Edward assures me the kids are fine. Jake has McKenna, and Emmett and Rosalie have taken the twins out of state. So you just rest tonight. But, now that this threat is over, I wanted to tell you something. Charlie, you're going to be a father again."

I felt Charlie's hand twitch in mine, and I hoped he heard me. I figured I'd have to tell him again once he was awake, since Charlie could sleep through virtually anything. Although he could somehow hear his pager and cell phone ring when he forgets them downstairs. I never could figure that out. It was almost like some weird sixth sense.

A nurse came in a little while later and checked his IV bag and wrote a few things in his chart. "You know, that chair pulls out if you would like to stay. I can get you a pillow and some blankets."

"Oh, that would be nice, thank you."

"You're welcome. My dad is a police officer in Nevada and was injured in the line of duty a few years back. My mom wouldn't leave his side until they wheeled him out the door."

"He made it through, then?" I asked.

"Yep. His injuries were a lot worse than your husband's, though." I was a little shocked when she referred to me as his wife. Yet, it sounded right. "Are you planning on saying anything to the folks in the waiting room? I don't think anyone's said anything to them, and they look pretty restless."

"I hadn't thought about that. I suppose I should, shouldn't I?" I looked back at Charlie and gave him a quick kiss on the forehead before going out to the waiting room. It was full of officers, who all stood when they saw me. "He's okay. The doctors said they've repaired everything and that he'll probably be in for a week."

"What about his daughter and son-in-law?" one of them asked.

"They're okay, too. I don't know the full extent of Bella's injuries, but I do know she's okay. None of the kids were involved, either."

I heard a collected sigh of relief throughout the room. I stayed in the waiting room for a few minutes as Charlie's fellow officers left. Brian, Charlie's right hand man, said he would be back first thing to get his statement and said to call if I needed anything. He was a good man. The two of them were always looking out for each other. As I made my way back to Charlie's room, I noticed Carlisle and Esme in the hallway talking to another officer. After a moment, I saw Esme fall into Carlisle's arms crying. He held her tightly in his arms and was fighting tears of his own. I quietly slipped back into Charlie's room and settled into the uncomfortable fold out chair for the night.

When I awoke a few hours later, the sun was peeking through the curtains. I stretched as much as I could and stood. Charlie was just starting to wake up. He slowly moved his head back and forth before running his hand over his face.

"Hey," I quietly said.

"Hey," Charlie replied after a few moments.

"How are you feeling?"

"Heavy. Where is everyone?"

"I'm pretty sure Edward is with Bella in her room."

"Is she okay? Edward?" he asked frantically.

"They're fine, they're fine," I said as I ran my hand through his hair. "How about I go and tell the doctors you're awake? Maybe check on Bella for you?"

"Sure."

"Before I go," I said hesitantly, "I should tell you something I told you last night."

"Sue, you know I sleep like the dead. Why on Earth would you try to talk to me when I was out?"

"I know. I guess part of me needed to hear it out loud to believe it."

"Hear _what_ out loud?"

"You're...I...we're...pregnant," I said hesitantly.

"What? Are you sure?" he asked with wide eyes.

"Yes. The midwife on the Res confirmed it." I couldn't stop the smile that formed on my face.

"Confirmed what?" a familiar voice asked from the doorway.

I watched as Charlie's face, as tired and as sore as he looked, softened. "Bella."

Bella was sitting in a wheelchair with Edward behind her. She was still attached to an IV and had a scarf wrapped around her neck. Edward wheeled her over to the side of Charlie's bed. With a little help from Edward, she managed to stand and sit next to Charlie. I noticed she winced when she stood and again when she sat. I also noticed that she never let go of his hand.

"How are you feeling, Dad?" she asked.

"Okay. A little shocked at Sue's confession. How are you?"

"Alright, I guess. I'm hoping Carlisle discharges me soon, but I know he's busy with making arrangements," Bella said.

"Arrangements?" Charlie asked.

"For Alice," Edward said. "They were told early this morning that she died."

"Was that who was over you?" Charlie asked shocked.

"Yeah. Gabriel told her to kill me, and when she couldn't, he killed her."

"That's when you came in and ended it," Edward said.

"What happened to Gabriel?" Charlie asked. "I don't think the shot came from me, but I know I fired my gun. At least, I think I did."

"You can ask Brian when he comes to take your statement, dear," I said.

"So is it true? Are you guys really expecting?" Bella asked after taking a minute to figure out my announcement. I could see excitement in her eyes as she.

"Yes. I'm right around fourteen weeks."

"I'm so happy for you both," Bella said with a smile.

"Guess that means we'll have to push the wedding forward, eh?" Charlie asked.

"At this point, I don't care if we do it in front of a judge. This whole thing made me realize there's more to life than worrying about wedding plans."

A short while later, Brian arrived to take Charlie's statement. Knowing that I couldn't be in the same room, I left him to get things settled at the house and on the Reservation.

**BPOV**

After Brian appeared to take Dad's statement, I returned to my room. Carlisle had come in and said that he would release me later in the day, most likely in the evening. I was happy about that. All I wanted was to hug McKenna and sleep in my own bed. I wasn't sure if our house was still a crime scene, so we would be going to Carlisle and Esme's house. The thought of going there was still comforting.

After returning to my room, I called Jake and spoke to McKenna. She was watching Disney movies with Jake and his girlfriend. I promised her we would come and get her as soon as we left the hospital. I told her to tell Jake if she needed her medicine. Billy then got on the phone and said he was making sure she was comfortable and that she was being spoiled, like usual. We chatted about Charlie a bit, and I assured him he was fine and that all he really was doing was sleeping, so the best day to visit him would be tomorrow when he would be up walking around. I could tell Billy really wanted to come to see him, but I knew he was helping everyone the most by staying home.

As much as Edward tried to tell me it wasn't my fault, it really was. If I hadn't insisted on going with Ian that day, none of this would have happened. Maybe Ian and Alice would still be alive if I had just listened. I still had no idea what I would say to Carlisle and Esme.

Ian was dead.

Keith was dead.

Now Alice was dead.

Add to that, McKenna had road rash and Dad was in a hospital room recovering from surgery.

I felt so ashamed about everything that had happened. I knew that if I hadn't gone with Ian, we wouldn't be here today. But then again, I may not have Edward, McKenna or the twins, either. It was a heavy tradeoff. I wouldn't give up Edward and the girls for anything. Yet, my actions that day has caused so much hurt and pain.

In the back of my mind I heard my mother's voice telling me to calm down; things would work themselves out, and that I needed to stop blaming myself. As confused as I was, maybe she was right. Maybe I needed to see the good in all of this. Because of my actions that day, I now have a wonderful husband and three beautiful girls. Granted my life isn't what I thought it would be when I was younger, but I don't think I would trade it for anything.

Later that evening, Dr. Hartford stopped in to see us. Edward and I were in Charlie's room when she appeared. She looked worried, but relieved at the same time.

"Hello, Dr. Hartford," I said quietly.

"Hello, Bella. I'm glad to see the three of you are safe. Do you and Edward have some time before you leave to talk to me?" she asked.

"Of course," I replied.

"Charlie, I'll come back to see you later, maybe even tomorrow. You look like you're about ready to fall back asleep."

"Yeah. This morphine drip is good, but strong."

"No problem. I'll poke my head in again before I leave."

"Okay," Charlie said before dozing off.

Edward and I walked back to my room with Dr. Hartford. I was in a little pain, but I did my best to push it aside. I just wanted to get this session over so I could go home. I wanted to see my babies. Rose and Emmett had called and said they arrived at the house with the girls. A little while ago, Jake called and said since the investigation and CSI crew were done, and that he would clean as best as he could. Leah and a few others would help out as well. I knew one thing for sure – I would be replacing my furniture in the living room and quite possibly the hardwood floor, as well. Anything that reminded me of that night would have to go. I was pretty sure Edward wouldn't argue, either.

When we reached my room, I sat on the bed, along with Edward. Dr. Hartford pulled a chair across from us and sat down as well.

"So, talk to me. Tell me what's going on," she said.

"Is it wrong that I'm still rather numb? I mean, I should be freaking out, clinging to Edward. But I'm not. It just seems weird to me. But, maybe it's because I've decided I'm done being afraid. I know the threat's over, or at least the majority of it is. I just want to move on. I want to go home, hug and kiss my kids, and get back to my life," I said.

"I think that's a big step for you, Bella. Edward? What about you?"

"I miss my sister," he said quietly as he looked at the floor. "I miss the sister I used to have. Yet, I hate her for what she became. I wish I could have done more for her, fought with her less, and spent more time with her. Maybe then she wouldn't have done this to us. I can't even imagine what Jasper's feeling. I don't know if he knows yet. He loved her."

"I know he did," I said quietly, my voice just louder than a whisper.

"The things she said...about my family...they just got to me, you know? I mean, how can I be sure our kids won't feel like that? My parents were wonderful to all of us, so I don't understand how she could feel that way."

"Edward, what Alice said and did...that can't be a normal thing. The most we can do is just love our girls, right?" I asked. "Alice was just...different. Consumed with want for something she could never have. Looking back, knowing now how it all ended, I don't think it was ever Gabriel's intention of keeping Alice around."

"What happened to Gabriel, anyway?" Dr. Hartford asked.

"From what Charlie has told us, and my parents, one of the other officers shot him, and he died during surgery."

"And what about the three men in the house that night?"

"Two of them are sitting in a cell while they look for the third," Edward said. "One of them, Fat Joe, has been spilling his guts in order for a deal, from what we're told."

Edward and I sat and talked with Dr. Hartford for roughly an hour, before she had to get to another appointment. Shortly thereafter, Carlisle appeared and discharged me, saying he and Esme would be by later to check in on us. There was pain in his eyes, and I wanted to reach out and hug him, to tell him I was sorry for what happened, but he left before I could do it.

When we arrived home, McKenna came running, as best as she could, out the front door and jumped into Edward's arms.

"Daddy, are you okay?" she asked.

"I'm good, baby girl. You should be in a coat. It's cold out here."

"What about Mommy?"

"I'm okay, sweetie."

"Look! Look what Jake's girlfriend gave me!" McKenna said as she held up her hand. Tied to her wrist was a beautiful leather braided bracelet with a charm in the shape of a heart. "Isn't it pretty?"

"So you're friends now?" Edward asked.

"Yes. Anna's very nice. She braided my hair today."

Edward put McKenna down, and we went inside the house. McKenzie was on the floor with Emmett, while Rose sat and fed McKayla. Jasper was sitting next to Rose. Jake was also there on the floor with Emmett, and there was a wonderful smell coming from the kitchen. McKenna let go of Edward's hand and made her way to the kitchen, as Jasper stood and walked over to Edward and I. Without a word, he threw his arms around the both of us. I had never seen him this affectionate with anyone – not even with Alice.

"Jasper, I..." Edward tried to say. I could feel his body shake with his tears.

"I know," Jasper responded.

I wiggled out of Jasper's embrace and sat next to Rose. Jasper and Edward stood in the doorway, still holding on to each other and having a quiet conversation only the two of them could hear.

"Jasper's been anxious this entire time," Rose quietly said. I noticed she had tears in her eyes as well.

"About what?"

"About you and Edward. We know you two saw her die, and Jasper's been having a difficult time with it."

"Edward's been really worried about Jasper, too. How were the girls? Did they give you any trouble?"

"They were little angels. Emmett's family spoiled them for the short amount of time we were there, and McKenzie is turning into an Uncle Emmett-girl. It's cute. She was fussy while we were there, but the minute he held her, she quieted down."

I took the burp rag from Rose's shoulder and placed it on my own before she handed McKayla to me. "Hello, sweet girl. Mommy missed you."

With McKayla still on my shoulder, I stood and walked into the kitchen. There, McKenna and Anna were busy cooking away. McKenna had her apron on and was standing on her step stool rolling out what looked like sugar cookie dough.

"You are so good at this baking thing. You must get that from your mom," Anna said.

"Mommy lets me do this with her all the time. Right, Mom?"

"Yep. Anna, whatever you're making smells wonderful." I was practically drooling from the smells.

"Oh good. I thought you might not feel like cooking, so I'm making something you can easily heat up later, if you'd like. I hope you don't mind."

"Not at all. McKenna wasn't too much trouble, was she?"

"Oh no. I love having her around."

"So, McKenna, are you okay with Anna and Jake being close friends now?" I asked. I knew she still felt some jealousy towards Anna, and I was pretty sure she really didn't understand what the word 'girlfriend' meant.

"Yeah. Anna's cool."

A short time later, Jake and Anna left and Carlisle and Esme arrived. Both of them are clearly in mourning for a daughter they've lost, but yet they looked relieved that they didn't lose more of their children. The twins were upstairs in their cribs, and McKenna was in her playroom.

"We wanted to talk to all of you about what we should do with Alice," Carlisle said.

"We are not sure if Gabriel has family, so we're leaving his remains to the authorities, in case he does. They can do with him as they please, but Alice...is still family," Esme said, her hazel eyes were glossy from crying. I wanted to go to her and hug her and apologize for everything, but I wasn't sure if it was okay.

"I don't want to sound disrespectful, but I don't think we need to make it a big affair," Jasper said. "I'm pretty sure what friends she did have she lost when she got involved with all of this, and I don't think we need to tell our family the true reasons behind her death. I think it should just be us. Something small."

"I don't want to sound disrespectful either, but I don't want to remember her as the girl she became. I'd much rather remember her as my loving, crazy sister. I agree with Jasper. Something small," Rosalie said.

"We thought about perhaps having her cremated and dividing up her ashes," Carlisle said.

"_No_," Jasper said. "I mean, do what you'd like, but I don't want them. Just put her in the ground." As Jasper spoke, I noticed how much he was struggling. I knew he loved her, and I knew how much he wanted to spend his life with her. I couldn't imagine what he was feeling right now, but I could tell he was desperately trying to keep himself in check. I knew he would most likely lose it again behind closed doors, when he was alone.

"You could do the same thing we did with Ian," I suggested. "We just had a private burial. Pastor Webber was there along with me, Charlie and Edward. It was nice."

"I say we do that," Emmett said. "Maybe after that we can finally put all of this behind us and move on."

"Yes, that's our hope as well," Carlisle said.

Later that night, after everyone had left and the girls were sound asleep, Edward came to bed. I had finished pumping and was waiting for him. After he checked the monitors and turned the light off, he crawled in next to me, pulling me to him so my back was flushed against his chest. His grip on me was strong, like he was afraid to let go. We didn't speak at first, and I was unsure as to how long we had stayed like that before I felt his tears on my skin. I flipped over to my other side and wiped his tears from his cheeks.

"Edward, are you alright?" I asked.

"I just...I just need to hold you...or have you hold me. I don't know...I just need something."

"Talk to me. Tell me what's going through your mind."

"Being back in this house after everything...seeing the looks on my parents' faces...hearing Jasper talk about Alice...it just got to me. Mom and Dad could have been talking to the family about what to do with me, or you, or even McKenna. I just can't lose you."

"Oh, Edward," I said as I pulled him close to me. He placed his head on my chest, and I started running my fingers through his hair. "I'm not going anywhere. I'm here with you. We're both safe and the girls are asleep in their beds. Everything will get better from here on out. The threat is behind us."

"Just promise me we won't let our girls turn out like Alice. I can't go through that again."

"Edward, all we can do is love them and guide them. Alice, like I've said before, wanted what she couldn't have. Somewhere along the way someone told her that kind of life was perfect, that it could bring her anything she wanted. She was lied to. The perfect life is with this family, because we all love each other, faults included. Somewhere someone told her that our family wasn't perfect, that they didn't love her, and rather than realize they were lying, she believed them. Now, I'm not trying to say she's not at fault for what she did because she believed the lie, but she is still your sister. I know you loved her, and I know she loved you."

"Please let me hold you tonight, Bella. I need to. Please," Edward begged.

"You can hold me every night, Edward," I said as I wiped the tears again from his cheek before softly kissing him.


	42. Chapter 42

Finding the Way Back – Chapter 45

BPOV

The morning after I was released from the hospital, Esme and Sue accompanied me to various stores so that I could re-decorate the living room. I needed every reminder of that night to be removed from my house as fast as possible. By the end of the week I would have a new dining room set and living room set delivered, and Esme would find someone to change the hardwood floors. The only other thing I needed to do was find new paint for the walls, but I wasn't overly concerned about that just yet. It was just paint.

After we had been home for a bit, I realized we were spending more time in the kitchen and up in our rooms, rather than in the living room, with Edward avoiding it all together. I knew he was still hurting and mourning the loss of his sister, so I didn't push it too much. He has, however, gone to a therapy session with Dr. Hartford. He wasn't very forthcoming about what he discussed with her, but said it felt good to talk to her, and has set up a follow up appointment.

A few days later, Edward was back at work, and I took McKenna to get her wounds looked at and to have some of her stitches removed. She handled it well, and her doctor said everything looked good and that the remaining wounds would heal on their own with minimal scarring. After we were done, the two of us went for a girls' day, getting our hair cut and nails done. As I sat there watching her interact with the nail artist, I realized how much she'd grown. She definitely looked like Keith more than me, but at least her personality was more like mine. This little girl could never hurt a fly, let alone another human being. She was a fantastic little creature and I couldn't wait to see what she would become later in life.

Carlisle and Esme decided to do a small, private burial for Alice. She was buried under a large tree, close to a pond. Everyone agreed it was the perfect place for her. A few days after her death, we found out that her marriage to Gabriel was not legal. It was a difficult thing to get through, but out of all of us, it seemed that Jasper had the hardest time. It wasn't until after Edward spoke to him that Jasper was able to get out of the car and stand with the family. He was crying, shaking, and suffering so bad that I thought Carlisle would have to give him something to calm him down. For a short time after Alice's burial, he had secluded himself from the family, even breaking up with his girlfriend. But after a short time, he returned to us, saying he used the time for meditation and remembering the good times he shared with Alice. He then showed us a beautiful angel tattoo he had done on his shoulder, with her name engraved into it. It was lovely, and very fitting for him.

A few weeks later, Edward, Carlisle, Esme, Dad, Sue and I were all sitting in a court room. Sticky Pete and Fat Joe both plead guilty and were awaiting sentencing. The third one, Ben, was found hanging from the ceiling in his girlfriend's apartment. _Bastard. _We sat and listened to the attorneys plead with the judge, one for the maximum amount possible, and one for mercy. I was torn as to what I wanted. Part of me wanted them to be locked away for good. The other part of me wanted some sort of good to come out of this – whatever that may be. Edward, on the other hand, wanted the judge to make an exception and sentence both of them to death by hanging. We both knew this was not possible, as they never killed anyone, so we knew the most they'd get was a life sentence. The state prosecutor asked if any of us wanted to say anything. Out of all of us, Dad was the only one who said he did. None of us, including Sue, knew what he had planned on saying.

"I understand that Mr. Charles Swan would like to address the court?" the judge asked.

Dad stood and walked to the podium, pulling a piece of paper out of his jacket pocket.

"My name is Charles Swan. My daughter is Isabella Swan-Cullen. My son was Ian Charles Swan. While I know the Defendant's may not have played a large part in all of this, the part they did play is just as bad. The two of you defiled and abused a teenage girl. I remember when she returned home to me and how scared she was of everything. Sometimes it took me a good hour just to be in the same room with her, she was that afraid of men. At one time in her life, she was carefree. She enjoyed going out with friends to parties and looked forward to going away to college. She laughed and smiled and was happy. She played basketball with her brother, went shopping with her mother, and had me wrapped around every finger since the day she was born.

"One of the worst times came after she was taken again. We had just found out she had a daughter and were celebrating her birthday when Bella suffered a miscarriage. The doctors told us that due to all of the trauma her body had undergone and a botched abortion she was given, she would probably be unable to have future children.

"When my granddaughter called me that fateful night to say there were 'bad men' in her house, I immediately knew it was the past coming back for her yet again. The years of training and working as the Chief of Police couldn't prepare me for what I saw when I peeked through a window of her home. I saw my son-in-law, Edward, tied to a chair and unconscious, and my daughter... on the floor while the two of you had your way with her. The screams coming from her still haunt me to this day." His voice was cracking. and his shoulders were shaking. I watched as Sue stood and walked up next to him. She placed one arm around his shoulders and one hand on his left arm.

"My only hope out of all of this is that she is able to move on, knowing all of this is over, and that she doesn't return to the scared girl she once was, because she's come so far to lose it all now. She has a loving husband who has been there from the beginning and would send her flowers each week just so she would smile. She also has three beautiful little girls that make her eyes sparkle, the exact same way her mother's did. For her to lose that now would break her and this family. So I humbly implore the Court to impose the maximum penalty so no one else has to go through what she did."

I watched with teary eyes as Sue and Charlie returned to their seats. I wanted to hug him and tell him I loved him but would wait until all of this was over. I knew he needed Sue's comfort more right now.

We all sat and listened as the judge spoke, saying how he was a father and a grandfather and how he couldn't image his family going through what ours did. He then asked the Defendants if they wanted to say anything. Thankfully they both declined. The judge then sentenced them each to twenty five years in a maximum security prison. I heard a cry from the other side of the room. I looked over and saw a gray-haired woman sitting behind Sticky Pete. My guess is that she was his mother. I wondered if she was crying tears of joy or tears of pain.

Two months after sentencing, Charlie and Sue were married on the cliffs overlooking First Beach. Charlie couldn't decide on his best man, so he had both Carlisle and Billy, who was actually feeling good enough not to need his wheelchair until after the ceremony. Sue had asked both Leah and me to be her maid and matron of honor. Esme, Rose, and I had gone to the cliffs early that day to get everything ready. We created a small aisle using rose petals and candles. We also hung tea candles from the branches of the trees to give the small space a warm feeling. Sue had decided on a simple ivory dress with a small amount of lace. Leah and I chose a deep green tea length dress, while the guys went with black dress pants and white button down shirts.

I'll never forget the look in Charlie's eyes as Sue walked down the small aisle towards him. He looked like he was finally at peace with everything, and I couldn't have been happier for him.

The two of them were going to a small bed and breakfast for a few days before returning to Forks. Neither of them wanted anything big, so this was perfect for them.

"Where are we going?" McKenna asked one day as I turned onto an unfamiliar road.

"It's a surprise."

"Oh." It didn't take her long before she realized where I was headed. "Are we going to walk dogs again at the shelter?"

"Possibly," I replied.

"I wonder if they have any new dogs."

"You'll just have to wait and see."

I pulled up to the animal shelter and parked. McKenna and I walked in, and she did her usual walk/half run to the dogs. She looked at the puppies first before declaring they were cute, but she wanted to look at the bigger dogs. I watched as she walked up and down the rows, totally unfazed at the loud barking. She kept coming back to one particular dog, a German Shepard named Master.

"Would you like to walk this one?" I asked.

"Can we?"

"Of course you can, McKenna," Carrie, an employee we were on a first-name basis with, said.

Master was a very well-tempered dog. His old family lost their house and was moving into an apartment that didn't allow animals. He was used to kids and infants and was obviously house broken. McKenna was already growing quite attached to him, and by the time we made our way back to the shelter, she was practically in tears.

"What's the matter?" Carrie asked.

"I don't want to leave him. He's a great dog. Daddy would love him. He could take him on his runs and I could make a bed for him, and feed him, and play with him."

"Well, what if we did take him home?" I asked.

"What?" she asked with teary eyes.

"Remember how you asked Daddy for a dog when all the bad stuff was over?"

"Yeah."

"Well, now that it is, Daddy said if you found a dog today, we could bring one home."

"Really?!" she squealed.

"Yeah."

She flung her arms around Master, who started licking her face like he knew what was going on. We walked out into the main area and filled out the adoption paperwork, purchased a bed, a new collar and leash, and food for Master. McKenna had a permanent smile on her face the entire time. Once we were home, we showed him where he would sleep, where he would eat, and introduced him to the twins. He sniffed both of them, and licked them, which made McKayla cry. Master went over to her right away to make sure she was okay before returning to McKenna. The only time we heard him bark was when Edward came home.

"Daddy! Daddy! Look! We have a dog!" McKenna squealed.

"You found one already?" he asked.

"Of course she found one," I said. "He's a good dog, too."

That night, Edward went for a run around the neighborhood, something he started doing a few weeks ago. It helped him when he was stressed out from studying or calmed him down when he got upset or anxious over something. Once the girls were asleep, I let Master out one last time before leaving him in his - purchased bed. The next morning we found McKenna curled up next to him with her pink blanket and pillow.

Carlisle and Esme decided to do a small, private burial for Alice. She was buried under a large tree, close to a pond. Everyone agreed it was the perfect place for her. A few days after her death, we found out that her marriage to Gabriel was not legal, so her headstone only read Mary Alice Cullen. It was a difficult thing to get through, but out of all of us, it seemed that Jasper had the hardest time. It wasn't until after Edward spoke to him that Jasper was able to get out of the car and stand with the family. He was crying, shaking, and suffering so bad that I thought Carlisle would have to give him something to calm him down. For a short time after Alice's burial, he had secluded himself from the family, even breaking up with his girlfriend. But after a short time, he returned to us, saying he used the time for meditation and remembering the good times he shared with Alice. He then showed us a beautiful angel tattoo he had done on his shoulder, with Alice's name engraved into it. It was lovely, and very fitting for him.

Three months after sentencing, Charlie and Sue were married on the cliffs overlooking First Beach. Charlie couldn't decide on his best man, so he had both Carlisle and Billy, who was actually feeling good enough not to need his wheelchair until after the ceremony. Sue had asked both Leah and me to be her maid and matron of honor. Esme, Rose, and I had gone to the cliffs early that day to get everything ready. We created a small aisle using rose petals and candles. We also hung tea candles from the branches of the trees to give the small space a warm feeling. Sue had decided on a simple ivory dress with a small amount of lace. Leah and I chose a deep green tea length dress, while the guys went with black dress pants and white button down shirts.

I'll never forget the look in Charlie's eyes as Sue walked down the small aisle towards him. He looked like he was finally at peace with everything, and I couldn't have been happier for him.

The two of them were going to a small bed and breakfast for a few days before returning to Forks. Neither of them wanted anything big, so this was perfect for them.

Rosalie and Emmett were pretty happy these days, too. Emmett got a job working at a Fortune 500 company, while Rosalie was working as a CPA. They've also added a new family member to their house – another chocolate lab named June that keeps their other lab, Cash, company. They have no plans on having children, since they're busy spoiling ours. Jasper was doing better as well and was looking forward to starting at Harvard in the fall, where he plans to major in law.

Edward graduated college in the spring and was offered a position at Forks Memorial Hospital, which he took. His position was in Pre-Op, which Edward loved. Carlisle was so proud. It was a great way for the two of them to see each other every day. He loved spending time with his patients and calming their fears before surgery, especially when they were children. Carlisle said he had a way of finding the one thing they needed to hear so they wouldn't be scared. Edward often talked about going back to med school, but has said he's pretty happy where he's at now and would think about it again when the girls were older.

Carlisle and Esme had just returned from a trip to Italy. It was a complete surprise to Esme, as she had been rather depressed lately. Carlisle said it was nothing more than a "second honeymoon," but we all knew better. They both needed time away to grieve in their own way, and when they returned, they were in much better spirits. They also brought back a suitcase full of goodies for the girls. McKayla was more interested in the boxes than what was inside them, while McKenna kept trying on dress after dress that Esme had purchased for her.

A few months had passed, and I found myself sitting in the living room of Dad's home, which was now on the Reservation. Upstairs, Sue was preparing to deliver the newest member of our family. Sue's midwife arrived a few hours ago, and every now and then I could hear a whimper float down from their room. She had been up walking about the house a few times, but had made her way back to the bedroom, where I figured she'd stay until the baby came, which wouldn't be long, I was sure.

There was a running bet as what the sex would be, along with the weight, length and date he or she would be born. Everyone was in on it, and in the dining room were two large poster boards to keep track of everyone's prediction. The pot was up to $500 dollars. So far, Sam Uley, Jacob, and Billy were out, based on date of birth.

Another hour passed and everyone had gathered at the house. Leah and I were perched on the bottom stair, listening for any signs that the baby was finally here. McKenna was playing waitress and bringing everybody food and drinks, while the twins were being spoiled by Billy, Jake, Anna and Emmett. Actually with Emmett, it was more like overprotective.

I had noticed that Jake and Anna were practically inseparable. According to Billy, the two of them were already talking about building a house on the Reservation. I think Billy was a little sad, because he always pictured Jake staying with him until he passed. Thankfully the plot of land the two of them were looking at was only a few hundred yards away, which made Billy more comfortable. Apparently he hadn't been alone in that house since before his wife passed. I think part of him was happy that Jake found someone and was looking forward to grandchildren of his own someday since the two of them were still young.

Finally, we heard the door open upstairs and everyone seemed to grow quiet, with the exception of the twins.

"_Push, Sue, push!" _Dad said.

"_I _am_ pushing, you ass!"_ Sue replied.

"_Sorry, sorry." _I loved how Sue could put Dad in his place with just a few words. Usually she could do it with just a look, but when she was really irritated she did both. I seriously loved that about her.

A few short, yet long minutes passed before we heard a cry, which started small, but eventually filled the house. I didn't even realize I had tears on my cheeks until I felt Edward wipe them away. He pulled me to my feet and wrapped his arms around me.

"Are those happy tears?" Edward asked quietly.

"Yeah."

Honestly, I was happy for Dad. I knew that with the new addition to our family, whoever he or she may be, was the beginning of Dad's happily ever after. He found his way back to a happy life with a woman who loved him, something I knew he never thought he'd have again.

Edward placed a finger under my chin and raised my head so I was looking into his eyes. "I love you."

"I love you too."

"Mom, can we come up already?" Leah called up the stairs.

"Give them a few minutes," I replied.

A few minutes later, Dad appeared at the foot of the stairs with a little bundle in his arms.

"Well?" Leah and I both asked.

"It's a boy! Ethan Daniel. Nine pounds ten ounces," Charlie replied with a big smile.

"Holy crap!" Emmett replied.

Leah and I both made a bee line for him. Little Ethan was perfect. Immediately I could see he had the same nose and dad and me, but the rest was all Sue. I wrapped my arms around Dad's neck and kissed him on the cheek.

"How's Sue?" Esme asked.

"She's good. Tired, but good."

"Well I guess that takes me out of the running," Carlisle replied from the kitchen. He was standing in front of the poster boards trying to figure out who owned the pot. Both Jake and Anna joined him and after a few minutes, a winner was decided.

"Looks like the winner is Emmett," Jake said.

"_Emmett?_ How the heck did you manage that?" Rose asked.

"Beats me," he said with a laugh.

As I sat back and watched my family, I realized that even though we'd experienced a world of hurt, pain and tragedy, it made us all closer. Not a day went by that we weren't all speaking to each other in some way.

I'd learned a few things along the way as well. I learned that being a good mother didn't mean you had to be perfect at everything. Parents made mistakes all the time and learned from them. And while I knew I'd never get advice from my mother, I knew she was looking down upon all of us. I also knew that I'd never have more children, and I was okay with that because the three beautiful girls I did have were miracles and I treasured each of them so. I still missed my mother and Ian everyday. I said a prayer each night thanking them for watching over us and visited their graves each month.

I'd also learned that my marriage to Edward isn't conventional, but it worked for us. Sometimes I thought Edward was missing out on something, but he assured me he wants no one but me. He still came home with flowers, but not as often as he used to. Truthfully I didn't need them as reminders to smile, since it was usually one of the girls or Edward who made me laugh on a daily basis, but when he did bring them home, they always made me feel special.

I think the biggest realization I'd had is that sometimes you have to take the long way back to happiness. Sure, you can take the shortcut, but you'll miss out on the important things. Even though the path was long and filled with road blocks, pitfalls, twists and turns, I can say the journey I took was worth it. Had I taken a short cut, I couldn't tell you where any of us would be.

I had truly found my way back.


End file.
